i hope it's only me,
i hope that all of it's true,
and the creature tells lies of your presence.
the sad thing is though,
that even if this creature tells the truth,
it cannot change how i feel.
it tells stories of secret meetings,
where it manipulates your mind,
and makes you turn against me,
but baby, i hope this creature tells lies
because you hold my heart in your palm

embarrassment sets in
as my foolish attempts at showing love
replay over and over
in my hopeless overthinking mind

i suppose that sometimes,
it isn't the situation itself
that reflects the distinct colors,
into my usually cloudy mind,
constantly fantasizing over strings of words
and searching to find meaning
in utterly meaningless things,
but it is more,
the way that the situation makes me feel.

yellow for when i feel open
and like i can breathe.
nobody is mad, and i have no reason to drop my head.
when my family doesn't fight,
and struggles are forgotten.
there is always lots of food,
and something of interest in the kitchen.
when the carpets are clean,
and so are the counter tops.
when i actually feel genuinely happy.

light blue for the days
when i think i might be sick,
if i hear another irrelevant comment,
or a joke that wasn't even funny six months ago.
when the days are dark,
and i feel the cold on my skin and heart.
when my music is quiet,
along with my words
and i don't sing along.
when i feel like i am falling

red for when all is white,
and i can picture blood,
death in close future,
and wet tears.
when i feel sick,
ashamed,
and the air is too hot.
when i am distant,
and even the smell of cookies in the distance,
can't cure my aching soul.
when all around me are happy,
and i am simply not.

orange for when everything is the same,
when dad picks the wrong bread,
or there is nothing in the snack basket.
when everything smells like teenager,
and the chipped paint makes me want to scream.
when my room is the same for too long,
and i can't find clothes to wear.
when i simply can't find something to look forward to.

blue for when things match up
and there isn't too much of one color.
when i laugh out loud,
and blare music until i can't hear.
when small grins come from there hiding space,
on his lips.
when i get unexpected hugs,
and old friends smile my way.
when i don't feel trapped in myself.

purple for when i can't quite understand it,
when the chipped paint doesn't bother me,
but the way he tilts his head does.
when i pray he doesn't call on me,
for i would make a fool out of myself.
when i get so mad that i start to cry,
or when the smell of rain angers me.
when i am too confused to think clearly.

and white for when i am just done.
when all my colors and emotions mix
into a large white cloud, that floats in my head
until the bright yellow sun comes,
or a raindrops reflect light blue
or the day finishes red highlighting the sky
or the orange sun becomes too hot
or a clear blue day emerges,
or when my brother's blue crayon gets lost under the car seat,
so purple will have to suffice.

describing the person inside me:
quite pessimistic
unthinkably thought filled
insanely aware
somewhat crazy
with the mind of a poet.

as laughable and cliché as these may all sound on a poetry website.
they're all true but i have things in my simple life,
that me less of these things.

there is this boy,
who makes me a bit more optimistic,
who makes my orange days,
a bright blue
and whose grin can make me blush like crazy.
who can make me laugh,
in the midst of tears,
and help me to trust another,
when all feelings of trust are lost.
a boy who makes me feel like i could sing
who can make me grin like an idiot,
and believe that i have done something right finally
when i look into his eyes.

this boy also is the cause for some of my crazy thoughts,
but when i voice them he will laugh,
or inform me that "i am not crazy"
he sympathizes at rough times,
and lets me speak freely,
ignoring the fact that i may blow his ear drums,
and stumble over every other word when i get too excited.
he allows me to be mad when i am mad,
and waits for me to be happy
(maybe a break from rants is nice)
but this boy,
truly helps control my thoughts,
that bubble inside me as long days pass.

he also gives me a feeling of safety,
where even just knowing that he is within distance,
distance where i could run to him,
or yell his name,
relieves my stress filled thoughts immensely.
and when he speaks soft words of
it'll be fine or the soft chuckle of reassurance
it makes my cold frightened blood,
warm where it can flow again,
and pump to my heart,
so i can remind him at these moments
that i do indeed love him.

he allows me to be my somewhat ******,
crazy,
nutso self.
and with a comment or not
there is always a small grin.
but when i am a little crazy,
whether it's explaining my funky dreams
or laughing so hard that i spit out my water,
he still looks at me with that grin,
that makes me feel
a little less...
well, crazy

and sometimes when i feel all of these things at once,
the kind of feeling where your heart is racing,
and your cheeks are rosy,
and your laughing insanely,
and smiling like an idiot,
and falling hard for this certain special boy,
i can't even write,
but sometimes that's quite alright

i fall into nightmares,
only to be abruptly pulled from them
into a wave of crazy love
where your arms are around me,
and you whisper soft words into my ear
making me smile insanely.

i feel like i have let you in.
i haven't used specific words,
but i can just feel you,
in my brain,
like someone else,
knows the secrets that live in my head.

i have let myself trust you
and i don't believe that this is a mistake,
i believe your sweet words,
and cherish every grin off your lips
and i truly think that your love is true.

i have given you this power,
the kind of power to destroy me.
but there is no turning back,
because i'm truly head over heels,
crazy about you

there is this girl that you may know
you see her in the hall,
on the field
and at the mall.
you see her smiling
but never crying
for she doesn't let tears slip,
and you never hear her sighing.
most people think she's crazy,
a few call her a friend
she's seems loud and angry
but she'll stick with you 'til the end.
she has this amazing guy in her life,
he's handsome and so sweet
she feel's incredibly lucky,
and without him she'd feel incomplete
this girl i write about is me
and all of this is true.
my life is fairly simple,
and i truly do love you.

i'm not really sure if this counts,
but as i remember,
the soft words spoken.
i know that it was indeed real,
and i have my reasons.
i have built my walls up again,
to keep this from happening,
but new words,
tap softly at all of the bricks,
and i'm afraid of falling