My eyes sting.
Today is one of those days
where my voice trembles
my hands are sweaty
and cold
and while I stay quiet
my mind is yelling at me,
the sound of static
makes it hard to answer
people's questions
and I tumble on my words
heavy step by heavy step
in this conversation
and a voice says
"You're pathetic".
It sounds familiar
It is mine afterall,
but it's not angry
It's sad
humiliated
tired
and for some reason
scared.

It's harder for my lungs
to open up to new air
when you're here
than when you're not

After all your presence takes
all the space I used to shape
to fit my own self
my own taste

Instead you force me
into a mold you've created
Force my body to fit
my mind to submit
my patience to coexist
with things I never wanted
A life not made for me

I'm just one of your mannequins
to pass the time
when people disappoint you
life doesn't go your way
your choices don't matter
so that you can shape me
into your own frustrations
and smother my essence

I'm just one of your mannequins
and
now
that you've left
I don't fit
in myself.

We'll waste it all
For an automatic bomb
We'll forsake it all
For a cold human's wish
We will lose
For standing still