why would you shape my mind
to fit your mold
how could that be interesting?
how could that be fulfilling?
i guess it’s subjective
how you treat your subject

you
of all people know
that true anger
can’t be explained

i'm not gonna end my own life
but i'm thinking about it
i would never do so
putting that kind of weight on another soul
is a cruel act
that i could never do

my poetry has suddenly changed from
dark and depressing
to
cheerful and happy
no difference has been made
except for you

after all this time
that i have spent
being miserable
i have begun
to find it
comforting

it's a bit like stockholm syndrome
in the beginning
i hated my misery
but now
after all these years
i long for it
and miss it when it's gone

i am used to it, you see
i grew up in it
and that's quite sad
a sad comfortable misery

i frame out an apple
and i frame out a pear
but behind it lies
a world
- my world
in despair

they say
that you'll drown
in the blue eyes
they say
that you'll get lost
in the green eyes
and they say
that you'll be suffocated
in the brown eyes

but my dear
you might also
swim
in the cleanest sea
you might also
breath
the purest air
and you might also
find
a hidden treasure

am i able to
love myself
and hate myself
at the same time?

make me cry
make me cry
i laugh
because you made me cry

i want to feel your love
like rain falling down
but the only thing i'm feeling
is sadness
falling down as teardrops

my hero
is a pen
and some paper

i've dissapointed the people
that care about me the most
i've let them down
after all they've done for me
and now
i feel lost
out of breath
as if the earth has swallowed me
and trapped me in darkness

out of a clear sky
the lightning strikes
and cuts m
e in half

i spent two years
looking up to you
admiring you
your work
your thoughts
your being

and then I got sick
i crumbled mentally
vanished bit by bit

i started doing stuff
that I wasn’t allowed to
i wanted to feel something
be something else than just a
grey matter
in a grey world

you disapproved
but you didn’t say anything
nothing
you almost let me
self destruct

and now that someone has
intervened
i am trying to make a
mence  
but you don’t care
you only see the few bad things
you forgot me
and us
you forgot that i
need you

you used to inspire me
and make me laugh
now all you ever do is
make me cry

i see you
and feel nothing
i see you
and want to feel something

my heart is jet black
and it still beats for you

the human touch
brings warmth
but the thing is
it might also
burn

i ask myself
- was it hard?
and i answer
- of course

but what was worse
was forgetting your
voice

your suicide
though far away
and close
at the same time
was just a burden
my young heart couldn’t bear
you had no intention
probably didn’t even spare me a thought
but by killing yourself
you started a long and brutal ******
on my
childhood

death is normal
death is inevitable

it's the way death happens
we won't accept

the creative mind
sees
                                                           s                  o
                h                               n            c      t
t          e                      c         o             n            n                                                      
                                                            e     i

teary eyes
purple, orange, yellow
green, blue skin
a forced smile

my own reflection disgusts me
i wish i could change my body
and or
the way i view myself

if it was anyone but myself
i wouldn't care

i cry every year on my birthday
you couldn't be there to keep traditions
so i made my own

afters years of being trapped
in that small one bedroom apartment
- with closed windows,
and closed curtains
she finally opened up
and the air that had gone toxic
came pouring out

right now
i'm not thinking of anything
particularly
i'm just letting my brain lead me
down a path
a path that i am writing down
for me and you
my eyes are getting teary
and i am wondering why
maybe it's just a sad world
and i'm a sad person
trying to keep myself busy
so that i won't think of nothing
because when i think of nothing
the darkness comes along

it's as we're not even in the same
world
even though we're sitting in the same
room
and breathing the same
air

i collect plants
i don't know why
they calm me
when i wake up in the morning
and the first thing i see is
life

i don't know what i want from you
i don't know what i want from myself
i just know
that i'm a certain type of way with you
i'm me
the best version of me

my heart aches
for a love
that consumes me
my heart aches
for true recognition
and my heart aches
for my own acceptance

tell me
how is it
that i feel like both a
paddling pool
and a raging ocean

if you choose to fall in love with me
please strip down my mind
and discover my most important parts
stripping down my clothes
would only make you
run

like the writing on the walls
you inspire me
endlessly,
timelessly,
the mind works in a wonderful way
who else has thought this thought
while seeing that writing, or
while seeing your face

i choose to play with words
altough they usually hurt
both good and bad
kind of like the father that i once had
this is my time to heal
and that i will not let him steal
he's now in the past
and that's how it and i
am going to last

i have this one plant
it's dying
and i don't know what to do about it
i watch it get worse
bit by bit
day by day
and it is as if i'm looking direct in a
mirror

in my veins
there is sunshine
and i don't know
it it's because i'm supposed to be the
light
or if it's because i had none

i expect too much of
myself
and of
others

pretty petty you
you don't have to be
a certain way
and you don't have to live
a certain way

so why
why do you expect it from
others?