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Nov 2020 · 109
come back home to yourself
Diana Nov 2020
our most unfiltered essence
can be found in our early years
but then we are challenged
to conform to societal expectations
so that we may be socially desirable
at the cost of abandoning aspects of ourselves
for survival
this train of thought emerged when
my psychology professor told me
during a mindfulness exercise
to come back home to myself
to the aspects of myself that I foreclosed
for the sake of survival
so
I encourage all of you reading this
to take the courage
and come back home to the parts of yourself
that you abandoned
all those years ago
Nov 2020 · 202
Flowers in Winter
Diana Nov 2020
Flower blooming
In the dead of winter
Even the harshest of winds
Are no match for her roots
She survives
Regardless of the seasons
For her growth
Is indestructible
Never again
Will she listen
To the dead around her
That wilted away
Behind layers of frost
Diana Nov 2020
How can I expect someone else
To trust me
When I lack it within myself
When I don’t trust myself
How can I expect someone else
To love me
When I lack it within myself
When I don’t love myself
It’s difficult
To give what you lack within
To give what you cannot show yourself
So
Here is the start
To trusting myself
To loving myself
To seeing myself
From Your point of view
Diana Oct 2020
In my inheritance of you as
Mother
Father
Sibling
Family

I gained the inheritance of a
Broken autonomy
Oct 2020 · 86
I hate it but I love it
Diana Oct 2020
It’s so silent now
I can feel my pulse
Pounding in my ears
as I lay against my arm
it’s the only reminder I have
interrupting my thoughts
that I’m alive
it invades my mind
To tell me of the life that I have
Yet Descartes would argue
That my ability to hold thought
Is another proof
Of my existence
i think therfore i am
Diana Oct 2020
...
..
.
Empty
.
..
...
Sorry, was that too honest for you...
Diana Oct 2020
I believe that
We tend to make the mistake
Of adopting a sense of self righteousness
When we reflect
On the actions or behaviors of others
Ignoring the fact that maybe
Our lives could’ve turned out the same
As theirs
If we were given the same experiences
That they’ve had
Diana Oct 2020
the body understands itself
more than our perception of it does
allow the body
to release the emotions stored within
don't hinder it with your mind
that has been trained by society
to shut down
abandon
or shame those emotions
Diana Oct 2020
The armor you carry with you
It’s the product of others’ influence
That you have accepted
Take it off
All of it
Until you are completely bare
Naked to no one but yourself
This is symbolic to the vulnerability
That this action evokes
Now is when you begin to find yourself
Now is when you begin to analyze what you accept and put on
It is no longer a questioning
Of whether the hat you chose was your decision or another’s
In this moment
You begin to intentionally choose
What you want to put on
As a component of your armor  
This requires you to leave the warmth
That your old clothes provided you
And to accept the vulnerability
That accompanies the act
Oct 2020 · 137
I hate the phrase...
Diana Oct 2020
"don't cry because it's over
laugh/smile because it happened"

this is a very convoluted statement
it contains many aspects that i personally don't like
the first being that
the manifestation of an emotion
is very black and white
in society
crying is often associated with sadness
laughter and smiling with happiness
but that's not always the case
someone who is mourning can smile
someone who is suicidal can laugh all the time
someone who is happy can cry or remain silent
the point is
an expression of an emotion varies greatly
it depends on the individual

the second being that
it interrupts the process of grieving a symbolic death
one of its underlying messages is
stop engaging with the emotions that come with the end of this particular season
in this case
it is whatever "happened"
it tells people to just smile/laugh
now i understand that it may be therapeutic
in some cases
to change perspective at times
however
do not encourage this all the time
sometimes
a person just needs to sadly cry over something
and not be interrupted
remember
the body understands itself
more than our perception of it does
allow the body
to release the emotions stored within
don't hinder it with your mind
that has been trained by society
to shut down and abandon or shame those emotions
Oct 2020 · 80
Scars of Survival
Diana Oct 2020
the body
is a living  moving time capsule
your scars carry stories
whether that be from adventurous moments in childhood
a burn from attempting to cook
or the pain of feeling empty inside
and just wanting to feel or escape something

your scars carry stories
they also depict the love that your body has for you
they depict survival
they are a reminder that you are here
they are a reminder that you deserve to be here
they carry memories
the good
the bad
all are essential
because the combination of all your experiences
are what make you
you
Diana Oct 2020
One of the most destructive things
A person can do to themselves
Is to place the responsibilities
That only they can truly fulfill
Onto others
Whether that be
Self acceptance
Purpose
Loving oneself
Or happiness
No one else can build the stable foundation except yourself
They can only add onto what you’ve previously build
Diana Sep 2020
When someone asks you a personal question
Whether that be
How old are you
How much do you make
Have you ever had ***
How many people have you slept with
What’s your greatest fear
How many people hit on you
Would you sleep with me if I asked
Never
And I mean never
Answer out of obligation while you feel uneasy about sharing your response
Stop
Pause
And listen
Listen to the changes in your body
The emotions you’re feeling
And the thoughts you have
Most people feel forced
To engage in conversation
Due to social expectations
But don’t let yourself be manipulated
You never have to share
Something about yourself
With another
It is a privilege
To be able to learn about someone
To discover more of their mystery
And this privilege isn’t a right to all
So
If you don’t want to share your response
Flip the script
Ask them
What do you think
This then will force them to feel like they have to answer
And depending on their social wisdom
Or lack there of
They will answer
And their response will reveal
More about them
And their perception of you
Than if you were to answer the question
Sep 2020 · 83
Why write poetry
Diana Sep 2020
When I write poetry
I aspire to not change the way
Someone thinks
But to inspire them to think
For there is beauty in diversity
Diversity in thought is admirable
Regardless of the thought itself
Sep 2020 · 92
So, what’s your type?
Diana Sep 2020
When a member of the opposite ***
Asks this question
I can’t help but laugh
Inside outside emotions
This is a concept where the outside emotions are the thoughts that are being said out loud from the conscious
While inside emotions are the thoughts that are being said within the subconscious typically
So
In this case
When someone asks
What’s your type
What they might be saying is
Depending on the analysis of the person
I’m kind of insecure
And I don’t know if I am someone that you would pursue a romantic relationship with
So maybe
If you could name off some characteristics
I could compare myself to them
To see if I fit any of them
You can learn a lot from this concept
The analysis of the subconscious using the conscious
Asking the question why
Diana Sep 2020
This is the subconscious belief
That marketing today uses
It feeds off of our insecurities that it knows we have
We search for acceptance from it
So we extend our naive necks to its fangs
Until it bleed us dry
Pocketing our money for its own greed

Makeup
It tells us that in our natural state
We. Are. Not. Enough.
That blemish
Cover it up
Those sparse eyebrows
Draw them in
That wide nose
Slim it down
You’ll become beautiful
I promise
Just give me $150

High heels
It tells us that in our natural height  
We. Are. Not. Enough.
You may be 5’ 1 or 5’ 7 but wear this
It might add maybe an inch or two
It’ll be worth the pain
I promise
Just give me $70

Push up bras
Tell us that in our natural size
We. Are. Not. Enough.
Whether you’re an AA or DD
An extra bit of padding and lift
Will make you more desirable
I promise
Just give me $40

These are only a few products
There is still
Plastic surgery
Fillers
Waist trainers
Facetune
Photoshop
The list goes on and on

When are you going to make the decision
To learn to love yourself unconditionally
To demonstrate acceptance towards yourself
Since nobody else can
Because they too are stuck in this vicious cycle
Make the conscious decision today
Instead of giving it to society subconsciously for forever
Diana Sep 2020
When we physically touch one another
We are acknowledging each other’s physical existence
When we mutually share pieces of ourselves through language
We are acknowledging each other’s nonphysical existence
Diana Sep 2020
There are not many statements
That can apply to all humans
But
The desire to be unconditionally
Loved
Accepted
To have your existence be genuinely acknowledged
The desire to be enough
Is at the core of every human

We look to others from our own places
Of insecurity and rejection
Thinking that they have it all
That they feel unconditionally loved
Accepted
Genuinely acknowledged
Enough
Forgetting that they too
Are most likely acting behind a
Perfect facade concocted by society
Searching for this unconditional love
For acceptance
The the feeling of being enough
But they project the version
That the world says is enough
Is worthy to be loved
But that love is conditional

We are taught
You need to become something or someone to deserve love
This love won’t satisfy anyone in the long run
It is conditional

If you sat down with the people you admire
The people that you think have it all
That if you were them you wouldn’t have anything to complain about
You’d feel enough
You’d feel loved and accepted
If you sat down with them
And had an honest conversation
About each person’s insecurities
You’d realize that everyone is broken
Trying to search for unconditional love
Acceptance
Acknowledgment
Yet we look towards one another
Forgetting that those that appear to have those things in fact don’t
And are also searching
Just like you
Sep 2020 · 104
Untitled
Diana Sep 2020
“I don’t hate you
I just lost respect for you”
-anonymous
Sep 2020 · 105
Living Memories
Diana Sep 2020
I find it quite interesting
How I am currently living in a phase
That I will one day
Look back on and reminisce
It’s almost as if
Living in the present is a form of the past
Diana Aug 2020
The idolization of an individual
Is a form of dehumanization
It places an insurmountable pressure
To live up to an expectation
And disregards the downfalls and limitations
That make us all human
So anything but perfection is not permitted
The static perception of an individual
In itself
Is a form of dehumanization
As time moves along and changes
So do humans
We evolve and grow
But to place the identity
Of who someone was
Ten years ago
One year ago
Six months ago
Onto the current version of who you see
Is a form of dehumanization
To not acknowledge the change
And to stay static in your perception
Is a disservice
Not only to the other
But to yourself as well
Because your perception of others
Is a mirror for one’s inner judgement
Of the self
Aug 2020 · 103
Self Love
Diana Aug 2020
My beauty
Is not found within conformity
My beauty
Is found in embracing my originality
Aug 2020 · 149
For most women
Diana Aug 2020
An aesthetically beautiful woman
Is more intimidating to them
Than an aesthetically beautiful man
She will make her question
Her beauty
Her worth
Her value
Way more than the man
Aug 2020 · 225
Socrates would be proud
Diana Aug 2020
Reflection and poetry are synonymous
To be a poet
Is to be reflective in nature
To be a poet
Is to disperse sparks of wisdom
Within the space of letters and lines
Through moments of inner monologues
“The unexamined life is [a life] not worth living.” - Socrates (Plato)
Diana Aug 2020
What makes you feel the most beautiful?
  ->doing whatever the fu€k I want
edit 1: I usually thought this way, but now I would say when I’m worshipping or praying
edit 2: I would add it is when I am completely vulnerable. It is a different kind of beauty. One that is emotionally strong
(usually a person will say when they look a certain way which is sad to an extent because it reflects the way in which they associate beauty immediately with an external reflection; however, most people think this way)

2. Who do you love the most in your life?

3. Who has shown you and made you feel the most loved?
—> I had a 11 year old ask me this once

4. What would you do during the summers as a kid?
—> it can reflect the socioeconomic background one comes from

5. Do you think you’re an aesthetically  beautiful person?
—> this is quite interesting, bc if a good looking person says yes, then they’re proud and stuck up; if they say no, then they’re obnoxiously oblivious and seeking attention; if a not so good looking person says yes, then they are praised for their confidence; if they say no, then they are pitied and encouraged, the best answer is to give an answer back: do you believe that everyone should feel aesthetically beautiful?

6. Do you have any siblings? If so, how many brothers and sisters, and are you the oldest or youngest?
—> learning about birthing order can be huge! Oldest tend to be protective, responsible, mature at a very young age, selfless, and carry more of a silent burden and stress, introduction to adulthood is rather quick. Middle child is often overlooked and will seek a sense of family/community elsewhere with friend groups and such; they feel like their thoughts/existence goes unseen by the ones that are supposed to care the most youngest tend to seek the approval of others especially of those older than them, outgoing, irresponsible, and babied. They can have a harder time managing task without it being done for them by others.

7. When we fall asleep, where do you think we go?

8. What is a thought that has kept you up at night?

9. What was the most humbling moment you’ve had in your life?

10. What is a piece of advice that you still hold today that transcends time?

11. What’s a favorite quote of yours?
-> the unexamined life is a life not worth living; don’t take yourself too seriously; come back home to yourself and choose to show up authentically; growth is a dance not a light switch; Harriet Tubman- I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed  a thousand more of only they knew they were slaves.

12. Who has impacted your life the most? How and why?

13. What is an overlooked or under appreciated strength that you have?
—> honesty, forgiveness

14. How do you give love? How do you receive it?
—> 5 love languages: words of affirmations, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, gifts

15. How do you communicate when in repairs after a rupture has occurred?
—> discuss as soon as possible, take a five minute break, wait a few days, words, touch, gifts, silence, etc. so you never repair after a disagreement?

16. Do you enjoy the late hours of the night or the early hours of the morning?

17. What’s your favorite type of weather?

18. Do you prefer exploring and staying in the gray, or the black and white?

19. Of you could study anything what would it be?

20. What are ways that you work on your emotional intelligence and character?

21. What type of communicator are you?
—> words, touch, actions, silent, loud, stoic, expressive, curt, bombastic, blunt, passive, etc.

22. Would you say you have a better face or body?

23. What is a moment where you felt a supernatural appreciation for the earth due to the view you saw?

24. How do you handle seasons? The ends and beginnings of them?
-> journal, reflect, avoid, acknowledge, cry, run backwards, move forwards, etc.

25. What book had a huge effect on you? What was it about the book?
-> all the bright places, Fahrenheit 451, the curse of the good girl, it ends with us, great gatsby, the voice of archer, etc.

26. What is the worst thing you can take from another person?
-> their time

27. What’s the greatest act of love (that you can do for another) ?
-> to die for another since the greatest fear is death

28. What is something that brings you peace that not many people do or notice?

29. What is the worst form of loneliness?
-> when you are uncomfortable with yourself

30. When do you feel the most vulnerable?
-> sleeping, expressing emotions, sick, crying, etc.

31. How do you handle seasons? The end and beginning of them?

32. Liquid or bar soap?

33. Have you ever closed your eyes, plugged your ears, and listen to the noise that comes when you let the water from a shower head pour over your skull

34. What is the most beautiful sound you have ever heard?

35. Do you think your parents are soulmates, or do you question their love for each other?  

36. What are important qualities to have in any relationship (platonic, romantic, etc.)?
-> trust, love, loyalty, respect, empathy, compassion, boundaries, autonomy, differences, effective communication, etc.

37. What are qualities that you look for in a romantic partner?
-> thoughtfulness, observant, confidence, wisdom, romantic, humorous, self-driven, self-discipline, humility, grace, etc.

38. How do you know that your (insert name/ relationship) loves you?

39. Would you rather be hated or alone?
-> interesting philosophical question in regards to being hated would mean that there is a recognition of your existence as opposed to being alone

40. How did you learn to ride the bike? Ice Scate? Snowboard?

41. When was the last time you felt rejected? By who? For what?

42. When was the last time you cried?

43. What has a kid said to you that has made you stop and reflect?

44. Which is a worse fear: the fear of dying or the fear of not being worthy of love
-> Jordan Peterson claims that the greatest fear that humans have is not death because then how would we explain suicide...the fear of death is a subcategory for the greatest fear which he believes to be the complexity issue (people **** themselves not because they want to die but because their life has become too complex for them to handle emotionally and/or physically)

45. What is the most destructive thing a person can do to themselves?
-> to deny themselves; to place the responsibilities of loving and accepting themselves onto others such as lovers or family members; to believe they are not worthy to be loved

46. What is something you want to experience/feel in a relationship
-> unconditional love; lol I have a while poke dedicated to experiences

47. Tell me about a dream that you have had multiple times

48. What do you like most about yourself?
-> my mind/thinking process; understanding, and open to conversation

49. Would you be friends with yourself

50. What is the worst thing you have done or said to another person? How old were you?

51. Why do you choose to wake up and participate in society?

52. What makes a woman or man their gender? Their body/attitude/characteristics?

53. Would you let your child date someone that has the character of you?

54. What makes you special? Since the beliefs you hold and the personality traits that you have aren’t exclusive to you?
-> it’s the combination and ratio that makes us unique

55. when was the last time anyone ever told you how important you are?

56. what are things you do when you need to feel nurtures?
->hot bath, foot rub, curling up in a comfy chair with a comforter and a good book, or making a *** of soup or a nourishing hot drink

57. what are ways that you neglect your physical and emotional well-being?

58. where in your life are you not protecting what is precious in you?

59. what adjectives describe your relationship with your mother? do you like the closeness or is it uncomfortable in some ways and hard to fully accept?

60. What do you do when you cry? do you try to stop it, cover your eyes, in the dark, into a pillow, silent, loud, sooth your body?

61. What was something that someone said to you that made you feel seen for the first time in a long time? what is something that touched you heart?
-> you are do brave, you have a courageous heart, you are a natural teacher and psychologist, you lean towards healing, you do not realize how much you impact other people's lives

62. what is a go to song that you could listen to at any moment in your life?

63. What do you do when you feel lonely?

64. What is something that puts a smile on your face?

65. What smell brings you joy?

66. would you rather get caught or catch your parents?

67. what is one of the biggest lies you have told yourself?
-> you are unworthy of love

68. what is a memory that reminds you of the beauty in life?

69. what is your favorite word to pronounce?
-> tantalizing, satiate, revere

70. what stereotype do you think people put you in when they see you?
-> pretty, (not super smart) blonde

71. what are things about you would shock other people?
-> first generation. youngest of five, 4.0 student, write poetry, love to read, not active on social media, don't like taking pictures, never been kissed, played the violin and cello, struggled with insecurity

72. tell me the accomplishments that you might be hesitant to share bluntly in fear that it comes off as being a show off?
-4.0 since sixth grade to nursing school in college, won a poetry competition in senior year of high school, got a full ride to UW Seattle and declined, won best dressed in high school, squatted 225lbs, muscular body, sang in a few songs (good at singing)

73. how do you interact with others when they are invading your personal space?
-> don't do anything, interrupt and tell them to move, slowly do something on your own without saying anything to them

74. what do you do and how do you feel when someone cries next to you?
-> hug/touch them, talk to them, remain silent, get stiff and uncomfortable, try to get them to stop crying, walk away

75. how do you regulate your emotions when they are out of homeostasis?
-> don't know how to, take deep breaths, walk away from the situation so the stimulus/source is not in front of me, cry

76. name as many emotions as you can
-> reflects their ability to accurately label their emotional experiences and can possibly be a marker/indicator for their emotional intelligence/maturity

77. how do you feel about death, do you talk about death, do you see others shut down or open up when you express this topic?
-> isn't it ironic how death is an inevitable event yet so many humans are uncomfortable with talking about it. I believe that it interrupts the natural grieving process. I talk about death with my dad and he is more open with talking to me about when he passes; my mom gets uncomfortable and gets upset and tries to switch the topic.

78. would you rather eat any form of noodles or burgers for the rest of your life?

79. when was the last time you sat in silence and was comfortable with it (excluding before you fall asleep)?

80. when was the last time you had a conversation with yourself about something deep? what was it about?

81. what is a revelation in your life that made you cry?
->only God can provide me with unconditional love; no one else can

82. what do you think is the root of all fears? what do you think can remove them?
->ignorance; distraction/knowledge -> unconditional love

83. What is the most unique response you’ve received when you’ve asked someone how they are doing?
-> still breathing

84. Do you think humans are easy to love?
-> I don’t think they are easy; it is complex just like they are

85. When was the last time you read a book? What was the title called? what was it about? Why did you read it?
-> the emotionally absent mother by Jasmin Lee Cori

86. If you’re comfortable with sharing, talk to me about the life of someone that has passed away? What were they like? How did they make you feel? Who were they to you? How did you cope when you realized they passed away?

87. Who are addicts? What do you need to do to be one? Do you think everyone is an addict to some extent? Why do you think people become addicts?
-> whenever faced with such questions it is imperative that we must ask ourselves the question of why! Yes, I believe all of us are addicts to dopamine; our brain is wired that way. But when we think of addicts, we forgot to ask the question of why they are addicts. Life became too difficult to manage and the body found a way to stimulate the mind in such a manner that it either numbed the pain or provide sensation to a chronic state of numbness

88. Other than the lips, where do you like to be kissed the most?
-> forehead, cheek, behind the ear, neck, top of head, hand, nose, shoulder, chest, back, collarbone

89. What type of kiss do you enjoy the most?
-> slow, fast, French, peck, open mouthed, short, long, sloppy, hungry, passionate, affectionate, sweet, etc.

90. it is easy to agree with the statement that dehumanization is not okay, but is it more gray than we think? is there a degree of dehumanization that is okay or needed? if so, what is that degree? also, do you think we commit acts of dehumanization regularly? if so, when and what are these instances?
-> i believe that as humans we have a tendency of wanting to see our light and ignore the aspects of ourselves that are casted in that shadow. to have a light is to also have a shadow; i believe that we dehumanize almost every time we meet someone by limiting their mystery to small snipits of who they really are; also, sometimes it is very difficult to handle and hold such emotional space that our minds need to shut off and dehumanize for our own sake of well-being

91. are soul mates meant to be with each other?
-> A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, ****** activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust

92. what are ways that you can take a break from reality?
-> sleep, reading, gaming, showering

93. do you have people in your life where their presence is enough? no conversation is necessary, just each other's presence is comforting enough.
->celesa, kristina, michelle, marta,

94. what is a memory you like to relive time to time?
->dancing with celesa at the bistro to adore you; trinity; late night phone calls with close friends

95. how would you describe your relationship using 5 adjectives or phrases with your best friend, sibling (if you have one), and care giver?
-> "If you love yourself, you love others. If you hate yourself, you hate others. Because in relationship with others … the other is nothing but a mirror." - Anonymous

96. how would you describe yourself using 10 adjectives?
-“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best." I like this quote because it acknowledges the negatives of who we all are. we aren't all only happy, funny, bubbly, hard-working, etc. we are also grumpy, boring, rude, and lazy. we are a combination of every adjective out there; it just depends on how aware we are of our expressions of these adjectives. So, notice the kind of adjective the person uses when they respond and also note the context and circumstance of your relation to them.

97. do you prefer a hot drink on a cold day or a cold drink on a hot day?

98. if you could be famous would you? famous for writing, acting, food, music, sport, YouTube etc.
-> for me personally it depends on the exposure i get. if i get a lot of focus on myself then no (music, acting, etc.) but if my work gets more focus than i do and i can still live a "normal" life then yes (writing, food, etc).

99. which musicians or artists do you think deserve more recognition?
-> emotional oranges, Justice Der, cigarettes after ***, the 1975, pink sweat$, A. Chal

100. what is one of the most thought-provoking questions or statements you have ever heard?
-> "not all of us can afford to be romantic" - Pride and Prejudice;
"when will it be enough; how much more do you need to finally be happy"- My dad; "do you believe that everyone deserves to look and find themselves to be aesthetically beautiful" -My brother

101. Favorite piece of clothing?
-> yuriy’s wedding: the dress I had, red socks, fuzzy sweater

102. What’s your full name?

103. What’s the weirdest saying an old person has said?
-> don’t go spending your money in a wooden nickel

104. What age would you consider a person to be old?

105. Do you believe that life requires s purpose?

106. What is your purpose?

107. What is one of your biggest fears that you believed in (as a child, adult, etc)?
-> that I was unlovable at some point in my life

108. When you are in an emotional emergency, do you have someone you can call? If so, who is it and why?
-> I don’t really...I try to stick through it...weird since I have had people tell me that I could call them but I still don’t feel comfortable to talk to them...

109. Do you have relationships where you felt valued, a sense of belonging, calm, accepted?

110. What is your earliest memory of feeling left out?
-> the social pain overlap theory (SPOT) describes the overlap between the pain of being physically hurt and the pain of being left out. In our bodies, there is literally no distinction between the two.

111. If you could only have one for the rest of your life, would you choose to keep limes or lemons?

112. Have you ever experienced the relational paradox? If so, with whom?
->  when you’re convinced that your friends won’t tolerate who you really are so you decided the best way to be excepted is to leave a part of yourself out of those relationships; By hiding yourself you may preserve the friendship but at the cost of feeling that you don’t legitimately belong but if your friends can see who you truly are they would cut you loose

113. Have you ever done a relational mindfulness exercise?
-> set a timer for 10 minutes, and then stare into each other’s eyes silently. It should sync your cardiac systems as well as your respiratory systems. Hold each other’s pulses to identify; I find it weird how we get stared at lovingly when we are babies and then that goes away as well get older...

114. What is a secret that you have kept from your partner, family, or closest friends that you believe if they found out they would reject you?

115. Do you have a person in your life that can be categorized as “the one that got away”? Someone you either dated or never dated?

116. Is there someone in your life that you don’t see anymore that you would like to have a conversation with? Dead and/or alive.

117. Sunset or sunrise?

118. Do you want children? What is your opinion on men who don’t want children; what is your opinion on women who don’t want children?

119. Have you ever felt forced to do something that you didn’t want to do or say? Like give a handshake, hug, take a picture, have a conversation, give a number, compliment someone, disclose personal information, go on a date, say I love you?
-> there’s a difference between not wanting to do something and feeling forced to do something, and I find it interesting that we all do things that we feel are forced upon us when no one is directly stating that we have to do it; it’s like an invisible force

120. what is something that another person did that made you uncomfortable but you never addressed it?
-> sing terribly while they are genuinely trying, get physically close to me, compliment me in a creepy way, talk in a movie theater

121. What is a pet peeve of yours?
-> leaving garbage on a table after you eat (not cleaning up after yourself), having poor etiquette with servers or cashiers, saying “mom” instead of “my mom” if I don’t share the same mother as them (missing the possessive pronoun before a parent).

122. Who is someone that you find attractive that is the same *** as you?
-> Arbby, Irina, Jessica, Sara, Valentina

123. What is the most sweet/****** compliment you have given to someone?

124. What is the biggest plot twist you have ever seen in a movie or book?

125. When did you  feel the most loved (in your entire life, this week, by me)?

126. what is something I have said that you have always remembered?

127. Blue or red Gatorade?

128. Star gazing or sunset picnic?

129. What is something that is underrated?
-> our bodies (specifically our our hands, eyes), stars, cologne/perfume

130. have you ever tried to impress the other? If so, for what reason and when?

131. Which do you prefer: breakfast, lunch, or dinner for the rest of your life?

132. Are you missing someone right now? Do you think they miss you?

133. What was the happiest meme out you have had this year?
-> dancing with Celesa at trinity, at the apartment, after hours at the bistro, French dip at lost like with Celesa, holding Lorenzo, seeing a birth and colostrum, making my first song and listening to it for the first time, board game with Hayden, D.E.A. Hat guy, Fourth of July with kristina -> ride back with questions, eagles falls, yuriy’s wedding and gelato boy, euphoria makeup with Bella, painting with Michelle at green lake, reading books

134. where were you born?

135. how many states/countries have you visited?

136. what color would you use to describe your life

137. would you say it is better or worse to listen to sad music when you are sad?

138. what is the #1 factor that predestines people for failed relationships?
-> no examples of healthy relationships

139. what is the weirdest ice cream flavor you have ever tried?
->black licorice, peppercorn/caramel/goat cheese

140. What’s the most exciting dream you have ever had?

141. What’s the most peaceful dream you have ever had?

142. What’s the most terrifying dream you have ever had?

143. Who is the most misunderstood person you know?
-> Mark; he wasn’t well liked, but I remember thinking that the was just misunderstood...

144. Who in your life are you misunderstood by?
-> my mom

145. Do you prefer handshakes or hugs?

146. Do you prefer movie nights or dinner dates?

147. When was the last time you read a paper book for pleasure?

148. What is a comment that someone said to you that you were honestly shocked by? Like, you couldn’t believe it came from their mouth?
-> when I was in sixth grade and my friend’s mom said, “aren’t you jealous of [her daughter/my best friend’s name] ****”?; “do you even know what wings are”?

149. As a kid in elementary school, where did you play during recess? Tetherball, four-square, hopscotch, jump rope, soccer, basketball, slide, monkey bars, swings, sandpit, etc?

150. What otter pop flavor was your favorite?
-> the pink one

151. When you brush your teeth, are you messy or clean? Meaning, does the toothpaste get outside of your mouth at all?

152. What do you remember about elementary school in terms of field trips, punishments, recess, fun run, day of activities, lunch food, movie nights, fundraisers, assemblies, and reading points?

153. what do you remember about middle school in terms of the change from elementary school with no recess, classes, $ex ed, lockers, assemblies, P.E., lunch food?

154. what do you remember about high school in terms of the change from middle school, classes, assemblies, P.E., sports, lunch food, standard tests, dances, friends from your first year to your last year?

155. what do you think is a poet's aphrodisiac in the form of a person?
->intelligence, originality, mystery, intriguing personality

156. what is a bad habit that you know you should quit ( can be a substance, activity, or person)?

157. How often would you say you reflect on your life? with the mundane activities and the more impacting activities?

158. what's a song that you are replaying right now?
-> redbone x childish gambino by Jospeh Solomon

159. what is the most random food combo that you really enjoy?
->mashed potatoes/gravy with corn; hot dog with jelly

160. who is a person in your life that was the most mysterious to you?

161. would you say that you were shown healthy relationships throughout your childhood? in particular, your parents' relationship?

162. would you say that your family made you feel seen, heard, and understood? if not, would you say that you subconsciously expect this in your adult relationships? what have you done to unlearn this mentality?

163. would you say that you are always the one doing the caretaking in your relationships?

164. do you have a hard time listening to others?

165. do you act differently with men than with women?

166. do you get hurt easily and withdraw when there is conflict; what are you like during conflict?

167. what are you like when you don't get your way (aggressive, sad, quiet, loud, irritated, calm, unbothered, indifferent, annoyed, happy, frustrated)?

168. what are the molds for your ideas about how relationships are supposed to work?

169. what do you believe you're entitled to within a relationship (any/ friend/ romantic/ family)?

170. what was your closest experience with death?

171. do you prefer cauliflower or broccoli?

172.  what's the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?

173. what are your favorite tv shows or movies?
-> bridgerton, pride and prejudice, law abiding citizen,

174. what is the most controversial thing you have ever done?

175. what is the most controversial thing another person has done?

176. what is your superpower?
->there is no one on this planet that is quite like me

177. what do you believe is the purpose of a romantic relationship? Marriage?

178. do you think love is needed to marry someone? would you find yourself ever in a situation where you would marry someone that you did not love?

179. what is your weirdest talent? hobby? experience?

180. do you bring your phone with you when you go to the bathroom? if so, when was the last time that you went without your phone?

181. what is something that most people have done but will not admit to?
->eat a ******, smelling their **** out of curiosity, ma$turbate, blame a **** on someone else, etc.

182. do you believe that there should be aspects of yourself that no one else on this earth except yourself should ever know?

183. what's the weirdest conversation you've ever had with someone?

184. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Describe the situation? Who made the first move?

185. What is the spiciest thing you have ever eaten?

186. what is the most bitter thing you have ever eaten?
-> unripe pear!!

187. what is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done and/or said?
->eagles falls with kristina, lorenzo's birthday with selesa

188. how would you want a girl/boy to shoot their shot at you?

189. if you could be someone else for a day (someone you have met and know) who would it be?

190. if someone wasn't interested in you, how would you want them to rejected?

191. do you prefer buttered popcorn or the sweet kettle popcorn?

192. what is the rudest thing you've wanted to say but stopped yourself from saying?

193. what is the most genuine, heart-felt compliment you have received from someone?
-> you are courageous/brave; you are a natural psychologist and healer; you're my best friend, I can tell you anything

194. what is an experience you look forward to in life?
-> walking down the aisle and maintaining eye contact with my man the entire time until I have to hug my dad goodbye; my wedding night; going on vacations with just my husband; going to Jamaica; holding my baby in my arms for the first time; watching my husband play with our children on a beach as I sit under the shade; trying fruity cocktails on my 21st; going on my first date; my first kiss; moving into my house

195. what is a moment that you tend to relive in your mind?

196. what is something that you have learned to accept in life as you have gotten older?

197. who was your first crush? how old were you? what about them made you like them?
->ruslan at church; I was maybe four; he was really sweet to me and I thought he was cute; at yuriy's wedding, I saw him and told him about it which made him get really excited

198. what is something that you hate to eat? you've tried it and you know that you will try to avoid it at all costs.
->parsley, celery, beets, ginger

199. at what age would you say you lost your child-like innocence?

200. your turn. create a question!

201. how old were you when you found out that santa wasn't real? how did you handle it?

202. what is something that people hate, but still choose to participate in?
->beauty standards

203. what super power would you wish to have?
->time control

204. if you had the chance to have the superpower of mind control, would you accept it?

205. how would you decorate your ideal house?
-> different vibes for different rooms; monochromatic black room with lava lamps, white room with dark brown wood accents and lots of plants, pastel light pink with neon glass decorations

206. who is a person that had made you cry?

207. what is one of the most scariest thoughts you have had run through your mind?

208. what is one of the most sad thoughts you have had run through your mind?

209. do you believe you should have to pay to live on a planet you were born on?

210. what is a candy that you hate?

211. what is a song that you try to avoid because it is too personal?
-> apple bottom jeans

212. would you say that you are alive or merely living?

213. what is something that someone said to you that you have never forgotten?
-> you have a lot of knowledge, but you lack experience

214. what is an example of a person that you thought was good but turned out to be a genuinely bitter, horrible person?

215. When was the last time you felt truly understood by somebody? Who was it? What did they understand?

216. Can you think of someone in your life who understands you better than anyone else?

217. Is your relationship with yourself healthy or unhealthy?

218. Growing up, the relationships I primarily saw were healthy or unhealthy?

219. Do you attach guilt with growth?

220. Have you spent too much time today comparing yourself?

221. When did you feel the most trapped?

222.who do you feel most yourself around? Why?

223. what parts of yourself do you need to break up with?

224. what is your favorite conspiracy that you believe in right now?

225. do you prefer to work with people are are the same or opposite gender as you?

226. what was the most intense experience of $exual tension that you have had?

227. what activity do you do that makes you feel most at home/ yourself?

228. what was the most painful truth you have ever been told?

229. who is someone you will never forget even though you have only had one encounter with them?

230. when was the last time you felt adrenaline pumping through your veins due to excitement?

231. what about you feels easiest to love (physical and character)?

232. what about you feels hardest to love (physical and character)?

233. What kind of love feels more familiar to you -> peaceful or chaotic love?

234. to what extent to you feel your appearance is the most important aspect of who you are?

235. do you think being attractive is a privilege? are you nicer or meaner to people you find attractive?

236. what was the hardest thing that you forgave someone for?

237. how would you define forgiveness?

238. who have you farted the loudest or most often?

239. what is an embarrassing story of when you really needed to **** in class but struggled to hold it in?

240. what is something that made you blush really hard?

241. if you had the opportunity to be famous, would you choose to be?

242. what is the longest you have not dated someone (or was flirting or thinking with someone)? In other words, what is the longest you have been alone?

243. what separates us from God?
-> ignorance (spiritual) and death (physical) - Jordan Peterson

244. what is a message that everyone deserves to hear in life?
-> "you deserve someone who's going to work hard to find ways to care for you." You are worthy of unconditional love.

245. what is a difficulty in your life right now?

246. what is something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
->fall in love, go on a trip by myself, go to Europe with Itzhel, drink a mimosa at brunch in a sunny place

247. what are qualities that you really admire in people?
-> attentiveness, observant, thoughtful, thought-provoking, mysterious, charming, honest transparency, vulnerability, calm curiosity, humble confidence

248. what is one of the most important connections you can have in life?
->your relationship with yourself

249. what memory comes to mind when you think about the ocean/beach?

250. what memory comes to mind when you think about carnivals?

251. what memory comes to mind when you think about water balloon fights or snowball fights?

252. Do you think your parents have thought about killing themselves?

253. Do you think your best friend has thought about killing themselves?

254. How often do you think people have thought about harming or killing themselves.

255. Do you believe in the concept of marriage?

256. what is the worst advice you have ever received?

257. was there ever a time where you were vulnerable and regretted it? if you are comfortable with it, what was the situation?

258. if you could go to any concert, who would you go see?
-> chase atlantic, post malone, cigarettes after ***, ariana grande, the 1975

259. why do you think people protect their pain? what does that look like - to protect one's own pain?

260. what is an acoustic version of a song that sounds better than the studio version?
-> like a rockstar & what u call that & cassie - chase atlantic

261. what is an experience that you wish to never experience again?

262. how do you feel about silence? is its presence comforting?

263. have you taken any drugs? if so and you feel comfortable sharing, what are they?

264. what is advice you would give to your 15yo self and your 40yo self? (a much younger and older version of yourself?)
-> younger self: you are worthy to love; you are worth getting to know and understand; you will one day believe that you are enough and choose healing with a life filled with authenticity that will get challenged; you'll be more unconventional; your way of thinking will not be like most that are around you - this is okay and expected
older self: I hope you are happy and live a life that you chose and not one that you compromised on for the sake of other's happiness and comfortability; I hope you live authentically and continued the process of living actualized as Maslow would saw; I hope you married your best friend that is your match in his own unique way; i hope your communication is better and that your relationships are healthy and boundary enforced

265. if you knew you were going to interview God for thirty minutes and could ask him only one question, what would it be?
-> who am I?

266. what would you do if knew you could not fail?

267. how are you, really?

268. how would you behave if you were the best at what you do in the world?

269. are you finding your dream job or are you creating it?

270. if there was a solution to your anxiety, what would it look like?

271. why are you worth knowing?
-> well, you're sitting in this seat listening to me

272. when was the last time you did something for the first time?

273. how do you treat people who can do nothing for you?

274. do you stack the plates and clean up your table when at a restaurant?
->analyze SES and their behavior to working class

275. what or who lights you up?

276. what would your perfect day look like?

277. what is an underappreciated fruit and vegetable?

278. what is something that guys/girls are insecure of that guys/girls do not really care about?

279. tell me about a time where you threw up in public?

280. tell me something illegal that your family did?

281. what is a word that would always make you laugh whenever you heard or said it when you were a kid?

282. what is the first cuss word you started using often in your vocabulary?

283. if you could be one animal, what would it be?

284. what insect were you the most fascinated by as a kid?
->ladybugs, dragonflies

285. if you could blow one thing, what would it be?
->paint, slaughterhouse, firework stand

286. what emotions would you associate to every color in the rainbow including pink, brown, black, and white? If that is too much, if you could choose one color, what emotion would you assign to it?

287. what is the saddest thing that a person has ever said to you about themselves or their life?

288. if you could be any pair of shoes, what would it be?
->professional rock climber, work boot

289. would you consider yourself to be an addict?
-> I think we are all on a continuum and are all wired to be addicted to dopamine and love we just go about it different ways.

290. if you could have any dog in the world, what would it be and why?

291. if you had to describe love and what it feels like to a young person, what would you say? OR
if a kid asked you what love feels like, how would you answer them?
-> able to feel no judgment and feel free to be who you are without the fear of rejection

292. how would you define healing?

293. how would you know that you are healing or healed?

294. where in your life have you compromised and lived for someone else?

295. what is a thought or idea that scares you?

296. why do you think people protect their pain?

297. how would you like to be cared for when you are experiencing an emotional crisis?

298. what is something that you were told when you were a kid that you have never forgotten because it provoked you so much?

299. who is a friend in your life that you know you should stop the friendship with but you struggle to?

300. what is a motto that you would tell your kids that you have lived by?
->be the man/woman that you would want your daughter/son to marry one day

301. when was the last time anyone ever told you how important you are?

302. Who have you spoken the most genuine I love you to?

303. What social situation are you the most anxious of?

304. What is something that people would never think or associate with you that you’ve thought or done?
-> I love to binge on romance novels, I played the violin and cello, I’ve never been kissed/had a bf, I have a song on all platforms, I’ve had a 4.0 most of my life, I tend to write ****** poems, I was in a drill team for five years, I wasn’t born in America, I love country music

305. What is something you’d like to say to someone who has already passed away?
-> Robertson: I hope you’re proud of me in the way that I am; thank you for supporting me in more ways than one

306. What is something you’d like to say to someone who hurt you badly?
-> i deserved better than your projected insecurities, but I was too naïve to understand any better

307. If you were forced to only listen to three songs on replay during the deed for the rest of your life, what would it be?

308. Like all of us, we are replete with contradictions -> we are walking contradictions. What are yours?
-> a desire for intimacy and a fear of touch/commitment; a desire to be known and a fear of vulnerability

309. Do you think you ever turned a teacher on?

310. What is the greatest lesson that the other person has taught you?

311. if people could not take pictures, do you think they would still drive to the tulip festivals?

312. why do you think we met?

313. which is the hardest for you to say
(1) I love you
(2) I was wrong; I'm sorry
(3) Worcestershire sauce
(4) I need help
(5) I appreciate you

314. what is one of your favorite lines in a song?
-> hoodie on low cuz I stay focused yeah, hard to stay low when everybody notice
-> heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved; I don't feed her fears I feed her habits; type to make you f*ck 'till you finish
->said you needed this heart then you got it turns out that it wasn't what you wanted

315. Are you struggling with your mental health right now?

316. Are you afraid to admit the things that go on in your head?

317. Have you ever met a person that made you so nervous that you avoided them at all costs due to the way that they look?

318. Who is the most selfish person you know?

319. Who is the most selfless person you know?

320. How many Costco hotdogs could you eat in 45 minutes for a hotdog eating competition?

321. What do you put on your Costco hotdog?

322. What’s your favorite cereal brand?

323. Stargazing or sunset?

324. What is an underrated aspect of life that is mundane to most?
-> breathing, eyesight, touch

325. If you could only keep two out of the five senses, which ones would you choose? What if you could only keep one?
-> taste, touch, smell, eyesight, hearing

326. Would you consider yourself to be more black and white or gray in terms of your thinking?

327. What was your favorite kind of candy cane: the peppermint, chocolate, or fruity ones?

328. What’s an American tradition that you do not follow?
-> I'm not a huge fan of chocolate chip cookies, PB cups, peppermint candy canes

329. what do you love most about your family?

330. what is something you would like to change about your family?

331. what is a fashion trend that you think is overrated?

332. what is an aspect about people that you have only encountered a few times in your life?
->humble/ confident authenticity, thoughtfulness

333. what do you think is the ugliest trait one can have?

334. which is worse to be super insecure or to have an inflated ego?

335. would you call yourself a good person? how do you define good?

336. what is something that fascinates you that you think about time to time?
-> reality doesn't really exist; it's our perception of the stimuli in our life that we come to understand as our own reality which is only one side of the narrative. Also, people have conversations that are quite incompatible in the sense that their definitions of words and their life experiences impact how each person enters the conversation. It is like there are two conversations that are being shared and understood in the same space.

337. what is a job that you think is much more difficult to do/live with?
-> acting: how do you separate and keep hold of your authentic self and the characters you play if you can play them really well. Does life become your stage?

338. what is a movie or song that is about to release that you look forward to seeing/listening?

339. how do you feel about your inevitable mortality?

340. what do you think about graves? how do you think society has shaped or challenged your opinion of them?

341. what is a reason for why you cried?

342. when was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn't breath?
-> talking to Bella's family and Devin jumping into the conversation with his friend that his lactose intolerant when we were talking about birth control

343. what is the best vacation that you have had? what made it so special?

345. what is the greatest lesson a friend has taught you?

346. what is the greatest lesson a parent or adult has taught you?

347. what is the weirdest thing you have done with someone in public?

348. have you ever looked at someone while they're doing something like driving, laughing or eating and just smile because they mean so much to you? If so, who?

349. what do you think is the most influential relationship that you have that impacts all other ones that you have?
-> yourself or with your parent(s)/caregiver(s)
-> "never forget that the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for the relationship you have with everyone else. If you want to work on your relationships, start working on yourself"

350. what was a phase of your life that you would go back to if you have the chance. why?

351. what is a warning that you wish you got before knowing me?

352. what is a question that you have wanted to ask someone but got too nervous to announce?

353. talk about a time where you needed toilet paper but it wasn't there. what did you do? were you in public or at home?

354. what is an instrument that you think is harder than it actually is?
-> the drums!! that is multiple rhythms to keep up with...

355. describe a time where you thought you were going to cry but tried really hard to keep your composure?

356. when you would cry as a kid, what would your parent(s) say? other adults? if they shamed or shut you down immediately, do you still do this to yourself today?

357. what is the craziest drug you have ever taken?

358. what is something you would miss if your home burned down?

359. if you could move anywhere, where would it be? would it be in the city or country?

360. what is knowledge that you wished you knew when you were younger?

361. what is the most expensive item you have bought that you regretted?

362. if you could hug anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be?

363. what is the most messed up thing you have seen another person do to another?

364. what do you tend to think about during the time where you are laying in bed and trying to fall asleep? where does your mind tend to go to?

365. what is an event in the future that you are looking forward to?

366. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

367. If you were diagnosed with Alzheimer's and you could remember only one memory, what would it be?

368. What aspect/version of yourself are you the most ashamed of?

369. What aspect/version of yourself are you the most proud of?

370. Is there someone in your life that you hide aspects of yourself from? Do you believe that if they knew all of you unfiltered that they wouldn’t accept you? is this true love?

371. Do you know how to swim? If so, how and where did you learn to?

372. What is a song that makes you cry/emotional? W

373. What song reminds you of another other person?

374. What is the name of a song you will not listen to again because it is too painful?

375. Who has emotionally hurt you the most in your life?

376. When was the last time someone told you that they loved you? How did it make you feel?

377. What did you dream of last night? If you do not remember any dream, then what was your most recent dream?

378. If you had to either eat and **** out of your mouth or *** which one would it be?

379. What's something a stranger said to you that you remember to this day?
-> I think that your body is perfect

380. What is a lesson that the earth has taught you?

381. What is a lesson that your body has taught you?
Feel encouraged to add on in the comments.
Diana Aug 2020
To hate yourself
Is to love the world
To love yourself
Is to hate the world
Aug 2020 · 67
Untitled
Diana Aug 2020
I thought I knew pain
That was until I watched you cry
Jul 2020 · 96
Rebel Everyday
Diana Jul 2020
In a consumer driven
Defining itself over one another
Capitalistic society
Which feeds off of instilling
Insecurity into its victims
With the desire for more due to
A sense of inadequacy
A sense of never being enough
The most rebellious and revolutionary act
One can do
Is to love oneself
Because it facilitates so much joy
Not happiness
For joy is not externally dependent
Like happiness is
Jul 2020 · 140
what’s my fantasy you ask
Diana Jul 2020
My fantasies
They consist of the little things
The intimate moments
That don’t cost much
Or require grand gestures in front of many
I dream of
Holding hands while you kiss my knuckles
Forehead kisses
Lifting my chin up to catch my eyes
Piggyback rides
Wearing your sweatshirts that you sprayed your cologne on
Going on a calm walk together in silence
Where we enjoy each other’s presence
Slow kisses that are filled with passion
Rubbing your thumb across my cheek
Outlining my smile
Hugging me tightly around my waist from behind
Placing your head in the crook of my neck
Lightly kissing me to tease me
Going to the beach at sunset while
Eating ice cream in a waffle cone
From the back of your trunk
Wrapped in blankets with music in the background
Playing competitive games
Cuddling for hours
Where you finally let me be big spoon
Closing your eyes as you let me
Explore your face with my eyes and hands
Because you know I get shy
Going to the movies and sharing popcorn
Car rides in the rain as we listen to music
Singing at the top of our lungs to one another
Having you braid my hair
After I teach you how to do it
Massaging your back
Working out together
Going to a bonfire and sitting on your lap with a blanket covering us
Coming to my house at random hours
Of the night to take me away
On a spontaneous trips
Watching the sunrise together
These
Are a few of my fantasies
I just want the free intimate moments
With you
The basics of a relationship
That typically get overlooked
Those
Are my fantasy
Ones that I want continuously
Even after we get married and have kids
I’ve realized that these are the moments I look most forward to in relationships. I enjoy the simple moments because they speak much louder to me.
Jul 2020 · 137
looks shouldn’t be enough
Diana Jul 2020
some treat attractiveness
as if it is THE  deciding factor
to date someone
when it should be
one of MANY prerequisites
Diana Jun 2020
I enjoy poetry
I enjoy reading poets' poems
The excitement
Of knowing that there are
Living
Breathing
Walking
Poems
Lurking in the minds of others
Ones that have yet to be written
Ones that they play around with currently
And poems that they have stored from the past
Diana Jun 2020
The idea of perfection itself
Is an illusion
Utopic myth
Diana Jun 2020
So you have a pretty little face
But how about that brain of yours
Can it stimulate my mind too
Diana Jun 2020
Everyone has a mind
But
Not everyone uses it

How do you know
If your thoughts
Are the product of the expression
Of your independent mentality
Or
If you’re just a parakeet
A house animal who
Repeats the words and opinions
Of those around you
That have trained you to mimic them

How do you know if you’ve reached
Enlightenment
Are you truly able to think for yourself
Or do you rely on the thoughts
Of others
More than your own
Because you don’t have any originality
Since you’ve never exercised it before
Diana Jun 2020
When will you start believing
That you are enough
Because it’s getting to be too tiring
To continue being you
Diana Jun 2020
It’s crazy
To think so much
About how I wished we met
In different circumstances
In a different environment
With a different context
You see
Where you meet someone
And who you’re with
Have a heavy influence
On the way in which you converse
And interact with another
Especially if you’ve never met before
For example
If you’re in a bar or dance club
You’ll interact with someone differently
Than if you met that same person
In a church or classroom
Because the environment has such a sway
In conversation etiquette and topics
If you’re hanging out with your older brothers
And their friends come over
The way in which they talk to you
Will be different because of your relation
To those around you and their presence
So even if they find you attractive
Even if they are known to be **** boys
You’ll get to see a different side of them
That you would have never seen
Had the environment and people been different
So I can’t help it but wonder
How our conversation would be
If we met in a different environment
Surrounded by different people
If you’d hit on me
If you’d be polite
If you’d be disrespectful
If you’d be quiet
As we spoke to one another
So next time
Be conscious of the environment you’re in
Of the people you’re around
Be conscious of the conversation etiquette
Of the approved conversation topics
Use it to your advantage
Or don’t
Either way
Just be conscious
Diana Jun 2020
I want to be
A collection of truths
A vessel of adages
A fountain of proverbs
A time capsule of thought-provoking
Statements
Questions
Facts
to be a brain filled with the thoughts of others while making room for my own to grow and flourish
Diana Jun 2020
It’s as if
Every word
Every phrase
Every thought
That escapes your lips
Is something that can be captured
And worthy to frame
Worthy to be quoted
Worthy to be printed and shared in books
May 2020 · 103
phantom feelings
Diana May 2020
my heart bleeds
for someone that I have yet to meet
Diana May 2020
I love the mystery
In knowing that I haven’t met
The love of my life
Yet
In knowing that all of it awaits me
In being able to explore the what ifs
Exploring the unknown memories
I’m excited
To explore each stage
And simply exist in each moment
Without wanting more
Knowing that it will come
Eventually
I’m excited for the early stages
The rush of excitement in seeing them
Without knowing their name
The blushing
The smiling
The subtle flirting
The “thumping heart rates
But trying to appear calm” moments
I’m excited for the friendship stages
The jokes
The “hang outs” not called dates
The adventures
The unspoken knowledge
That we both like each other but still
Try to pretend that we’re just friends
The nervousness
The wondering if the other actually likes you
Or if you’re making it all up in your head
The playful flirting that is questionable to people claiming to be “just friends”
The early dating stages
The butterflies in asking them out
The excitement in getting ready
For the first real date
The awkward moments here and there
The innocent firsts
First time holding hands
First kiss
First cuddle session
The later
More intimate stages of dating
Moving towards marriage and the honeymoon
Watching life play out as you live together
Attempt to spice up date nights
Moving to children
The pride in his eyes as you carry and grow his baby within you
The excitement in being parents
To the product of your love
Moving to actual parenthood
Sneaking alone time
Watching your spouse take care of your children
Watching him swear off all boys with violence when he stares into his daughter’s eyes
Moving to when your children all leave
And your left alone with the love of your life
Just like in the beginning
To when you both look wrinkly
Move a little slower
And sit in silence more often
To when you mourn the loss of your spouse
Knowing that one of you
Would die first
And the other will be left
Alone
Only for a while
Until you reunite again
This is the beauty
Of a romantic relationship
That awaits
Who knew
That the boy you saw across the room
The one you just hit your friend for
Just so you could point him out to her
Would be the boy
That would become someone you knew
More than just a good looking stranger
But someone who knew your name
Who becomes your best friend
Who would create beautiful memories
Who would be the cause of many laughs
And tears
Who would be the guy that gave you
Butterflies from asking you out
Who would be your first kiss
First everything
Who would be the one who marries you
And has children with you
Who knew
All of that
And more
Will come from the stranger across the room
This is the mystery
That I keep replaying in my head
Excited for all of the stages in my life
Except maybe
For the last one
Diana May 2020
I am a castle
I’m a mystery to everyone from the outside
Many are eager to find a way in
To escape undetected from my security
Climb their way only to judge the interior
Compare it to the exterior
Which is the only image I’ve allowed
Them to judge
However
No one
Will see the real me
That locks herself away from the
Destructive and dehumanizing eyes
Of those that secretly desire
To be the castle
A price too high
For anyone
To live with
Once the truth is unveiled
Inspired by another poem I  read.
May 2020 · 80
reflections on beginnings
Diana May 2020
there is something nostalgic
something monumental
when you think about some of the most influential people
in your life
(whether that influence was good or bad)
when you think back to the first time you met them
it's almost as if there's a running joke
like ha
if only you knew
how much of an impact this stranger before you
the one that you've just met
will have over your life
it blows my mind
from time to time
for some
i wish i could tell myself that this will be the beginning
of a beautiful journey
filled with joyous memories
for others
i wish i could tell myself to run away then and there
before all of the hurt
would submerge beneath the surface of my skin
but then i remember how the pain
led to healing
which later birthed strength
that i would not have had
had i never met them
skimming through tumblr at night inspires me
Diana May 2020
i wanna dive
into the field of your thoughts
that is your mind
i wanna drive
through the emotions fighting and declaring war
in your eyes
i wanna swim
in your laughter
that transforms your entire body
to such a warm hue
i wanna touch
the glass that your heart coats itself in
so jagged yet fragile
i might get cut
but i know that you are a beauty i wont come by again
in this lifetime
s           o

what do you say     
                                       a
                                   e        p
will you take this l                 with me

live in the m o m e n t 
                                                      g
stop t                                      n
             h                          i
                    i            k
                          n
and just
e
    x
  i
     s
t

with m  
          e
Diana May 2020
people treat you
based on how you treat yourself

it's typically unconsciously done

when we meet others
for the first time
it is a mixture of a few things
place a neutral facade over yourself
while you wait on continuous feedback
from the other
which dictates which version of yourself
you will expose
however
the point is that this version of yourself
is dependent on the feedback one receives from the other
if the other is humorous and talks colloquially
then you will imitate that persona
if the other is stoic and uses bombastic language
then you will imitate that persona
if the other disrespects themselves and is insecure
then you are more likely to disrespect them
abuse their insecurity
if the other reveres themselves and is confident
then you are more likely to revere them
feed into their confidence
and are less likely to disrespect them
you cannot abuse something that doesn't exist

much of this is typically unconsciously done

remember
others do onto you
in the manner in which they unconsciously wish
would be done to themselves
Mimetic Theory by Rene Girard. Look it up! It's life-changing.
May 2020 · 195
Say it to my face, baby
Diana May 2020
You mouth
I love you
Against my lips
Because you’re too shy
To look me in the eye
And proclaim your feelings
Scared of the emotion
Which is all too foreign
To the likes of someone like you
But that’s where you’re wrong
Because if you just lifted your face from mine
You would see the genuine emotion in my eyes
As I tell you that you are worth loving
As I tell you that you are capable of receiving love
As I tell you that you are loved
Because the fear of rejection
Is the result of chronic insecurity
To love oneself
As they are
Unconditionally
Diana May 2020
Your body
Is a living breathing masterpiece
Your eyes
See with such precision and depth
Your hands
Feel with such sensitivity and awareness
Your ears
Hear with such distinction and volume
Your lungs
Breath with such complexity
Your kidneys
Filter and excrete with such complexity
Your liver
Metabolizes and produces substances
With such complexity
Your bones
Grow and decay and store
With such complexity
Your muscles
Contract and relax and grow
With such complexity
Your heart
Beats and contracts and relaxes
With such complexity
Your veins
Contract and relax and respond
With such complexity
Your lymph nodes
Filter and protect
With such complexity
Your brain
Processes and stores and sends messages
With such complexity
You
Are
Complex
In every image you see
In every object you touch
In every sound you hear
In every movement of your limbs
In every heartbeat
In every thought you think
In every single breath you take
In and out
There are billions of activities working
Within you
Never allow yourself to forget that
Understand
It’s harder to hate a masterpiece
Once you know all of its beauty in detail
anatomy + physiology and microbiology in college have taught me something 13 years of public school
never did -> SELF LOVE
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