it all kind of hurt
but it wasn't the way he swore to me
or the way he was angered by my words
or the fact that he cried
but the way he hurt him
the words he said to make him yell
the actions that made him retaliate
the threats that made his face fall
that is what hurt most
that's what sent tightness to my heart
that's what made me cringe
and that's the closest a tear has come to spilling over on my cheeks
i will never let it, spill over
show how i feel
but it was close
you should just know that part
it hurt me to know i hurt you
and nothing has ever hurt so bad

the good thing is,
nobody has to know what i mean
nobody has to understand the exact metaphor
or know my story.
they can make their own

I want it so bad it hurts
I don't even know how I feel
So confusing yet so wonderful
So painful yet so delighting
This is so hard to do
"Please just pick some way"
I plead to my heart
It laughs
Just as I expected
Can't be that easy
Life has to be hard
Thats what makes it life

i am safe
for i am with myself
none to see me
touch me
read me
i fall
asleep under the stars
almost wishing for less
maybe
it would be easier
to only depend on one
goodnight's for special use
hello's for a smile
i love you's for a reminder
i am lost
lost at sea, if you will
the sharks stay surrounding me
and i can always see a small sliver of land
but i know somehow
i will never wash up along the beach
because i am lost
not to be found
or saved
just lost

in and out i fall
blinded
tired
scared
i frown as my words contradict themselves
confusing me
i look at the damage
i fall
and become lost in the world of insanity
i did anyways...
and i visit often now
to see what i was
to know who i still may be

it puzzles me the way he can continue
it only takes him a moment
before he is back to himself
makes me sad
i know he needs more than this
i try not to picture it all
it hurts
can't even imagine how much he is hurting

Guilt crawls under my skin
And bites at my toes
It pulls at my hair
And tickles my nose
It all builds inside
No matter how hard I try
I need to let it go
But I can't seem to cry
So it builds and builds inside me
Making me feel trapped
I guess this is just how it will be