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c l e a r

Thank you poetry
  my escape
My councious thoughts

I imagine you as a young man
with a meek smile
   but a Large heart
Filled with promise
of justification

I'm
Not surprised
describing my wants
Which contain you

Poetry helps me escape
the idea of you
  I write it on paper
   so the idea becomes real   Real to me

Thanks poetry.
One step closer

If I was given a day
  By god
  Or whatever force there may be
It would be with you
In an empty room
  and you would speak to me
I would ask no questions
Utter no words
Invisible buttons would be connecting my lips

You would speak of it all
What makes you laugh
Favorite memories
Why you're so shy
  your weak spots

If you're selfish
what side of the bed you like
hot or cold  
sweet or sour
Marvel or DC

I would watch
knuckles cracking
touseling of thick hair
squinty giggles

My heart would grow immensely
With every
   Secret.  Hobby.  Weakness.  Preference.

watching your lips move
and your face morph
With every emotion

my heart would reach to you in sorrows
and leap at triumphs

Butterflies would become a typical occurrence
a smile tattooed on my face

that's all I desire
You
  I
voluntarily trapped in a room
shedding our skin
specifically yours

in no way is that strange
In fact   it's beautiful

Remember when you kissed my mouth but you really had no idea what you were doing? You just looked at me and rocked me back and forth because you were so incredibly happy. I was just sitting there looking at you and I fell in love with you. Right there. No going back. Completely imprisoned by your dumbfounded laugh and lanky body shape. And I am still stuck here. I pretend I've escaped to a better place. In bigger arms and a warmer heart. But I'm still trapped in your judgmental mind. So in love. I wish I could just leave. Please. Let me go.

Last night I just sat there
For hours
Doing nothing

I didn't want food
Drugs
Sleep

I just lay there
Thinking about how sad I am

Then I thought of you

Your beauty
Everything I love about you

And my heart imploded
My eyes bled
My brain to mush

I hate that I'm so in love with you

I'm not quite sure
As a matter of fact I'm not sure at all
Is this a test?
Am I passing?

Your attention span increased
Or maybe this is just that thing
What do they call it?
Friends?

Can't be.
Friends can't be in love with friends.

Never in my entire life have I felt it
The hurt
The pain
I would rather throw up
I wish I could throw it up
This pit in my stomach
Is worse than any cut
Any bruise
Any burn
Any broken bone
It's in my heart

It feels empty
Like something was ripped out
An artery gone
It doesnt feel like it's pumping


And then I think of your heart
And laying on your chest
And appreciating an ***** more than anything in the entire world
Because it kept you running

And in the romantic sense
It wanted me
I remember feeling it against my back
When we would nap just because
And it was perfect

It couldn't have been more perfect

And now it's gone

Because I was scared

And I shut everything off

Because I didn't want to get hurt

And now I hurt more than i ever have

I'm sorry

I'm so so sorry