what type of person is she
she asks you
"how was your day?"
and then goes to sleep
the person to start an argument
and switch subjects with ease
send you her love
in words, pictures, and actions
to do a 180°
not to be explained
is there joy derived from this
i get whiplash
i'm no better i guess
but you're the one
who came back

i am done
with everyone
i know
and the man
in the mirror
can finally die
when i slit his throat
slow
and beads of blood
trickle
before the flood
flows
i greet

rising
crashing
this
warm fuzzy feeling
in my stomach
creeping across me
falling peacefully
in and out
pieces of me
coming out
clinging
just to slip through
i want to shout
but i have no mouth
and prayer
doesn't work
i'm not devout
so i go on
wondering about
free of doubt
free of it all
casting a shadow
as my character

**** fell out
of her colostomy bag heart
whenever she spoke,
she took that for commonplace,
so much trauma
it wreaks, bending
the thoughts you think
and radiates
going on in the background
like up in outer space
standing on earth
looking at a star
light-years away
they say don't stare too long
those are ultra-violent rays

what is abuse
to someone who will not walk away
refuses to
and any hand offered
swatted too
i ask what's the use
will i have to watch another person i love
**** themselves
as i am helpless
saddest part of it is
it isn't me
who's helpless

wonder what he knows
that you talk to me this way
send what you've sent
or would you say he's oblivious?

i need you
as i've never needed anything before
it's scary
it makes me laugh
and smile from ear to ear
cause you break me with ease
but build me back up with the same speed
i need you

you probably think my desires
carnal, or insidious and ****** in nature
when i fantasize about strumming a song out to you
while you're still laying in bed
and rays of sunshine light up your hair
or having you curl up to me
while a movie plays
and we fall asleep in each other's arms
your voice
the first thing i hear in the morning

i have a ****** up past
so do you
what do you want me to do
want from me
to hear me say,
let me know

everyone comes and goes
it's no surprise then
i'm really only confortable
on my own
so leave
i didn't need you anyway
wait and see how far i go
emotionally
a pencil thin man
they're in there
highly concentrated
volatile to the touch

trust is earned
respect is earned
adoration and love
and just as easily
burned
when it's something you scorn
forlorn
the track i drive
treads worn
weather the storm
but not for much longer

lunch in the park
on a bench by the stream
babbling
lost in the book i read
while the brook streams
leaves down past
and sunlight
dances, through the trees
to greet me
glided across the pages
like so many before me
through the ages

the death of innocence
well, that went with you brother
i still look through your pages
at all the photos you captured
your loss is our loss
sincerely, i'm crying
cause i just miss you man

what do you hide
does it eat away at you while we talk
i guess, inside
it bubbles till it boils
and you explode
cause you treat us the same
every person from every walk,
held at a distance,
where you can safely gawk
so as not to fill you full of shrapnel
see wounds wrought
but it's really himself he protects
a child's son
the runt

so used to being on your own
you've become comfortable
only when you're alone
when you can't be
you push everyone away
or make leaps and bounds
to lead you far from the storm
leave the bodies of your woes
scattered around
your anguish on show
for all to know

washing machine
twirly whirly whirring
mechanical purring
drown my eyes
watching the water pouring

use me
as a tool of gratification
comfort at a snap
but that's all i am to you

know how "broken" you are
so that's not it
how you can maim me
make me hurt
but i always ask for more
shove another excuse down my throat

you know ugly crying? you make me ugly smile, no joke. the grin that sprawls across my face when we talk is atrocious
and i can't hold conversation over the phone anymore
i guess because i'm going crazy
storm clouds are raging
all around my door
if you gotta go, coasting
drift man

happy hours
in the dawn of day
before it all begins
and i can listen
to the birds sing
the rustle of the trees
from the breeze
rolling through

i've gotten hung up on things in the past,
it's true
that was then though

as a symphony
she's infinitely
more beautiful
than anything Mozart made

and like art
she gives cause
for men
to rob and steal

michelangelo
da vinci
you would have been counted
among their many muses

who would have rendered
hercules weak
atlas to ignore his duty
letting the world
hit the floor

i love you like a brother
but **** man
just let me vent
i'm not always looking for your opinion
though i appreciate it
sometimes, it helps
just to be present
tell me that *****
and let's get a beer
smoke one down
i'll shed tears
on my own

you have said some ****** up **** to me
to think
of the thoughts you've had
and scrutinizing myself
over what i did
to breathe into existence
these rainy ideas

got a punchline
it's your hook
you swing it, sink it in
but it's fickle and feeble
and i can still swim
and the stream is kickin'

these talks
stalling to reorganize
digging themselves in
time to strategize
lick wounds
recoup
wipe the tears
placing pennies on eyes

the sooner you get it through your head
that i love you
the better off we'll both be
even if you don't love me
it's a situation like
c'est la vie
sometimes
it's one-sided infatuation
it's all good
but the denial is frustrating

aw man
that's the only problem
when you actually ask
inside, i'm obliged
to answer honestly

i don't want to worry you
i will be okay

you may not like what has grown
does that give you right to neglect it
or cut it out
have you trimmed it
or tired to shape it
into some work of art
like a bonsai
it's something
that needs tending to

an artist cries tears
and they smear
down the front face of his canvas
he wears his fears
like his heart
on his sleeve
and you want to help me
even though you're frightened
stuck on the thought i want to hurt you
do i want you to help
when it's you that sparks flames
my mind wandering from you igniting
the ideas of us
and you backtrack like i can forget
and go on
even though it's you that rekindled them

i know i sound resentful
but it just is what it is
that's the quote i hear
i like, what gives?
you're gonna take this ****
what happened to americans
with necks to stick out
and spines that don't buckle
and bend the knee
i don't want a war
but i'll give hell
for the next man
to be free
the buck's already passed
apparent from the convoys, battleships, and f-16s
from land, air, sea
they **** a land
they plan on taking
and we're watching

wish i could help you
you can
it's just not your duty
in your purview
and you extend no hand
it's like everyone else
it's pretend
so i say what they say
it's okay
i appreciate you thinking of me
it'll all work out in the end

when you shine
that somber sullen moonlight
on my shade
it doesn't brighten my night
overcast, though you bring light
i am only for you
in your bad times
and when mine are
you are afar
sight, for eyes sore
when you should be fair
to a lover who cares
not cast me aside
like apple core

i need
to resolve to leave
if i can
cause if i stay, i bleed
more than i have
more than i can

i think my hippocampus
must be juicy
cause i can live through these memories
and, **** me, they're so dreadful
but i'm completely broken
so i just laugh
and laugh
and laugh

harp strings of the heart
play your tune for me
you can taunt this taut
but he goes on, stretching

press yours fingers and pluck
you know the buttons to click
the switches to flip, levers to flick
to light me up and make me twitch

dog left for the pound
they filled your bowl to the lip with lead
hoping you'd end up in the ground
never to sing out another sound
but life went on

hope you feel how the world beats us down
without being beaten down

hope your free drinks at the ray charles concert
go down like sulfur
be safe walking home
cause i still worry
even though mostly
i feel empty
it's just the bad ****
you make me wanna blow my ******* brains out
thought about only after
you message

i don't want to live
though i don't have the courage to **** myself
you gave a glimpse
of what it is
when things die

never more obvious than now
people don't think
no way, no how
about others and what's goin on
the solutions to render everyone
happy, full, clothed, and sheltered
too busy chasing dollars
or some other contrive
imaginary numbers
old world heads
that have theirs
stuck up their *****

i should be stronger
but i'm a stranger to strength
like a lone ranger
that runs the river's length
i go home
to see it taken back by the bank
and bushfires rage
crops reduced to soot
turn that page
to a chapter that's good
book bust?
change the story
be a space cadet, and get real far out
or a distinguished genius
decorated general
car salesmen
banana peddler

sleep is a euphemism
for the slicing of throats
for the slitting of wrists
the silencing of hope
voices that echo
shadows imprinted
onto flesh, onto stone
embedded deep into marrow
to cause ache in the bones
of souls long lost
never made whole

now it's over

black
cold, transformative dark
radiant light
slowly bleeding in
warm euphoria
and understanding
the concept of more
when you are less
isn't of concern
just that you did something
meaningful

we must seize the momentum
that youth propels us with
because the ride slows
and we grow old
wrinkling, withering, weary
did i lead a good life?

is war inevitable?
peace never lasts long
they're singing their country's songs
the people in ukraine
as the bombs go off
and russians advance
they will be fought
and though the fight
might be right
it goes ******,
into the night

and if you were?
my end all, be all
would that be so bad
clearly, you think so
so i should as so

i am too
prone to neuroticism
indecision
and using others
for gratification
at this point
i curb them
if i can

i can be
a lightning rod
to inflict all your pain upon
but i won't be here
when you whip yourself
just to strike

why is being a good man in the modern world so complicated
why can't i be good

you may not be
but i am giving up
cashing in
it's all been so much
i can't breathe
enough is enough
heavy
like scent of
rot

you can be outspoken
but with no platform
it's a virtue signaling
it's a priceless token
with no power
the furnace yearns
only smoking

orange, as the light
that tells me my engine
needs to be serviced
shallow night, boring
noticing every note now
it's torture
picking apart each piece
combing
it's autonomic
like breathing
snoring