I let loose
A stampede
Of blood horses
They raced down my arm
To be the first down the drain
To be the first one to run away from me
At the first sight of pain.

We bloom every spring
But the winter is still hard

I have become less of late
And my words have become such

Tell me
Please
You find something divine
In my familiarity
As I find peace
In yours

The committee in my head is trying to convince me that I can wash away my troubles like a bug on the windshield

I am not untouchable
For I am human
In my tangibility

Walking on two legs
As if they were the stiffest sticks
To make a way to the stream
That I could lay myself
In the rushing waters
That it would wash my ashes away
These cinders of spite, I burned
The smoke fills me now
As my passion once did,
Like sap in these maple limbs of mine,
On into the night it goes
On into the night dies
Whispering to the stars
Of the anger of men
And how a clenched fist
Lights fires
That cannot always be put out
The water tastes the remorse
Damming these mortal wishes
As another night is dragged
Into the vision of the dead
To lay with those who cannot forget
The kiss of fire
As it learned to bite

A clenched fist
Leaves no room for dreams

Remember when we were a young girl
Swimming in rivers of indifference
The cotton sky is gone now
Will we ever find our way
Back to the youth of sunflower fields

I am caught in a between a rock and a hard place
Between my insecurity and my heart

Those emerald green eyes
Lying in wait for me
Behind those dark shades

Those hands folded carefully
Reaching out to me
From your heart

I can't move, I am pierced by your gaze
I long for your touch, but try to run away

I am not mad
I am furious
I tried to be nice and patient
I thought maybe it would all work out in the end

But it didn't
I boiled over
I burned everyone around me
Like a hurricane I came ravaging the land

Just like you ravaged me
Why didn't it stop sooner
Before I erupted

Exploding creating small fires
All over the world
Just like the time before
And the time before that

A scar opened over and over again

I don't even let myself have bad days
Today is a either a good day
Or a sad day
But it is still a good day

My home
Place of birth
Such a lowly
Humble berth

Is this where
The love lies
Or this is where
The love dies

A simple place
With welcome face
Memories up to the roof
The pictures holding proof

They frame walls
Hands and feet
So many faces
Gathered here

Looking through
Walls of glass
Does this joy
Really last

The night will come for you
This is the way the sun will steal you
When the darkness grows tired
She will awaken the sky
With a wanderers match
And an Angel's smile

I will lift my eyes again to the sky
Hoping for a glimpse of the heavens
On that they would pour open
Washing the earth still toiling in sin
As these nightmares creep into my head
The visions of the night that will not be silenced
Oh these cold dark hands around my neck
They whisper in my ear the secrets of the dead
They know the secrets of the living and those lost in the inbetween
It is a voice of a stranger that begs familiarity
Oh that I was deaf, oh that I was blind
Silence has been my friend when comfort could not be found
Yet I am shackled to those who have gone be for
I will not go out until the tide is high
and the moon is full
I am lost within myself as each new star takes its place in the heavens

Good light
Good night
Soft heart
Cold night
Sweet dreams
Losing teams
Lost mind
Go behind

You
So loyal
To your pain
Will you not
Even dare
Lift your head
For the sun to come up

Am I truly this gentle
To let all things pass
I will not lean my will against yours
Will not turn my face from your sun
Yet the shadows pass across my skin
Perhaps I should have remained silent
Inquisition my great folly
Will this change us like seasons
Again and again I have returned
There is no change in the weather
No straight and narrow to wander
Philosophies spew from my finger tips
I touched you once
I fear it will not be the same
Have we changed so quickly
Here in this moment
Not yet bereft of the last
Lingering like your touch on my skin
I am not held to this
Not truly released
Not halfway vacant
Not completely full
Time will quench me
As we once did thirst together
In the dessert
Must 40 years pass
Before you dare lick milk and honey
From my fingers
Let the taste settle in the corners of your mouth
On the back of your tongue
I told you I was human
I told you I was a liar
But not a fool
All is well
There is no anger here
No pain
No paper fingers withdrawing into their sheaths
I will face you still
There is no shame here
Unless you bring it
Were you always this quiet
Bait my breathe
I will swallow your words hook, line, sinker
It is food for my soul
Draw me to you
I am the soft lines on black paper
Nothing but shadows
Am I tangible to you
Or do we pass through each others ghosts
What was
Is no more
We are slipping
Traction is temporary
We were falling
Nothing is certain
Only the end

The price you have to pay
When you are the hero who saves the day
Ride into the sunset but you ride alone
Cast out, falling heavy like a stone

You bear the weight of the world on your shoulders
Heavy pains n heavy boulders
Born through time
Walking the straight line

Nothing last forever in a world so broken

Stop settling for what is better
   And shoot for what is **best

To dream in color
And write upon her heart
To kiss the stars
Still so far apart

To lay with you
Amongst the shadows
Finding rest with you
Beneath the Hallows

So much sky
My eyes are lost in sight
I look only for you
In this dark night

For you my friend
Are the bright soul
With a light heart
That makes me whole

Bad dreams will come again
These are my oldest friends
Reoccurring nightmares
Ancient truths, older dares
Between floor and pillow
I'm running on wet concrete
Let me sleep

I'm trying!
Okay?!
I'm trying,
But I guess
It just
Isn't working
I will never
Be good enough
So I'll just go now
Have a nice life
Xoxo

you painted on a straight line
like a blood red smile
and as short as it was
it felt like a mile

you filled in the lines
all over your skin
a reflection outside
of how it feels within

you drew all over
never missed a spot
and you never considered
that you could stop

you traced a map
all over you world
and screamed to your flesh
though you never were heard

you can still dance
with sleeves and scars
but it is harder
to reach the stars

you never thought
you could come home
in your picturesque future
you thoughts you'd be alone

you didn't see me
creeping in at the edges
of you vision
hanging on to ledges

every word you gave
every part of a smile
was part of a 'happy'
thought it took a while

and now we draw
with paper and pencil
not skin and blade
with our arms as a stencil

it's okay
you don't have to
it is always an option
but I got you

Do you know how many words
Have fluttered from my fingers
Or fallen from my lips
And dance along my throat
That I can't recall
They fall into eternity
And maybe imprint in your mind
But they do not stay in my head
Like an important moment in time

My ghosts know me
Better than your friends know you

Blue is the color of the happy sky
Black is the night as it slowly passes bye
Yellow are the smiles that push up from the ground
Brown are the memories that chase me like a hound
Purple are the sunsets filled with lies
Green are the beauty in your eyes
Pink is ignorance I proudly displayed
Gray is the face of the sky today
Orange is the footprints you leave in your wake
Red is the blood from my wrists you take

Why did you settle?
For your sake you could do better.
She hates me now.
And she doesn't even know.
Half of your story.
Let alone 5% of mine.

She doesn't deserve you.
You could have anyone you want.
In the whole world.
I know I want you back.
I know you would of left.
If you could of chosen.

Chosen to stay with me.

I.
Cling.
To.
That.

Hope.

I will always love you.

But.

Right now.

I question why.
You are with her.
I hear.
I heard the rumors.
That you kissed.
She said it was awful.
You are always cold around her.
Inside and out.

But.

Baby.

With me.

You were fire to my ice.

When I kissed you.
Your eyes melted to gold.
And the heat between our tongues.
Was electric.

Yes it hurt to see you.
Together.
But I would be happier.
To see you.
With more.
Better.

Not less.
You went from me to her.
Ten to a two.
You don't need a trophy wife.
But baby I want you to have.
The best in this life.
Even if,

That isn't me.

And so I offer you,
My humble
Opinionated
Sacrificial
Words

I'm sorry

<3

So close to my heart
But just out of reach
A fingertips away
A wall I cant breach
This door that opens
Only from the inside
Open it now
Spread the gates wide

Does the night remember our relentlessness
Here we drink, wine and stars
Intoxication of souls
Grains of salt, on sugar sweet lips
A taste of stars, for a black hole kiss
We die, the night goes on
To live one more day
Is to outlive all
The earth does not know
Nor will she remember
She bore you, conceived
Brought you forth
Out of the aching of her years
Turn your face
Lift your hand in anger
Were you not human once
Do you still hold your tongue
When angels speak
They crave your words
Your peace
There are no gods here
Maybe once, in an older day
Maybe once, when you knew their names
Passed from lip to lips
No more than a kiss
Their halls are empty
Fires burnt out
Smoke nearly touching the stars now
Their lungs are empty
Breezes settled
Will you quarrel with me here
Raise your hand against another
Lift your voice for a song,
with no words,
that you call anger
Give me up
To the sins of your head
Your heart dare not act out
I am worth these
And I am worth nothing
Change in your pockets
Will never make sense
You return me to the earth
This is your curse
Luna will call my name
Screaming it into the heavens
A voice falling only upon your ears
Turmoil and angst of your conscience
Your ears and neck burn
And you become one with regret
It will name you
Find yourself unable to utter any remorse
As it coarses like fire through your veins
This is hell, she is patient

Bare naked to me the discomforts of your soul
And I will teach you, intimacy

Grief is my religion
And oh, how earnestly I worship

We write poems about losing
And then some about loss

We spew out all these words
And never counted the cost

We empty our hollow hearts
Into inked pages and on keys

But the soul we have begun forge
No one, in their right mind ever sees

We dance with pencils and lines to thin
But the bigger picture is unseen

So we must look and search to find
All the things that lay in between

you were right
paper is flammable
you were right
you set me on fire
you were wrong
because you said it would last
you were wrong
because it is all gone

You idiot
You thought I love you
You stupid boy
You thought I cared
Why would I love you
There is nothing there to love

Just leave me alone
Cant you see I am trying to ignore you
Stop getting in my you
You fool
How could I care about a nobody
Why would I care about you

Oh please give me a break
Get out of my face
For goodness sake
Please just move you are in my way

Stupid child
Just use your brain
Silly boy
Just think about it for a moment

Why would I care about you
Do you really think my world could revolve around you
Well to be honest it does my dear
And I will always be here have no fear
<3

Underneath the skies
Underneath the stars

*A eternity lies buried