i know

all
of the pain
i caused

the choices
i stole
from you

i
feel it
now
with you

your cries
of pain,
heartbreak
are almost
too much
to bear

and now i know
how
i wronged you
and
now

it’s too late

i’m sorry
but it’s too late

i felt you
last night

your touch
calmed
me

toxic blood
toxic breath
toxic you
toxic death

O divine lover
heart liberator
with magic in your eyes
and the purest of hearts

i don't deserve you

but i love you

i've slowly become trapped
i'm no longer me
grasping in the dark
for the latch that,
when opened,
will set me free

all
of your
self fulfilling prophesies
(that i once defended you from)
drowning in fear
insecurity
weakness
and ultimately
your soul’s darkness

are
coming
true

and
it’s a
relief

to let you
be
what i see

and
for everyone else
to
know

you are
those things
not because of who you are
but
what you allowed yourself
to become

today
i feel the freshness of truth
on my lips
waiting to spill out

i can't remember
which lies
are for who
maybe
i should just start
speaking the truth

looking over your shoulder
with remorse

a heart's denial
you didn't enforce

word was never truth
(actions told me that)

intentions tend to soothe
(distracting from the act)

so why am
i
i'm still buying the lie

from beneath the layers
of my buried past
you emerged
suddenly

old love, regifted

how many

.times.

can you learn the same lesson?

i know
i could be brave
and evolve
and walk
confidently
over this hill
and on to the horizon

but
instead
i see in your eyes
the reminder
that you didn’t want me
and i just
fall
into this deepness
drowning
in
sad reality
an ache
of being unwanted
of dwelling
on
this

i know
i could
just
…
walk away

but
i
dont

when
i am still
for too long
the sadness
is louder
so
i have to
keep
moving

sad truths
waiting
in plain sight

finally
sink in

you are divine
my savior
i cherish you

love
love
LOVE
you

fire
that consumes me
will
birth
new me
later

you make me rage

because

it's just not

right

relentless things:

time
truth
love

you know how
there are
both
no words
and
infinite words
for
us

our existence
right now
makes me whole
makes me free

a love too big
to understand

a life too short
to embrace

my patience too thin
to wait

time taken
exploring the newness
of each other
turns into
settling into
the awe
and wonder
of us

reaching
for you

in focus
and out

your closeness
fleeting

hearts
bleeding

my
vanishing man

Some people have this
Magnet affection
Thing
They can’t stop from
Pawing
You

They have this
Insatiable
Lust
Of flesh
And contact
And smells
And whispers

It’s like the most
Velvet
Heaven
Muted
Desires
Like
Jazz

unfortunately
this vision
of my future

doesn't include you

closed eyes
my paradise

visions
come true

of

me
and
you

oh, you.

you.

i'll never be mad
at you.

how can i have
made this vow
that
(supposedly)
lasts a lifetime

yet

i had no idea
what i was
agreeing to

to wait
is an illusion

patience is
merely
self control

words
acquire meaning
with action

i am
choosing
every
day

i'll just be here
waiting
to give you
my love

we are wavering
daily
between love and hate

how can these things
transform
into one another
with such ease?

not sure
how much more
my heart can take

the anger
turned heavy

this morning
waves
of sadness

are drowning me

none of this
is real
until
you make it real

what would i do?

becomes

what will i do?

when does
an internal rebellion
become
an external one?

when does
bravery
overcome
fear?

when does
the truth of my heart
decide
the words in my mouth?

where
did you find
the strength
and
can you share it
with me?

i know
you see me

love me

trying to
figure out

why you
fear
me

this
immense love
burns only for you

is also
the reason why
i have to
say
goodbye

i'm afraid
i'm not worthy
of a wish
so big

sometimes
it seems easier
alone
but always
it feels better
with you

i accepted our reality
already
but
that doesn't make it
any easier
to get through the day

i guess you’re gone now
but you didn’t say goodbye
i guess i’ll move on now
but will always wonder why

at what point
do i stop believing
your words
and instead
accept
your actions
as the truth?

words
are
just
words

you aren't
here.

so

i don't
care.

what are you going to say
when
she finds out?

you don't want to say it
but i do

an expression of me, of us
words that carry feeling
depth
importance

words that sing
from my heart to yours

the words flow up
toward my mouth

my lips have never spoken them

but i've said them a thousand times

i wouldn't
dare
give you
my heart
again

your words
like music

your voice
is mute

my ears
yearn