what is your style
she asks

what is my style
I wonder

end
beginning
midlife

grey
grey
red

scream
stop
breathe

sometimes
I am not sure
whether I am
coming or going
succeeding or failing
creating or destroying
supporting or opposing
agreeing or contradicting
loving or hating

night
heat
desire

the song of the nightingale
touches my soul
so hauntingly
beautiful and magical
but also full of sorrow
reminding me
that nightingales
will soon be silent forever

looking at
the lush green trees
she weeps
as she fears
that the world
will be less green
for her grandchildren

why can I not sleep
she asks
exhausted from the thoughts
racing in her mind

as she has no answer
to her nightly question
she takes a deep breath
and falls asleep

he told her
to revisit her past
as this would help her
to reignite her creativity

he promised her
excitement, happiness
and the thrill to create

but when she went there
all she could find
was boredom, sadness
and a desire to give up

she looks
at the letter
confirming
the change
of her name
and smiles
as she is
delighted
to be herself
again

she sits
at the window
watching the birds
fly past

why can I not be
as free as a bird
she sighs
longing to spread out
her wings
and leave all
her sorrows
behind

have I done
everything
wrong
she wonders
seeing
the displeasure
on his face

as she does
not know
the answer
she decides
to write a poem

what a mess
she said

I like it
he smiled

green leaves
bring hope and joy
signs of renewal
and pleasures to come

I need to allow myself
not to have pressure
she says
determined
to relax
and enjoy life

I look at her
and I am sad
as I sense
that she
does not know
how to
do that

up - down
hope - despair
up - down
hope - despair
up - down
hope - despair
the never ending
rhythm
of her life

high
low
yo-yo

hopeless
he said
watching her
paint

she felt
his disapproving
gaze
and froze

waiting
sorrow
longing

why do you
attach
all these labels
to me?

foreign
middle-aged
cis
childless
divorced
heterosexual
jobless­
dreamer

is it to conveniently
exclude or include me
whenever it suits you?

that is
an off-the-wall idea
he laughs
and leaves
the room
unaware
that his comment
encourages her
to continue

she looked
at me
with joy
knowing
that she
had finally
become
invincible

she sits
on the bench
quietly
so that nobody
can see
her despair
as she wonders
if she still has the strength
to pick herself up
after yet another
disappointing
failure

yellow leaves and morning fog
days are getting short
desire to slow down

give me five minutes
he said
and left the room

five years later
I am still waiting
for his return

he
he
togetherness

I do not know
how to talk to you
without hurting you

as I do not want
to hurt you
I shall stop
talking to you

I will send you
a photograph
of the love of my life
her mother said
but the photograph
never arrived

she looks at the shell
and wonders
…
how many people
have walked past
without noticing it
hurrying through their lives
chasing other people’s dreams
…
she stops
smiles
and decides to be different

what is it like
passionately kissing him
she wonders
and longingly looks
at his lips
is it like eating
ice cream at midnight
or more like accidentally biting
on a jalapeño pepper

he cannot understand her
he tries really hard
determined to succeed
but her soul just seems
to slip further away

one sheep
many sheep
finally sleep

misty sky and wind
mountains enveloped in clouds
sorrow fills my soul

walking on the sand
looking for tomorrow’s goals
shadows haunting me

tomorrow
anticipation
hope

should I stop writing
the poet wonders
would it make a difference
if I did something else instead
could I then help to make
the world a better place

think
decide
do

I want to make
a difference
the poet said
and began to write about
love and acceptance
understanding and caring
encouraging trust and support
and a commitment to help

stop
breathe
restart

impatiently
he looked at her
stop complaining
and make a decision

taken aback
by his lack of kindness
she made the decision
to leave him

happy new year
she smiles
happy new year
she sings
happy new year
she hopes

you have to find
your own voice
he said to me
but he did not tell me
where to start looking

she wonders
what she
might do
if she had
no fear

she thinks
hard and
concentrated
taking her time
to understand
her deepest
desires

after some while
she smiles
picks up
a pen and
begins
to write

they want me
to fail
they wish me
bad luck
they look down
at me
and laugh
at me
and what do I do
I do even better

it is late
and I cannot sleep

I thus decide
to stay awake
and not to worry
that it is late

red leaves
yellow leaves
gently swaying
in the wind
dark blue sky
golden sunshine
a perfect
autumn painting

I do not need you
you do not need me
it is time to depart

candles
cakes
cosiness

days are getting short
trees are changing colour
cosy is my home