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80 · May 9
I am Your Ghost
Go ahead and point your finger at
me,                                                              ­    
                                                            ­                                                            
   I only reflect your own
insecurities                                                    ­                                                        
        ­                                                                 ­                                             
Call me the names that cause you
fear,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                  
afraid of what you don't want to
hear                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
Gang up on me with your group of
friends,                                                         ­ 
                                                                ­                                            
worrying that they'll turn on you in the
end                                                            
                                                                ­                                        
Persecute me & deflect from the
truth                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                    
convince them that you have some
proof                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                        
Mock how I'm comfortable in my
skin,                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­             
as you fight the torture from  
within                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
I know you hate admiring me the
most                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                
you're in the shadows, I am your
ghost                                                      
                                                                ­                                               
  While you are taking turns hurting
  me,                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                     
remember I am who you want to be
80 · Jun 10
Within An Arms Length
I closed my eyes, held my hands up high,                                                            ­                                                      asked the Lord to stay by my side                                                             ­         I  am in pain and I can't decide                                                                  ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­what to do no matter how hard I try,                                                           ­                                                                                                             ­                  gave him all of my guilt and sorrow                                                           ­         asked for peace for a better tomorrow                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                  asked him to fill me with his bright white light                                                                  ­                                                                 ­     prayed he would watch over me at night                                                            ­                                                                I sat like that for a long time,                                                                              ­        easing the strain  of my troubled mind                                                       I felt peace wash over me                                                               ­              cleansing my pain, my anxiety                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                   When life's problems are too much to bear                                                 hold up your hands, he'll be there                                                     holding your hand, giving you strength,                                                        ­  all of God's love,  within an arm's length
79 · Jun 26
Outgrow You
You've changed so much, I don't recognize you                                                              ­                                                          We're  so out of touch, maybe I changed, not you                                                              ­                                                            You don't want me to grow, you know it's true                                                             ­                                                           but I already know you don't want me to outgrow you
79 · Apr 19
Doing The Punishing
Standing on the front porch on a hot summer's day,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­
pregnant & barefoot, you chose to walk away                                                  
                                                                ­                                            
Standing in a pool of freshly cried tears,                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
enabled me to regret loving you for years                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                        
As your tires kicked up asphalt & dirt,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
I was busy calling you a liar & a ****                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­    
I swore after that day I would be strong                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                                      
and my grieving time wouldn't be long                                                        
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
I had our baby two months after you'd gone                                              
              ­                                                                 ­                                 
with him by my side, I was never alone                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                              
He was beautiful & you'd never know                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                   
because you weren't there to see him grow                                            
                ­                                                                 ­                                     
I never told him his daddy's name                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                      
I didn't want rejection to bring him shame                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
So, I just loved him for the both of us,                                                            
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
and always let him know that he could trust                                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
I know that you were trying to punish me                                                
                                                                ­                                                  
but I was the one doing the punishing                                                  
                                                                ­                                                          
I got years of his unconditional love,                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                    
not once were you mentioned or even thought of                                        
                      ­                                                                 ­                             
Now that you've grown into an old man                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                               
 and his life turned out better than you planned                                                      
   ­                                                                 ­                                                  
I don't feel bad that you are all
alone                                                          
                                                                ­                                                     
it's just a shame that your son is now grown
I wrote this for my oldest son.
After all the pain and suffering                                                        ­                  you happily put me through,                                                         ­             I  want to be accommodating                                                    ­            and  give some back to you                                                              ­          When  I cried you laughed and mocked me                                        and  then you walked away                                                             ­              Now, it's time for you to see                                                              ­             how I'm going to make you pay                                                              ­  Lately  you're saying you're sorry,                                                           ­  you  are all apologies                                                                                  but that doesn't fix how you scarred me,                                                you're a mistake I won't repeat                                                           ­               All in all I'm glad you're hurting                                                          ­               I couldn't be more  pleased                                                    ­                       Especially  when you start blurting                                                         ­                        how  you've only ever loved me
79 · May 5
Beautiful Love
You breathed life into my heart when it was deflated,                                          
             ­                                                                 ­                                        
you changed my mind even after it was jaded                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
You gave me a reason to get up every day                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­   
and you showed me love all along the way                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                      
You taught me how to laugh & be
myself,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
­ you showed me the way out of my shell                                                            ­                                                                 ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
Who am I kidding? you changed everything                                                       ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
When I'm with you I feel like a queen                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                              
  Before you I was alive but not living,                                                    
     ­                                                                 ­                                      
  you've accepted me since the beginning                                                        ­        
                                                                ­                                              
   When I feel down, you lift me up                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  and shower me with beautiful love                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                                 ­
I often wonder where I would be                                                               ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
if you had never loved me
79 · May 9
Who Is She?
I watched her fall apart,                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                
felt the breaking of her
heart,                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                    
saw the life in her
eyes,                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                        
go dimmer then fade &
die                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
Wiped away so many
tears,                                                           ­                                       
                                                                ­                                          
held her through all her
fears,                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                         
                                                                ­                                          
comforted her when she was
alone                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                
tried to soften her heart of
stone                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                        
  I wish she would have known,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                       
that we all hurt as we
grow                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
  I didn't see all the fine
  cracks,                                                       ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
 I didn't know all the facts                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                            
Fragile as a porcelain doll,                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
she managed to weather it all                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
She never thought she was strong,                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
but she was so very wrong                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
  You may wonder, who is she?                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
  The answer is, she used to be me
I have watched myself evolve into someone who no longer seeks validation from others to someone who values themselves & embraces who they are.
79 · Aug 10
Chaotic Thoughts
I am stagnant, in slow motion                                                           ­        knee  deep in a blow painting of emotion                                                         There are chaotic thoughts abound                                                           ­my  minds  become a battleground
79 · May 21
The Destruction of Us
Years of words unspoken between you and me,                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                      
has caused a lot of tension and instability                                                      ­        
                                                                ­                                                               Hidden anger and resentment drove us apart,                                            
              ­                                                                 ­                                       
  just like the hatred we have in our hearts                                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
We both know it's over, but no move is made,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                    
how much more is sacrificed before the price is paid                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
We continue together but broken in two,                                                          
                                                                ­                                        
unwilling to give up on me and on you                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
We both push each other to be the one to give in,                        
                                                                ­                                              
seeing who will break and who will
bend                                                          
                                                                ­                                                    
So busy pointing fingers and not holding hands,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                           
we throw out blows and hope they land                                                        
                                                                ­                                            
There's so much **** water under the bridge,                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­       
  as we stand together out on the ledge                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
  The only time we come together is to destruct                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
  the very thing we once loved so much
78 · May 13
In My Summer Season
Something in me has changed,                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­                   feelings have been rearranged                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                            
Thought processes shifting,                                                        ­            
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm full of wishful thinking                                                         ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                
I've become happy and content,                                                         ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­    
blessed, everything's heaven sent                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­    
A smile keeps creeping up on me,                                                              ­                                
                                                                 ­                                             
covering where a frown used to be                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
The sun has never been brighter,                                                        ­                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
my mood has never been lighter                                                          ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
I want to sing and laugh out loud,                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                
catch a ride on a floating cloud                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                            
I am in my summer
season,                                                          ­                
                                                                ­                                            
shining brightly for no reason                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                          
Soaking up this life with greed,                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                             
  I­ feel like I am complete
I love how summer makes you feel. Hopeful and open for the peaceful days ahead.
77 · May 9
Newfound State
I was trying to control everything,                                                      ­            
                                                                ­                                                
answer the phone on the first ring                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                  
That way of life became exhausting                                                       ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­     
and it didn't accomplish
anything                                                         ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
I admitted that I didn't know it all                                                            
 ­                                                                 ­                                    
Surrendered & fell into a free fall                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
Free from my trapped head
space,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                      
everything began to fall into place                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                          
Released from all my mental bounds                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I had survived being buried
underground                                                      ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
I armed myself with a new attitude                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                   
and a newfound state of
gratitude                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                   
I let my worry fall to the
wayside                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
and learned to really start living
life                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I found out I love who I am
inside,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
  I urge everyone to give it a try
Coming out of my shell !!
77 · Jun 15
Like It's The Last Day
I am not getting any younger                                                          ­                                                                                                         ­                     but deep inside I still have a hunger                                                           ­      to live, love and dream                                                            ­                                  so many places to go                                                               ­                        so many people to know                                                             ­       with so much in between                                                          ­                     I don't want to live forever                                                                            and will never say never                                                            ­                        For only God knows my time                                                             ­                so no matter what you say                                                              ­        I'll cherish each day                                                              ­                             like it's the last day of my life
76 · May 6
Life Can Be Easy
Show me innocence,                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                        
that I long to see                                                              ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                     
 The world is so tense,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­               
it should find release                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                
Escape into happy,                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­            
smile through the hurt,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                              
make everything pretty,                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­   
don't think of the worst,                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
look into the sunrise,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
take a cleansing breath,                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­     
laugh & don't cry,                                                             ­                                                 
               ­                                                                 ­                                    
let God handle the rest,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­         
lie in the grass,                                                           ­                                         
                                                                ­                                              
cloud watch all day,                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­           
 eat sweets in
masses,                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                              
watch children play,                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­           
  visit a pet store,                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                      
  and pet everyone.                                                        ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                       
open your front door,                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                           
  and let in the sun,                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­              
pick wildflowers,                                                     ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                    
  eat an ice cream
  cone,                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                            
dawdle for hours                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                   
and never go home,                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                 
  climb an oak tree,                                                            ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­               
walk barefoot outside,                                                         ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­            
  life can be easy,                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                      
  take it all in stride
I love finding my peace in nature. I believe in God & am fortunate he believes in me !!
76 · Jun 13
Spilling Out
I am cleansing my soul                                                             ­                        with every word I write                                                            ­                       Sins that have swallowed me whole                                                            ­feelings that I'm not quite right                                                            ­        Thoughts are spilling out of me                                                               ­      ones I've protected carefully                                                        ­               Words I have never said  out loud                                                             ­           Churn in me like a funnel cloud                                                            ­              I can confess anything I please                                                           ­          the only one who reads it is me
76 · 2d
You Inspire Me
You inspire me to touch the sky                                                 to  climb  the  mountain tops so high                                                             ­ Make  me  feel that I am able to                                                               ­   do  anything I set my mind to                                                               ­   Make  me want to reach the top                                                                   show  me  life is not too tough                                                            ­                 You  let me be who I need to be                                                               ­    accept  me nonjudgmentally                                                  ­                Believe  in me and cheer me on                                                               ­  applaud  for  me after I've won                                                    You  are  my  strength,  I  can  lean on you                                                              ­                                  you're  the  support I can always go to                                                               ­                                                  you  are  my  best friend, my everything                                                       ­   with  you by my side, I  can do anything
You made me so feel desperate                                                        ­                    trying to just hold on                                                               ­                     Then  I became pathetic                                                         ­                    when  I realized you were gone,                                                                  I  had thrown  myself at you                                                                        more  than a time or two                                                                        You  had  ripped my heart into                                                    ­              a  thousand  pieces  of blue                                                             ­                    That was a long time ago                                                              ­            you  hurt me more than you know                                                        but  I've  had time to grow                                                                      pulled  myself out of the lows                                                             ­    Now  things have changed                                                          ­                       I'm happy all over again                                                            ­                           and you're acting so strange                                                          ­                 trying to get me to reengage                                                         ­                  You only want me back                                                     ­                              To  fill the void inside of you                                                                                To make up for what you lack                                                             ­    with  my thousand pieces of blue
76 · May 11
Beautiful Angels
Music boxes play, stuffed animals on
display,                                                    
                                                                ­                                              
waiting for children who have gone
away                                                        
    ­                                                                 ­                                 
Bedrooms left quiet & undisturbed                                                      ­
                                                                ­                                      
voicemails unanswered, texts unpurged                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                                                                ­                                                         
All these missing children, postered on a wall
                                                                                  ­                                      
I think of the broken lives behind them
all                                                    
         ­                                                                 ­                            
Endangered or missing, they aren't where,
                                                          ­                                                  
  someone can protect them, show them
  they care                                                    
                                                                ­                                                
Beautiful angels taken or gone
away                                                            
                                                                ­                                            
maybe their mystery will be solved
today                                                  
                                                                ­                                                   
    For every parent who patiently lies in
wait                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
   I pray that they bring their child home safe
Not knowing where your child is unbearable. So many never return home after running away. My prayers go out to those who are wondering where their loved one is.
75 · Apr 21
How Do You?
How you rekindle a flame that's gone cold?                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
                                                                ­                                                
  Play a bluff hand you know you should fold?                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                               
                                                                ­                                                
How do breathe life into a faded romance?                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                           
How do you know it's even worth the chance?                                                          ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­     
Do you move on & start love anew,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
or be true to what your hearts telling you?                                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
How do you convince someone to try again,                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
when it's hard to even remain being friends?                                                  
      ­                                                                 ­                                         
How do you go about making the first move,                              
                                                                ­                                              
when you know they will just reject you?                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                            
You can tell yourself, maybe they feel the same                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                     
but if not, you're opening up for pain                                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
So, you wait & another day goes by,                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                  
do you harden your heart or even try?                                                          
                                                                ­                                                 
 The longer you wait, the harder it becomes                                                          ­            
                                                                ­                                                    
till your loves gone forever, it's all come undone
75 · May 20
Your Faulty Perception
These tears you see falling are my heart on my
sleeve,                                                    
     ­                                                                 ­                                                        I'm dying on the inside, but the outside is all you
  see                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
   I can put on a fake smile that is your faulty
   reality,                                                        ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
  I can alter my perception of who you think is
    me                                      
                                                                ­                                                                 ­    I have all the things that make others happy                                     
                      ­                                                                 ­                       
  looking at my situation can fill someone with
jealousy                                                    ­                                                        
  but deep inside I'm broken where no one else can see,                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I hide the wounds by laughing to cover my
frailty                                
                                                                ­                                                    
  So many different experiences formed my personality,              
                                      ­                                                                 ­        
 some were good and some were just major tragedies                          
                                                                ­                                                        
I don't want to go back again, it's all too hard for
me                                                               ­       
                                                                ­                                                    
so, I put on a plastic smile and pretend just to be
74 · Jun 25
Tarnished
In my efforts to escape your issues,                                                          I'm  left tarnished with the residue                                                          ­                 I gathered up any grace I could salvage                                                       before my heart became more ravaged                                                          ­ I  would rather be humbled than crumbled                                                         ­                                            from  all of the weight of your struggles
74 · Aug 15
Entranced
Outlined by the bonfire                                                          ­              she danced in the moonlight                                                   Her  eyes  filled  with desire                                                           ­                  the color of pale blue apatite                                       ­                                    She looked right at him                                                              ­         as  he  smiled  up at her                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                  She  twirled while humming                                                          ­              he  could sense her allure                                                           ­                The  flames cast shadows                                                          ­                        on  the trees and the sand                                                             ­ as  their  laughter echoed                                                           ­             she  reached for his hand                                                             ­               The  stars twinkled brightly                                                         ­              the  air full of romance                                                          ­               as  he  pulled  her in tightly                                                          ­              he  wanted to stay entranced
I know the chances I
take                                                             ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                 
    and I can make
mistakes                                                         ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
but head on, no
brakes                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­              
  won't stop until I break                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                  
  Consequences are
paid,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
  I live with them every
  day                                                           ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
I can't help myself,                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
 I think I like it in
hell                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                    
It's a fine line that I walk,                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                               
I take credit and the fault                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­   
I'm sorry it affects you                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
but after what I've been
through                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
It is the only way I know,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
it is a weight that I tow                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                
This is all that I am,                                                              ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
just another lost human
I've crawled through the ashes                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                  
 left behind by my downfall                                                         ­                                                                                                                      ­                                          
with knuckles made of brass                                                            ­                                        
                                                                ­                                            
 I fought and still stood
 tall                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                          
You thought you destroyed
me                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
but I made it
through                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­           
  So don't ask for pity,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                  
this revenge is for
you                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
As my scars are barely
healing                                                         ­                                                                 ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
and my wounds remain undried                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I am happy to be feeling,                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
that it's your turn to cry                                                              ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                   
You've spent your life basking,                                                         ­                                                             
   ­                                                                 ­                                            
with the sun in your face                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
now it's your turn to be asking                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­              
for my mercy & grace                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I want to see you broken,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                        
shattered & worn down,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                    
it's just a little token                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                             from the strength I 've
found                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                        
  I want you to beg
  me                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
to take you back again                                                            ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
  it will make me
  happy                                                         ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                      
to know you're suffering
73 · Apr 1
You Love Me
You want to scream out loud in your rage                                                             ­                                          
                                                                ­                                                 
Like a circus lion trapped in a cage  
                                                                ­                                         
  Someone should teach you how to behave                                                                        ­                                                 
 All the while you treat me like your slave                                                                    ­                                                
You are a dictator through & through                                                                          ­                               
I cannot help how much I hate you                                                              ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                      
 What makes you do the things that you do           
                                           
And I am the one with the attitude?                                                        ­                                                       
 You throw affection like a dog's bone                                                                       ­                                              
Often enough so that I know I am owned                                                                            ­                         
With a noose hung around my neck                                                                         ­                                                
You pull on at times to keep me in check                                                            ­                                                          
You've­ had control of my entire life                                                                     ­                                              
I am a prisoner, I'm not your wife                                                                      ­                                    
 Let me go, please let me be free                                                                    ­                                                 
the way you love me is killing me
Thinking of me for once
So many words written on
me,                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
that define my
personality                                                      ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                     
Even though they are not
seen,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                    
they mirror
accountability                                                   ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­              
Some are benign, mother &
wife                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
others reflect my road map of
life                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
  Documents of sadness &
  pain                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                          
labeling me again &
again                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                            
Failure is a word I
see,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
in every picture taken of
me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                              
Every image, glance or
stare                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                            
  reflects the words," I don't
care"                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­   
  degrading remarks once
  said                                                          ­            
                                                    ­                                                                
­  are written across my
forehead                                                         ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­    
   In bold black letters I can
  see                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
   the word victimized on
  me                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                
­   Invisible to the human eye,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                    
  are they truth or are they lies?
I wrote this in 2012, I am not longer a victim, I am in control.
72 · Jun 7
Fought For You
Ever since we've been together,                                                        ­                I've been here, you're over there                                                                 I have been trying to reel you in,                                                                        to  make you express your feelings                                                         ­            But you've thrown up a love proof wall                                                          so impervious to it all                                                              ­                           Like a soldier, I trudge up to you,                                                             ­  your mighty wall not breaking through                                                     I've  fought the good fight,                                                           ­               but  warriors die sometimes                                                        ­         so,  I  am giving up on us                                                               ­             I have been fighting long enough                                                           ­                  I don't want to fight for somebody who                                              isn't fighting for my love too
72 · May 17
Eventually
Eventually has caught up with me,                                                              ­        
                                                                ­                                                        
it's come knocking at my
door                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                      
Here to come and play with
me,                                                              ­              
                                                                ­                                                        
an admirable show of
force                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­     
As it laughs in my
face                                                             ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                
saying it can't be
ignored,                                                         ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
I try to find my happy
place,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                             
 where I used to hide
before                                                           ­                       
                                                                 ­                                             
Black eyes and bold, breathing
fire,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
  it rises up from
  beneath                                                       ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­      
Showing me my funeral
pyre                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                  
  and challenging my
beliefs                                                          ­                          
                                                                ­                                                        
I knew it was looming
there,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                        
I had sensed it many times                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
but until it showed, I
declared,                                                        ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­                 
I would live this life of
mine                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
but now it's here,
threatening                                                      ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
I'm defenseless in its
grip,                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                                  
the screams are deafening                                                        ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­                   
While I deal with this,                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                              
  ­outwardly, I show a smile                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                    
Then the fear rushes
in                                                               ­                       
                                                                ­                                        
  knowing I have a short
while                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                     
  before eventually comes crashing in
72 · Sep 16
A Place Called Heaven
I want to go where the  tall grass is green                                                            ­                                      a  place  where  blue fish live in the streams                                                          ­                         Where  waterfalls  flow with  honey from bees                                     Giant  trees are covered with silver leaves                                                   I  yearn  to live where  the animals lie                                                              ­  A place of peace where I'll feel alive                                                            ­  Somewhere the birds fly all around me                                                         Where  they sleep so safe and so soundly                                           Where  you see a star and you make a wish                                         I   know  in my heart this home exists                                                           ­    A  place where the lavender sky is clear                                                   where  its beauty is beyond compare                                                          ­    A  spot untouched by any mortal man                                                         Acres  and  acres  of  God's  holy  land                                ­                                 I   am  positive this is where heaven lies                                                 I  hope to go there when I die                                                            A  beautiful  land  that God himself created                                      and  once I arrive my soul be fully sated
72 · May 6
God's Word
The darkness doesn't frighten me,                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                          
I know in God there's light                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
No hatred will silence me,                                                              ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I'll fight for what's right                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                          
Hunger will not quell me,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
I'll feast on his words,                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                
they will sustain the soul in me,                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
I will devour every word                                                             ­                                     
                                                                ­                                          
  Without him I am nothing                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
and that will be my death                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                       With him I can do anything,                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­    for he gives me every breath
Without God in my life I can be free.
72 · May 6
I Come Alive
Finally blossoming                                                       ­                                                               
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
like a fragile flower,                                                          ­                              
                                                                ­                                                            
a rare orchid,                                                          ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                       
A reclusive butterfly                                                        ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                                   
I wriggle free,                                                            ­                                          
                                                                ­                                            
breaking away,                                                            ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
into life, I dive,                                                            ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­               
gasping the air,                                                             ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                      
taking it all in                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­                                          
Coming around,                                                          ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                
headfirst, wide eyed,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                        
  I come alive
After many, many years of doing things for people who didn't value me, I now value myself & my self-worth .
Listening to you softly playing                                                          ­       on your guitar, your body swaying                                                          ­        Barefoot, no shirt just jeans                                                            ­          with  nothing else in between                                                          ­     Just  you and your voice in verse                                                            ­  I  can  feel each and every word                                                        You  close your eyes and let go                                                               ­   emotionally  charged song and notes                                                       You  don't know  that I'm standing here                                                        I  sense your beauty loud and clear                                                            ­   My  heart surges with appreciation for you                                             Then  you  notice  me  noticing you                                                              ­   But  even  with my  embarrassment  in full view                                                                                                             You  say, this  next  song  is  dedicated to you
71 · May 9
Your Slow Rising
Juggling all the *****,                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                              
putting out the fires,                                                           ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                      
you sit through it all                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
and I am getting tired                                                            ­                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
never too little too late,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­                 
I have been waiting,                                                         ­                                 
                                                                ­                                              
while you try to debate,                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  I'm left here hating                                                           ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
  I've given you the time                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                  
  and you've been taking it,                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
  to make up your mind,                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­       
  of whether I 'm worth it                                                               ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­                
   I have news for you,                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                  
  your love doesn't define me,                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­ 
  so do what you need to                                                               ­                               
                                                                ­                                              
while you stand behind me                                                               ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
  I've already done it all,                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                    
  as you sat thinking                                                         ­                                                   
             ­                                                                 ­                                          
  I won't take the fall                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
   for your slow rising                                                           ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
  I did it all without you,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                              
What are you good for?                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
  Do what you have to,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I won't be here anymore                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
                                                                ­                                            
  Raised our kids all alone.                                                           ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
  kept the house up everyday                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­     
                                                           ­                                                             
  worked my fingers to the bones,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                              
  while you went out & played                                                           ­                         
                                                                ­                                            
  Tucked the kids into bed at night,                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                              
   raised them with love & pride                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                              
  What you did isn't right,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
  you never stood by my side                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                            
When you were out drinking,                                                        ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
  I was at home all alone                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                            
  What the hell was I thinking                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­                                        
  while I was sitting on the phone                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                    
  Cheating on me, watching me cry                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
  as beat myself up all the time,                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­         
   And yet, still a fool, I tried,                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
   it is true, love is blind
When you are with a narcissit, they only take. While you bend & twist to please them, they watch & learn how to manipulate you even more.
You wanted me to lose myself in you                                                              ­      but  that was because you needed my strength too                                   Couldn't  stand on your own for too long                                                making up the rules as you dragged me along                                      Down  playing my sacrifices, my self-worth                                             making  sure  my life was hell on earth                                                            ­Then  you used that instilled insecurity                                                to  feed  your sense of grandiosity                                                      ­                 You  were an accomplished liar                                                             ­my  heart and soul under direct fire                                        but  luckily  you always treated me                                                               ­     like  I was nothing more than your Plan B                                                    To  be used and then discarded                                                        ­            your  love isn't for the fainthearted
Love with a narcissist. One sided, painful, unfulfilling.
70 · Jun 29
Beguiling
I bought an antique onyx ring                                                             ­            and something about it was beguiling                                                         from every inch of the etching                                                          ­       inlaid in its tarnished filigree                                                         ­                      It beckoned and kind of lured me                                                           holding me captive with its beauty                                                          As  soon as I held it in my hand                                                             ­        my  mind slowed down like falling sand                                                   surrounding  me  in  a dream like state                                                           I  saw the  previous owner, I saw her face                                               Within those few seconds for me                                            a  woman's  voice said, this was meant to be                                            That  I didn't pick it accidently                                                       ­              but  had always been a part of me                                                              I  looked inside and saw so clearly                                                          ­  my  initials engraved so mysteriously
I was at a farmer's market, and I asked to try on an antique silver and onyx ring in the case, one I have been looking for a while. I held it in my hand & heard the words, "not yours", in my head & put it back. I have always followed my intuition. Weird but true.
69 · Apr 29
Hole In My Heart
Picking up the pieces of my shattered heart,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
and feeling like I am missing a few parts                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
      that you took with you when you walked away,                                            
               ­                                                                 ­                                    
hard as I try, I can't forget that day                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
I tell myself that I'm almost over you                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                          
because that is what I'm being told to do                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                             
Deep down inside I still know the
truth                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
  and my scars are more than proof                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                              
When I go out, I still hear your name,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                      
someone wanting to know who's to blame                                                  
         ­                                                                 ­                                        
For so long we were seen as one                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                        
that people don't believe we are done                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                
They tell me things I don't want to know,                                            
                                                                ­                                              
every single word comes as a blow                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                     
 It must be nice to heal so easily,                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                        
because I miss you & it's killing me                                                               ­     
                                                                ­                                                
They say that time heals all wounds                                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
but there's a hole in my heart shaped like you
,
69 · May 15
Ruining Me
We've been together, forever it seems,                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                                      
  and all that time, I've been lying,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
or at least I have led you to believe,                                                         ­         
                                                                ­                                                             that I'll give you my love selflessly                                                       ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­  
Never asking for a thing in return,                                                    
                                                                ­                                                
followed you through hell, even as I burned                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
But I have finally seen the light,                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
you were never worthy of this plight                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I asked for nothing and it's what I received,                                                        ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                   
you have taken my all, ruining me                                                          
                                                                ­                                                        
  I never felt I had any real worth,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                                        
I thought that your hatred was deserved                                                         ­             
                                                                ­                                                
With no self-esteem, it was so easy,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
to hold me down, my throat under your knee                                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
It wasn't until I struggled to be free                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
that I saw what you were doing to me
Your tone full of disrespect,                                                      ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
dark eyes filled with hate,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
never know what to expect.                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
you see me as second rate                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­              
I can't help but to remember,                                                        ­            
                                                                ­                                                  
when none of that was true,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                      
you were my best defender                                                         ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­            
and your eyes, a softer blue                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­              
I know I can't turn back time                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
but if I could I would                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                              
when I knew you were mine,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
it felt so **** good                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                         
Somewhere we lost our way                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
  and now I miss you everyday                                                         ­                             
                                                                ­                                    
Resentment & hate fill our days                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                             
while we hold our hearts at bay                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                  
Our past holds us hostage                                                          ­                                      
 when will it be long enough?
So many times, we stay together even when we know it's time to move on.
68 · Aug 12
Love so Vain
Wilted  red roses left on the table                                                            ­       their heads  now  bowed  down in shame                                                  once  a symbol we were stable                                                           ­       in  our  love so vain
67 · Jun 13
You, the ocean
Your conflicting emotions                                                         ­                          are like the surf of the ocean                                                            ­                  Sometimes you  rush onto shore                                                            ­          inviting and lukewarm                                                         ­                          Other times you are dark blue                                                             ­             the sun can't even get through                                                          ­               On the days you let me swim                                                             ­               feel your warmth on my skin                                                             ­      heated up by the sun above                                                            ­       Jumping right into your love                                                             ­      splashing up all over me                                                               ­               soothing and enveloping                                                                  ­        I close my eyes and float away                                                             ­                I lose myself in you those days
67 · Apr 29
It Sucks to Be Me
I woke up feeling discontent,                                                      ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
weak, scared, incompetent                                                      ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
Too afraid to move ahead,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
    a voice screamed in my
  head,                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­             
what I thought of myself was
true,                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                          
and that it must **** to be you                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                      
I've been down that road before,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                          
it took me down, right to the floor                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                
I stayed there & groveled about                                                    
                                                                ­                                              
trying to figure my ****** life out                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                              
Every time I feel I'm doing my best,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                  
  life throws me yet another test                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                       
  Those voices are right, you see,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                      
    it does **** to be me
67 · Jun 22
Showcase
A handful of wildflowers                                                      ­                picked for you by me                                                               ­                   in  the colors of rainbows                                                         ­                showcasing natures beauty                                                           ­   with   scents so fragrant                                                         ­                enhanced by the sunlight                                                         ­                  it  fills the air with magic                                                            ­                       and fills me with pure delight
67 · Jun 11
Unspoken
I could choose to tell you what I still remember                                                         ­                                                   but my wounds aren't healed, and my heart is tender                                                           ­                                                         Just because it's unspoken doesn't mean it's gone                                                             ­                                                              I relive each day as if it were the only one                                                         There's no tears you'd notice, my eyes are dry                                                It doesn't mean I'm better, It's just that I try                                                      I don't want your looks of pity but don't ignore me,                               don't leave me alone with my thoughts too frequently                                 If you can stand by my side and hold my hand                                           take my late night calls, you'd understand,                                                      ­               I haven't changed at all ,I'm still me                                                 but for now ,I'd rather not speak                                                            ­         Knowing that you're here and will always be                                         means you understood me perfectly                                                        ­          I choose not to share, it's all still too real                                                   So, if it's okay, I still need time to heal                                                             ­         It might not be tomorrow, surely not today                                                        I only know   how to do this, my way
This is for all the trauma sufferer's out there.
67 · 1d
Battle Fatigue
You and I go round and round                                                            ­ you  pick up the weapons I've put down                                                 All  of this fighting is killing me                                                                     I'm  experiencing battle fatigue                                                          ­        We  spend our time tearing apart                                                            what's  left of the love in our hearts                                                           ­  We're getting nowhere , when are we                                                   going  to stop all of this brutality                                                        ­     What  are we winning, there's no victory                                           there's  no  satisfaction, no glory                                                                A lifetime  of  wounds  that  aren't  healing                    ­                       Let's  put  up the white flag and stop enduring
67 · May 15
In Return
Hating you is so **** easy,                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­         
loving you was like my disease                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
I'm distancing myself so I can see,                                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
the real you and the brand new
me                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
These mental walls, I've stood
behind,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                    
keep you away while I clear my
mind                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­  
  I've kept myself on the right
track                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                            
and I can't afford to ever look
back                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                
  You are my past all a bad
memory,                                                          ­  
                                                                ­                                                   
 loves meant to last, I deserve
cherishing                                                       ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
I thought if I gave my all to
you,                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                  
that you in return would do that too
66 · Aug 9
Your Jar of Hearts
Just to add insult to injury                                                           ­                        you're taking her where you took me                                                          telling everyone she is your girl                                                             ­     trying to shake up my broken world                                                            ­ Are you happy it's hurting me?                                                              ­         Does she know she'll be the next to be                                                                just another on the list you made                                                                       of those you use and degrade                                                          ­                   If it didn't look like jealousy,                                                        ­                    I'd forewarn her of your tendencies                                                       ­        She is just a pawn in your game                                                             ­  another victim with a different name                                                                  I hope she sees you for who you really are                                      before  you add her heart to your jar
65 · Apr 23
It's Heavenly
I open up my window & shades                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
and let the fresh air rush in                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
Feel the sun's warmth on my face,                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
get ready for the day to begin                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
Smell the fresh cut grass                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­               
see it's covered in dew                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­             
  a lemon lime zest draft,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                     
  I drink in the view                                                             ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                          
The birds are outside singing,                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
the tree's rustling in the breeze                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
All the while I'm saying                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                               
Thank you, God, it's heavenly
65 · Apr 24
The Beauty of You
With all the intensity of a hot blazing fire,                                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
  you captured my heart, stoked my desire                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
   Just when I though it wouldn't consume me,                                          
                                                                ­                                                      
  you added more flame & burned right through me                                          
                                                                ­                                              
Forever your face is in my mind's eye,                                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
you meant more to me than I realized                                                         ­   
                                                                ­                                                        
      I still hear your voice in my dreams at night,                                                    
                                                                ­                                            
I can almost feel you holding me tight                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
I can still taste your skin like it was yesterday,                                              
                                                                ­                                                  
the beauty of you in my dreams on replay
65 · Jul 1
A Little Odd
I am a big fan of strange                                                          ­                  I don't  want people to ever change                                                           ­      I  love  it when they are weird                                                            ­       they  won't tell you  what you want to hear                                                 Quirky is beautiful to me                                                               ­       it  tells  me that they are free                                                             ­     Loners  attract me                                                               ­                             like flowers and honeybees                                                        ­   Their  emotions are intriguing                                                       ­             I wonder what they are thinking                                                         ­              Their  poems speak of individuality ,fate                                             of destiny and hate                                                             ­                          Like  two peas in the pod,                                                                        they  are  just like me , a little odd
I love quirky people, marching to the beat of a different drum, free spirited, not afraid to be their authentic selves, unapologetically.
65 · May 5
Consumed
Your fire will burn us alive,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                        
I will be happy not to survive                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                          
I want to feel the heat of your
flame,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                           
let it burn me again & again                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­               
I want to spend all my days,                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                          
consumed by your white-hot blaze                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                        
I crave all of your intensity                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
  I want to burn for eternity
When I am weak, he's strong for me                                                               ­ If  I can't go on, he carries me                                                               ­   When  I am empty, he fills me up                                                               ­ When  I'm hurting , he reminds me I'm loved                                          He  is always with me, I am never alone                                                            ­                              He  created  me  heart,  flesh and bone                                                             ­                                So  I  praise  him, he is all that I need                                                             ­    I  worship  him, every day , faithfully
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