These scars will be there
to remind me
not that I won any battle
but that I didn't give in
in the first defeat.

She was like the forest
cold & whispering your name
by the wind
although her depths were
something that
only the bravest ones
ever dared to appreciate
she became so rainy & tempestuous
for she couldn't truly feel herself
she felt as cold as winter &
then she took her last breath
and with your name on her
flying leaves & thick branches
she ripped herself apart
then there was a river
a crimson flow
so risky to approach
yet beautifully tempting
and those who once
came by to appreciate her beauty &
her vivid deep green
were now so scared of her that
they thought she wanted to swallow 'em whole
how could ever she?
she had ripped herself apart
only to see & feel
her own depths
which once she believed
were way too shallow
for someone to enjoy being
around her
but now
how could someone ever
enjoy being around
a dead forest?
she died, but at least
with no doubt
that once
she was alive &
deep.

Being myself and
living this life
is just another version
of nothingness
of emptiness
of a void
where you're lost in
and can't see any future
but a dark path to follow,
hanging on a blind hope
that maybe you'll find yourself
that maybe you'll find someone
that maybe will be able to help you
but haven't you understood it yet?
you're the one who's got
the burden
to save your own
miserable life
inside or outside this void
life will be the same
darkness will rise
and will follow every step of yours
and maybe one day you'll realize
you don't even remember
how old you are
or how many years
you've been trapped inside
your little wicked & distorted mind
haven't you realized it yet?
is it my fault?
I don't think so
but it doesn't matter
a single bit
this void has made me
what I am today
after all, this is where
I've been in
a lifetime
with only a chance to escape
but I failed on life
and I've failed on death as well
is it my fault?
wait and you'll see.

I wish I was
something more than
what I dare to call
myself
because this body was
never hurt this much
because this mind was
never haunted this much
because those nightmares
once stopped when I
woke up
but since when I can recall
they last longer than
twenty four hours
and this is insane
am I this insane?
that doctor says I don't look that ill
the other says I should
go in the psych ward
the other says I'm in the control
while the other one says
the harm on my body means
I'm not the one in charge
any longer
am I insane yet?
I should call 911
but I'm afraid another doctor
will attempt to say what's
going on
inside myself
instead of asking me
what I'm feeling for real
or why these injuries are for
or why the empty stomach
keeps growling
won't you eat, my dear?
I say no
won't you take your meds, my dear?
I say why
won't you enjoy your life like a normal human being?
I ask why should I
since im in the border of sanity
way more on the side
of those ones
stuck between four walls
white bedsheets
and treated like kids
who forgot to take their medicines
at home
so now they need a special care
am I insane yet?
I wonder
but no one dares
to answer.

I feel surrounded by ghosts & shadows
when I think of things
that have left your mouth &
and the ones
i kept inside mine.

I'm made of mist & rain
tho i can be ice & fire  
& storms & a beautiful sunset
but most of all
i'm made of leaves
and one day
i'll fly away.

I've become a shell
of bittersweet memories &
an emptiness
that weighs much more
than I can bear.