i'm shedding
bad skin
learning to be
this new me

this smile
is a lie

when you look at me
i become
a shooting star
sailing across the sky
soaring
away
spreading our light
everywhere

imagining
something new
something wonderful
something with you

and
one day

maybe

it’ll be true

sometimes
this sadness is so deep
i could just lie back
and let it take me

songs and memories
entwined
old,
new again
you,
and me again

unexplained
magnetism

the joy
in possibility

freedom
of the future

more
moments with you

soon

sounds of rain
distinguishable drops
surround us
huddled inside,
sounds of passion
feeling hidden
invisible
free

i finally gave myself
enough space
to miss you

starting my life
over again
with less than a life to live

ensuring the future
expression of my fantasy
requires
that you
stick around

still want you
still waiting

maybe i should have
left you
alone

feels like
my head
keeps slipping down
beneath the water

swallowed
by the void

your words
weaving
sweet daydreams

fill me with
hope

until

the words
remain
just that.

my heart,
now full
of hate,
needs somewhere
to release

because
even though
you
****
i don’t want
to hate you

and
i can’t
keep it
inside

like
i used to

those drops of water
sliding across the glass
feel like
the tears
i won't let myself cry

can you tell me why
this life is worth living
without you?

in your mind
how long
does this
go on?

the fire
for me
in your heart
died quietly

tell me,
love

where did it go?
and
why
don’t you know?

we always meet
in the same spot
in my dreams

when you went away
to join the war
i made a bracelet for you

(rose quartz
labradorite
and jet)

and when you returned,
you gave it back

much to my dismay

but now
the bracelet
is on my wrist
everyday

to remind me
about
what you gave away

i'm looking
at this empty chair
with my heart's wish
and true desire
to see you there

and then
the day came, when
your name

didn’t
cross my mind

you enjoyed me
when i was the fantasy
a memory
of a person long gone

i tried too hard
to be real
to you

so now
you're gone

my body
rejects my sadness
hardens me instead

the most
authentic
path
answers to
no one
other than
the one

what is
the point

this question

haunts me
every day

why should i
bother

does my suffering
matter

and
the answer
determines
the future

with so little
time left

and so many
stones left to turn

this journey
seems
to extend

beyond
my understanding

along
an infinite road

beneath
countless moons

loves
hates
deaths
fates

infinite stars
light my sky

hiding your darkness
hiding mine

what does this mean
for me and you
when i
still can’t tell the truth?

the unafraid
are people like
me
who can see past
what others see

my soulmates
here
i find
those who tire
of the grind

the status quo
is what we
tried
but
spirits inside
won't be
denied

for moments
or even seconds
we crave
the times
we deny the world
of a slave

how did i put
any trust
in you?

and
why did i let you
influence
what
i do?

your words
and
actions
were not
equally
true

so
.
goodbye
to
you


p. s.

(i hope
the void
brings someone
new)

the void,
you

missing from my day

all of my distractions
have run away

a sad calm
albeit a reprieve

i just hope
you didn't really leave

each time i find the strength
to release this stress
it comes back to grip me
even tighter

this year was ours
mine and yours

i am forever changed
i am new
i am ready

i know a love
like no other

i'm never
looking back

it’s funny,
how much time
you think
you have

love is time
and time
is precious

forever
keeps getting shorter
while i
keep getting older

time
will
run
out

timing is
never wrong

just have to
figure out
why
it's right

i'm tired
of feeling guilt
for what comes naturally

there's no void
or self pity
no yearns
or regrets

today i feel you
this magic love
resonates like bass
deep in my chest
presses gently on my heart
a reminder
we are here
we are alive
we are love

tired of daydreams
dissolving
in the face of reality

today
my long-term wondering
becomes a short-term demand

there was
a turn
today
when my love
began
to decay

today
felt so far away
from where i stood
then

but now
here i am

woke up
in a sea of calm
yesterday's gloom is gone

warm sunlight
pulls me out
from hiding

for a moment
i can forget
my aching heart

too little
heart

too late
to depart

too much
dreaming
from the
start

how could you
let me go
with such
indifference?

how do you
survive
the days

        (and how do i)

knowing
how close
we are?

and yet..

i guess

too
far

getting here
took
forever

but now
things are moving
too
fast