my unimportance to you
only makes me crave it more
and i soak up those long responses
and the smallest things can make my cheeks rosy.
i sometimes like the way you don't seem to care
and the constant need for more.
makes me appreciate the special moments more.
at the end of this i am realizing
you probably make all of them feel like this
nobody is special in your world.
but you have this certain way.
you can make one feel incredible.
you build them up with your sweet comments,
your short stares.
but as secrets spill,
and your ways become revealed.
my walls come crashing down,
yet i still long for those things.
cheeks rosy, and heart fluttering,
i wonder how you do it

i almost half hope to be back in that place
where it was all normal
it felt okay
the stares weren't awkward
and conversations were long
i still see you like that,
even though i know i have to stop
it was important
and everything we had was meaningful
well you live and you learn i guess
that includes all of the missing
and wishing
and hoping for something else
the thing with life is that it has no rewind button
no retry
you don't get a second chance
so you become familiar
with the regret
the constant wishing and hoping
unfortunately

i am overwhelmed
by how much i underestimated
it makes me feel badly
the way i thought before
i never knew this side of you

words make me smile
and the blue is overwhelming
memories stream back in
and i know this is for the best
at least i now feel better
i missed these words
and although they are not the same
you still make me feel the blue
and i know i may never see the red of your kitchen
or feel the red softness of your sweatshirt
or notice the way you smell early in the morning
at least i can still think about you
know that i once called you my own
have the memories
and at least you know
how i feel
even though i know you don't feel the same at all

i was stuck in the idea of perfection
stuck in the promises
promises of happy ever after
as "perfect" seemed to cast a shadow over my life
i smiled
and relaxed
i was shown the extreme
but to me it seemed normal
i ate it up
and it made me fall
i was trapped
suffocated
my whole life was turned around and then turned back again
i was lost,
confused
but i knew i was still supposed to be happy
how could something so wonderful, make me so sad?
it all ended
and i now can finally say i am truly happy at times
although it is done
and my life now seemingly simple once again
i still have memories sometimes
that make me cringe
make me wish and wish for more
for it again

i knew they were all fake
and it's not that there was 3
it was that you lied
i would like to say i'm surprised
even this last piece of you
fake...

whispers flood my ears
and i can't help but stare
the laugh that used to make me laugh
the smile that could always make me smile
and a touch that sent shivers up my spine
now just makes me hurt
send that aching pain to my heart
now that smile makes her smile
and that laugh makes her giggle
once again.