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Somehow life went on without you...
𝒜 𝓉𝒾𝓂ℯ 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒸ℴ𝓂ℯ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓈ℯℯ.
𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈ℴ𝓂ℯ𝒷ℴ𝒹𝓎.
𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓎 𝒶𝓇ℯ, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒽ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓉. 𝒴ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓊𝓃ℯ𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓉𝓇𝓊ℯ ℐ 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝓂𝒾𝓈ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊. 𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝒹ℯ𝓈ℯ𝓇𝓋ℯ 𝒾𝓉 𝓉ℴℴ
Never again will I get to see her face or hear her laugh.
Never again will I be able to sit by her and tell jokes just to make us laugh
She's gone
I miss her with everything inside of me
I didn't have enough time with her
She was my whole world
What do you do when your whole world crashes
Who do you call now
How do you live
Everything just feels like It's crumbling
Without her here I'm falling a part
I need her back
But there is no way to make the possible
ℑ 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔶 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔟𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔣𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡
𝔈𝔳𝔢𝔫 𝔦𝔣 𝔦𝔱 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔞 𝔰𝔪𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔪𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢
"Hey, How are you doing. We haven't talked in a while."
"Fine"
𝘓𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦
𝕴 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖆 𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊
𝕴 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉 𝖇𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖞𝖔𝖚'𝖗𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖞
𝕭𝖚𝖙 𝕴 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖙𝖔
𝕴 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖇𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖞𝖔𝖚
𝕴 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖇𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖇𝖞 𝖞𝖔𝖚
𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝. 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎. 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍'𝚟𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎.
𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕
𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟'𝕥
𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕
𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕟'𝕥
𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕠
𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕟𝕠
𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕠
<3
<3
If everything falls apart... I'll be the one to glue it back together.
when I lay there in the ground
don't cry
don't wonder what you could've done
just don't

I don't want a celebration of life
or a funeral

I want someone to lay me 6 feel below
and pretend I never existed

the world was better before I came into it
I can hear it
In the back of my mind
The screaming for help
And no not just a scream of fear
It's a scream of ultimate terror
The worry if you'll wake up or not
It's a worry if you'll even have enough food do eat for the week
It's a survival game
And the ones who make it out alive
Have to deal with the aftermath
The constant breakdowns
The flashbacks
The panic
And the paranoid feelings
Always wondering why this had to happen
Feeling like nobody cares
And depression
So the ones who make it out of abuse alive
Now have to make it out of depression alive
The ones who made it out
Deal with even more than they should've

And then you get to thinking
What about the children with normal lives
Whose parents are still together
Who always have a meal in front of them
And have a roof over their heads

Why does abuse have to happen?
And then people say abuse made you stronger
When actually you made yourself strong.
This is a little bit of my thoughts toward abuse.
If only I wasn't afraid to try
Maybe I could've made it somewhere
With him I get a choice
He never expects anything out of me
Instead he helps me
He listens to me when I have something to say
And if one day we don't speak
He makes sure that the next day we do
I never have to feel like I am less than him
I never feel like I have to be something I'm not
Instead I can snort when I laugh
And instead of him making fun of me
He laughs too
I can be myself knowing I am free of Judgement
I have been blessed with a friend who cares
I have a friend to listens

I only wish to be as good to him as he is to me
We never said goodbye
I never saw you that day
Now all I do is cry
and waste my life away
I can't even try
Cause you didn't stay
I stare at the night sky
And I try to pray
But I don't know if he hears me
Or tries to see me through
Cause I will have to live
A lifetime without you
I laugh when I want to cry
Maybe because deep inside
I'm alone
You looked in the eyes and
Though there's tears rolling down
You still fed me lies
You tell me it's okay
But you don't hear my cries
You don't understand
I'm losing sleep at night
Don't tell me that you care
Because you're never really there
You don't even see
You're already hurting me
I come lurking in the shadows. You may see me through the eyes of an abuser, thief, liar, murderer, you may even see me in your reflection. Most people run and hide from me, as if they are afraid . Yet I am nothing to be scared of. I will be your friend when your time comes. I will play for you a video tape. On that tape images your life will flash before your eyes. and you will see who the real monster is.
This might actually be my Favorite :)
Give me a minute to process
the thought of you leaving
We are wolds apart
Yet we are so close
If you only cared to look
You will see stories full of pain
A series with a ton of books
And a very damaged brain
Ask me my name
Ask me where I stand
It wont be the same
but you have a chance to understand
After years of emptiness and pain
I gained wisdom, but I also grew insane
I found myself more lost than I've ever been
So I added battle scars to my skin
It numbed the emotions in my soul
Yet even that started taking a toll
Now I look into the mirror
Wishing I could see life clearer
Knowing that I'm unable
Maybe I should put that knife back on the table
Maybe I should
If I could you know I would
Thursday is your birthday
But I have to celebrate it without you
The knife in my heart
Sings melodies of death
The world and I are so far apart
And with each jagged breath
The light from this world grows dimmer
I feel like I'm flying
I see a bright shimmer
I think that I'm dying
The blood form my bleeding heart
Is creating a majestic piece of art
Now is my time to leave
I'll see you later
I'm sorry if you grieve
But you deserve far greater
#sad    #depression
Boy
Boy
There's a boy that I like
He's honest and true
I only wish he could like me back
My Mom bought me a ring
It says "Just Breathe"
I look at it and I can hear her voice
Reminding me to breathe
Through the years of my life
I have learned what its like to feel pain
I've had to grow up at such a young age
I've had to give so much of myself to others
And leave me with nothing
Tell me is that not what it is to be broken?
I've had to leave loved ones behind
I've had to go through so much
Yet people tell me I'm fine
That it is wrong to be upset and angry and scared
Tell me is that not what it is like to be broken?
To be loved and left
To be afraid of certain people
To cry every night
Then carry on your days and pretend you are fine
That you aren't slowly dying inside
Your love burnt a hole in my heart
It left ashes and pain
When things fell a part
Hatred fell like rain
"Hey it's me, and I know you probably don't want to hear from me right now. That's okay I'll keep this short, but I wanted to say sorry. I guess that you never really know what you have until it's gone. I miss you and I hope you're doing okay. Anyway call me when you get a chance."
Don't be afraid to care about someone
You have a choice
to stay or leave
Don't feel obligated to love me
You have a choice
I don't want you to feel like you have to stay
You are allowed to leave
I promise
Instead of leaning on my own understanding
I will turn to Christ
Yes I believe in God
Sorry If you don't
He has changed my life
In many ways
He has set me free

My rock
My salvation
My life

Yes I am a Christian
I will forever be a Christian
Everyday it's the same
I wake up and realize that you're still gone
From there it hits me all at once
And then tears come
It feels like I'm drowning
How long will it hurt when people say your name in past tense?
It feels like the only way to be closer to you
Is to do the things we used to do together
But even that makes me cry
Yet I do it anyway
I would gladly listen to the songs that played at your funeral
Even if it brings up those images of you laying still in that casket
Because it makes me feel closer to you
I'm some odd way
As we look up from the ground we lay
We see the sight of a bright gray
The clouds above us
They look so sad
They look like they
Have just gone mad
I'm not sure what I want
In someways I know for sure
In others I'm afraid
I know I have a choice
I just don't wanna make the wrong one
I feel so many things
But I don't know anymore
I'm just confused
Me: Why can't I give up and just let go?
God: I have a plan for you here.
Me: I just don't understand.
God: You will see in time what I have in store for you.
Me: when?
God: When the time is right
The air gets tight
so does the space
The people seem closer
Though they are far away
I get claustrophobic
I need out
The truth is I'm scared to ask how you feel
Because I don't wanna get rejected.
I know what I feel is real
I don't want my love to be neglected
but I feel you'll only tell me no
I know you will always feel self-conscious, but you need to know that what others think about you doesn’t  matter. You need to know when to move on from a negative comment. Never, ever think you are not good enough or that you have to change who you are to be liked by others. There will always be someone out there who will see the best in you no matter what. You have people in your life that love you and want you to be happy. You want to be able to live life to its fullest, but you can't do that if you are thinking about all those people who have hurt you. Sometimes the best thing to do is to move on, forgive, and forget.
I wish that you could see yourself the way that other people do. You think that others see you in a bad way, but they don't. You are the only one that sees yourself that way. You need to know that you are your worst enemy. You overthink everything, maybe you should think about the positive because that is what everybody is telling you to do, I think you should take their advice.
Always remember that being skinny will not make people like you more. How you act towards others will though. Being kind to other people will help everybody out. Even if you don't feel good one day that should not affect how you treat others. Having respect for yourself is also a big thing. Do not compare yourself to the people around you. The only thing that matters is how you think of yourself. So I'm going to tell you to always remember that you are loved more than you can imagine even when you feel like the whole world is against you, know that you have people who love you even when you feel lost and unappreciated.
I hope you know I have been looking for you my whole life
I have been waiting for you to arrive
To come into my life and be my hero
And to love me as I am
I've been in love before
but our love will be everlasting
It will be better than I could ever imagine
I don't wanna die because I gave up
I don't wanna die alone
I want to die fighting for what I believe in
I want to die with confidence that I will live eternally
I want to die knowing that I lived my best life
more than anything I want to die peacefully
Our candle burnt out
the flame is gone
Never once did we shout
But I let this pain go on
Our love was full of doubt
It left us hurt and drawn
I never should've said yes
Then I wouldn't've become a pawn
I never should've entered this mess
Our love deserved to be gone
Have we met like this before?
You and I
Side by side
It seems we've done this before
A time or two
It is not only that you are sad
But it is that you find beauty
In upsetting things
I'm done
Done with it all
The void in my heart
The hollowness in my chest
The fear in my mind
Can you just see
I'm done
I've reached the end
I'm done
I know you feel like giving up
hold on
You have people rooting for you!!
I've messed up my metabolism
Because I compared myself to other people
I didn't eat for almost 5 months
I lost hair, I lost weight, so I gained an eating disorder
I tried to hide it from other people, especially my parents
Every morning I would dry heave until I threw up or until I couldn't breath anymore
Normally It would last for 15 minutes or more
I was passing out, and I was emotionally unstable
I weighed myself 3 times everyday
I was only 150 pounds
For me that was too much
I wasn't skinny like the other girls
It's been two years since I stopped eating
I'm still facing the consequences of that
I have to be on antacid pills
I can't eat a lot in one setting
I have to be on better eating schedules
Because now my body doesn't tell me if I'm hungry or not anymore
I have to accept who I am now
I have no other choice
Because I still have an eating disorder.
Please NEVER starve yourself like I did. It will damage your stomach terribly.
Please listen to me.
I often feel empty inside
And It feels like nothing has the ability to fill me
Almost like the sea without water
or the sky without clouds
I wait and I wait
for something that can help
But I still feel unimportant
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