I’ve started sharing my poetry,
and I think I’ve concerned a few—
friends, family—
they didn’t see the blue, blue, blue
sadness
that sits quietly in my lingering,
spilling out in these poems.

It was never my goal,
but the sadness likes to speak,
wants to say what is true:
that the sadness still exists,
a deep, deep
blue, blue, blue.

It was always the words I said.
It was never the way I said them—

never the way I screamed,
never the way I whispered,
never the way I spoke with eloquence,
sweetness, kindness, or grace.

It was never the way I spoke with wisdom,
or the way I spoke with knowledge.
Never the way I spoke as a woman,
or the way I spoke as a friend.

It was never the way I spoke
with tears in my eyes,
or with a clenched fist.

It was always the words I said—
the words you didn’t want to hear,
the words you refused to hear,
the words you refused to listen to.

Words that would have made you care,
that would have forced you to act,
that would have demanded you
to sacrifice something.

It was never how I said them
that turned you away from me.

It was always the words themselves—
that you refused to believe.

Oh ye little child

Oh ye little child
What doth thy smile hide
Melting the mistakes thou made
Anger of thy parents fade

Oh ye little child
Thy smile world wide
Tis world with love made
Sadness of hearts fade

Oh ye little child
Thy smile by God's side
In thy innocence heaven made
Worldly divide doth fade

Oh ye little child
Ever a smile in thy side
In love thy world made
Worldly troubles to fade

Pavin
#ChildrensDay

Those who know, oh so often don’t know what to say.
They might call you a hero, or tell you that you’re brave,
And that all love is unconditional.

We all have our values, see virtues, and work through vices.
We cement our beliefs through interactions on devices.
And start to think that some love is unconditional.

We’re remolded, reshaped, be it through purpose or providence.
We become robust, resolute. At times straightened, at others bent,
Believing what we do is traditional.

Respect for one’s self is essential to grow.
We must challenge the things we believe that we know.
And no love is ever unconditional.

And if we love ourselves than none ought to be.

She crawls in dark blue shadows and paints herself gold
Fangs of virtue....but her lies are as old as time
In the mirror, a snake, but she sees smoke
Thinks she’s a goddess, queen of the night
But her throne is built on borrowed light
on Barbara Jane's time

She plays the saint, plays it so well
But I remember every spell
New York was too small for her lies
So she fled to Utah’s open skies
A bigger stage to hide her family sin
But the secrets of the night
will always follow her where she's been

You’re a pseudo wolf, crying in the dark
Hiding your sins behind muscle and bark
But I’ve seen the beast, I’ve heard the screams
You can't outrun the reckoning in my dreams

You stole from the broken, laughed at their cries
Built your kingdom on silenced goodbyes
Selling homes with a serpents tongue
Stealing bribes from poisoned lungs
Your father’s shadow cloaks your throne
A legacy of hurt carved into bone
You howl at the moon hoping we forget
But I’m the witch you’ll regret

You’re a pseudo wolf, bleeding fake power
Dressed like thunder in your weakest hour
But I am the storm, I’m the truth you flee
Kathryn, you’ll remember me

You thought I was weak, didn’t you?
Just a girl with a song and too many scars
But I’m the howl beneath your silence
The fire under your borrowed stars

You’re a pseudo wolf, unholy queen
Your reign of fear ends in this dream
I rise with the moon, I claim what’s mine
The real wolf walks this crooked line

And how dare you use sweet Eileen
She was never yours to scheme
The sunflowers grow beneath my sky
Not in your shadow, not in your lie.

You’re a lying, ugly creature, masked in guile
A twisted soul with a poisonous black widow smile
I remember the venom in your tongue
But Kathryn
I’m the Enchantress, and I’ll burn you strong
If you ever try again to hurt the good ones
Get back in your cage Snake
where you belong
I'll close it myself if you ever
commit a crime against us again

Kathryn sells lies

Sometimes I tear
not from the pain
but from a dream unheld
a cat curled warm
in the cradle of my hands
a sanctuary..
maybe safety...is just a castle
in a far away land
and I have to close my eyes
to be there.
safe and sound
but somehow, I see myself turning all the way around
a warrior will always run back into a burning house

If I should die today
I'll know my heart
tried to settle it's affairs
and understand the dark

but, Please
no more burning
Take it easy on the woman who sings
let the night hold me soft

Love,
from a past life
maybe I was a nightmare
and I deserved the tragedy
or could I have been
a sigh in the trees
My heart is
its very own stone on the altar
I think it's moonstone like
June lives inside its shelter
and sometimes amethyst
a calming prayer
a song.
my hope.
was used on the wrong people.
yes I know my mistakes.

but please
no more burning
take it easy on the woman who sings
let the sunlight hold me easy

I held your love
with the fingers of my heart
I tattooed the promise
to all my tomorrows
across my back to be carried for eternity
. . . where are you now ?

It takes forever for distant stars to burn my lips
There is no mercy found on the floorboards that walk across my kiss
. . . where are they now ?

Remember how the needles of time stitched the nights together ?
How easy does the fabric of love become unentwined
. . .  remember ?