With ruthless adoration
And violent embrace
You will be loved
You have no choice.

My curious insanity
Will make heads tilt
Hate will be spilt
To make room for affection.

Silly womble
No need to be troubled.

Explosive caress
Wings in full bloom
Right now is the reason
Never soon.

Soar and scream
Life and dream
Will finally entwine
With our life combined.

Remember when
Early days
We'd speak for hours
On the way to work,
In carparks
And places
We'd never been together.
I moved and moved
And showed you it all
I left my children
To escape to the hills,
My failing relationship
Had such a wrath
You deflected the pain
That I couldn't grasp.
At the airport, I saw you
Our very second kiss
We retreated together
Eggs benny and *****.
I went to where the sun always shines
Met your fatherless family
As broken as mine
I introduced myself with embrace,
You came to me
And I fell for you
Perhaps we were rushing
Perhaps it didn't matter.
Half a heart
Announced my love
Allow the flood gates to open
We can say it whenever we like,
And we did, we said "I love you"
After every conversation
Sometimes in the middle
And we meant it.
I dropped a knee
I vaguely recollect
But, I wrote it down
And these words, you collect,
So, we were engaged
Rings exchanged
Lock in a date
Send out invitations.
Leave all you know
Pack up your home
Prepare the kids for change
They just went with the flow,
Move to the desert
Save all out coin
To spend it all
To be together.
Organise dresses, photographers
Meals, venues, drinks
Hire suits, write speeches
Cut out leaves into hearts,
Say our vows, entwine families
Lock in this person
I will love eternally
Forever more.

And here we are...

Married, together, your kids
In the desert
Trying to help them
Support their lifestyles,
Working to keep our heads above water
Paying off our wedding
It is a fickle affair
And, we are just getting started.
There is so much to come
It is difficult and we are worn thin
Tonight, you are silent
So, I let you sleep alone,
You'll probably text me tomorrow
With apologies and such
But, I missed you tonight
No love lost.

Remember when?

This life
This ******* life
I made this nest of ****
Curl up kid.

Agressor push the placid away
Mixed emotion, let them sway
I have come to play and die
Nearly done playing...

Too much time between drinks
Failing at trying to try
Just wake up at five
Go to work.

Inch thick mask
Eroding and revealing
Angry eyes and heated speak
The cracks are beginning to show.

I don't want to clean up
After lazy fools that I don't know
Their **** is their own
In my way.

Lose sleep, try to keep
A solemn smile, keep it sincere
A new internal personal fear
This was all, perhaps, a terrible mistake.

Decisions of the heart
No consultation with the mind
May be my undoing
May hasten this slow suicide.

Just set the alarm
Wake up at five
Contine the charade
I am alive.

2 days of 14
Is all I get
To see my kids.

48 days of a year
They grow up so quick
I miss everything.

My daughter doesn't stay anymore
But she messages me
When she wants money.

I've always worked
Start early, finish late
Until love went to ****
I had to vacate.

So, I pay child support
To my ex, to my kids
But, I am too poor
To do anything when I see them.

The system is flawed
I am lonesome and poor
Because of my decisions
To be a work horse.

I thought, if I worked
I would get in front
But, the system is broken
Like this silly old ****.

I started again
Got married, fell in love
I adopted her kids
A daughter, and 2 sons.

I keep working, everyday
In hope, it will all work out
But I am broken and poor
And in constant self doubt.

Life is not fair
The system is ******
This is mine, and for yours...

Good luck.

My own little space
With my personal effects
Creates a second skin
To curl within
A shell to stretch
A waterslide of thoughts
Swirl like dust in a dance
Safety glasses may be required.

Liberated imagination
It may crawl, it may gnash
It may do what it desires
As it is free.

My own little corner
I may be who I want
The mistakes do not count
Only dream exists here
As the toxins grasp and release
It is a feast
Of a cartoon man in a lean-to shed
Splashing paint and rambling rhyme.

The colour is brighter
When the eyes are blurred
The filter is removed
And the real becomes absurd.

Snake back inside
To embrace and kiss my beautiful wife
She knows where I've been
She knows who I am
Just a man
Unleashing the fire and the coal
Venting the demons
To embrace the angels.

She loves me.

She wanders in with curious intent
With her little swagger that she does
Insanity locks of hair upon her head
Doe eyed, and ready to smile.

The room ignites with her presence
Like it was dim the whole time
Like we had tints on our eyes
She brings an ongoing light.

As my soul, (only coals) she brings them to life
Now embers, alive and willing
In her embrace, all is forgotten
Every pain, every ache, every whim
She pours her whole soul in.

When we're alone, just her and I
We dream beautiful dreams
She is all that I selfishly need
But, I must share her with the hoard.

Her tones of voice, waver and dance
I can pick her mood, and at every chance
I affirm my love, just so she knows
We are both not at all alone.

Synchronised affection, we understand
The pains and gains of a love not planned
She is my rock, my island, my secret
My wish upon a star completed...

And the best part is...

She loves me.

❤️

Young man
You ok?

Everything's on top of you
I'm sorry to say
It gets worse as you get older
Middle class front liner

Just save money
Don't spend it on ****
Moderate your vices
Or they will own you

Be your own boss
Buy a house early
Invest wisely
Educate your world

Don't marry early
Travel, see the world
Fall in love
With a million girls

Be a gentleman
Be honest, don't steal
Do what you say
Say what you feel

Life is hard
Unrewarding and mean
No one gives a **** about you
Not even me

You're on your own
It's all in your hands
You ok?
Young man?

Take a breath
Leave for the weekend
Find an enemy
In a friend.
Float to the surface
Like the crud you are
Become sediment
And sink.

See another side
Saw in myself
Dislike the resemblance
Mask up.
Just sleep
Roll over
Go cold
Become reborn tomorrow.

Your pulse will calm
Emotion will exhale
Try again another day
Just get ****** up to refocus.

Move
Crawl
Slither
Digest.

**** me
Before I **** myself.

Put my eyes
Upon the shelf.

Leave my heart
To the dust.

Swear if you must.

Old emotes
Come back to haunt.

No control
Unleash the hound.

This is not what
I though I had found
Just die
Just go
Just drown.

She cried into my chest this morn
Buried her head as deep as she could go
Kissing her brow
I told her, I know, I know.

Her fatigue is my anger
Her kindness is my militant manner
I dare not oppose her
In fear of breaking her brittle heart.

She is stretched thin
Only frays of twine remain
My opinion is wicked and muddled
Stay calm boy, stay calm.

We have a complicated life
Me and my beautiful wife
This nest we chose together
To curl into eachother.

As she drove away this morn
Tears, still, on her cheek
I waved goodbye and blew her a kiss
It will chase her until I see her again.

I was once like you
Wild and untamed
Music, drugs, no plan.

Concerts, mosh pits
Ripped jeans
Bad hair
Thinking I was the ****.

Living from week to week
Live like a king on payday
Almost homeless 6 days later
Microwaved meal diet.

**** school
Just a social gathering
Girlfriends and gossip
Popularity and talking ****.

**** and acid
Alcohol and cigarettes
Music, love and ***
Lets get ****** up.

Then, the hangovers hung on
And the drugs made me ill
I'd lose my edge, my intensity
I was aging... ******.

Get a job, get a haircut, comply
Every day, just get up and go
Save the money, buy a house
Wise investments.

Get married, have kids
Go to work, every ******* day
Just to support these kids
I helped to make.

So, these kids I made
Bad hair, attitude
All they want is music and drugs
Little devious homeless thugs.

It didn't matter
The wrong they did
I was just like them once
A thoughtless little kid.

So, it has all gone full circle
I am an old bloke now
And these kids, not giving a ****
Come to me when they need me.

It's not all bad
I see my kids happy sometimes
And I see who I used to be
With my kids, who were just like me.

God speed.

Gettn older
Eyes take longer to focus
Rust between knees
Cobwebs muster in my mind
Patience thins
Years seems quicker
The habits I still have
Are full blown addictions
Bones once tender
Now withered and chalk
Time is now an issue
And is fleeting
Crows feet smile
Plastic teeth
Still a child inside
But the outer is fragile and weak
Awake to an aching spine
Short of breath
I just need a minute
But I am running out if time.

Gettn older.

Tainted perspective
Mother led you astray
With her venomous games
You had no choice but to play.

I often wonder, how you are.

An unanswered phone call
No reply to text
Silence  hurts more
Than any verbal flex.

I often wonder, if you're ok.

She has what she wants
To manifest her prediction
Just so she can say
She was right.

I often wonder, who you are.

She has taken all my money
To try to break me
But, the love in my heart
Makes me the richest man alive.

I often wonder, if you're still my daughter.

I can only bide my time
In hope you will see through the lies
Which you had no choice but to believe
You'll understand why I had to leave.

I often wonder, if I'll see you again.

Fickle little feelings
Celebrate the decline
Of this roller-coaster
Called life.
Muster the motivation
To sew these open wounds
Rather than sprinkle band-aids
On limbs lost from decisions made.
This simple man
Lost in the light of his phone
Back to back cigarettes
Feet up, in his quiet spot.

This is what he prefers.

The silence is his company
Loneliness, his strength
Masked in jokes and one-liners
Painted as per scenario.
Lost all time
To evolve passions
Only addictions
Get the time of day.

Puff puff pass.

They all want his focus
Leech off of reputation
Which is tinted at best
**** in his nest.
If only he could focus
If only for a while
He could celebrate his victories
And share his smile.

Vent or implode.

His muse beside him always
Even in restless sleep
To share and adore and dote
On passions and poisons.
She will push his eclectic
She will drive his esoteric
Of the roller-coaster
Called life.

What has he done?
Fell out of love with your Mum
Met another one
Remarried.

You listened to her woes
She said more than she should've
You took her angst
You made it your own.

So, you left him
While your brothers did not
You left him
To rot.

He tried
To give you the space he thought you wanted
But, as time passed
You made a decision not to love him.

So now, it is awkward
Tears well when we say goodbye
Because we never said
What was on our mind.

Will it ever change?
Or is this how it is?
Forever ever?
I cannot live like this.

I miss you,
I hope you miss me too.

The hardest thing I ever did
Was tell your mum,

I don't love her anymore.

I'm so sorry
That it has turned out this way
I desperately hope
It won't be forever ever.

This time of year
Close to Christmas
Thoughts of family
Flood the lonely mind,
The twisted complexities
Which attaches us
To one another...
We are bound.

Whether you like it or not
We are bound.

*** holes.

So, I got married on a Friday
She was as beautiful as always
We traded vows, photos aplenty
Blended two crazy families.

It was a wild week
Find a meter squared to sleep
One bathroom between thirty or so
My poor house mate, just dealing with it.

Late dinners, drinking til midnight
Only my son and a mates missus had a fight
A beautiful scene up in the hills
With family, mates and my wife.

I have this ring on my finger now
Clunky and uncomfortable
I don't wear jewellery
But, I am told, I'll get used to it.

I have a new found sense of pride
And I reek of love all the time
As we dance and kiss in the kitchen
Me, and my beautiful wife.

She will always be my truest of loves
Always beside me, except on nightshift
And, I cannot word the feelings I hold
Just for her.

She accepts this wild man
This silly lost boy
And I will forever be grateful
For loving me.

For those who don't know the story...

I had a girlfriend when I was 10 years old
We held hands, as 10 years olds do
She was my first kiss
In a little SA town called Two Wells.

We wrote letters to eachother
I made her mixed tapes
She was so beautiful
But, unfortunately, she moved away.

She moved to QLD, with her family
And lived her life
And I lived mine...

She had 3 kids
And so did I
And we just, lived our lives...

30 years later,
I got a happy birthday message
From a girl I knew
When I was 10.

Back and forth, we messaged eachother
Explaining our lives and what happened
A spark soon developed
Which ignited soon after,
Into a ****** raging bonfire.

Months went by, we finally met
She flew to me, back to where it all began
And this bonfire, fukn exploded
Into a mother fukn forrest fire.

Back and forth, we flew to eachother
We counted the days between visits
We met one anothers family
Until one day, I told her I loved her.

There were no brakes on this train of love.

Sometime in this story, I dropped a knee
Devoting my heart to her
I cant remember exactly what I said
But, I'm pretty sure she said yes.

She packed up her entire life
Her kids, her memories, everything
She threw caution to the wind
All for me.

She moved from QLD
And moved her entire life to Roxby
She followed her heart
All for me.

We have made a life now
We are making our own memories
And this forrest fire...
Brings new life and new beginnings.

This girl that I first kissed
Will be the woman that I last kiss
She has saved my life
And I will be forever grateful.

Love ya darlin x

Gentlemen,

You have all been hand picked
To represent me today.

You have all had an impact
On my life.

You all have a place
In my heart.

Your genuine friendship
Has help create awesome memories,
Some of which were so awesome
I am unable to remember.

With you blokes, by my side
While I am reciting my vows
Gives me such pride
And I thank you, for being my mates.

You are all such different fellas
A motley crew, some might say,
The one thing you all have in common,
Is my respect and friendship.

A toast, to my groomsmen,
My boys, my lads, my friends,
Let's make another memory together
This one, I'll try to remember.

Cheers

Home...

Where is home?
With the people you love?
And the couch that you know?
And the things that you own?

No.

Home is within,
Beneath your stretched skin,
The calmness you feel,
When you are alone,

This is home.

Where you can relax,
Amongst all the chaos,
Home is where you,
Can be you.

Removal of ones mask,
It is where you can bask,
In you individual oddness,
This is home.

Have a good day,
I'll see you at home,
I will start dinner,
See you there.

**

I don't want to go to work
I just want to sleep
I don't care what needs to be done
I detest responsibility

Bring me food
In my bed
Let me watch tv
All day

Let me stink
Let me snack
All day long
On my back

Brush the crumbs
From my chin
The phone keeps ringing
But I'm not listening

Just one day
Is all I require
To regather my motivation
Tomorrow I'll try again

Off the grid
In my bed
Is all I need
Just leave me be.

This broken crayon
Still draws.

Succeeding with flaws.

Terrible foibles
Kept under wraps
Moderation of over indulgence.

Fickle human
Tricking you all
With niceties
And courtesy.

Under skin
Screaming within
On the exterior
Work place superior.

You have to guess
As I won't tell
And if you guess correctly
I'll change the subject.

Just another
Just like you
Dealing with life
Learning to shuffle.

Dad
What are you doing?
Left the misso
But you have 3 kids.

What up?

New life
New misso
Social media
N ****.

What the **** ****?

We see you for a few hours
Every fortnight
During your days off
And it's all a bit ******.

So, you're getting married?
And where are we?
Still living in the ashes
You left us in.

Dad
What are you doing?

Her alarm goes off first
She ninjas her way out the door
She kisses my brow every morning
To keep our sweetness secured.
She snaps and texts throughout the day
And I do the same
Finish our sentences with kisses
To assure one another we're ok.
She's usually home before me
We talk of our ******* day
Prep dinner, feed the crew
Share kitchen kisses along the way.
Say our goodnights to the kidlets
Curl up with our favourite show
We make love and it's always magical
She is beautiful and I let her know.
The days are much like the last
Work and bills and dinner and things
I would not have this any other way
Without my Queen, I can't be King.

Awake at 0415
Sleep still in my eyes
Bundle up crib
**** and a ****
Shave clean
Coffee on the boil
Then, on the road.
Lit ciggy
Volume still up from last night
Knock it down a notch
Until the ears can focus...

Swipe on, turnstile spins
Follow in suit
Say g'day to nightshift
As the hi-vis is donned
PPE all strapped on
Steel capped **** kickers
Helmet slap, follow the crowd
To prestart.

Sit and nod, coffee lukewarm
Handover from nights
Sign on lads and ladies
Lock on, work instruction, THA
We are all dressed the same
The same team
With the same goal
To go home...

We don't know how it all works
In our silo, doing our bit
For our 12 hour stint
For 7 days.

Just before 6
With our bodies worn and ready
For a quiet bevvy
With mates we made at work
Swipe off, turnstile spins
Say g'day to nightshift
It'll be our turn next swing
Top job, had a win.

Microwave feed
Boots at the door
TV just for the noise
Stare at the phone
They ring before bed
Let it ring out
How was your day?
Same as every other, don't bother.

Asleep before head hits pilla
Awake at 0415

No one understands
This boy, becoming a man
His needs go above anyone else's
An air of selfishness.

He cannot stay home
The rage is fuelled
So, he runs
In circles from couch to couch.

With pent up anger
And misunderstanding
He claws wildly at the world
Missing his mark.

Forcing his opinion
On those that cower
He is an unstoppable juggernaut
Unleashing his power.

As the dust settles, he sees himself
Alone, on a couch, as a child
No bedroom, no family
No place for this boy gone wild.

I entice change and he accepts
Here is a job, here is your space
Here is my love, and my shoulder to sob
Whatever you do, don't quit your job.

I see the smile I thought long gone
And the spark return in his eyes
The rage within has settled for now
And I will be there, for when it returns.

Down.

Lines of communication blur
I can't be sure
Of my ****** expression
Or body language
My silence says it all
The disinterest
The cold response
The fatigue.

With tender touch
She prys at my shell
Searching for cracks
Or a subtle tell
Tender within
I convulse and sin
I let no love out
I let no love in.

The pain is all I want
This twisted front
It's all I've known
It has help me grow,
Perhaps not
I don't know what
It is to be loved
By another so pure.

She won't let me die
Without a fight
And the tears from her heart
Fall upon mine
My poor brittle ego
Exhales all this angst
And I fall hopelessly
In her embrace.

Our little dream
Is ours alone
From a long distance relationship
To making a home
If it wasn't for the chaos
If it wasn't for the strain
This beautiful life
Would be but a dream.

She takes the time
To show her love
As tired as she is
She still manages a smile
I am fickle at best
She dotes at my being
But I am far from the man
I wish to be.

I pour my heart on her
To give her the strength
With my long nailed demons
Scratching within my head
I calm them with toxins
I sedate them with love
I comatose them with dreams
And all the above.

Where will this end?
With enemy or friend?
Only time will tell
Whether this dream is ours
Or it belongs to them.

Bitter little vices
We see as breaths of fresh air
Takes pieces of my identity
And settle there
Grind away at the every day
We're on, we're off
We have a vague plan
And we're vaguely sticking to it.

Driving in the heavy rain
Chaos peppers downs
Focus distorts
Visibility is false
There is no place
For rational thought
Just plough through
Focus on the dotted lines.

Til we traverse
Under a bridge
And for a minute
All is calm
A breath can be had
I turn to you
With your loving smile
All concern fades
Pressure to focus subsides
It is all fine
With your hand in mine
For this moment in time.

We hit the other side
And it seems as if
The rain hits harder
Both hands back on the wheel.

You are my bridge.

If you dare take the time
To acknowledge me and mine
You'll find
I have the same woes as the average Joe
Bills and rent and fines and things
Dinner and dishes and kids without wings
Some estranged, some in my midst
Some in need of a white knuckle fist
Im enraged, and I twist
Til her blessedness kiss
Instils logic
And the white knuckle tints
She calms the erratic
The fiend within
Who wants nothing but chaos
Blasphemy and sin.

She calms it all.

This beautiful missing piece
Who is trying her hardest
To be a mother, a provider
A beautiful lover.
The truth I needed to hear
Spoken ever so delicately
She tells it as she sees it
And she sees it so perfectly.

While I distort
Destroy and maim
She deflects the ignorance
And soaks in the pain,
She is my rock, my solid
My reason why
Nothing will fail
With her by my side.

Typical bloke.
Flanny, wife beater, blue jeans, work boots
Rough around the edges
12 hour shifts on the daily.

Split with the missus
A while ago now
Misses the kids
Works like a machine.

Knocks off at dusk
Sits out the back
Punchin darts and sippn bevs
It's all he knows.

He doesn't eat as well as he should
Microwaved feeds and barbecues
Saves on dishes, doesn't mind fishn
Pays his child support as required.

All he knows is work
Cutla mates he doesn't often see
He gets choked up but swallows the pain
Just to get through his work day.

He doesn't ring his kids
As he doesn't know where they're at
So, he punches darts and sips bevs
Out the back.

He reeks of loneliness
He doesn't have much to say
He just asks us questions
To which we reply, vaguely.

He tries...
But he is so disconnected
So broken and out of touch
I miss who he used to be so much.

Always on his own
With the blade to his wrist
Fate tempting the twist
But always ends up clenched fist.

He built this nest
The same place he *****
Akin to his demons
Typical bloke.

If you leave me
Please **** me
As life is nothing
Without you

If I leave you
Please **** me
As life is nothing
Without you

If I die
With you in my life
I will die smiling

If you die
With me in your life
I will live smiling

Without my best friend
Life has no meaning
So, lets never die
Ok?

Awake guilty
Against my will
I miss them, I do
The unity and history
New, bizarre characters
New, bizarre old world
If truth be told
I don't yet fit here.

I am a broken man
My worst enemy, my biggest fan
I know that I can
But, can I?

I adore her endlessly
Her beautiful particularities
Little fingers locked tight
Pinky swear.

My love will complicate
As times continues to breathe
But it will always, always
Remain.

Finding my place
We aint even kin
But the pain from the distance
Still resides within.

As the lights dim
And eyelids grow weight
Demons within
Continue the spate
There is enough love in me
To devour over a lifetime
Go to sleep guilty
Against my will.

Threads torn
Stubble shown
Wince in the eyes
Shoulders slumped
Sporadic sighs
Heels drag
Ties rust
Split loneliness.

Curl into a ball
Sadness evolves
These wretched wings
Misplaced in a drunken haze
Forget to reply
Wake up to die
Seven missed calls
With my phone by my side.

Torn apart from my kin
Through my own decisions
They'll be fine, I tell myself
But they are not, they are broken

The love of my children
Has been put aside
For the love of a woman
I don't deserve this life

They hate me
And I dont blame them
I am my father's son
And they are theirs

Accepts my indifference
Wild emotional tantrums
Uncomfortable silence
Sheer laziness
My silly human traits.

Respects space
Loves my face
And tells me
Every beautiful day.

I choose no other
Forever.

Once she awakes
From her nightshift efforts
I will remind her
She is appreciated
With a kiss and a cuppa.

Through my blurred perspective
Tinted rose iris
I will smile through plastic teeth
In doe eyed admiration
At this beautiful person
That chose me
Over all others.

Every tomorrow
Every today
That I get to see her
Is a blessing.

Until I die
I will adore
Tend and care for
My sweet Lawla,

Forever more.

I stand here before you all
As a friend, an associate,
A ***** relative, a co worker
An influence, a blood line
And a cool memory,
To solidify an actual fact...

I am, in fact, in love.

I didn't see it coming
Nor did she,
You didn't see it coming...
But, that is why we are here.

For love...
Not yours, mine.
Ours.

Needless to say, it is our honour
To share this pivotal moment in our lives
With such beautiful people
With such awesome haircuts.

You have all been a part of our timeline
And no one would have ever guessed
This girl, that I first kissed, when I was 10
Would meet me in the future
And be awesome enough to be my wife.

Lucky duck.

And she is...
She is fkn awesome.

So, good luck to us,
Because after all this ****,
It will be just us.

Going to work and cooking dinner,
Dishes and bills and dog **** to pick up,
Family stuff, you know what I mean,
Life **** but we just say...
We're living the fkn dream.

Those in earshot,
That made the effort,
To be here, in this moment
We thank you.

Thank you all.

Stained in rust
Amber and oranges
Liquor and green smoke
Tar and feathers and shame  .

I don't want to know your name
Before I knew you
Keep your secrets
They will only deter me  .

This hapless adventure
Of renewal and rebirth
May be killing me
Unbeknownst to me  .

These rose shaded gogs
May be withholding
Important information
That I have been avoiding  .

Get married and find out.

**** your life from a new angle.

I am a *******
I deserve none of this.

Smoke like a train
Drink like a fish
Can't ever focus
Gamble like a degenerate.

Starting to hide things
But, this is not the way it is to be.

You are so determined
So in love
With this piece
Of ****.

I eat poorly
Take drugs on the daily
Say, I'm not hungry
And you feel sorry for me .

Selfish lover
Under the covers
Go to sleep
During conversation.

I don't deserve you.

I want to die
Maybe suicide
But I am a *******
Still alive.

**** me
Before
I **** your
Soul.

I don't deserve you.

I say I'm sorry
But,I don't care
This *******
Has no regard.

I'm going to ruin
Your life.

I've made them believe
I am so wholesome
But in actual fact
I am a *******.

They love me
And can see no wrong
But I will destroy
All they know.

I can't change
As I haven't tried
**** me off
Before I **** your life.

You should have never wished me
Happy birthday.

Collect memories
Only to forget
Soon after

Burn myself
Just to feel
Something

Endure love
Inhale loss
From afar

Eyes ajar.

Run circles
In a straight line
Fall and climb

Cry on the inside
Outside sigh
Hurry up and die

Nothing in life
Has gone to plan
Thus far

Eyes ajar.

Lick wounds
Gaping and infested
Failures tested

This old boy
Once a young lad
Bitter and sad

Broken from experience
Whoever you were
Whoever you are

Eyes a jar.

This smile that I fake
Every day...

The mask slips aside
I cannot hide
The silly angst
Behind.

I want the best
For everyone
But let myself die
With thumbs up.

This life
Is not mine
This home
Is alone.

Hopelessly in love
Destroying all of the above.

Dinner's ready honey
Thanks babydoll.

She altered her entire reality
Picked up all her ****
And moved to the desert
For me.

She rolled the dice
On a verbal promise
That I would love her
Until we're dead.

My word
Is oak.

I left my world behind
My kids, my home, my abode
I rolled the dice
On her word.

I gamble my entire life
My heart and soul
That you are the one
I've been searching for.

Safe bet.

Roll the dice
On love.

Now
Is so different
So oblique
So new... still, after all this time .

Just realised
That I
Just realised.

Rich poor man
Still can...

Week to week
There is no weakness

Which bruises easily,
Has chalky bones

Calm chaos,
Welcome to
Door mat and exit light
Confuse, engulf, exhale.

If you lived in my mind
You'd be home by now.

Calm on the outside
Trembling within
Strength of a man
Heart of a child

Why didn't they teach me
About life in school
Why didn't they advise
It could be so cruel

Just grow up and realise
You're on your own
Fumbling with emotion
Swim or drown

They all seem in control
Like they have it all
While I smile and struggle
With no idea what to do

Life, may just be
Pay bills and die.