i love you like a brother
but **** man
just let me vent
i'm not always looking for your opinion
though i appreciate it
sometimes, it helps
just to be present
tell me that *****
and let's get a beer
smoke one down
i'll shed tears
on my own

sometimes,
theses lines
amount to little more
than a colorful way to say
why?

it's funny
although this is stream of consciousness
outside of this
my thoughts are
very different
complexity, like me, is a mess you see
of course
confusing complexity with messes
is something if you probed, would garner innumerable confessions

if whispers
could siphon off
even an ounce
of the love
you made me felt
i'd ramble
into the night

till first light
graced my face
and the sky
was lit up

I like ****** the most
When they're quiet and know their worth.
Them being the only ones
To sell themselves out;
Set the rate yourself.
It'd be a shame
Living on your back
For but paltry wealth.
Small penance too,
For fleeting looks and fading health.
Not a profession with a pension,
Not a career with a penchant for happiness;
But if *******'s your passion
It's shorter lived in-person than on camera.

That others should want for you
To be deprived, whether on grounds of one being more talented or
Of hate with looser attachment up in the air;
They will claim their envy admiration,
Their harm help.

They would stifle you & slander
Just to pit sibling against sibling.
Whether by blood or by society.
They would seek to undermine
Your tapestry,
Trying to force you to design theirs.

These you should not hesitate to fight,
Whether physical or otherwise;
𝘐𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵, we encourage it!

"From whence you came
No memory shall you retain,
Lest peace by self-contentment you regain.
But remember in dreams."

"From where you were
Never again to return,
Lest in your time given you have proven your worth.
But forget in living."

the cowboy cries
alone, in his car
with the music playing
loud enough to drown out
any noise he might make
he doesn't care if anyone else hears
but that's something he can't bare

The ganwing ache
The emptiness inside,
Great big maw.
That is life

i could live off that kiss
that moment when our lips
chanced to meet
the feel of your hips
the material of your pants
my heart skipping beats
just a passing glance
i stammer, tongue in cheek
forget my grammar, leave out words
you leave me speechless
and make me weak

tell me how
the thought alone
ain't killin' me right now
I guess I'm just glad I know
that life, up or down
is twenty times better
above ground

You've gotta learn to love the vinegar,
Even if the taste is bitter,
Because times always get tough.
It's about drinking it in, taking it in;
Finding the strength to get back up.
To slog off the rough
And chisel something out

your flame is dying
let me be your fuel
please love don't cry
these hearts hurting are duel
if you need to hate
i can take the abuse
if you need me to wait
i'm yours to use
no one else can do
what you seem to
please don't hurt yourself
don't be alone
if you need to
be manic
have an episode
scream, punch, and kick me
it's a pleasure
to bare any bruise you'd lay
curse me out, wipe off my smirk
and any life from my face
it's agony going through
sleepless nights
and skyless day

i hope you're okay

Love is a boulevard,
Sometimes we're in different lanes.
If all's going well, then I guess it's the same.
But what of the self-imposed roadblocks,
Or closures for repairs?
Things never gotten round to, and now
Some roads lead nowhere

you're on my mind
nearly all the time
and it kills me
to hear you say you're his
what is this
why did you reach out
i still don't know
i can't figure you out
how little has changed
is this a game
something to numb the pain
encased in that brain
that makes my heart beat
or are you just insane
then again, i can't help but entertain
firing every neuron, reviving what remains
douse you in affection
just to see you alight
like a neutron star
don't look too hard
you may find yourself blind,
awestruck, by her heavenly sight

being begets being
bringing suffering
surrendering
a tearing of the flesh
wailing

because the air is cold

Love is always so fickle,
Itself only as strong as our commitments.

Oftentimes, we seek a level
Which is non-commiserate
To that which we offer.

We often feel ourselves
To be what's most important.
Pushing & pushing.

Until that day
In which the push is away.
Distance becomes
Only that which we are close with.

i'd run off with you
out west
down south
further north
eastward bound
wherever your heart is
i want to be there
with you

i know i sound resentful
but it just is what it is
that's the quote i hear
i like, what gives?
you're gonna take this ****
what happened to americans
with necks to stick out
and spines that don't buckle
and bend the knee
i don't want a war
but i'll give hell
for the next man
to be free
the buck's already passed
apparent from the convoys, battleships, and f-16s
from land, air, sea
they **** a land
they plan on taking
and we're watching

"I hear the old man had a son."

"No, truly? Surely not."

"I can attest to it, I played witnessed
As part of their caerimonia."

"I'm moving him to Rome,
He'll live as my slave
And I'll make him a gladiator."

"Oh-**, that's rich! He died like an insect,
Sipping poison."


"How are we going to get away with this?
The walls are starting to close in."

"Relax, just change the dates. Make some edits."

"Nobody will notice?"

"I highly doubt it. Plus, they'd have to prove it. And we're sat on top of the evidence."

"How many times has this happened?"

More than once.

it wasn't my intention to embarrass you
perhaps i acted rashly
but knowing what he said to you
made me livid, would it have been better to have treaded bashfully
i cannot stand for my friends to be treated so nastily
myself is another matter entirely
i have a problem letting things go
maybe i need to grow

insecure, unsure
i should just **** myself
and get it over with

i am only living for others
it all feels so pointless
it all feels empty

and no one respects me
like everyone hates me
and i hate me

i'm disgusting
and blow up
from the littlest things

i, the fool
**** me

have i become complacent
content with the linear life i am leading
leading me nowhere, and fast
i can chase tomorrow, tonight
but how long will that last
young and spry, they fade
and the wind guard of youth
cracks
and you will feel
uneven, even shaded by leisure
to find kinks that will not give relief
in your day, in work and love, most painfully of all
despite your values and beliefs
the dream died

you have no appreciation
for the hell you put me through
and the coals you rake me over
seemingly no conception of them
only what they do to you
you must see me
as nothing more
than water's reflection

i write about myself
this narcissist
with all his pitiful wishes
of realities unreal
and tired *******
that reveals
that i'm no better
than anyone else
i'm tired
of pretending
tired of existing
it's all so demanding
the needs and the listings
i fear i don't even know myself
it's a useless tripe
when i could fade to black
and rescind into night

scrolling
past things that mean nothing
and do nothing
in the ways and means
of entertainment or pleasure
or even interest
and all food is gruel
tasteless, mealy gruel
i have meaning
i know myself
i know what i'm working toward
but what good does that do
for bills
for positions still out of my reach
simply by merit, or connection
competent, and true to a fault
smart?
i can't figure anyone else out though

into the cistern of your soul
casting petty judgements
not of a proper mind,
I think you're fine

i read a poem
about limerence
and it probably should've connected
but it didn't
doesn't change the fact
you still treat me like crap
and whatever i am to you
i'd like to know
but there aren't ever straight answers
and you don't feel any need to explain things
i won't be
a solo dancer
to the tune
of a waltz

I write these little love notes
really to myself
just cause I can't rant them to you
but still need to rattle them off
for my health

its funny, how little love there is there
despite their protesting
you're a source of a amusement;
its a pleasurable kind of pain
that leaves you wanting and drained
but pleasure and pain
all the same

**** fell out
of her colostomy bag heart
whenever she spoke,
she took that for commonplace,
so much trauma
it wreaks, bending
the thoughts you think
and radiates
going on in the background
like up in outer space
standing on earth
looking at a star
light-years away
they say don't stare too long
those are ultra-violent rays

it wasn't asked of me
so I just shrugged
what does it matter
what goes on, overseas
if you ask me
they can all get buggered
and ******

and who will
in times of sorrow
extend a hand
when only yesteryear
you ******* about land

I cry at your confusion, truly.
I cannot see what you see,
Why we can not live together
As one people, free.
But tears dry before they fall,
Because I refuse to tend sadness.
Madness? Call it what you will,
If everyone thought as I did
We would be living in peace and harmony.
But, isn't that always the case?
Still I stake, hope and dreams
On the good naturedness of humanity
Because that is what we truly are
That is the core to our being, for
It is in your belief that gives such things life
And the first man did not rise to strike another
But to reach higher up the vine
To protect his young
To share in the gifts granted by the father of lights, these stars that fuel
Mother nature, who cannot stop giving
Even if it were her will,
And it is not. Because she loves you
Even if you do not reciprocate.
That love, unconditional;
Where man can learn.

it's too much to reach out
always
i'll drown these naive dreams
with whatever's on hand
medicines
coughing
nothing is ever as it seems
especially when you do flips
just to convince yourself
it could ever come from her lips
moonshine and
longing

i see the pain hidden in my siblings face
and it makes me cry
i wish there were something i could do
but when i try to be honest
you reproach me
and i know it's the past that troubles you too
it troubles me
and i do love you
but that's always a thing
i've felt you've refute

you want people to be real with you
but you can't stomach the truth
you want to please everyone
but does it please you?
you say you're sad
and unfulfilled
then do something about it
you're just as afraid to live
as you are to ****
keep a dying love going
going on still
silhouette soul
living life without a will

i feel like a *****
every expression
but i carry on
because i won't be misunderstood
i will stand for what i stand
and if you can't
then good

i'm finally starting to believe
all those things
you said to me
finally feeling like
i can leave
without losing anything
there was nothing ever really there
for the girl who can't ever actually care

mind maggots
nesting in the farthest recess of your brain
a cranium turned cottage
at the hour of your sleep

where toyed emotions play you
leaving to run the hamsters' wheel
where helplessness overpowers you
to see your quickened pulse
in silvery starlight

I sat adjacent
a roaring fire
rising into the night

I spoke incantations
and chanted wild
incongruously
without consternation

Refulgence,
That a star should ever be penitent
For only having shone
For those who prefer the dark over light?
No.
The clouds hang heavy,
The hazy fog creeping in
Halts for some-
As for others that it overtakes,
There are those spared completely.
Like that it is arid for one,
The other views it as humid;
Your dry may be wet,
Their wet may be as the dirt of the desert.

compatriots, let your voices sing
like an unchecked choir
let words be the pitfalls
your opposition face
and in their fall from grace
at attempts to smear you
hold to each of them
those things that endear you
for a friend is but a stranger
that met you on a good day
with a bright disposition
and an enemy
is simply
someone you've not really met yet

I love you my
Amputated limb
Planet in orbit
Laps around the sun
Space to swim
You can always
Wade with me,
Until the sun rises again

on the outskirts
the very beginning
a torrent rains
like knives from the sky
and every man is a monsoon
and every woman a hurricane
God, the lord
help me

It's really easy to write
Like you're for the hardline right
And far-flung conspiracies.
Easy to address as a member of the left
Like you believe in extreme liberalism
And wild ideas.
And then there's a center,
Or so I've heard.
For the intellectual or versus,
For the institution or against;
For the fascist,
For the anarchic.

It's all so archaic.

I rush to speak
When I should be quicker
To pause and think,
Parsing each phrase.
How my words will and could
Be interpreted or construed
And of that, whatever resulting.
Of the checks & balances
We put ourselves through,
What is the material from which
The weights of judgement
Have been constructed?
Pig iron, sterling silver, stainless steel?
And of our choice of counterweights,
What is revealed?

some very sorry people
roam this earth
aimless, blind
theirs faces marked
with an ugly scowl
thoughtless, in binds
chained to their feelings
imprisoned by their mind
consumed with what's hidden inside