if only
i could get ****** into a time traveling tornado
that could bring me back to you

if only
i could have realized how truly important
you could have been to me

if only
you were here once more
whispering soft words of wisdom in my ear

this being is hurting
i can see it in every move
from it's glossy eyes
to the sighs that follow each motion.
a façade is put up every morning,
to hide the truth that this being is in fact,
broken.
every time it breaks more,
i reach out to fix it.
now, i have realized,
that is not possible.
no matter how hard i try,
there is only one thing that can save this soul,
and it for sure is not my words.
i hold tears deep inside me,
so i don't make this harder.
i hope that happiness from outside sources
will help this creature.
help to rebuild them, change them.
help them to start again.

there's one person
who won't let me down,
who will always be on my side,
who will love me no matter what.
that one person
is my true best friend,
my hero,
the one i'll always look up to.
i only have one person in my life like that,
so naturally i depend, love and value them
i guess i didn't always see it
but the more people let me down,
change and pressure me,
i realize how important this one person is
and always will be

it is oddly empty.
a large pocket
with nothing but broken memories laying inside.
a strong smell that lingers
makes something in my heart tingle
and guilt makes it's way to my head
where i am left laying thinking for hours
trying to fix what will always be broken
it's too late now
"just focus on the happy things" he says
and as always he is right
so my mind wanders to you
and happy at last, i may rest
until light of tomorrow's struggle will awake me

i guess i never thought it would get this far
that it would actually change.
for my whole life i've thought of it,
but looking back at nights filled with tears while i "sleep"
and words thrown around
and uneasy glances
i know you can only pretend for so long.
somewhere during the act
it gets to a point where you get stuck in the process of making others happy.
while doing this you become so terrible unhappy
that you crumble.
you break.
you destroy yourself.
i hope you can save yourself before you break.
i know you're broken,
and it hurts me because i know the truth.
you do this for me, you are breaking for me
i cannot see you break anymore.
you can't crumble,
because when you break, i do

and for a few moments i forget
forget the recent events that stay stuck in my head
by listening to your soft words
forget the sad smell that lingers
by burying my head into your chest
shivers up my spine disappear
and i feel safe in your arms
the mess i will have to face as night finally falls
is forgotten while i'm here with you
if only, if only you could just stay forever

i hear a series of clicking noises
as i look around, my eyes scan smiling people
and i can see my future in the horizon
and i realize those aren't just clicking noises,
it is my life
finally falling into place
a smile comes without being forced,
opportunities sprout up
and i am just genuinely happy.
although, there are still pieces
that will never quite fit together
and things will never exactly be alright,
i have other things to keep me here
i guess some things just never work out