silence hurts more
than the words would
your absence of speaking
eats at me
and tears me apart
if you told me how you truly feel
i could start healing
and stop slowly deteriorating

clearly the "not thinking about you" wish
is highly ineffective
due to the fact that the number of poems about you is comparable to the human population on earth
kind of like carly simon
my words contradict themselves
making me sound utterly desperate for your attention and love
which may or may not be true

as i fall further in further
"in love"
you pull further and further away
making my landing less than pleasant

all of a sudden you are a stranger
my dreams
get lost
in my constant attempt to resist my impulses
although you disappear from my thoughts briefly as i run and laugh
you remain in my dreams
the ones that cause me to wake up with hope
hope that one day
you'll love me as much as i love you

my heart and my mind
are not effective
when attempting to work together
my mind keeps telling me not to
but my heart of course is inconveniently head over heels in love with you

stuck in the past,
i worry and worry
as my future comes nearer,
and then becomes my past.
it all haunts me,
eats away at my heart,
overcomes my already nasty thoughts.
all around me believe that they know
but what they aren't aware of
is that i'll never tell it all,
in fear of letting it out,
using the words,
and letting tears fall from my eyes.
while keeping it in,
continues to break me,
letting it out would expose me,
**** him,
and shock them all.
i have built up enough walls
to keep him out
at the moment i don't need to stab him
with blades of his wrongs
and remind him of how he broke my trust, and  my soul corrupted my formally sweet dreams.
now as i lay attempting to sleep,
i have to wrap my arms around me tightly, touching my own skin, only to remind myself that i can't be hurt like that again.
so if you wonder why,
think back on late nights and one sided conversations and surely you will remember all the hell you caused.

i miss all of you.
the way you speak sweetly in my ear,
the way you hug me tight,
the way you blush,
the way you grin when i catch you staring,
i just hope that she doesn't miss all of you too