Theia Gwen

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

Roses are sprouting
The violets in bloom
The rain is falling hard
Just like I am for you

I don't know why I wrote this. It's not even April. It's not even March. This just kinda popped into my mind.

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

I'm so scared of the day when the future that I'm so terrified of
Is no longer the future

There is no scientific name for the fear of the future, but there is a fear of time, which is the title. I'm pretty **** afraid of the future and time in general though.

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

2,345.51 Miles

I can see you perfectly
In a gown and cap on graduation day
With a pretty ******* your arm once you've forgotten about me
Because you got your PhD in Biology
But I think you should have got a degree in breaking hearts
And here I am studying Psychology
Trying to forget we're 2,345.51 miles apart
I can't even figure out the **** in my own mind
I thought college was supposed to open up doors?
Not make everyone I love leave me behind
I know someday I'll just be but some fuzzy memories
I should be happy for you, having it all figured out
And you honestly deserve so much better than me
The course I was on is not good enough for you
And I know your future doesn't involve me
I'd go after you
It doesn't matter how much land I'd have to trek
I'm just terrified you wouldn't do the same for me
Considering you're the one who left

It's almost 10:00 and I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm writing this since this has no relevance to me at all at the moment. I guess I'm just great at seeing the end of all good things. Was kinda inspired by Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie.

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

Escapism

She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                                       It's her coping defence
                                                                               When nothing else will suffice
                                                                        She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                                 To escape somewhere far away
                                                                         And she'll sob for the characters
                                                                             Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                                                               And then she'll sleep
                                                                                              And have sweet dreams
                                                                        Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

Starting Place Of Love And Dreams(My Home)

My mother is one of those people
Who buys stupid things with trivial cliches on them
Needlepoint pillows with overused sayings
And there is a wooden sign hanging from the wall
She probably wasted at least 15 dollars on it
I pass by it every day
But only recently have I started thinking about it
It says,
"Home is the starting place of love and dreams."
Which I find ironic
Since this house that I live in is not a home
Which I realize is a cliche in itself
But it's true
This house comes with memories engrained
Of my mother yelling and screaming
Of me purging and crying
So where is my home?
Where is my "starting place of love and dreams?"
I've made a home in you
I want to memorize all of you
Count every single freckle on your face
And curl up beside you and leave my memories in your brain
Your arms wrapped around me is when I'm home
Your smile is my home,
Your laugh,
Your kindness,
Telling me the things my mother never meant
May be that's why even when I'm in my house
And we're not together
I can't stop thinking about my home

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

The Wasted Years, The Wasted Youth

They always roll their eyes and accuse us teenagers of falsely believing
We are immortal and nothing can hurt us
We know that what we are doing can **** us
*We're
          Just
                Too
                      ****
                                Broken
                                              To
                                                   Care

Titled after a line in the song Teen Idle by Marina & The Diamonds

Theia Gwen Feb 2014

Those Three Words

Yesterday wasn't the first time you said those three words
It's been twice now that you've mentioned the 'L' word
Once in a Christmas card,
And once you actually said it
Before leaving while I began tearing up
Choked by my feeling
And things I want to say
What was special about this time however
Was that I said it first
It's not the first time I used the word 'love' in relation to you
But I've only ever admitted I loved you in writing
Hidden away
To doubtful to say it outloud
I'm amazing at holding back
And letting moments pass me by
But you gave me faith enough to actually say those three words
Back to you

Had to clarify that the 'L' word was indeed love since my best friend, Nate is convinced that 'the big L word' is in fact either lesbians or lasagna. Gotta love him.