I've not developed the negatives
so that I can see the positives
still wet behind the ears
trapped within my fears
as I sit here in the dark
trying to leave a mark
to be remembered for something good
instead of just being misunderstood
so let me try to explain
why I focus on the pain
see its not by choice
that I listen to the voice
the chorus of doubt
there's no way out
there's no way out
a zoo of words
arriving in herds
the stampede of sentences
I guess that's what my sentence is
inside this brain cell
my bottomless well
a lifetime guarantee
of poetry.

I realise you no longer feel the same
in the things you say and do
and even though I know why
I still feel the pain
because my feelings are true
I just hold onto the hope that yours are too
that they are just buried
yet that doesn't stop me being worried
that I'm chasing an impossible dream
but if I don't hope
if I don't dream
then we become a memory
a faded picture of how we used to be.

I know you think I hold onto things
that I should just let them go
but some things are too special to just throw
some things you have to fight for
the way they were before
to keep open that door
to let you know you will always remain a part
of that thing they call the heart.

It makes me sad that you don't want to speak to me all the time
that you don't feel the need to ask if I'm doing fine
I guess we've always thought of things differently
which is why I now have so much difficulty
to accept the way things are
to let go of the past
that you don't want me as your own
that you're happy to just let me go
when I will do anything to fight for us
until my brain turns into mush
just to figure out a solution
instead I just seem to be a nuisance
a burden on your soul
because all I want is you.....

You will always be the first and last
person I think of every day
that even though I may not always those words say
I still feel it
I still want it
as its worth every iota of pain
just to hear you say my name
once more
like before
again.

Twisting and turning
listening and learning
trying to achieve
lying as we weave
always out of grasp
so we ask
seek and you shall find
through the eyes of the blind
an immense treasure
but do you have the measure?
can you compete?
with a humble heart
when yours is so full of greed
it's what you want not what you need
this everlasting peace
a silence of words
so now you're deaf and blind
not even the words can be signed
so you're forced to listen
to what's within
a slow beating
a steady rhythm
don't give in
DON'T GIVE IN

There's no reason for suicide
just **** the mind
end of ego
what you seek you will sow
so let go
IT'S OK
just lay
you're safe here
by yourself
be yourself
don't beat yourself
IT'S OKAY
there's no why or how
just STOP!
*right now

You're just a hood cat
living on the street
shacked up with a ***** rat
but always lands on her feet.

You arch your back and extend your claws
when you see him with his filthy ******
somehow he's got you on a tight leash
despite his roaming and quick release.

You still have nine lives
but none involve me
you visited all the dives
as far as the eye can see.

Under your constant spell and bewitched
as you purr content and whiskers twitched
always bringing you saucers of cream
days spent cat napping, watching you dream.

Don't answer when called
never listen or schooled
no time for interaction
or love and satisfaction.

Easily led but not easy to follow
the words you said now seem so hollow
and yet my door is always open
to take you in when you are broken.

My face is just a mask
if you want to find out the real me just ask
for I am an open book
once you enter you will be hooked
a page turner
as everything I write is to teach
so you can be my learner
and your ears I may reach.

From my mistakes
the truth I do take
and compile into verse
for this is my curse
a conduit of truth
a study in how to loose
everything and everyone
I have ever loved beneath the sun.

My walls of confidence have been breached
but at least too my heart was reached
for I can say I've loved and lived
every thought and feeling I now give
so you can read
but not heed
the life that I now live.

This poem was written to help others
for all my fellow sufferers
remember that in the darkest gloom
set inside your four walled room
will only last mere moments
it will all be over soon.

Remember all the good times
and why you are alive
this is what I have to do
just to survive.

What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
to live your life a little longer
as you grow older you also grow fonder
of this soul you were born under.

Now as the pain subsides
and the cloud slowly edges away
I think to myself I'm glad
I lived to see another day.

You don't give too much away
but that's ok
as I read between the lines
of what you do and do not say
slowly learning your ways
you tell me more in your silence
your pauses are like diamonds.

I remember every word you never said
every thought I ever had
every measured sigh
every repeated question without reply
I don't ask to receive
they mask what I need
my real quest is to achieve
a wordless answer
as your silence is golden.

The worthless cancer
a predatory disease
I know how much you fight
and yet never loose sight
of what's true and right
you simply amaze me
that even though I'm not with you
you're all that I can see
a vision of beauty
your pixie like smile
that nothing can defile
to your pixelated skin
viewed on a screen
with more beauty laid within.

Where as I feel the need to verbalise every thought
that enters my head
even the ones that make me look bad
reveal every feeling
so I'm completely honest in my dealing
OK, maybe not everything
I wouldn't want to scare you
with the thoughts that I think
I filter out my anxieties and only tell what is true
a direct link from my heart straight through
my racing thoughts are not what's important
its my pacing heart shaped *****
to which I have given you the keys
an instrument that you play
as you're a musician with such ease
with the words you do not say.

I took a trip to the edge of the Earth
where nobody else exists
it's as if the world just gave birth
to a man with a single wish
see I already used up two
on finding love and then you
so where do I go from here?
-- now I've reached the end
is there really a way past fear?
-- or should I just pretend
to live a life that's normal
as normal as life can be
I've already tried to warn you
not to follow me
I'm no teacher or prophet
I'm just a man with a single wish
as I've already lost it
already discarded my list
scattered all my dreams
so maybe I should be content
without all the dreaming
to know that I never meant
to hurt another being.

As I sit upon the edge
and look into the abyss
I will make a pledge
to not waste this last wish
so let me sail into the stars
in this one man boat
who knows how far
I only wish I brought a coat.

Scratch at my skin
bite upon my lip
feed off my sin
take a little sip.

Let me lust after
allow me to hate
feel my hunger
make me wait.

Guide my hands
across your body
your name you brand
I'm yours, use me.

Awaken my demons
ride the horseman
stir up my feelings
all just for fun.

Invade my soul
steal my innocence
tell me it's my fault
then let me repent.

Use me as a target
aim for my core
I've already marked it
not hard for you to score.

Take your scissors
cut into my heart
use precision
see what you can craft.

Slice me open
see how I bleed
leave me broken
watch me grieve.

Make me believe in
your honesty and trust
everything deceiving
everything is lost.

Poke me in the eye
stab me in the heart
tell me you will die
tear my world apart.

Take away my hope
sell all my dreams
in tears I soak
for you my fiend.

Age is just a number
to keep track of the lines on ones face
it has nothing to do with our character
or social grace.
What truly defines us
is our life experiences;
birth and death
ill health and stress
marriage and divorce
love and *******.

Our age doesn't equate to intelligence or wisdom
its just a stage of the skin that we've lived in
just because we were born on a certain day
doesn't mean we have to act a certain way
in fact the only thing with certainty
is that we're all unique
like snowflakes
what truth we seek
and path we take.

No need to rely on horoscopes
or what's written in the stars
they're just a joke
like tarot cards
our life is our own making
opportunities are there for the taking
so no matter what, never give in.

As light dwindles into thin air
night brings with it only despair
the weight of life came crashing down
answers which I haven’t found
yet crazy thoughts still surround
life has again withdrawn its spark
all its left me is the dark
no one can hear my silent cries
hidden behind smiles and lies.

Please help me from this black hole
help me save my mortal soul
my thoughts are filled with confusion
such emptiness and delusion
rescue me from this pit of depression
relieve me from my fatal obsession.

Now as I wait in the hall
it stands behind me eight foot tall
a nameless shadow on the wall
death beckons me and whispers, "come!"
but I try to tell him I'm not done
I'm still strong surviving here
trying to get through another year
without the sadness, without the fear
he looks me dead in the eye
and tells me to say goodbye
to everything I've ever known
to leave my life all alone.

Just as my gaze starts to fixate
a mist of haze emanates
a crack of light as dawn breaks
through the curtains drawn so tight
looks like I won the fight
from my nightmare I awake
no more sweats, no more shakes
yes another night I survive
awake now, still alive.

If you keep completely still
you may never connect
experience something real
or have some effect.

I try and keep my distance
from each and every one
but they still show persistence
still need me to have their fun.

I would rather sit alone
without companion by my side
still trying to atone
and still trying to hide.

Lost in my own world
my shattered dream
lying in a ball curled
only caring for my needs.

No grasp of reality
no universe of my own
still looking for some clarity
so I can say I've grown.

I lost myself again
I became part of them
all those lost souls
connected by a web
each playing some role
hanging by a thread
looking for recognition
claiming we are unique
but with every proposition
someone else's words we speak
so why are you reading this?
you already know the punchline
I could seal it with a kiss
my body and soul are online
sold to the highest bidder
minus the commission
yet none of us are winners
as nobody listens
we are all just echo's
travelling through space
I've already let go
of my dignity and grace
a hybrid that's part machine
drip fed by strangers
on celebrity culture we feed
we are all now vampires
taken by the night
we have become digital liars
afraid of the light.

*Yet I see this web we're caught in
just don't know how to escape
so like you I'm still courting
trapped by my own fate.

I was told when you meet her you will know
it's true now I've felt your glow
I never want to let you go
and yet the more I draw you close
the more you pull away
that's what hurts the most
why won't you stay?

Like hourglass sand
trickling through the fingers of my hand
wasted time that's past
for nothing in this life lasts
so lets hold onto what's special
as tomorrow could be celestial
let me be your lasting breath
or forever live in regret
as I watch your sunset.

Life is wasted on the youth
as only experience reveals the truth
that time only marches forward
so forget the moments that were awkward
forget all the stupid arguments
the silly little accidents
the thoughtless carelessness
because love is permanent.

Some call them the one
because they are comparable to no one
and yet one is singular
but love is all encompassing
from the moment it's begun
till there's no more sun
Love transcends time and space
it forgets blame and disgrace
disregards gender or race.

Love is long suffering
for it endures all things
not just the good days
but also the bad
not only the praise
but also the sad
and so I still pray
no longer for me
but so you can see
that you can experience
loves warm glow
then you will be fearless
then you will know.

Life is just one big mistake
but its how we deal with the ones we make
what chances we take
and those we forsake.

All I can offer is my advice
from my experience
because I've paid the price.
So be wiser than me
for I didn't listen
this you can see
that life has no guarantees.

Try to always do your best
for life isn't practice
this is the test
there are no second chances
no reboot or delete
so make sure you pass this
instead of suffering defeat.

Don't waste time accumulating your stack
for what you waste now you will never get back.
Love somebody with your whole heart
and don't let anyone tear it apart
or trample upon your dreams
don't settle for the milk
when you can have the cream.
Remember you can't change the past
so live your life now
and make those memories last.

Treat everyone as your equal
because we are imperfect people
all Adam's sinners
we all started as just beginners
allowed to run lifes race
by the beauty of God's grace
we all make our own choices
no one else can force us
so don't be easily led astray
as life eternal awaits
and that's forever and a day.

Search for me in the morning
search for me at night
search for me without warning
for I am out of sight.

Hidden in plain view
hidden from your eyes
look for me all anew
so I no longer have to hide.

I am a ghost writer
for my troubled past
I still try to hide her
though you still ask.

To pen a full confessional
to reveal every flaw
let me pretend to be the fool
stop asking me for more.

For I am the secret keeper
the holder of the key
even though you still seek her
she remains within me.

I told you once that I loved you
but now you're with someone else
even though my words are still true
I've put my heart back on the shelf.

I still think you're beautiful
but can't tell you that anymore
even though my world you still rule
I replay your response from before.

Never had the chance to hold you tight
yet I still said all will be ok
and now that you're out of sight
those words I still want to say.

For out of sight isn't out of mind
and out of love isn't out of heart
in the deepest place your name is signed
till the day that I depart.

Because I can no longer say it
I will write the truth
and one day you may read it
that I still love you.

Let me just lay here
and count the raindrops
they remind me of tears
that never stopped
running down the window pane
why do we run if we've already lost?
I've never felt that much pain
or paid a higher cost
to loose a love like a missing sock
now I'm oddly paired
and out of luck
oh how I despaired
and buried my head
hoping the wind would carry the sand
no longer to be wed
no reason to wear the band
a reminder cast in solid gold
a useless trinket
an empty hole
a broken promise
has passed her lips
no granted wish
will ever be his
all that's left is an odd sock
and a broken heart
is what she took.

Grant me the solitude of my illusion
a man born from broken dreams
if I knew how it all started
then maybe I could tell you how it ends
I wish for those dearly departed
until then I still pretend.
A fly caught in a spiders web
a mouse to a snake that's fed
we all know of our own demise
yet we all choose to close our eyes
maybe we are different
destined for some greater path
a beaming star in the distance
a celestial body that forever lasts.
Its imagination that sets us apart
the ability to dream
so lets live through our heart
and not by our means.

I want you to know
that I still care
even though
I despair
and my heavy heart
it's still beating
from the outskirts
where life is fleeting
I still hold on
to my sanity
but I don't belong
with gravity
let me float upon clouds
let me soar in the sky
yet still my heart pounds
and I don't know why
why I'm still here
to be used like a lover
but riddled with fear
still yet to discover
for it to become clear
tell me your secrets
that I will hold dear
fill me with regrets
in exchange for my heart
let time forget
the things that have passed.

Our birthplace is the heavens
we were born in the stars
from the tiny atoms
we became what we are.

How beautiful our complexity
how wonderfully made
how intrinsic our simplicity
how slowly we fade.

Watch us race across the skyline
watch us burn so bright
watch it records time
as we count down the light.

How many moons will pass
till we return to stardust
I'm too afraid to ask
yet return we still must.

For we are the universe
the Earth, Sun and Moon
everything will eventually pass
as soldiers die at noon.

*Eye for an eye
ashes to ashes
why do we cry?
everything passes
passes us by..
passengers of life...

Maybe I needed words to confirm
whisper them when it's your turn
mouth me from across the room
E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T J-U-I-C-E
is the same as I love you
deceive me with mammals
as I play piano
pouring my heart upon the keys
do with me as you please
"I'm yours, I'm yours"
rings out the chorus
the deafening silence
of love unrequited.

A boomerang that doesn't come back
a runaway train on broken tracks
maybe I should have held onto words
not listened to the singing birds
that told me you felt the same
how could I believe your heart was tamed
for I am no ringmaster
a gazelle that's wandered into foreign pastures
I was your prey
yet I was bold
for the words I say
are seldom told
with such earnest longing
so behold
I L-O-V-E Y-O-U

The world crumbles beneath my feet
cracks in the pavement appear so deep
as I hop across these stepping stones
trying to find my way home
Dorothy lost in Oz
I'm lost just because
because I was
and now I'm not
not that wide eyed boy
walking along cracks
now they try to swallow me
please don't follow me
trace my footsteps
because I'm not perfect
I fell in the cracks
try to fill in the gaps
so no one else falls in
falling..
falling in...
failing in love....
flailing in life.....

Have you seen a turtle on its back?
a bird with a broken wing?
I'm no Gömböc
and I can't swim
not in waters this deep
a speck on the ocean
I can't fall asleep
or else I will start to drown
trying to just stay afloat
upon my lifeboat of hope.

Water or earth?
above or below?
death or birth?
deep or shallow?
It doesn't matter
if its this or the latter
everything is illusionary
like the elusive blue fairy
do we die if we don't believe?
can we fly if we conceive?
to leave our bodies at night
and take to the sky in flight
allowing our souls to soar
like fireflies lit from the core
but our very essence has been tethered
by the one almighty Shepherd
to these bodies made of clay
till sins wage we do pay
then we too can join the flock
like every other lost sock.

I am just a sunflower
standing all alone
waiting for the right hour
when the clouds are gone.

I spread my petal like wings
whilst everybody watches me
I stretch, dance and sing
for my life is truly free.

I don't need to follow
I need not pretend
for I am not shallow
the sun my only friend.

I'm not scared to be different
not afraid to stand by myself
even though I may appear distant
love I give for it's my wealth.

You said all I had to do was ask
so I asked and still you passed
now all I can do is grasp
trying to catch sun rays with my hands
yet some say they don't understand
why I try to stoke the fire
the ambers they burn like a liar
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
well for this woman I've already mourned
and now its the morning after
there was no warning for this disaster
no lighthouse to save this relation ship
no alarm when the fire was lit
everything that burns so bright
will eventually dissolve in the night
yet no matter how long I stay awake
I still can't catch those rays you make
for you are the dawn
the tomorrow that never arrives
so still I mourn
the day our relationship died.

If I wrote you a letter
if I sang you a song
would you start to remember
where you belong.

The place you never left
not in memory
but within my chest
you're always with me.

So come back and listen
you can hear it beat
for you it's missing
it's song sheet.

For what use is beating
if your ears don't hear
anything else is cheating
everything else is fear.

Let me be your hummingbird
and you my butterfly
just listen to my words
before you die.

Remember all the miss you's
the smiles and the laughs
and not the misuse
of words that've been cast.

It's easy to say I love you
when someone says it first
or I love you too
as if somewhat rehearsed.

But I never heard you say
those three special words
yet even to this day
you will always be my first.

My first, my last, my everything
this is my love letter
the verses that I sing
how could I forget her...
Why would I?
die would i

She asks me to forget about the past,
because all things have passed.
I ask her to not talk about the future,
because I don't want to loose her.
So here we are our imperfect little bubble.

My brain is telling me I have to do what's right
but my heart always says don't give up on this fight
my feelings ever present
even though my frustration vents
there's so much I want to say to you
but I have so little words
instead I write poems that are true
and plant it in a verse
hoping you will read between the lines
in-between the quips and the rhymes
as they all stem from the heart
each and every single part.

Good or bad
happy or sad
I keep writing
keep wishing
keep praying
that it will help my cause
or else I'm at a loss
not just for words
but for hope.

As its the only thing left
all else is bereft
for fate is a thief committing theft
stealing anything good in my life
as he plunges in the knife
but you will realise I'm already severed
for I have already weathered
so much more
I'm already damaged to the core
already bled from every pore
this is a walk in the park
I'm used to these feelings so dark
this insurmountable hill
the unswallowable pill
the unbreakable deal
that's made on my behalf
caught within sins grasp
an hereditary weakness
the insidious bleakness.

How I yearn for your soft caress
for anything else I couldn't care less
you are my universe
written about in every verse
from the beginning to the very last
Has time really travelled this fast?
Did we have to part ways?
Couldn't our love be saved?
I won't give in
nor rest
till I'm free from sin
and this conflict of interest.

When all I receive is silence
when I no longer read your words
when I can't hear your voice
I can only fear the worst
when I'm no longer important
when I'm still not wanted
when my messages go unanswered
a seed of doubt is planted.

I used to be number one
but now I'm too far gone
Do you still feel the same?
Can you even remember my name?
The words you do not say
used to tell me so much
but now they mean go away
now it's please don't touch
leave me to my resting place
I no longer want to look upon your face.

I know you have your reasons
yet the heart endures many seasons
be it spring or summer
now it's past autumn into winter
so cold without the glow you give
so hard for me to live
your winters breath
is all I have left
another cold silent night
without you by my side
I wait steadfast like a tree
for you to stand beneath my canopy.

I still remember things from years ago
but your face has started to fade
it's not what you say but what you know
and I don't know those memories made
how I wish I had a picture of us
side by side holding hands
my head is full of all this stuff
films, books and bands
yet the only thing I wish to remember
was your rosey cheeks on that cold December
an angel in the snow
how I wish to know
what I once knew
that picture of you
of us..
what's lost...

I have collected up all your things
and filed away all our dreams
for seeing and thinking would be far too painful
yet to have known you I am eternally grateful.

We never really said goodbye
so the shoe box will remain
the same till the day I die
with an unbroken seal
and wounds that will never heal.

Pushed to the back of my closet
is where I leave the boxed deposit
just a collection of things gathering dust
a reflection of us and a love long lost.

If I can only do the same
with the memories in my brain
yet some things cannot be forgotten
so they too remain just rotting.

Hunting crocodiles in my dreams
hiding smiles with our screams
the dead don't scream
they barely talk
hunting prey like a hawk.

Is it better to be the victim or victor?
Is it really winning if someone has to lose?
- maybe it's better not to choose
to not compete with crocodiles
hand not hook
hand not fist
hook no fish
lets all swim freely
lost amongst seaweed
we the weeds of this world
even weeds have flowers
even we can be beautiful
full of life
full of love
full of it
for it is everything
space, the final frontier
no more reason to cry
the crocodiles can't catch us here
nor do we need to give chase
chasing space
changing place
from here to there
from fear to fair
pay the ferryman
let him take you
on the voyage of a lifetime
don't follow the signs
as we all head the same way
all dead at the end of the day
stepping across crocodiles.

Why did the frog cross the road?
- because he didn't want to become a toad
every frog wants to be a Prince
and every Princess needs to be convinced
if you kiss enough toads you will find a frog
if you cross enough roads you will avoid the dogs
the bark is worse than the bite
all they're after is the bone
once that's gone they'll leave you alone
alone, alone, alone
third time lucky
third time we will see
we the weeds of the sea.

Why did you set your standards so high?
I was born with wings but couldn't fly
You said to me "why didn't you try?"
I replied, "I did, but there's no sky"

And yet still I survived the fall
to respond to your mighty call
through the eyes of that child I see
release me father, set me free.

Why was I created in this world?
To be corrupted like a child?
When I was taught how its meant to be
come release me, set me free.

I tried to live my life by your crown
but the rain came and I started to drown
if this pain now is my fee
come release me, set me free.

I was washed away in this dark world
into the pit I was hurled
but I'm not like them can't you see
come release me, set me free.

My heart is pure but my flesh is weak
it is your pity that I seek
recall father when I sat at your knee
come release me, set me free.

So forgive me God if I was bad
I did not mean to make you sad
if you see this heartfelt plea
come release me, set me free.

Please take me now I've served my time
I suffered the pain without a crime
remember me father in memory
I am released, I am set free.

You change your mind like I change my shirt
twice a week
that's when it begins to hurt
thats when you tell me how much you miss me but never speak
and act like you care
but you have no care at all
still I will always be there
whenever you fall
please don't fall
please stay tall
and strong
and beautiful.

I know I don't belong
that I'm no longer needed
I know another has succeeded
as your lover he has been greeted
but why were you searching?
when all you needed was here
why were your eyes closed?
why were you filled with fear?
I tried to keep you close
I tried to pull you near
but the tides turned
your mind spurned
whilst my heart yearned
still yearning
still hurting
still burning.

Not sure if it's love or anger
these charred remains
I still remain
still refrain
let me bake in the sun
let me burn in the water
for it is done
you've finished the slaughter
you have won.
You have one, two, three
things that belong to me.
One heart
two promises
three words.

Celebrities are the new deities
we have more than the Hindus
that we watch through the windows
of our TVs
is this what we aspire to be?
- plastic dolls
that someone else controls?
for they have their own gods
- money rules
there will be no more floods
to wash away these fools.

Instead look through the other window
and watch the rainbow
that everlasting promise
from the real King
for if we are distracted by fake things
we forget it's his praises we should sing
his song doesn't reside in pop charts
but should remain number one in our hearts
so stop being swayed by reality stars
fake fame and fast cars
and look to the sky for the one that lasts.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword
as is Jah mightier than the Lord
but to ignore the truth you can ill afford
for life is your just reward
so sit back, listen and press record
as i school you like a teacher
a spiritual leader
not a priest but a preacher.

It is you who is blind as i dont need my eyes to see
I use my heart and mind combined to set me free
from mankind's chains of apathy
so let me inject the truth into your vital organs
or else turn to stone like mighty gorgons
do on to others as you wish done
respect your brothers, sisters, daughters and sons
only have love in your heart
for the truth I impart.

Let me take you on a journey
to learn me
and enter my minds maze
where you will spend days
trying to escape.

From the outside
just an ordinary guy
no reason to think otherwise
but you haven't got a clue
until you step through
the entrance
that's when you start your sentence.

You're free to leave
and free to roam
any time you please
as long as you don't stray
too far from home
that's when you pay.

An enigma
unable to decipher
still trying to find the exit
a reason to exist
I've walked for days
in many directions
but whichever way
or whatever suggestion
I always end back where I started
disheartened.

It all starts with conception
to give your life direction
for what you conceive
and your mind believes
you will achieve.

It will take practice and dedication
not lackless education
but once you make that decision and commitment
you will envision your achievement
as if you were already at your destination
all the way from creation to Revelations.

A runner does not win marathons on the track
but in his mind this is a fact
that you may find
logically impossible
and yet completely plausible
if you think you will fail
you will sink and bail
but if you dream of victory
it will mean you succeed.

Confidence is an illusion
a shield of protection
which brings us back to conception
we are only as strong as our beliefs
and are only motivated by our needs
be it love or greed
or God we heed
all you have to do is believe.

Remember we are all created equal
for we are all God's people
so play your strengths
don't relent
in chasing your dreams
for he who takes part
already wins.

My love is real
but my flesh is weak
my heart you steal
and forever keep.

For I am lost
and I am scared
I've payed my cost
my soul I bared.

These words I speak
that you may learn
it's love I seek
for you I yearn.

So take my hand
and dry your tears
so we may stand
when darkness nears.

Fear is just a fabricated reality
an elaborate mentality
a construct of my insecurities
a way to make me ill at ease
fear is an oppression
an unwanted obsession
for most fear disappears
and their lives resume
but for me it adheres
and all but consumes.

Fear is an habitual disease
with no sign of quick release
a negative mindset
a constant blindness
no escape from darkness
which leads to panic
a strong urge to leave this planet
maybe only death holds the answers
I guess I will never know
unless I accept fears advances.

Fear is just a thought
which is learned
not taught
so I dare not think
or else turn to drink
to numb my brain
to ease the pain.
Now memories are erased
pictures have become hazed
yet my fear it still remains.

If home is where the heart is
then with you is where I shall live
for without you I have no home
without you I'm all alone.

I've given you the key to mine
so that you will never get lost
that you can always find
your way home at any cost.

As through my hearts entrance
you will find your resting place
for its with you I entrust
my love that's encased.

Its key you did take
so please don't be careless
nor my love forsake
and leave my heart homeless.

If I could live just one more day
to live without the fear
in your arms I would stay
holding you tight, right here.

Beneath the stars as we lay
I would tell you clear
how you moulded my heart of clay
how much I loved you dear.

That I would not betray
then as I held you near
it all began to fade away
our love, my life, the fear.

Recycled body parts
abandoned souls
and broken hearts
cracked skin
chipped teeth
dead within
filled with grief
tired eyes
deaf and dumb
tired of lies
bodies numb
unkempt hair
unwashed face
forgot to care
left to waste
scarred flesh
brittle bones
nothing left
but we moan
and beg
and drag
this sack around
we stretch
and pluck
and inject
till no resemblance is found
recycled organs
and reused hearts
we are more than
the sum of our parts.

I'm not perfect
so much chaos lurks beneath the surface
I feel so useless
so worthless
I have all these thoughts and feelings
that are festering within
maybe I should be kneeling
asking forgiveness for my sins.

It's so hard to be good
when I'm surrounded by bad
It's so hard to do what I should
when I get so mad
with frustration
at my situation
the fact that it's my own doing
that I brought about my own ruin
only makes things worse
I dig my own grave
my soul I cannot save.
Now the die has been cast.

If only I could travel back to the past
to my ten year old self
back when I was innocent
before I worried about wealth
before I viewed adult content
before I knew what *** meant
he would be so ashamed
how I've blackened his name
but even though I'm so ****** up
we're still the same
buried deep within
just sleeping.

He would point out the obvious
to which I am oblivious
follow your dreams
the ones you had before your teens
forget that your brain has taken you hostage
and focus on the positive
the people that love you
and the love that is new
the ones that are closest
then you will make progress.

Maybe I just need that talk
to tell me I'm not a complete wreck
that I can be salvaged
that none of us are perfect
I just have to fix the damage
then maybe I can manage
to continue my journey
I guess its kinda funny
the things that I thought made me free
are the same things that have undone me.

What have we become?
The same thing that we despised
What happened to when we were young?
How can I now look you in the eyes?

What was right is now wrong
and what was white is now black
yet we still march on
because what we lost we can't get back.

For we exist within the grey area
lost somewhere in between
we've hit the invisible barrier
the place that's never seen.

I now embrace my imperfections
no longer chase the wind
no comfort or protection
for I know that I am sin.

I was told when you meet her you will know
it's true now I've felt your glow
I never want to let you go
and yet the more I draw you close
the more you pull away
that's what hurts the most
why won't you stay?

Like hourglass sand
trickling through the fingers of my hand
Wasted time that's past
for nothing in this life lasts
So lets hold onto what's special
as tomorrow could be celestial
let me be your lasting breath
or forever live in regret
as I watch your sunset.

Life is wasted on the youth
as only experience reveals the truth
that time only marches forward
so forget the moments that were awkward
forget all the stupid arguments
the silly little accidents
the thoughtless carelessness
because love is permanent.

Some call them the one
because they are comparable to no one
and yet one is singular
but love is all encompassing
from the moment it's begun
till there's no more sun.
Love transcends time and space
it forgets blame and disgrace
disregards gender or race.

Love is long suffering
for it endures all things
not just the good days
but also the bad
not only the praise
but also the sad
and so I still pray
no longer for me
but so you can see
that you can experience
loves warm glow
then you will be fearless
then you will know.

Copious darkness swallows up the light
that grows within me by the night
why do you draw me in the void?
With my head you have toyed
please allow me just one day
to live free from corruption and decay
for surely sins taxes I will pay.

From this eternal nightmare will I not wake?
Or must a smile upon my lips forever fake?
Free me please Lord and I will be in your debt
a sacred promise between us kept
for your friend Job endured the pain
and lived to see happiness ten-fold again
that he may live in eternal bliss
please grant me this
my only wish.