Well that was quick,
That was fast in fact,
The transition from
Nervous angler
Trying to land that
Gut felt truth that
Would not yield to
Rod nor line
But rather fought
And pulled and calmly won.

Its the silence that Gets me most
Of all,
The lack of,
The void no longer filled by,
Well - you!

You crept beneath
My radar so I never
Saw you coming,
And now that
Not seeing,
That absence of view
And hearing,
Sod it that absence
In every sense,
All six in fact for
We both know the width
And depth
And power of
Our interactions,
Well,
That blindness is ****** awful!
And I thought you should know

Sometimes words are weapons
Add an s or a certain order and
They will cut to the bone,
Eviscerate a  bowel,
Destroy a dream,
End a life,
Break a lovelorn heart

Other times sans s fronted
They caress a weary cheek,
Lift up a tired soul
And reassure a faltered
Dream that its time
Too will come to
Faultless fruition

We speak thousands of words
Every day of our lives
Without thought,
And spoken they come
With added edges and jagged spurs
Of intonation, tone,
Expression

Or with balm for healing,
Warmth for the cold
Respite for the bewildered
Mind and soul
Lifting up repairing all
And making good
On harm

But beware the poem
Most of all! for it
Is a fearsome trap
For the unready author
Who writhes upon the created flow
Struck from their own verse
Read well by another,

For poems tell our truth
Warts and all,
And like singing lay us bare
To critic judge and common herd,
Who hear, absorb
And find us whole and
Nowhere left to hide,

We are forced to face
Reaction,
Reaction to our souls and hearts
Captured upon a pen's point,
Pinned to a board or a page
And read aloud
Where all can see

And what do you hear?
What do you see?
My God you see
The real and naked,,
The one and only,
Me.....

Sunlight filtered
By trees that last night
Stood nearly silent guard
About us as we  broke
New ground,
Dapples the canvas
Of my tent

Daylight and day bird's chirrup
Would deny the mystery of what went before,
Gone the soft silence
Of the silver moon,

Perhaps too that which
May after all be but dream
Despite the delicious languor
In mine limbs and
Through my soul

I lay betwixt and between,
Half awake and
Half still clinging
To my dream when with
Movement not of mine
Tousled brunette over a shy and sleep creased smile
Says "hi"

You will not
Feebly try to waft
My attention away,
Nor use inebriant half no's
To divert mine intent,
No slack jawed half closed unfocused
Gaze will look searching
My face from a haphazard pillow,

For I will not permit That easy excuse,
Nor will I be a
Half memory or an
“Oh that happened - again"
There will be no groggy awakening
Thick with the night before's effect
To face a morning guilt or shame,
Oh no...
Not this time,

This time amidst
The trees and dark
Your every sense
Will know the path We tread,
And not by map nor memory,
For none before ever felt like this,
And there are no maps on page or screen
That show or describe the delicious
Delight of our destination,

So all unknown Dreamed half of,
Yearned for in
That sense of "there must be more",
And here it is,
Alive and true and happening not in a screen near by
But you,

A you who is free
Of alcohol and drug,
A you who's mind is clear,
A you who is party to what may follow,
A you who adores not endures the
Anticipation the foreplay
And the game
Above all a you who takes full part,
Who says yes because she's asked,

Weeks of wrestling
With the line
And feeling
Your footing
Slip on ever
Less dependable
Gravel

Feeling not just
The solid power
Upon the line
But that imperterbable strength,
That fearsome yet calm focus

As a fish once caught
Is reeled in not to rod
And not to shore,
But to new self knowledge
Evermore

Feet now wet
Toes dipped in the waters
Which soon will
Close above as you
Slip delighted
Beneath their waves

No drink nor drugs
No fog nor *****
This time,
No feeble wafting
Or barely stated
"No" nor "please"


No victim yielding
Passive acceptance
This time,
No waking slow
After the fact
The ****,

No sense of being
Used in absence,
Your body spread
And penetrated
While your mind
Was far away

This time awake,
This time Participant,
This time giving
That well used yet still
Functionally ****** part


This time to feel
Every scrape of fabric lost,
Every embrace,
Each caress,
Every fingers touch

Upon private skin
That never felt
So alert so alive
So aching to be
Enjoyed
Provoked

And no pretence
This time,
There is no innocence nor
Excuse that's worth
The name

For this is you
And this is us
And we both know
The rules of this
Fine game

So thus are you
Woo'd
Seduced,
Deliberately stepping in harms way

Yet safe as your mind
Wanders again but
A different way,
A way of awareness and delight

Til finally that release
And surrender by
Conscious will,
That step across the edge of reason

That fall craved fully
Half a century
Comes finally
Home to roost

And so the lightning  
Has lost its malleable nature
And the need to be tucked in
Has faded,

I know longer see what is needed there,
Which way the spike should point
Or where or how to redirect
To better end,

I see just how much sleeker
And better fit is the
ball of natural energy that
Previously I did mould

And watch it dart away
Upon its own way
Independent and angry
Beyond my help

Exiting my aegis
For pastures new
Wherein I play no part
But to hold my cheek and check a tear

To feel that slap
The ache
The smart

And there it is
That slap that we discussed
And was said would never come,
A stinging roundhouse
***** of a thing
That even half expected still hurts,

Is it the stinging pain that hurts?
Or the attendant change of heart
And the failure to hold to
That hard won learned
Body of knowledge and
A system of belief?

Believe me I am big enough
A straight on punch with a closed fist
Is going to be absorbed
And then be reacted to,
Counter struck
And then followed by attack

But in this I cannot,
Will not counter nor attack
For this is not a fight
That I desire and neither is there a victory
Nor a war to be won,
Just sadness at losing

Once again

The lightning rods are all around me,
Above and below and beside and behind,
Even inside and through my very me and
Bursting out all over,

Because like all of us I have mine own,
Charged with all I am and
All that I desire,
All I crave and would achieve

Are described by arcing bolts
Of something like electricity,
Yet terrible and beautiful
In a way that volts alone just aren't,

But why then can I read the
Bolts of others so readily?
How is it I can reach and touch
And bend these other's

Essential sparks to better
And more profitable things?
To that my judgement feels is better,
Or is good?

Am I to be trusted with such a power
Such semi omnipotence with such
Attendant potential to harm
And maim?

Yet if not me then who?
For I do see and I am able to bend the
Struggles of another to better or for worse,
Seeing a better course I cannot help myself

But to reach out and change another's destiny,
But so far what harm have I done?
Have any truly suffered?
Has any harm been me?

None so far and this then do I share
I will continue bending lightning
The best I can and why?
Because I can

Because I dare

Because I care

Look in your heart and what do you see?
Look into your deepest darkest desire,
What is it your eyes perceive?
That which is watching your gaze,
That scary scary thing,
Is me

"Why this dance?"
She asked of me
"When we both know the dance is more than
Feet and shoes"
"Why this ersatz cavorting
Around beasts with two backs
When what's at stake
Is a meeting of our souls?"

"Because it is all one"
I said,
"All one,
The beasts the highs and lows and rainbows,
The unicorn and the snog,
It's all you and it's all me,
We just choose which bits collide
And which of those we keep"

Today the clouds parted
Though none were in the sky
To soften the midday sun and its savage glare,
But these were clouds that hitherto
Softened and blurred conversations,
Stole the worth of words
Unsaid,

Today the filters were not there to
Real-time edit the stream of meaning
From my mouth into her ear,
Today those social mores and fears
Of insult,
Injury or worse were absent,
As questions truly bluntly asked were
Truly
Bluntly
Fully
Met

How sweet it is
To watch  the disruption
Of my slightest touch
Upon a knee,
A wrist
A hand
A thigh,
That fractional loss
Of coherent thought
Engendered by what may have been
But accident,

How delicious to extrapolate,
To sense the nascent effect of
More overt intervention,
A palm slid gathering
A skirts material,
Or lips insistence upon
Goosebumped flesh,
Even as the conversation
Carries on all innocent
Above the surface yet,
How very
Very
Guilty underneath

How far that bar
Could have been
Removed from safe endeavour
Had a hand wandered
Beneath a table,
Or a touch been left
To warm too long,

A fractional delay that says
This is no accident and yet
Not enough to be
Reacted to except
Somewhere deep
In that carnal zone
We fear and desire
So much
To free upon an
Innocent world,

That sense of safe and loyal
Moral status quo,
Quivers under stress
And tremors in the face
Of her carnal monster,
Who's teeth bare and snarl at the bars
Of polite and acceptable behaviour,

But yet that rigid
Smiling calm prevails
(Albeit by a tooth's skin
And the blessed lack of that final back snapping
Straw of temptation)
And as the heat,
That innocent heat from a
Boiling sun, builds
The words come that say
"Let's leave it here
Upon a high"

There is an embrace hanging
As yet unenacted,
A smouldering aching yearning thing
That burns and writhes and
Demands to be born into reality

An embrace that promises so much
Yet threatens more and with equal vigour,
Turns a world upon its head yet
Fills a need so completely
And quenches an aching heart

We have seen the might
And the power of a saturn 5 rocket as it
Claws its way skywards
On a plume of noise and flame and fury
And this is the image we conjure when we
Are presented the concept of rocket,
Or flight,
Or heavenward high attainment,

Yet I know one who flies just as high,
Whose glance,
Let alone whose direct look,
Has the power of a thouand thousand suns
And the intense draw
Or magnetism even of a dozen
Deep black holes
In their wells

Yet she is truly petite,
One may almsot say too tiny,
She makes those of us of barn door
Frame feel truly lumpsome and
Gross by comparison,
Yet she whizzes and fizzes and
Percolates and pops,
Her path is as of rainbows

I am sure I felt the touch of
An Angel wing when she passed
Close by and yet
I see also deep naughtiness
Held firm in check,
Perhaps indeed there are horns
Beneath her dark dark hair

But it is those wings
Which explain the rocket
And the petite and the horns in balance with the good
That quicken the heart of all that
Meet her
Leaving us all just a little exhausted
Yet wearing a great
Big
Smile...

Sweet honey drips from
Perfectly manicured fingers,
Yet neither of us sees
That golden sweet glistening,
Nor the the intensity with which
I gently **** each digit with ritual focus
Until it is clean,
We neither see not because
We are either blind
But because our eyes are focussed
Each upon the other's
And thereby upon the other's soul

"Come hither" she said,
"I'll honey my fingers to aid your decision"
And of course I came
Because she asked,
Would have come crawling
On my bare **** through broken glass
Had it been necessary,
But it wasn't and the oddest thing is
She will never know she did not need the honey,
Just to crook that index finger and
Of course,
To smile

She's one of those delectable girls
Or do I mean a lady?
One of those whom,
Once seen is adored despite
One's best endevaours,
Absolutely gorgeous
Yet also truly beautiful with that light
That burns from deep within,
Blazing out from eyes that dance in merriment,

She is one of those who
it's hard to deny in anything
Even that which she doth not request,
Bringing out a puppy-dog desperate
Desire to please which
In another would give rise
To derision but which here somehow
Seems but meet and just,

She is one of those alas which
No ardent fisher of girls will readily catch
Nor display in the face of others envy
On their arm,
For she has a power of all her own
Which cannot be controlled
Or captured nor yet turned to
The desired otcomes of any but her own

So she is yet another ship to pass in the night,
Mayhap to come alongside or
To sail briefly in company
Before suddenly,
As if swallowed by a fog or darkest night
To be no longer there nor seen
Even with the careful search of scopes
As if she never were

Godzilla-like she sparkles through
Life entirely unaware of the
Destruction being wrought in her wake,
Where Godzilla wrought a wide
Avenue of shattered buildings
She leaves men in confusion and
With broken hearts,

So much power in such small a frame
Belies the obvious strength of Godzilla's mass,
Such poise and effervescence
Could hardly be aligned with such devastation
Yet here we are,
Here we are in a bloodied mess
Of brokenness,

As on she breezes so effortlessly
We rock in the wake of her passing,
Wondering how and why
Such beauty could destroy so utterly
And worse than that without any effort
But without even knowing
Or indeed appearing to care

She dangles her beautifully manicured fingers
Languidly in the stream
Honey glazed and luscious
They draw fishes from
Far and wide
And she revels in their
Cute and ineffective
Nibbling

But she does not realise the darker allure
Of the sweetness trailed
From her red nailed fingers,
Nor the strength of the
Instinct to eat nor the rage
Inherent in the nibbling
Of that ticklish little-mouthed
Scrabbling,

But there are bigger fish in deeper seas
With bigger muscled flesh
And larger mouths full of
Sharper teeth,
She seems unaware of the
Attention her honey and her digits
Cause in the depth nor
The rising leviathan

Until suddenly the nibbling stops
As smaller fry take flight,
The sunny day loses
Its warmth and the scene is set
For a different ingestion
As warm and red and sticky blood
Now trails from sudden severed fingers
No more to be dangled anywhere,

We meet in work
And in social context and always wear
A mask to suit the situation,
A mask however which
While showing to the outside world
The image we desire does not
Conspire to cover our eyes which burn
With our soul’s lust and purpose.
So you see me and I see you and the
Masks serve no success in hiding,
Yet would you meet me alone outside
The known and
Lay the mask aside or
Lay indeed
With me?

Trust is my drug of choice
Secrets the pills I take,
Seduction is my favourite thing
Or perhaps it is the engineering of
mine own seduction,
How sweet to be hunted because
One desired it and therefore made it so?
Yet justice says that once seduced
I owe a deep sating of desire the like
Not known before,
And that part also
I can do

Our eyes speak volumes
That our mouths never say
Though our bodies ache to hear or feel,
We circle polite yet yearning
Until one day that perfunctory polite embrace
Lasts a few seconds longer than ought
And holds a few inches closer,
You feel my body’s strength,
I feel yours succumb
But then we break and there is one more
Unacknowledged sharing which
Neither can now unknow

You crossed the line my friend,
After a lifetime of doing what you would
Without fear of reprisal,
To whoever wherever whenever you wished,
You crashed into my orbit
And hurt one of mine,
One who I happen to care about,

They say that what goes around
Comes around and I do not
Doubt you have given lip service
To that exact phrase
And thought nothing of it
Let alone seen in
It your own demise

But those words are true and
Tonight they come home to roost,
You hurt one of mine yet felt so safe,
This time though what comes
Is tall and bald and bearded and bad
And tonight you creep,
You die

I see you,
You are my friend
And have been for so very many years,
And no more no less the precious for
What we never were

Yet in that space between
Awake and sleep,
Where dreams or is it reality
Intrude
I see another truth

I see a time where we are one,
Where we share so much
More than this oh so precious
Ship of friend
For which I would gladly die,

Yet on wakening we are still that
One true company of two,
One great and decades lasting platonic love,
Each the other's partner's lack of choice
For we come each with the other

Should I awaken in the other world
Where we a couple are,
I do not know that I would willingly lose
What we have earned upon this plane,
So I turn over, smile,

And doze again

I came ashore to socialise,
To mix with those who
Have never seen the sea
Or an ocean's far horizon

I came to see what the
Fuss was about,
But found a grubby filty
***** race scrabbling

In their cities to earn
A crust or raise new
Grubby ***** versions
Of themselves,

And every step was as the
Tales have told,
An agony for me,
So what was made it worth that pain?

Well I met you and although
You were nor ever would
Be a person of the mere,
I loved you with a shoal's passion

But you proved fickle and
You proved false,
Betrayed and denied my love
And so I return with my broken heart,

To who I'm meant to be,
Shrug off my shoes and
Flick my tail,
As I return to sea.

...the *** or the cuddles that I recall,
Not those that made it for me more than
Just a fling,
Although those were fun
(Don't get me wrong because they were!)
They were but passing bouts of
Sweaty indignity however good we either
May have been

No,
What made it great were those gentle,
One might almost call them shy,
Moments of shared intimacy,
Shared sense or wonder,
Appreciation together of something else,
Outside of us yet by being shared,
Defining us,

Those shared things,
Those fragile moments so
Easily scoffed about are and were
What made us great you and I,
When we were us,
When we were paired
In history ,

So very long ago...

How many precious
Moments have we
Shared you and I,
Circling one another in
Lives semi linked in friendship?

How many looks matched
With almost physical violence,
One gaze crashing into the other
One soul's glazing
Locked upon another

Then smashed asunder
As concious thought returns
And proprietary mores
Wrench back control
From softening hearts,

How many of these over the
Years we've known?
I know not yet even as I half
Think these lines our souls
Link again

I sit in a web of intrigue
Involved and yet inviolate,
Not touched by others sorrows yet
Feeling every lonely cry,

I tug the webs of life
In which we all are struggling
And help others make a little progress
Or ease their situation

So many know me
Yet but few have any
True sense of me and what
I am or do

Many blunder passed
While some pause reflective
And a few see something which
Registers briefly before the stupor

Washes in to take them down
But life is for those very few who
Grasp my outreached hand
And cast aside the unseen net

That binds them to a pointless
Obedient existance and those
Few those Happy few
Live with passion and with joy

My eyes do not lie,
They blaze my would be secrets
About the place like a lighthouse
Illumning the safe route home,

They call out my decency yet
Also my passion and my
Lack of limit,
My wanton desire mixed with generosity

They shout that I will have you
If that be thy desire yet not that
Deepest part of me will
Any other have,

Which makes me what?
For I am not for sale and I am
Keeper of many secrets,
Perhaps a form of succubus

Describes me best,
My drugs of choice are
Secrets whispered quietly
Sincerely and occasionally in shame,

My eyes scream they're hiding secrets
Yet also show somehow that none shall
Ever be revealed,
And so it is for me,

A rolling succession of
Those who want so much yet get but
That which they truly need,
My eyes see all

My heart knows all,
My fingers trace the lines and
Passions of others lives
And futures,

My eyes oversee my
Meandering toward that cliff
Whence none have returned bar one,
And it is He to whom I will

Reveal both mine all
and their everything

Our eyes meet across a crowded room
Or one where none but we are present or
Perhaps it is one and the same place,
That same room
Whence distractions of others melt,
Dissolving from our awareness

We circle in a literal and figurative manner,
Closing the gap
Two predators aware of the other's thought,
Intention and indeed desire,
Prowling in ever more certain cirlces as to the
Evenings inevitable closure

Then later when the killing is done
And all predatory passion is sated,
The post coitic
Post feasting lethargy sets in,
We stretch and yawn ,
And sleep

I looked in your eyes
And I saw in your soul
The passion and colour
Of unquechable fire and
Unplumbable depths
And I,
I jumped,
Feet first,
Into wild abandon

We dance noses almost touching
Our arms and hands
Placed as the style dictates,
Arms in tension and legs poised yet the
Greatest electricity flows eye to eye
And soul to soul

I see the fire within your eyes,
The smouldering passion and threat
Within your soul and
I blow gently,
Feel the heat blaze
White hot with that desire
Which I would quench

Yours the hand that found the wolf
Hid deep and quiet
In a cave that none could find,
Yours the hand that coaxed
Him forth to the light of day,

Yours the hand that provoked a howl,
That echoed through my soul
In shades of history long forgot,
Yours the hand that soothed
The hackles raised in vulnerability

Yours the scent that woke the man,
That made life a thing
To grasp and relish,
To make of me the best I can
To be the best for you,

Yours the hand and heart and soul
On which I am imprinted - and
From which I doubt I'll e'er be free,
You my lady and you my love,
Only you, only you, only you

Came and will soon be gone,
She came and did not bend the rules
She smashed them into
Dust

No usual rules of engagement,
No control no limited investment
Just she
And I
And google translate

Oh and a world of
Uncertainty viewed from
My back foot yet
This minor humiliation
Will not **** me,

Knowing this
I am relaxed and do not fear
The mockery nor yet
React in anger at the slight
Of shared laughter at my expense

What is, is and
What will be will,
Or not transpire,
So I will wait and I
Will see what comes

Maybe good and maybe more
But probably almost
Certainly nowt
And nights and
Nothing more than friends

And that too is fine

I don’t like blondes,
They bite and tear out the still beating heart
Of me their victim,
But I do like you

I don’t put myself out for blondes
Because when all is said and done
They are just not worth it
But I waited four hours in the cold
For you

I much prefer a brunette,
You know where you are with brown,
But it’s blonde hair in my dreams these days
And it’s not a cause to frown

Blondes are predatorsand have more fun
As they casually tear up lives,
But you are just independent,
And competent and kind,
Maybe just maybe- who knows if it’s true?

One Day maybe one day
I might much more
Than just like
You

Is way too short and small
A word to describe
How I found myself
Just now

I whom nothing fazes
Just ran into a door,
My heart and pulse
Erratic in extreme

And my mind a whirl
Of "oh good Lord"
And "what have I done?"
And more especially "WHY?"

Yet having shared that
I always dare a dare
And having dared myself indeed
What other course remains

But to jump right in
With two left feet
And await the splash
However big, however brash

The response may be,
Yet softness and shyness
Ruled the day today
And no taunt did pierce my heart

Which oddly for all my
Determined non investment
(And there is a word indeed!)
Was quaking at the impending response,

It's odd how things creep up
When you least expect and
Worse the grip they seize
Too late to be removed,

Yet this surprise has
Been a minor joy,
A healing for a torn heart
And a forward looking

Ray of hope

Is not a word yet
It's a concept I new discovered
Since I met you
And since you met me,

You with your inscrutability
And Google-augmented English,
Me with my heart on my sleeve
And all Google Korean

Yes it's true
That language matters not yet
I never communicated so hard nor
I feel so well before,

Hours I have spent in your company
Leg pressed to leg in coach
And selfies shot in so many
Valued experiences

And soon you will be gone,
Perhaps forever,
Perhaps to return in Spring,
Perhaps to seek leave to remain,

Who knows but I do know
I hope this friendship or relationship
Or whatever it may be,
May indeed be and indeed continue

In whatever form,
Because for whatever worth it has
And for whatever difference it makes
I find myself more than fond of you

Im once bitten and thirty times shy
Yet here you are inside
My aegis and I?
Well I quite like it!

Today I sailed
As we did,
I sailed at sea
As we did,

The sea was kind
And the wind was playful
As they were to us,
As we were once
With one another,

I sailed with someone else,
Someone new
Who had not sailed before,
But trusted me

She was scared of capsize
But trusted the odds,
My forty years experience
And a single tip

These had to be
Good odds of staying dry
And enjoying
A day without swimming

But my confidence
This time was misplaced
The wind and sea
Had other ideas

And so in the midst of Weymouth Bay
Where once I would have sailed with you
A windward capsize
Broke my pride,

A rudder broke my head
Cold shock broke my will
And a boat sailed beam ends
Away from me

But another day and fiercer wind
And a hard pressed persuasion
Found us asail once more
With others

This time we were whooping
This time all went well
This time my skill returned,
And I am
Over
You

Trains and their journies
Come in all shapes
And indeed
All sizes,

Mine was six feet
And three inches
Long and maybe
Wider than should,

It ran at various
Speeds and with
All sorts of success
And indeed of failure,

I guess a few first class
Carriages and a load of thirds,
With a well crammed
Car of baggage,

Arguable the quality
And standard of the journey too
Yet never mind it's aims,
That departing platform one?

That service once
Was James

Death they say
Is the great leveller,
Claiming rich and the poor,
The good and the bad,
Every race and creed and gender yet

They never mention
The release engendered
By that final diagnosis,
The expert's
"I'm afraid I have bad news",

No time no point in worrying more,
Nowhere to run and
No place to hide,
No more to say,
No bargain to be struck,

Just knowledge that the
World will still be turning
But I have no task left
Beneath the sky,
But to pen this verse and then

Just die

Who knew how much,
Indeed how well
I loved you?
You didn't,
They didn't,

Who knew I would have
Given up my all?
Indeed in fact I was so doing?
You didn't,
They didn't,

Who knew that behind
My flawed action was
Not a jot of cynical or sinister motive?
You didn't,
They didn't

Who knew it was real,
And true and forever
My love?
You didn't,
They didn't

Who knows it's irrelevant now,
Too late for that reconciliation
I dreamed and prayed for?
Who knows I'm dying?
Ah,
Just me

When we were together
There were ballbearings
In our lives and in our poetry
And in mine in latter days
One huge one with
Mass unarguable,

That ball of steel moved
On glistening rails,
No more sped up than slowed,
Proceeding on its way
Towards a life or solution
Beyond our ken

When the ruckus hit
And brown hit fan we might
Yet have overcome as it's a huge ball
Capable of squashing any
**** in our road
Yet you suddenly are gone

And I do not get how
You escaped the bearings path,
It and we were set for good
Yet here you aren't,
You're on a different track
With smaller bearings now

And seem unaware you ever saw
That sweet gleaming steel
That bound us once,
But that is you and you
Are weak while I remain
Ballbearing bound

I used the wind alone
Just me in my boat
And savouring every second
Of solitude,
Every ounce of effort to
Master the elements,

Then you came and suddenly
I was unfaithful to my solitude
And unfaithful to the wind,
I savoured the sight and sound
Of you as crew and sense
Of shared endeavour,

But sharing did not last
And you are no more my crew
In any sense at all,
And sail was spoiled by you
Not there nor was mine own
Company sufficient,

But the wind was kind,
The wind saw,
The wind understood.
The wind was loyal to my heart,
And the wind - the wind
Was waiting

Loyalty flies in the face of sense
While love and friendship
Makes a fool of self
And self comes second

Well you were not worth
My loyalty nor me as friend,
Well my self is first now
And repairing a life un-maintained,

It may be a slow process
And it may take pain
But this is MY life *****
And it's mine again

Loss
That's what they call it,
Or mourning,
But I've lost before and
I've mourned
Before
Yet never ever
Known pain like this

Pragmatic,
That's me to a tee,
Yet pragmatism ain't cutting it
This time
Because I fear and I feel
Your departing
Before the decision
Or announcement made

And it hurts!
Oh sweet Lord it hurts,
In ways I cannot clamp down,
Or externalise or
Stop the feeling of,
A crippling *******
Of sobbing deep inside
Where none can see

And you're reading our poems
Which might be hope
Or might be farewell
I just don't know,
And not knowing is bad enough
At any time but this?
This matters so much more,
This is killing me

Objectively I know we should part,
Objectively I know you'll struggle
Because you love and desire me
On so many levels,
And to not have me would ****,
Yet is it enough my sweet?
Is it enough
To save you n me?

And if not?
If not enough?
If I lose you to another,
If I never get to hold you,
Make love with you
Fill you with my love and
All I am?
How do I then live?