You are the first & last words
of a forgotten favorite poem
but i couldn't hold on to
the memories you
once gave me
so i brought you back
& then you brought me
pain,
again.
When will I learn?

Do you ever
miss yourself
in the middle of the mess
a lifetime can become?

I know
you wish my poetry
were about you
but I can't go
this far away
from my sanity.

And there goes the woman
who dares to live
on her own way
It's not so different than I could
possibly think but
I do not know if
she's gonna stay or leave
for real
tho I already kissed her
goodbye
I've suffered because of
her &
I've suffered because I cannot
control what's inside me
that wants to touch her &
feel her everlasting warmth
but I was wrong
everyone of us has
our own way
to go &
no other soul
in this world
can state otherwise
when this very old &  wise
truth
doesn't even fit
in our bare mortal hands.

There's this kind of sadness
that holds a grip on you &
just won't ever leave
I wish I could be more
but the more I think about it,
the less I become &
it hurts inside
because i know,
i do know
that it will never have an end
unless i bring it
to myself.

It takes more than self loathing
to live the way i do.

I'm willing to get hurt
but be aware that i'm probably gonna hurt you more.