Loss
That's what they call it,
Or mourning,
But I've lost before and
I've mourned
Before
Yet never ever
Known pain like this

Pragmatic,
That's me to a tee,
Yet pragmatism ain't cutting it
This time
Because I fear and I feel
Your departing
Before the decision
Or announcement made

And it hurts!
Oh sweet Lord it hurts,
In ways I cannot clamp down,
Or externalise or
Stop the feeling of,
A crippling *******
Of sobbing deep inside
Where none can see

And you're reading our poems
Which might be hope
Or might be farewell
I just don't know,
And not knowing is bad enough
At any time but this?
This matters so much more,
This is killing me

Objectively I know we should part,
Objectively I know you'll struggle
Because you love and desire me
On so many levels,
And to not have me would ****,
Yet is it enough my sweet?
Is it enough
To save you n me?

And if not?
If not enough?
If I lose you to another,
If I never get to hold you,
Make love with you
Fill you with my love and
All I am?
How do I then live?

"Know that I care"
She said,
But care was fickle
And changed
Its nature and consequence
While my care stays constant
And suddenly out of tune
And unacceptable

"Know that I care,
That I am there"
She said as if blind
To the impossibility
Of that being wholly true
Or of being ever called upon
By untuned unreciprocated
Love or need

"Know that I care"
When I hear of
Your demise in a fast boat,
In improbable storm
At high speed,
Know that I care
And love you wholly
And now too late

You've taken my beau away
Without a thought and then
Do not care,
"It's not appropriate"
To give it back again

And you do not know,
Or perhaps you did,
Or do,
How much that sobriquet
Meant and means to me

Or how keen and deep the knife wound
Through my chest
And heart at losing it,
And feeling torn as you from
Me draw part

Til nothing left
No name of love or
Of affection remains,
Just some bloke you knew
Who's name was James

Once I wrote "Know that I care"
And it tore me apart
I thought,
But I did know then you'd hit me
Quite so hard,
Or quite how well we fit,

For the first  time in my life I've found that
Which I sought over fifty long and
Lonely years
My match,
My love,
My souls mate,

With every shared moment,
Afloat,
In bed,
Unwell at a party,
My heart became more bound
In You

Every picture painted and photo took
(No final launch in my future now!)
Every verse we penned,
Every view we shared,
Every night we spent,
Irrevocably cemented my love,

Every entry into my life has
Made me more yours,
You make every song lyric real,
You inform every aspect
Of my life
You make me aspire to better things,

And it is you my Lady,
You You You and only You,
You for who I yield my privacy,
And you with whom
I would share
My time remaining

I'm finally liberated
From seeking that one person
In my life,
Finally free to live
The life I was meant to,
That life with You

And what would I do
Without that smart mouth?
What would I do breathing air?
But my head has never been clearer,
Nor my heart,
Nor my soul,

Yours the hand that found the wolf
Hid deep and quiet
In a cave that none could find,
Yours the hand that coaxed
Him forth to the light of day,

Yours the hand that provoked a howl,
That echoed through my soul
In shades of history long forgot,
Yours the hand that soothed
The hackles raised in vulnerability

Yours the scent that woke the man,
That made life a thing
To grasp and relish,
To make of me the best I can
To be the best for you,

Yours the hand and heart and soul
On which I am imprinted - and
From which I doubt I'll e'er be free,
You my lady and you my love,
Anna you, Anna you, Anna you

Once you bestowed your favour
Upon this knight
And won his heart
And sword and shield,
Won his love
His effort on your behalf
And every protection in his power,

But you were and are no lady,
For you ascribe no true value
To a knight's devotion
Nor perceive the value of
That which you cast hence,
As if nothing,

But I remain a knight,
Armed and armoured,
Still dangerous,
Still deadly and inviolate,
Wounded maybe yet bleeding inside,
Not outside where you may see,
And I'll take another's favour,

One day perhaps you will see
The error of your ways,
One day the dragons and brigands
May tear your world apart
But I will not be there,
You'll see my strong arms that once
Were yours

Around another,
Keeping her safe,
Making her great,
Being with her,
And as we walk away
You'll see this knight will not
Look
Back.

You pierced my armour
When we first met
And left me all at sea
With sails bad set

You were so much more,
You were enough,
Enough my eye no
Longer strayed

Enough my focus was
Just on thee,
On keeping you safe
And close to me,

Enough that all
I saw was you
Enough there
Was no question who

Was first in my heart
Enough,
No other could
Ever start and my love for thee
Will never end