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Diana Feb 2021
you tend to enter my mind
on days like these
where love is celebrated
on other days
in moments where I feel the most alone
I think about you
I get a warm fuzzy feeling
knowing that even though I do not know
your name
your face
I know how you make me feel
loved
unconditionally
and it soaks my mind with a gentle touch
foreign yet familiar
and when it is a holiday
I tend to think of you
knowing that even though I do not know
your name
your face
I do know that you are celebrating the day
at least I like to think so
in those moments where I feel so alone
my mind tends to drift to you
and a smile kisses the corners of my lips
I may not have anyone right now
but I do know that I will have you
one day
since it is valentine's day, I felt compelled to write a poem.
Diana Jul 2021
A single glance
Was all it took for me
To feel my pain
In all its depths and complexity
184 · Jan 2019
The Blissful Sound of Water
Diana Jan 2019
Taking a shower
I find it quite spectacular
While a little bit peculiar
How I can hear even more
Mezmorizing sounds
When I cover my ears

As I stand under the water
I close my eyes
Cover my ears
And allow the new
Unfamiliar yet comforting sound
Of the water cascading down my head
Fill my mind

It's loud enough
To drown out any and everything else
Around me

It is an all-consuming noise
That consumes the sounds of the outside
World
So you're able to be left
With your inner thoughts
Alone
Warm
With a comforting bliss
Washing over you
Diana Sep 2021
It’s hard to change drastically overnight
Flip your nervous system upside down
Starve unhealthy neural pathways to create space for newer healthier ones
But small consistent changes
Are what you should strive for
The patient process is what results in change
Diana Dec 2019
I’m known to be outgoing
To be the bubbly one
To be the first one to initiate
Well
I’m tired of it
Tired of feeling like I need to continue
Being all those things
Truth is
I just want to do the opposite
I want to be silent
I want to be the not-so outgoing  person
I want to be the not-so bubbly person
I want to hesitate and wait and see
If the other is willing to initiate
But I notice that when I try to do this
Others become uncomfortable
In my silence
In my unresponsiveness
Yet I relish in it
I no longer want to feel as though
I need to work for others
To want to be with me
To want to get to know me
I just want to learn to be the listener
Not the speaker
For once
I just want to learn to be the observer
Not the one too busy entertaining
To observe
I just want to try to be the invisible silhouette  
For once
Not only the spotlighted show
Who is pitied by me
Dying for anyone to pay attention
181 · Nov 2019
The Facade You Live Behind
Diana Nov 2019
You are not your failures
But most importantly
You are not your achievements either
So
Who are you
Diana Mar 2019
I want to be with someone
Who physically can't take their eyes off me
So much so
That I can feel his gaze linger
In my peripheral vision
And when I catch him
In the the middle of his silent admiration
I can't help but blush
Because his unspoken reverence
Is so blatantly displayed
Across his face
With such potency
With no veil hiding his emotions
That I can't quite seem to comprehend
How it's all directed at me
177 · May 2019
Perspective
Diana May 2019
Tell me all your insecurities
So I can tell you
Why they aren’t
Diana Nov 2018
I want to live
In the moment
With one hundred percent
Of my attention
Being fixated on whatever is before me
Not what's on my phone
Or lingering in the back of my mind
I want to live
Rawly
In the moment
I want to be carried away
With all of the emotions
Formed from that specific moment
To be remembered in my head
Not in the form of a picture in a gallery
Or in a phone
I want to genuinely live
In the moment
In a way
That I can't even begin to put into words
Because I cannot express
How I want to feel
Into words
176 · Mar 2023
Temporary Highs
Diana Mar 2023
Products and/or standards of a capitalistic market
Are usually never intended to
Create long-term satisfaction
That is just not how it works
They need to shift constantly

What is "in" or on trend frequently changes
In order to be able to continue selling new products
It is based on promising a temporary product with a temporary high
Diana Jan 2019
Tell me
How can I make you
See yourself
Through my eyes
And not yours
RIP Mark Bubchuk
This one's for you
❤️
173 · Feb 2021
Dear children,
Diana Feb 2021
In whatever you pursue to do
Or choose to believe
I only ask of one thing from you
Be passionate
But don’t let it
Foolishly blind you
From emotionally and intellectually
Tolerating ideas or activities
That challenge
Oppose
Or skeptically question your own
For it was once said
That the mark of an educated man
Is one who is able to entertain a thought
Without accepting it
Diana Aug 2022
how am I supposed to be gentle with myself
when all I know and am familiar with
is how to be destructive and cruel
in the most abusive way possible

is there a guide I can use
because I have nothing
and when the voices are this loud and dark
the hope within diminishes
day by day
I can honestly say that I am in the lowest point of my life. I am so fragmented and worn out. My friend mentioned how I deserve a break from all the pain and abuse, but it is as if they have become synonymous with my name. My therapist tells me to be gentle but how do I do that when I am so unfamiliar with the concept and am barely learning how to.
Diana Jun 2020
I want to be
A collection of truths
A vessel of adages
A fountain of proverbs
A time capsule of thought-provoking
Statements
Questions
Facts
to be a brain filled with the thoughts of others while making room for my own to grow and flourish
172 · May 2019
Make Me Feel
Diana May 2019
I want to be with someone
Who makes me feel
Beautiful
Because anyone can make you feel
Cute
Pretty
Attractive
Gorgeous
Hot
****
Bangin’
(You get the point)
But not everyone can make you feel
Beautiful
It’s something that’s so
Simple
And yet complex
It’s something that’s so
Pure
Raw
Untainted by carnality
It’s so
...
Beautiful
Diana Feb 2022
I want to hold my flesh
In a warm embrace
And have my touch be enough
To realize that home
Is to be found within
This vessel
171 · Mar 2022
Worship Me [Erot*c]
Diana Mar 2022
wrap me in your finest silk
kiss the bruises left behind by past's careless lovers
hold my hands delicately and place them gently on your jawline
closing your eyes as you turn your head and press your cheek
against my left palm
lay me down on your bed
place those lips of yours against the inside of my right thigh
as you would with a rosary
and whisper your blessings as you rest your tongue between them
find yourself a ***** poet who favors using descriptive imagery :')
Diana Aug 2019
To my past lover
Who will never read this poem
Like you used to
With all the other ones I would write
Where you were my muse
When we were together

I miss the way you used to say my name
Because it sounded exactly like how you would say
I love you
Diana Jan 2024
It's weird
To have all this free time alone
It's made me realize
How long I've been anxiously moving
Working overtime
Spending time with a SO

I've forgotten how to be alone
To rest
To simply be and have nothing to do

Im sad
But not surprised

It's like learning how to ride a bike as an adult
You remember doing so as a child
But there's some time before the muscle memory finally kicks in

That is how I feel now
Waiting for the muscle memory to kick in

I'm waiting for the anxiety to subside
And the face splitting grin to appear
Once I can feel the wind slapping my hair around the perimeters of my face as I ride with glee

It will come
Not now
But soon
All too soon
Diana Jan 2021
your personality
is the product of your conditioning from childhood
where you were modeled certain behavior
one's conditioning is made up of
coping mechanisms
boundaries or lack there of
relationship dynamics
emotional regulation
core belief systems
we only know what we know
unless we choose to pursue more
more than what we know
Diana Oct 2022
I love the sea
The consistency in her waves
Lapping at the shore
Gently
Ragingly
Lazily
Whichever way she chooses to for that day
The inviting nature of her ability to reflect light in a blurry haze
The reverence she doesn’t demand but nonetheless receives from environmentally entitled humans who are at her mercy when they decide to tread in her waters
I love the sea
So why do I recoil so viscerally at her pungent smell of salt and seaweed today
I’ve smelt it before
Even was comforted by it at times
But now
It’s too much for me
I must say goodbye early today
And turn away
This is a metaphor for a friendship I lost recently. Her and I were connected by the ocean and I considered her to be one of the soulmates I was gifted to meet here on earth in this journey.
Diana Dec 2020
i find it quite peculiar
the extent in which people
including myself
protect their pain

there are so many reasons
and when we are quick to stick with the first explanation
our mind can formulate
it is then when we eliminate
right relationality with one another
when we remove their mystery
and rely on assumptions that lay covered in the illusion of our truth

some protect their pain
because they fear the potential of it potentiating

some protect their pain
because they believe that they deserve it
that peace and joy are not synonymous to their name or life
they keep it as a means of justification for who they are
and what they have become

some protect their pain
because they do not know of a life that is any different
healing is a far away concept that they believe
does not pertain to them

some protect they pain
because they associate it with comfort
due to generational trauma stemmed from childhood

some protect their pain
because the uncertainty that comes with vulnerability
is too high of a price to endure
so they choose to not venture out

do you protect your pain
explore the why
161 · Feb 2021
my romantic manifestation
Diana Feb 2021
i desire to have someone
so thoughtful
that they analyze the way in which
they graze their fingertips across my arm
as I lay on their chest
i desire to have someone
who closes their eyes
to remind themselves
of the feeling of my body pressed against theirs
i desire to have someone
who passionately seeks to please me
in more ways than one
i desire to have someone
stroke my hair lightly
feed me soup
and whisper sweet nothings in my ear
when i get sick
i desire to have someone
that sweeps me off my feet literally
every now and then
to remind me of the adrenaline
that would flood my veins
when we first dated
i desire to have someone
who takes me out on midnight walks
where we silently hold hands
as we rejoice simply in the company of one another
no words needed to be shared
i desire to have someone
who sings me to sleep
when i struggle to find rest in our bed
i desire to have someone
who creates intimate jokes and games
that we play with one another
until the day our hair turns gray
i desire to have someone
who dries the dishes as i wash them
only to turn on cigarettes after $ex
where they grab me to slow dance
in the middle of the kitchen
all while my hands still have soap on them
and we giggle silently
pressing our foreheads together
as we hope to not wake our kids
i desire to have someone
who continuously seeks to understand me
and grow independently
as the years go by
so that we may keep an open dialogue
and have the kind of love
that surpasses anything we have ever seen
or heard of
if only i knew the countdown to when all these events will take place...i look forward to meeting you lover x
161 · Nov 2018
With my Words
Diana Nov 2018
I don't want to capture
A guy's attention
With my body
But with my words
That speak with such
Depth and complexity
It silences his own
And makes him ponder
The ones that escape my lips
And drift into reality
Only to be left lurking
In the forefront of his thoughts
For many hours
After our conversations have drifted
Into the cold
Crisp wind
Of the cool night air
Diana Jan 2021
beyond procreation
and even beyond spiritual growth
I think the purpose of romantic relationships
is to be caretakers of each others traumatized parts
and to love those parts
and to hold space for those parts
because what that does
is it gives our partner and ourselves
what is called a disconfirming experience
that's a corrective experience
that was missing when they were growing up
so it's not that you're being their mother
or father or whatever
but you're giving this part of their personality
a safe space to finally express itself
to not be rejected
to not be abandoned
and to not be shamed
that is so so powerful
and people will try to do all kinds of stuff
instead of that
get a pluses
make ten million
do a launch
get a million followers
but all we're looking for is a corrective experience
of parts of ourselves
that have never really been allowed to see the light of day
it's an important process

all relationship drama  
the purpose of it
is to surface the trauma
and to have it be resolved in the relationship
not separated
that is the goal
to be a safe container for each other

we can use relationships
to be this container of our healing

because in relational trauma cycles
when you pick someone
who's not emotionally available
the benefit to your nervous system
is that you don't have to be be vulnerable either
so there is a level of safety in that
quoted from mastin kipp
Diana Feb 2019
My
Confidence
Is not dependent
On your
Compliments
157 · Sep 2019
Just Another Love Poem
Diana Sep 2019
I want you right now
Like some want six-pack abs
It’s an unrealistic goal
To want it immediately
Because many things are needed
Patience
Self discipline
And consistency
But I can’t help but wish you were
Right here
Right now
Like some wish for abs
When they look at their stomach
I just want to hug you
For long periods of times
Let you paint my nails
And laugh at your technique
Allow you to braid my hair
After I teach you how to do so
Shave your beard
And apply tissue paper on your cuts
Make terrible friendship bracelets
And tie them around each other’s ankles
Let you teach me how to play a game you like
Go on ride alongs
where we each gather music for a certain mood
And do nothings but drive and listen
I want you
Right here
Right now
Like some want six-pack abs
But
In order for that to happen
I need to meet you  
I need to know who you are
Your face
Your name
Your favorite color
Your go to remedy for when you’re down
I need to create a history with you
But right now
I just want all the cute moments
Just like how some wish for abs
They want the aesthetic
Without having to train and eat for it
156 · Jun 2023
Welcoming the Black Mist
Diana Jun 2023
I hate who I am right now
What my life looks like

How do I embrace this part of myself
The part that thinks I deserve the least amount of love
when she needs the most gentlest yet fiercest kind of love

I wanna go back
But what the **** does that even mean
What's "back"
The title reflects my therapy work. I did a visualization of what my fear looked like and mentally sat with it as much as I could. Since then, I realize it wasn't fear; it was anger. I was afraid to feel the anger and the meta emotion was fear. This poem is me tapping into that anger (which in this case is directed towards myself)
Diana Sep 2021
We’re all ****** up
We’ve all been victims in certain stories
We’ve all been oppressors in others
So stop pointing the finger
Because it’s only a mirror
Come to terms with your maleficence; it exists, even if you don’t acknowledge it.
154 · Mar 2019
Knowledge Is Power
Diana Mar 2019
Fear
Is the result of
Ignorance
Diana Apr 2021
one of the greatest illusions in life
is to believe that we are in competition
with one another
Diana Mar 2019
I want to smear red lipstick
On my lips
Strip you of all your clothes
Piece by piece
Kiss your body
From head to toe
Only to pull away from you
And admire my artwork
Literally
And
Figuratively
152 · Mar 2019
First Love,
Diana Mar 2019
You are the rose
Without the thorns
151 · Apr 2021
Kiss Me Passionately
Diana Apr 2021
I may not speak French
But my lips do
Diana Aug 2021
I hate that perfection
Was marketed and sold to me
When I was a naive innocent young child
As if it was attainable and realistic
And here I am later in life
Learning how to undo all of its consequences
Diana Jan 2022
oh words
I am sorry for my neglect
it is as if my body has turned against me in the most deprived way

I remember the delicate time in my life where
poetry spilled from my lips
flowed widely and untamed
into the whispers of night's dark company
who listened and graciously opened her arms to my many suppressed emotions
to my light and my own darkness

she whispered my name tonight
oh so sweetly
after too many lonely nights
where I've left her to see me in my silent struggles
close yet too far away from me
a helpless bystander in my own demise

but not tonight
tonight
she has held my hand warmly
brushed the tears trailing my cheeks softly
and calls me home
Diana Aug 2021
I cannot and will not claim to fully know you
Inside and out
For you are a mystery that I have the privilege of being in conversation with
For the rest of my life
“In the person we love there is suffering that we haven’t seen yet”
To love the other is to seek to understand their suffering
To love is an activity that requires continuous energy in deep listening and gentle curiosity
149 · Aug 2020
For most women
Diana Aug 2020
An aesthetically beautiful woman
Is more intimidating to them
Than an aesthetically beautiful man
She will make her question
Her beauty
Her worth
Her value
Way more than the man
Diana May 2022
your hair
was meant to be brushed behind your face
by the strength of the winds

your *******
were meant to be kissed by the sun
during its nightly deaths where you watch it bleed across the sky
in all its rebellious hues

the soles of your feet
were meant to feel the fresh dew on grass
as you run through a field lit up by the moon

you were meant to be felt by the earth
do not take her gentle caresses in vain
Diana Nov 2020
i have realized
that it is in silence
where my voice thrives
it is where i truly found my voice
and welcomed her with open arms

this world does not want us to find our voices
no matter how much it advertises for it
because once we do
we begin to realize the power behind it
and the lies that were found in the noise
of the world

find your voice
strip your mind of all other narratives
and listen to the one that has been buried down
beneath all the trash
there lies your most authentic self
the one that has been there
all along
once you find your inner voice
hold space for its abandoned
emotions
trauma
boundaries
desires
needs
tend to the voice
that will lead you to joy
Diana Jun 2019
I find myself asking if it’s
The the number of views
The the number of likes
Whether or not it’s trending
If it’s constantly a work in progress
Or an idea that has yet come to light
If it’s a simple sentence
Or fills pages in my notebook
If it’s about
Love
Or Pain
If I’ve written my best one already
Or if it’s still on it’s way
Due to something that’ll happen in my life
That I’m currently unaware of
If it’s publsihed on Hello Poetry
Or lies between the wrinkled pages
Of notebooks left in my closet at home
Diana Sep 2020
This is the subconscious belief
That marketing today uses
It feeds off of our insecurities that it knows we have
We search for acceptance from it
So we extend our naive necks to its fangs
Until it bleed us dry
Pocketing our money for its own greed

Makeup
It tells us that in our natural state
We. Are. Not. Enough.
That blemish
Cover it up
Those sparse eyebrows
Draw them in
That wide nose
Slim it down
You’ll become beautiful
I promise
Just give me $150

High heels
It tells us that in our natural height  
We. Are. Not. Enough.
You may be 5’ 1 or 5’ 7 but wear this
It might add maybe an inch or two
It’ll be worth the pain
I promise
Just give me $70

Push up bras
Tell us that in our natural size
We. Are. Not. Enough.
Whether you’re an AA or DD
An extra bit of padding and lift
Will make you more desirable
I promise
Just give me $40

These are only a few products
There is still
Plastic surgery
Fillers
Waist trainers
Facetune
Photoshop
The list goes on and on

When are you going to make the decision
To learn to love yourself unconditionally
To demonstrate acceptance towards yourself
Since nobody else can
Because they too are stuck in this vicious cycle
Make the conscious decision today
Instead of giving it to society subconsciously for forever
146 · Aug 2019
Watch Me Love You
Diana Aug 2019
Pull me flush against you
Skin on skin
Grasp my waist tightly under my shirt
And allow me to freely roam my hands
Across your chest
Stare at me as I admire the masterpiece
That is you
Close your eyes as I roughly run my hands
Through your hair
Only to gently press my lips
Against your eyelids
Forehead
Cheekbones
Jawline
Corners of your lips
And on the tip of your nose
I want your breath
Panting
In my ear
I want to feel your hands
Against my body and its curves
As your eyes lock onto mine
Soaking in all of my expressions
As you explore parts of my body
No one has before
I want to hear the quick intake of air
When I tell you I love you
As my lips are pressed against your heart
146 · Jan 2021
I won't say that I am sorry
Diana Jan 2021
you looked at me
and thought I was perfection in the flesh
you projected an image onto me
then fell in love with it
not me
only to be left disappointed
once you realized that you fell for someone
who did not exist
you dehumanized me
placed me on a pedestal that I couldn't even reach
I felt exhausted
discouraged
you didn't see me for me
you saw me how you wished me to be
and for that
I won't say that I am sorry
but I will say it to myself
for thinking that I needed to be someone
other than who I am
because I am enough
in my most authentic form
which you never got the privilege of experiencing
and never will
145 · Jun 2024
No Contact Side-Effects
Diana Jun 2024
No where feels like home
Not even if I go back
To what once was familiar in youth
It's changed
I have too
And no roots have taken ahold
All soil I encounter is unfit for anchoring

I don't feel as though I am growing
Simply trying to survive
And maintain as much as I can
Mitigate damage from lack of essentials
145 · Jul 2019
Traces of Love on Skin 2.0
Diana Jul 2019
While I would lay on your bare chest
Your lips pressed against my neck
As your fingertips drew on my back
When mine drew
I love you
Which you weren’t aware of yet
On your shoulder
I would always quietly ask you
What you were writing
Your response
Time and time again
Would only be a smile
Which I would feel travel from my throat
To my soul
But today
You gently said my full name
But with your last name
I love the original version of this poem and didn’t want to change it,  but I also wanted to edit it slightly.
145 · Oct 2021
Blind Eye
Diana Oct 2021
Can’t you hear my heart
Speeding out of my chest
As I listen to you talk about your day
The subtle way my chest rises faster
The longer you keep eye contact
The slight strain in my laughter
As you make a joke
You overwhelm me
But I don’t want you to know about it
I’m twisting my fingers behind me
Hoping that you can’t tell
How much I like you
That you’re not as perceptive in my baseline
As you are in others
143 · Jul 2021
dear angel
Diana Jul 2021
I hope that one day soon
you will feel like you want to live again
instead of playing with death through various means
to drown out the numbness
Diana Jan 2021
touching the darkness of the expired night
with every breath I take
I stare up at a ceiling I cannot see
laying on top of a stranger's bed
with the tune of rain falling upon the roof and windowpane
echoing softly behind the melancholic melodies of Giveon
I cannot sleep
as evidenced by the night's presence breathing on my neck
my thoughts all tend to drift to you
I cannot let you out of my mind
the memories of you burn more passionately than ever before
and yet
my tears sooth their lingering sting
as they slowly descend down the sides of my face
while I remain motionless
I wish you could leave me in peace
I cannot escape you
even in the comfort of my own mind
but part of me also hopes that you never do
All my senses blur
darkness fades
and in its place is your captivating silhouette
which laughs as you turn to smile in my direction
I close my eyes
and yet
I cannot get past the taste of your lips on mine
I try to focus on anything else
but its almost as if you're teasing me
like you once did before
I begin to hear your laughter
and smell your distinctive scent
it feels so real
almost as if I were laying right beside you
tucked into your body
as you would wrap your arm around me tightly
I open my eyes
gasp for air
and quietly whisper to no one but myself
how much longer must I wait
until I no longer feel as though I am only half of a human
why did you have to be so tender
so attentive
so thoughtful and observant
you've ruined me
and now I don't know how to cope
no one treated me the way you did
and I miss your comfort
I miss you
Inspired by Heartbreak Anniversary -Giveon.
142 · Apr 2019
Internal Chaos
Diana Apr 2019
It’s funny
Because as I stand here alone
With my eyes gently closed
Below the branches of large willows
That live in this hidden park
Having the warm sun
Soak into my skin and
The distant melody of birds chirping
Be the only source of sound around me
I can’t help but feel
As though it’s too loud
Because my thoughts
They scream
Demanding to be heard and felt
Even when I don’t want to
Give them the authority to
Which is so different to the
Peace
Tranquility
And quietness
That this place emits before me
Physically
In comparison to what’s happening
Inside me internally
Emotionally
Even though this poem is quite sad, I believe it will get better. We can’t always be optimistic, and that’s okay! Sometimes you might struggle to find peace among the chaos or light within the darkness, even if it happens to be within.
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