My eyes are fixed on you
while you give a little
of yourself away
to me
in small fragments of memory
and I'm captivated
by your voice recalling
simple moments, harsher stories,
funnier realities
and all at once
the air feels clean
and bright and fresh
like a breath of spring
in the December cold
that sparks
with our connection.

An empty crown
Stands on my head

And a young girl
With big dreams
And cocky smile
Looks up at me

yet my crown is cracking
hollow as my mind
as i whisper

"Im sorry I couldn't make it"

How to stop
My thoughts from running
To you
From painting
Phantom pictures
Of soft touches
Warm words
Festive times
Spent together
In each other's arms
Where only happiness
Can be found
And the safety
You provide
When everything feels scary
And I feel wary
Of every choice I make
You feel right
How to stop
My hands from shaking
My blood from boiling
My thoughts from wandering
To your face, your smile, your embrace
To your scarred hands
Caressing me
As I tremble
How to stop
My mind from pretending
You didn't take your knife
Of self-centered crap
Of idealization of my body
As if I'm nothing else
Than my body
My *******
My ***
And stop myself from forgetting
How the wheels always turn
And come back to the same
Unique
Mistake
How to stop justifying
Your actions
As to not
Lose you
While I
Lose myself

Our knees were touching
And my hand was shaking
Eager to hold yours

Your voice was too
Reading that piece of poetry
Making me chuckle

I can't wait to miss these days.