queen of hearts

queen of hearts 7d

In another life, I am celebrating my first child's 5th birthday today.
My soul is equally at peace that I am not and ferociously shattered that I never will.

Some days just pass by while others crave to be felt completely.

This is one of those days.

The joy I would have felt brings me some kind of comfort, amidst the stillness of everything else.

queen of hearts May 29

Ambivalently Ambiguous

Don't lie down in the space between grief and possibility.
It won't ever bring the peace you think it will.
Still, I sleep beside the idea
that if I don't move toward one,
I'll never have to betray the other.

Frozen,
but not numb.
Paralyzed,
but not hopeless.

It is both fine and dramatic - gaslighting myself.
A quiet storm fueled by my own undoing,
just waiting
to wake.

queen of hearts Nov 2024

the 10 . 24 paradox

October was all of the moments that exist in the space between the best and the worst of life.
An absolute hurricane of the highest highs and the lowest lows,
leaving no emotion left unfelt.
I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude
and relapsed on grief and disappointment -
and it was     everything     I needed it to be.
Life is just as    ruthless
and just as     wonderful
as they say.

I got married to the love of my life on October 12, 2024, and I lost my grandmother, my heart and soul, one week later. I am simply just an apple pie of everything that made her so sweet and I only wish I had more time to love her.

#love #grief #joy #loss #paradox

queen of hearts Nov 2021

please don’t go too far

I don't know what's more difficult:
watching you leave
or knowing that I told you to

queen of hearts Nov 2021

Lost.

It’s everything
and it’s nothing.
I don’t know whether to crumple it up and throw it away
or hold onto it until it gains some value.
I have come so far
making no progress at all.

queen of hearts Nov 2021

take a look around

my heart is a museum of you
and everyone here knows it

queen of hearts Nov 2021

I never have nothing left

There’s always more to give,
I swear I always find it.
Wanna leave you alone
but I can never just “never mind” it.

Too much hope.
Too much love.
I give far too much of me.
Build you a home inside my eyes,
I’ll let you live there rent-free.

Take my hope.
Take my love.
I’ll surrender to it all.
Hang me by your string;
let me go.
Watch me fall.