i'm happy
i promise
look at this smile on my face
i can laugh and run and smile
without your face appearing in my head
but at night,
it's not too easy
the light keeps it all clear and the sun that beats hot on my back
draws the pain and heartache from my body
but once the moon's light is all to be seen
i lay,
waiting to stop loving you

this whole "getting over you" thing
might sound easy.
just be happy, they say.
but it's a bit hard when everything reminds me of you.
from bumper stickers, to whole cities
you're linked to most everything i know
so this would be easy if you weren't so important
but you were,
well are.
****, it's hard

you swim in my thoughts
and even after weeks
i can't stop thinking
did i say the wrong things,
did i love you too much,
did i not love you enough?
i guess i will never know,
because you never answered my hello
but my stubborn heart still loves you with all it has
maybe this was your plan,
to love me,
to lie,
to break me,
to tease me,
and then when i had nothing left,
take one last hit,
to destroy me

while trying to pick up the pieces of my heart,
i reach out to the one my broken heart still loves,
but lies settle among new conversations
and you dismiss my message
almost as quickly as you curve balled my heart right back at me
shattering it
now it just lays in a puddle of broken promises laced with forgotten love

i hate the way you smirked at me,
and how you know everything.
i hate the way you made me laugh.
i hate it when you sing.
i hate your extra small t-shirts
and how i never said goodbye.
i hate you a lot,
so much it makes me cry.
i hate it when you don't answer,
i hate it when you're sweet to me.
i hate it when you make me blush,
even more when you can't see.
i hate it that you're far away
and that you harshly lied.
but most of all i hate the way i can't seem to hate you.
not even at all,
not even a tiny bit,
not even if i tried.

i once heard a quote
it went something like
"one of the cruelest things you can do to someone is to pretend you care about them, more than you do"
that's actually exactly how it goes
might sound nice off some kashi poet's lips
but the feeling is what really makes this string of words strong
one's feelings
real or not
can completely ruin another
and when you finally see
that they don't care for you as much as they used to
or care for you at all, even though they said they did
it hurts like hell.
feels like bullets to your already ****** chest, from your heart being previously ripped out viciously by good ol' reality's unforgiving hands.
and that may be an understatement.
anyways, if you don't love another
or care about them,
don't pretend you do,
because even though those words,
sweet like honey off of your pink lips, make her smile big.
the tears that follow lies
are the nastiest of all
and no sweet words
can fix a broken heart