when i write about gd
no one can relate

emotions won’t **** you
but that’s the worst part

if gd doesnt exist im crazy
but there is no way to know

life is me trapped inside searching for exits
hopeful for a moment to escape from bolted doors

just cried my heart out to gd
or a crazy lady just spoke to herself
ill never know because gd doesnt seem to ever answer my prayers

i want to play by the rules
but i do not know them

im confused about existence
and everyone’s just going about it

i dont like it here
i never wanted this

i think resilience
turned into anxiety

i have loved  her in the past
but now she is just my wife

i dont get it

for now ill pray to G-d
for always ill keep wondering

you cant force me
you can manipulate me

exactly when i need to think straight
my mind gets clogged

there is no autocheck
on my beliefs

what instances do i take things personally
and then ill know all the other times i wont

why does your simulation require
stabbings to my gut and a boulder on my chest

why is the air
choking my neck

can you love me when the dust is not settled

i can’t be there for you
because i feel all your pain

the flower placed in less sunlight wilted
and so she blamed herself for it

when im so sure im right
theres no way to believe im wrong

i didn’t pray to gd today
i always do
i didn’t sing your praises
or read how you carry me
i wanted this poem to rhyme
so you can find it cute
but i always do doesn’t rhyme with
i feel so broken and like you don’t even care and how do you put me in all this pain and my life makes me feel like i want to die and nothing is fair and im suffering in emotional pain too often for like ten years already and it’s not like im not trying not to suffer, i am but i dont seem to know the code they say embrace your feelings but then also let go and i feel like i dont know how to accept my feelings or let go and it results in so much suffering

so sometimes life doesnt rhyme

my sadness is as attractive as my poems

im not the writer of my story
im the main character in this chaotic novel

he rejected me
it hurts
it wasnt meant to be
this pain is meant to be?
who are you mr meant to be

i get to anxious for this life
i feel too awful to enjoy this

im having a terrible time here
and i dont know the solution

and now even sleep
has no rest

without language
poems would all be sensations

i wish i can make whatever is killing you go away
i see you being beaten
and i know it hurts you so bad
i want it to stop for you
but whenever i used to try i felt the painful death myself

there’s a virus in my brain
it’s always chaos on the screen

i feel awful all the time
i hate it here

ill either see you never
or forever

edit: i hope i never see you

what do i do with an awful feeling
that keeps coming back all the time

either G-d or life
is a hoax

some of you don’t wake up
with a walnut lodged in your throat

like what is actually after the sky
it’s either infinity or nothing

self esteem wasnt in your mind
those who were watered in sunshine blossomed

i hope to abandon you someday hello poetry

of im going to have anything
its because You led me to it

oh just please G-d be more clear
on how exactly you need me to dance

what do i do with pain
that is clinging to me

let me at least revel
in the moments i dont wish to die

my brain
is toxic

i am worthy of love in the storm

G-d you better have good explanations
when i get up there

The water is seeping out of my eyes
I’m left with a dehydrated headache

i stay up so late into the night
and now its light  outside