I’m not living anymore
I’m just here
Breathing
Existing
Waking up because I have to
Not because I want to

The truth is something inside me broke
And no one noticed
Not even the one I gave everything to

I used to believe in love
In building something real
But now I just watch life pass me by
People falling in love
Getting married
Starting families
And I’m still stuck
Left behind
Wondering what’s so wrong with me that I keep ending up alone

I wasn’t asking for perfect
Just to be seen
To be chosen
To be loved without having to beg for it

But now I don’t even feel human
Just a body moving through days that all feel the same
I laugh when I have to
Smile so no one asks questions
But deep down
I’m tired
Tired of pretending this doesn’t hurt
Tired of acting like I’m okay

I’m not
I’m just trying to survive a life that doesn’t feel like mine anymore

they step into love,
into family, into forever,
while i stand still,
in the waiting room of life.

they ask me,
“when’s your turn?”
and i smile, but my heart whispers,
“i wish i knew.”

still holding on,
to a hope that feels like it’s slipping through my fingers,
yet somehow,
i can’t let it go

There was a time wasn’t there
When your laugh filled the quiet
When even silence felt soft because it belonged to us
Now all I hear is that space where you used to be

I walk past places we knew
The ghost of your voice clinging to the air
Every streetlight flicker feels like a reminder
Every sunset feels like it watched us fall apart

I thought I saw you yesterday
Or maybe I only wanted to
The world blurs
Because I’m still looking for your outline in the crowd

Is this what you wanted
To leave me tangled in what ifs
In a song that keeps playing
Even when you stopped listening

I’ve tried to forget
But forgetting you is like trying to unhear the waves
Or untaste the rain

It’s always been about you
And maybe it always will

I never asked for forever
I just wanted to be seen
To hold a place in your light
Not be kept behind the screen

You never had to say it
I felt the leaving in your eyes
In the way I stayed a secret
While someone else got your sky

I told myself it was enough
The half-love, the waiting, the quiet
But silence turned into questions
And the answers just came in riots

I would’ve stayed, you know
Even when it hurt
Even when I felt like a shadow
Lost beneath your worth

But you didn’t choose me
And maybe you never did
You moved on like I was nothing
While I’m still learning how to live

Still, I won’t curse your name
I won’t beg you to stay
Even if it shattered me
I will love you
Either way

I think I’m broken beyond repair.
Not in pieces you can pick up
but in the quiet places no one sees.

They say healing takes time,
but what if time has already passed me by?
What if the cracks run too deep,
the damage too permanent,
the light too far gone?

I try.
God knows, I try.
To stand, to smile,
to hold together what keeps slipping through.
Like shattered glass
held by nothing
but will.

They look at me
like I’m supposed to be whole by now.
Fixed.
Better.
But they don’t understand
this isn’t pain.
This is ruin.
And you can’t glue something
that’s been broken this many times.

I’m tired.
Of surviving.
Of pretending.
Of being the one left behind
while others step into forever.

I wish I knew when it would be my turn.
But I don’t.
And I don’t know how to live
as someone I no longer recognize.

Still,
somehow,
I’m here.
Not healed.
But here.

I gave you effort time and space
Held your heart like something fragile
You said it’s hard to open up
So I waited I understood
I never forced never rushed
Still I wasn’t enough

I asked what we are
You said just a friend
So I stayed quiet
Even when it hurt
Even when your silence
Felt louder than words

You never posted me
Never claimed me
Said you weren’t ready
And now
There he is
In your story
With a heart on his face
And kesayangan in the caption

It’s only been a month
You moved on
Like I was nothing
Blocked me like I didn’t matter
Then unblocked
Just to keep me hanging

You said it wasn’t easy to open your heart
But it looks easy now
So was I just the in-between
The maybe
The practice run

It breaks me
Because I was real
I was honest
And you were temporary

But I’ll carry this pain
Not to stay broken
But to remind myself
Next time
I’ll never beg to be chosen

I can’t face the night anymore
It claws at my skin
Too loud
Too bright
Too much

Rooms won’t stay still
Even silence feels like memory
You said love would save me
But I drowned anyway

I was sweet once
That version of me died
somewhere between
please stay
and your silence

Now I speak less
Feel less
Want less
Not healing
Just surviving

Relief is not love
Escape is not peace
I don’t chase ghosts anymore

Friends encourage us; they make us smile.
With us, they walk an extra mile.
Comforter in times of trouble
Supporters when our tires wobble
They gel so well in their own style.

Though busy, they come for a while.
Their presence makes our minds stable.
With them, it's more fun at the table.
Friends encourage

The bond is never so fragile.
Remains firm; no one can defile
They care without any grumble 
Simple hearts, they remain humble.
Sharing from my memory file
Friends encourage

Empty
Numb
Heaviness
Can't seem to think less.

Each day im fading
Is anyone listening?

Long nights
Headaches
Cant see through the thoughts
But feeling i will still make it to the stop.
I cant make these loops stop

Scrolling
Binging
Pretending
This isnt living.

Substance abuse,
Doesnt even get me through.
Where is my muse?
A change,
must be made.
I cannot maintain
living in this frame.
When will i finally start
To follow through.

Im sick of my own ways

Excuses,
contemplate
Going insane
What is the point
Of anything
If i just spend my days fading away

Never commit
"Shes A flake"
I know.
Im so tired of being this way
Hating how i live
Feeling shame
In who i am,
Wishing i was different
I want to commit
To me again

I want to jump all in.
Leave all this **** at the door  
find the free spirit within
I will do what best for me,
Even if it takes some pain.
Anything is better,
Than living this way.


change is being made
Surrender
what are you scared of?
Trust
It will be okay
Simple,
not a debate
just need to get out
of my own way
Change is here.
Can't keep running from the girl
locked in here
staring back at me in the mirror

She says,
let go.
Change is here.
No need for fear,
my dear.