the laboratory
is free

mingling
mixtures
multiply

explosions
are neutral

creations
have many
forms

sides are
not taken

and

messes are
the norm

and everyday

we are new
as we are

the rapids
take me

energy
compressed
into a pill

lost in
the speed
of veins

blood
racing

filling every
empty space

creating a
momentary
light

ness

spreading
an artificial

life

systems are
salvation

the gods
are patterns

repetitions
we learn

to love

because they
work

sometimes

all models
are wrong

but we are
designers

correcting
our mistakes

and our is
all of us

those who
came before

and

those who
follow us

beauty is
simplicity

perfection

and while
we may not

be beauty

we are beautiful

striving for
perfection

in everything
we do

the child
felt space

the emptiness
that

surrounded him

he did not
feel the past

inside of him

he was not
connected

to what came
before

and the future
was formless

imaginations
and dreams

silly string

he could not
attach himself

to them

she had big
brown eyes

deeper than
my thoughts

and when I
thought of her

I remembered

this body of
water from

when I was
a child

they called
it a mine

said it had
no bottom

said

if you sank
you would
never stop

and so they
scared me

her eyes

I listen to
the “news”

switching
channels

not taking
sides

opinions
flood the
air

but without
enough
substance
to drown me

or even quench
my thirst

or even wet
my tongue

most tongues
are dull and
forked

moving rapidly
cutting nothing

I need a tongue
that is sharp

moves slowly
and cuts deep

that penetrates
me with knowledge

so I understand
something completely

and can speak
another language

I shiver but
I am not cold

I shake but
I am not scared

the earth aches

she does not
want to talk
about her age

she knows she is
younger than she

feels

and still
has so much to
live for

butterflies
carry bombs

monarchs push
buttons

and we march
in lockstep

with our minds
and our mouths

the mind is
the creator

of miracles
and messes

I am in morass
moving slowly

my heart stutters

my skin feels
like dirt

ants crawling
all over it

feeling their
desperate days

living one line
one dream shared
and crushed

by one fateful step

life is a
dried rubber
band
stretched

If I was young
and beautiful

you would laugh

and nothing
would matter

or stutter
or dry out
or be stretched

early morning

rain is not falling
but I stay inside

take a long shower
and imagine I am

falling forming
drops not flakes

in the middle
we are all the same

one step from
what came before

one step from
what comes after

I do not dry myself
letting the air

absorb me
pull me into

the cycle that
creates rain

the one we learned
about in middle school

what came before
is part of what is

and what is will be
part of what comes

sharp cuts
feel less pain

she thought
I loved her

because I
said so

but what did
I know

I had less
blood

in my brain

she said
I was lost

like the devil

and she was
probably right

like the devil
I was rejected

by my
first love

a confused
word

a mindless
word

when it
becomes
human

constant
unwavering
support

to another

puts you
beneath
them

why would
you want

to always
be

beneath
them

be loyal
to an
ideal

and make
the human

live up
to them

always

make them
earn your
support
daily

only you
own your
loyalty

don’t give
it away

they don’t
have as

much power
as they need

you to believe
they have

what is a
leader

someone
with followers

so who has
the power

jump
jump
jump

they scream

jump

I am on
the edge

with weak
knees

and no
words
on my
tongue

I cannot
feel my
skin

the heat
is melting
me

and I
want
to faint

and fall

so it
will
appear

that I
jumped

maybe I
will hit
my head

on the way
down

and bleed
out

and sink

so I don’t
have to

lose face

there are people who
think you are real

that you are
not just playing
with words

that you actually
feel the things

you write to them

I am not one of them

this is the
internet
age and

we are all nameless
creatures or

creatures who turn
names into
underwear

changing them daily

puppets playing
with puppets

everyone thinking
they are pulling the strings

not understanding that
there is no master

only toys to play with

I did not laugh today

my mouth was the
shortest distance

between two points

I was not unhappy
I just wasn’t happy

you said words
and laughed

but I did not think
they were funny

they were just words
you linked together

and I couldn’t understand
why you laughed

this happens
more often
then I care to admit

I do not hate you
I just don’t love you

the rain was hard and sudden

feeling like broken sheets of glass
falling from the dark side of the sky

surrounding us like silver zombies
we could not escape our fate

the road filled and then flooded
and we collapsed under the weight

of yesterday

a highway of those ******* birds
descended upon us

different people give them
different names

we call them an omen

they cackle and dance
flying so close together

they seem as a black hole
swallowing the planet

I want you
to swallow me

whole

let me live but
make me disappear

feed off me slowly
so I don’t notice

give me a book
with many words

so I can play

let me hear your
body growl

when you are
hungry for me

so I can sing

let me dissolve
slowly

and absorb me
so I never die

yesterday was another day.  or maybe the same day.  because it wasn’t really different. than today.  does time stop for some of us?

sharp pens make deep holes.  ink flows.  through some of us.  we see things.  and we need.  to turn vision.  into words.  to share.

or to exorcise.  our souls.  we are selfish.  all of us.  at some level.  survival demands it.

2. shed your skin.  show your sins.  show your naked soul.  to someone.  anyone.

I cried today.  watching a scene.  from an old movie.  I have seen it many times.  it always makes me cry.  I watch it anyway.

she tries to hold in everything.  the little girl in the movie.  she loves her damaged daddy. so much.  then he dies.  

and she doesn’t cry.  until she does.  then I cry.  always.

3. maybe it is for.  my damaged daddy.  I cry.  or maybe it is for myself.  having to hold it in.  

if a boy cries in the forest.  or in the street.  or in his room.  and no one hears it…

yesterday was another day. or maybe the same day.  for some of us.

three equal parts
make a whole

that is how it was designed
to function

balance is everything
one force checking the other

they knew…the danger of…
the ultimate force…

power

power is always hungry
power is insatiable

power is not possessed
it possesses whatever it enters

it must always be checked
…constrained
by other forces

anyone assigned to
one of the parts

must use their power
to constrain the power

in the other parts

they designed parts
not parties

parties cannot constrain
themselves

that is why we have parts
to constrain power

there really is no other reason

I see the future.
I create the future.

my mind is a knife. and.
the world is clay.

I hold the first tool.
I create the sound.

that sets world.
in motion.

I speak and it is.

my words pop!
faster than rain drops.

we were outside children
playing in the rain

leaving the house early
returning late

no one was watching us
no one checked on us

friends were people
you touched (and punched)

we learned from each other
making our own mistakes

some of us survived
and some of us didn’t

but that was life

I like to think
even if we had

personal phones and
personal computers

we still would have been
outside children

playing in the rain

but I may be naïve
to think so

the candle is lit

he screams like
a young volcano

my ears bleed
and I drink love

or something stronger

shapes are not sizes
and angels are not rain

but they fall

the earth is hard
and life is harder

without wings
or a net

the angry core is fire
compressed

and some stars
explode

but they do not die

she did not
catch me

when I fell

but she did not
promise to either

she had her own problems

I felt it when I landed
no bounce

(like her)

the earth had
nothing left to give

her face is young
but her voice is older

I can feel the lines
and curves in

her dark whisper
deep with a beat

her words bounce
around inside my soul

disrupting the
status quo

and I want to scream
but I hold it in

and let it linger
let it stay with me

let it change me
in ways you can’t see

I am confused

my words are
a mumble

a mass or a mess

hysteria or
histrionics

today

the good soldiers
of my mind are AWOL

nothing is lining up
my mind is a rave

I am looking for
some thing, any thing

but the meaning that
creates a thing

lives in the shadows

the meaning that
creates a thing

lives in the
space between

and today

I can’t even
define light
and dark

nothing is that clear

today

I am without
that mysterious force

that creates things
and holds things together

that bends the will
for good or for ill

I am confused

today

I am small words
beginnings

I can merge
into anyone

and become
anything

belief is a grip
born from hope

formed and deformed
hope is a mutant

disconnected from
beginnings

this is ****
I like to write

I left it
alone

think about
one thing

care about
one thing

challenge
one thing

believe in
one thing

that is
a start

rain falls
with force

a constant
pounding

the world
losing grip

it was always
slippery

but enough
of us
believed in

each other

to hold it
together

we knew

words were
always lies

until they
weren’t

truth was never
merely
what you say

truth always
followed

what you say

truth was a process
always open

to challenge
from anyone

and never owned
by anyone

when I
was young

I fell into
an ocean

floating
all alone

adapting
to changes

resisting
nothing I
held my form

a far off
vision

of peace
fulness

I weathered
everything

outlasted
everyone

even through

the roughest
storms

I remained
silent

allowing
others

to use me
for support

he was asleep

in his own
satisfaction

she was awake
wanting

the snake
was a figment

something to blame
for his future

the tree was time
and its fruit

the secret
she already knew

but pretended
she didn’t

she was not a rib
but she left him

with less of himself

we feel in each other

the tight breath of
the starving

the offbeat of
the broken

heart

the shivering of
the untouched

startled by the
soft whisper of hair

sending a spark

when almost touching
any part of skin

and when we
enter the dark

our sharp tongues
enter each other

like venomous snakes

cutting inside
our mouths
spreading poison

we shed our skin
we shred our names

we exchange our
empty vows

vanquishing our language
we learn to feel

in each other

and if in a dream

I thought the
worst of you

would it be real

and when I woke
and you were there
next to me

and we smiled
at each other

wishing each other
a good morning

would it be real

can the end begin
in a dream

creating a nagging
sensation

that grows

pecking at the
back of your
brain like a

demonic
woodpecker

we never seem to learn
how fragile love can be

where something as silly
as a dream or a whisper

can spread a dis-ease

she was not much
younger than me

but she so easily believed

growing up in a world
that did not deceive

the words around her
were soft like angels

seeds of life that
nourished her

shining stars that
would guide her
to truth

I was darker than that

words in my world
were twisted little
creatures

small poison pills
given to me
to be swallowed whole

but I swallowed them
just once

I only let them
spread through me
once

I only let them
make me sick once

the next time
they were given to me

I crushed them
into dust

placed them in
an urn on my shelf

so they could never
be spoken again

she was not much
younger than me

but we lived in
different worlds

she looked so breakable

sitting inside herself
squeezing into a dark circle

she seemed to me to be

a star refusing to die
in danger of
becoming a succubus

the noise outside
was a hurricane

a pounding voice
begging for attention

thin strands of yellow
hair crisscrossed her sad face

trying to hide inside
the circle

she did not speak
even though her
body said she

had something to say

the noise outside
took up all her space

and she thought
no one noticed

but I noticed
I always do

he was a vessel

power surging
through him
from above

his words
made the world
seem different

a new world created by
a new set of words

I listened to him closely
followed each time he spoke

I let him invade me
with his words

and I could see more
of what could be

and I could see

that what could be
could become what is

a different world
for everyone

speaking made
him weak in body

so that
he collapsed
in my arms

he knew what
was to come

he knew what
he was
being asked to do

for his words
to have meaning

and he didn’t know
if he could do it

a sound wakes me

I don’t know if the
sound was real

or in a dream

I have no one to ask so
it will remain a mystery

they were
captured
together

pulled from
their tight
space

small bolts
of energy

linked by
mystery but

trapped in
separate cages

speaking
in songs

of longing
for each other

I listen to them
when I want to cry

I only let you see
one piece of darkness
fall out of me.

Were you afraid?

What if I let you hear
when the space between
becomes less clear.

Will you understand?

What if I let you feel
when the constricting nerves
begin breaking steel?

Will you stay the night?

What if I let you see
when all the darkness
rushes out of me?

Will you still be mine?

every day and night
I try to **** my shadows

my mind is
the constant beat

of midnight rain
and vampire bats

they want to tell
all my secrets
to everyone

I am so rich
I am on all the lists

so numbers have
more power than

words

but I will use
my words to

hide my numbers
in the shadows

and then I will
continue to try to

**** my shadows
so they can never speak

the cut of loneliness
does not bleed

no matter how
many cuts

everything inside
is dry
and dead or dying

I am not the first
to feel

this way but
for your sake

I hope I am
the last

truth is slippery
not slimy

but some words are
not real

they are birthed
in the swamp

by soul *******
creatures

who make you
believe

who make belief

like they are making
a midnight snack

taking a bite
and throwing away

the leftovers

I was raised
in a wild field

where colors clash
and everything grows

rain floods and
no one drowns

bees feed sting
and die

to be reborn every spring

weeds are beautiful
and grass is free

we live every day
we are alive

we are bounded only

by both stages
of the dandelion

bright sunshine
and silver dust

blowing free
in the wind

to land and
grow in another

wild field

the spider web captures
and I am stuck

wanting to be liked
wanting to be loved

it is the way you
…
…
…

makes me

I whisper to you
my beautiful and
desperate words

born of life’s tiny scars

I whisper to you
my beautiful and
desperate words

wanting to cover you
in the finest silk

I whisper to you
my beautiful and
desperate words

wanting you to feel loved

I am my beautiful
and desperate words

longing to be held
longing to be remembered

by you

I see in me

what you said
is in me

I am his
I am he

the one
who painted

the hatred in
your heart

I cannot help it

I cannot drain
him from me

sometimes blood
is poison

that does not ****

and

sometimes cells
are cells

before awareness
life was a ******* wound

chaos and dark stars

and when the quiet child
finally spoke

each word was a butterfly
in his mind

he was reluctant
to release them until

they were ready
he did not want them to die

too quickly

they were so beautiful
in his quiet mind

he thought they could heal
his broken world

if they could live just
a little longer

someone laughed

my words were silly
like love songs

I was sweet once
and the sun baked

us until we were
just right

glowing skin
dark and sticky

and laughing
at my silly words

shallow water
drains so quickly

and my mind
is almost empty

holding only those
last little drips

that never seem
to completely drain

the official record
is scratched

the needle always
finds the place

that skips and
repeats

finding nothing
new and
calling it news

most opinions
aren’t new

and they certainly
aren’t news

all night
I am awake

it is raining hard

trying to get through
my windows

I hear her voice

a scream from
the distant

calling calling
to me

her soul is aching
chasing salvation

but it is a rabbit
in an open field

more quick than fast
it teases her
into believing

she is eternal

I was the one
always on
the verge

of something

sitting on a
teeter totter

never scared
enough to run

never brave
enough to jump

never one to believe
never one to be trusted

wants to be bigger

a sprawling decadence
growing

an underground
stream of liquid

a meandering
sweet poison

a circus
with freaks

pressing forward
creating a vein

dripping
melted sugar

candy
like
yams

swelling
the tongue

expanding taste
so it presses

against both sight
and sound

and suddenly the
three senses
become one

and I know things
I wasn’t supposed to

1.  little monsters

there are things inside of me.  pre-historic things.   lizard kings.  things that cannot become words.  some have been buried there for years.  others came alive.  recently.  on their own.  rose from the swamps without intent.  I enter the depths of this unexplored world.  but I am lost without my words.  I have not developed the skills to survive.  amongst these little monsters.

2.  it rains here

her hair.  like her mind.  was scattered.  made of all things deep and muddy.  made me think of the earth.  before corruption.  nature’s reign. she has a soul.  I don’t think.  she always had one. I am possessed by her.  obsessed with her.  she is too young to be ancient.  she is too old to be modern.  she is finishing her sentence.  I will wait for her.  no matter how long it takes.  

3.  awareness

I sit in a corner.  folded hands.  a mild child.  I scream into the lead-paint walls.  and watch my skin peel.  a wild child.  I reach the edges.  consciousness implodes. in my brain.  she wraps herself around me.  thinking I will calm.  eventually.  believing I can be calm. eventually.  I am a snake.  biting myself.  squeezing myself.  shedding my skin.

4.  after math

she escapes.  first she exploded.  inside.  then a year later.  she died.  poison invaded her walls.  poison as a solid can be removed.  poison as a liquid.  or a gas.  spreads everywhere.  inside.  slowly a solid grows again.  and overtakes everything.  good.  and clean.  and then she was no longer.  a name.  or a number.  she could make no payment.  she could not be charged.  anymore.