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Theia Gwen Mar 2014
You're like a balloon
And if I let my guard down
You'll float away and I'll be alone
Honestly, the only thing worse
Than not having you
Is having you but feeling like I'm yours
But you're not mine
My jealousy will be our undoing
It's only a matter of time
Because love hurts
It's just a game of who gets it first
And we're playing Russian Roulette with our hearts
I'm so ******* paranoid that you're with girls that aren't me
And I know I have to leave you
Before you can leave me
Theia Gwen Mar 2014
She used to kneel before her bed every night
Praying to God
Make me beautiful,
Make me skinny

He didn't make her beautiful,
Or skinny
But he graced her with depression and anxiety
So she took matters into her own hands
And she now kneels in front of her porcelain throne
Hair in a messy bun, trying to keep quiet
And she prays
*Make me disappear,
Make me die
Inspired by This Is LA by the fabulous Marina & The Diamonds
Theia Gwen Mar 2014
The one thing you'll never understand
Is that it's the negative words
That you remember above all else
You throw me into counseling to try to get things fixed
But no amount of "I love you's" will make me forget
The days the words "I hate you" escaped from your lips
Theia Gwen Mar 2014
The more I talk to God,
The more I think he's not really listening
The more bad thoughts I have,
The more the ugly truth is leaving me wondering
The more I read the bible,
The more I realize I don't believe a word it says
The more I question,
The more secrets I can't confess
The more narrow minded my mother is,
The more she lets the light in so I can see
The more times I drink "the blood of Christ"
The more it feels like drinking the Kool Aid to me
I'm not trying to start a religious debate, so if you think you can change my mind, please don't bother trying. If you're offended by this, I didn't force you to read it and these are just my views. If you don't understand the last line, it's a reference to Jonestown.
Theia Gwen Feb 2014
To be loved by a writer
Is to be immortalized
You will live on forever in her writing
Your quirks,
Your ideas,
Your insecurities,
Writers notice everything
And we never forget
You might catch her smiling at you
For what seems like no reason at all
But she's just trying to describe
The exact color of your eyes

To be loved by a writer
Is to have your entire relationship in written word
All you have to do is read and re-live everything again
Your first kiss,
Your first fight,
Your first date
Nostalgic memories in chronological order
And you may even learn something you never knew
Since everything will be in her point of view

To be loved by a writer
Is to see her frustration
Because she wishes she could be an artist
Since no words serve you justice
She wishes she could just paint a picture
And then they would understand
Because no amount of words could perfectly depict
Your hair sticking up,
Your abundance of freckles,
You wearing glasses
She gets upset when she thinks
She'll never fully portray all the things you say and do
But she'll never run out of ways to say "I love you"

To be loved by a writer
Is to be eternal
And to never fully disappear
And no matter what, she'll see you everywhere
Even when she opens her mind and escapes reality
Because she is the writer
And you are her writing
For you own her heart
From which her words flow
I'll probably edit this one later. I was inspired by 'A Dedication' by Lang Leav. Also inspired by my Nicholas, who indeed, looks very dashing in glasses.
Theia Gwen Feb 2014
She's just looking for attention
That has to be it, right?
Just a melodramatic girl
They ignore all the signs

She's just looking for attention
That's what they're all saying
It's funny how when it's all said and done
They'll cry that they didn't see it coming

She's just looking for attention
They yell "You shouldn't joke about suicide!"
She represses a bitter laugh and thinks
Too bad I won't see your reaction to the punchline
It ****** me off how depression and suicide are so stigmatized that people can't reach out for help without being called an attention seeker. I hate how our society can't have real conversations about suicide and every sign is ignored. I don't know. I've been really suicidal recently.
Theia Gwen Feb 2014
They say that love is blind
But unfortunately hate can make you blind
To a love that's right in front of you
Darling, untie the blindfold,
Open the curtains,
You're drowning so deep in your self loathing
You can't see how many people are jumping in after
Trying to save you from yourself
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