Hardly enough time to write
Put down in words how I feel inside
Lonely and confused
Sore and tired of getting bruised
Not on the skin
But somewhere deep within
I have felt myself slowly withdrawing
Begging my inner voice to ignore the final calling
Saying take a deep breath and forget the girl
How can I do that if she was my world
Only concern was her for such a long time
Now she's gone and I can't seem to unwind
Myself from the tangled mess she made of my heart
I need to move on, but instead I'm falling apart

Do you know how it feels
To get dressed up only to be ignored when you arrive
Do you know what it's like
To have eyes rolled at you,
and ***** whispers overheard
Do you know how it feels
To walk faster down the street
To escape the filthy names and laughs
Can you imagine the way that ruins your day
Breaks your spirit, robs you of your joy
I know how that feels
Like a pain that won't go away
Numbing, overwhelming, a pain that makes you cry
You reach out to anyone, anyone who will listen
And pour out your heart, as if that will make it better
And you go to sleep, cover your head, cover your eyes
And sometimes the pain makes you give in and die
How much can we each take
Each of us has a limit
Of the pain others cause us
Just because we're living

©Lj Mark 2015

My friends are being murdered
Almost every week
I don't know what to do
Some nights I barely sleep

Should we all move in together
Just so we are safe
Be there to protect each other
Before it becomes too late

©Lj Mark 2015

Do you know how it feels to be free
To wake up and be able to live
The life you have always had visions of
Is now yours to live just like you dreamed

You can look any way that you want to
Be as beautiful as you imagined you could be
Wear colors and styles once forbidden
But now waiting for you to slip in

You can look in the mirror and smile now
For you truly fit into your skin
It's as though a light shines all around you
All because you chose not to fit in.

by Lj Mark 2015

It seems like an eternity, but was just a year ago.
I could have gotten in trouble with my wife,
For my pillow smelling like perfume.
But now she expects it each night.

She might have left me in fury last year,
For finding women's jewelry on our nightstand,
Or a smear of makeup near my mouth.
But now she expects that to, ever gives me a wink.

If you haven't guessed, she's quite the gal,
She doesn't just allow me these things,
Things that could cause fights and divorce for some,
But encourages me, even suggests new things.

These things I do might seem a bit strange,
But she actually loves me more than before.
Because when I came out as trans,
I became so much more complete for her.

by Lj Mark

You take that usual last deep breath
One last look in the mirror
And lock the door behind you
Headed for the train going downtown

Reminding yourself that Mondays are not that bad
The train stops and you walk down the sidewalk
Avoiding people when possible
Pretending to be listening to music when it's not

From behind you to the left
A cat call and laughter
Slurs are heard
It's all a joke

But your heart sinks
Your hands tremble
Your eyes begin to tear
Your spirit sinks to the ground

It's just another day
Like so many before
That end with crying into a pillow
Wishing this breath was your last

Lj Mark 2015

I wish more than anything I was 20 again
And knew I was trans and could relive life then
what times I would have, adventures galore
My name would be Laura who all would adore

Long blonde hair, blue eyes and thin
A sweet smile, curvy hips and the softest of skin
Short dresses, high heels and smelling of rose
Red lipstick eye shadow and nails made to glow

A Lesbian I'd be, that much is sure
I love pretty ladies all lovely and pure
I'd work at Sephora selling makeup and Scents
My passions all realized plus money for rent

But now it grows late, and I'm falling asleep
With perfume on my pillow to make my dreams sweet
Even though when I wake it'll all been a dream
I know I'm still Laura no matter what life brings

by Lj Mark 2015