i've leaned on the strength of this wall for so long,
believing always,
that i must be as strong.
but one day,
a man comes with a hammer.
he begins to tap on the bricks,
secretly first,
so quiet, nobody hears.
but he starts from the bottom,
for a while nobody notices it's crumbling.
the next time i try to lean on this once strong wall,
it crumbles under my weight,
into a pile of bricks on the ground.
he smashed down that **** wall,
and walked all over it with his big, black boots.
some days, he builds it back up.
he starts to piece it all back together.
just to smash it back down,
again and again,
as if this is all a game.
we watch that wall crumble,
picking up the bricks,
cradling them in our small arms,
trying to patch it up.
but he stands over the sad disaster,
rolls his eyes,
and tells us to get back to work,
fixing the wall again.
he needs to fix that wall.
we may be strong,
but the bricks are too heavy
for us to carry ourselves.

i've been desperately trying to find
a piece of you,
in everything i have left.
in the inhalation of salty air,
behind a camera lens,
through someone else's eyes.
you're missing in my heart,
and don't want to be found.

the world gets so heavy,
that when we finally feel strong enough to hold it up,
we think all the weight is gone.
but actually,
we've just gotten stronger
and it doesn't feel so heavy anymore.
we don't always need to be strong,
it's okay to drop the weights for a while.
rest your body,
rest your mind.
you can't be strong all of the time.

love candles aren't blown out,
love candles burn like crazy, some burn longer than others,
but to blow one out, is a sin.  
i thought our candle would slowly stop burning,
the wax, would harden,
and the flame would trickle away, slowly.
we would be okay,
it wouldn't be a sudden burst of hurt.
the flame flickered quick, once.
and you took a huge breath,
and just like the big bad wolf,
you blew the hay, the sticks and the bricks,
to the ground.
they fell down around me as i cried.
you blew out the love candle,
while i was still trying to keep it burning.

that "goodnight",
felt a bit like our goodbye.

you say it's so bad,
he teases me with a smile.
you get a little mad,
he stays for a while.

you beg and you cry,
he smirks with a wink.
you pretend and you lie,
he makes my cheeks pink.

you made me believe,
he loved me like crazy.
i think i should to leave,
this is becoming a bit hazy.

my minds all a blur,
extremely confused,
you go with her,
and my hearts a bit bruised
but i need you to leave,
i need to believe,
there is something more than hopeless love,
i want something new, kind of.

i was ready
i was smiling
i was happy
even excited.
this darkness,
and change of the clock,
changes me.
i feel as though i am too tired,
too dumb,
too full of hate
to continue in all of this.
of course,
it's the night he isn't here.
"more sleep"
he says, laughing
"not gonna happen"
i reply
he is not here tonight
he's never really here
but our here is enough.
please be here