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218 · Aug 2023
Babalik-balikan (6-29-21)
Hihiwalayan, babalikan
Bibitawan, Hahabulin
Hihilingin ka ulit na mapasa’kin
Hihintayin ka ulit na babalik sa akin

Hihintayin, Papatawarin
Tatanggapin, Mamahalin sa uulitin
Wag kang mag-alala
Huwag kang mangamba

Ikaw ay tatanggapin pa rin
Ang aking paulit-ulit na hihilingin
Kahit na isang saglit
Kahit na masakit

Dahil ikaw pa rin ay aking mahal
Kahit gaano man ka-tagal
Hihintayin kitang bumalik
Sa iyo pa rin ako ay nananabik

Ikaw pa rin ang babalik-balikan
Oh, ang aking babalik-balikan

Naghihintay sa wala
Umaasa pa rin sa wala
Di alam kung may pag-asa pa
Kung kailan mo ako babalikan

Ako ang naghabol kahit hindi naman ako Ang nang-iwan
Basta’t alam ko
Na hindi ako ang lugi sa dulo

At least hindi ako naging sakit sa ulo
Binigay ko man lahat
Kulang man o sapat
Sa aking piling naman ay
Nakita kitang sumaya

Bakit kinailangan pa na maghiwalay ?
Sana nga ay bumalik ka na

Naging masaya naman ako nang wala ka na
Nabuo ko naman sarili ko
Ng wala ang tulong mo
Pagkat mayroong puwang dito sa puso ko

Na ikaw lamang ang makaka-puna
Dahil ikaw lang langga ay sapat na

Nagbago man ang lahat sa akin
Ngunit ang nararamdaman ko sa’yo
Ay mananatili at hindi magbabago kailanman
Hindi ko na kailangang sabihin:

Na babalikan mo ako o huwag na
Basta’t hindi kita susukuan
217 · Jun 30
God is the G.O.A.T
one thing I was trained for
was to not be scared of the devil.
it mimics. it scares. it feeds from your fear.
be it a demon or a person.

one thing I will always be scared of,
GOD.
He is the Sovereign One. The Triune God.
I am a God-fearing servant of God.
209 · Aug 2023
LAGING IKAW (3-19-21)
Puso ko’y umaapaw sa tuwa
Sa tuwing ikaw ang kausap buong magdamag
Na para bang sa bawat minuto ako ay napapalundag
Dahil sa ako ay iyong napasaya

Kaya’t sana ay huwag kang magbago
Huwag kang mag-alala nandito lang ako
Naghihitay palagi para sa’yo
Kaya’t walang susuko

Laging ikaw ang nasa isip
Ang nasa aking panaginip
Laging ang pangalan mo
Ang sigaw ng aking puso

Laging ikaw ang gustong hanap ng aking mga mata
Pagkadilat ko pa lang sa umaga
Laging ikaw lamang ang gustong makatabi
Mapa-umaga man hanggang gabi

Laging ikaw lamang ang magmamay-ari ng aking puso
Pangako, mananatili akong sa’yo
Basta’t laging ikaw lamang
Laging ikaw lamang

Malayo man tayo sa isa’t-isa
Hindi man tayo laging magkasama
Basta’t iyong tatandaan
Ang puso ko’y sa iyo lamang nakalaan

Pangako, mananatili tayong buo
Hanggang sa dulo
At kahit saan man mapunta
Ako’y ‘di na kailangan mangamba

Sa iyo lamang akong talaga
Laging ikaw ang nasa aking isip
Laging ikaw ang nasa aking panaginip
Ang puso ko’y sa’yo lang talaga
206 · Mar 29
mark my words
I can forgive you for many things—whether it’s how you act or what you say to me. But I will never forgive you for hurting my mother’s feelings. Yes, I may have my own issues with her, but that doesn’t mean I ever wanted to hurt her, and it certainly doesn’t give us the right to do so.

I understand that your feelings are valid. I know you're in pain too. But that doesn’t justify hurting her in return. Just because you’ve heard things that made you feel hurt doesn’t mean you have the right to inflict the same pain on her.
You are my comfort.  
In everything—  
In chaos and calm, in the mess and the peace—  
You are my safe place.

2. You’ve never failed to make me feel loved and appreciated.
Not even once.  
Not even on the days I didn’t feel worthy of it.

3. With you, I never feel alone.
Never ignored.  
Your presence makes me feel seen, heard, and understood.  
You’ve never made me feel invisible—you always made sure I was okay.

4. You always understand my pain.
You feel it before I even say a word.  
Whether I’m sad, happy, scared, excited, or anything in between—  
You match my emotions with your presence.  
Even on the worst and best days, you were there.  
Always.

5. You make everything feel special.  
Even the simplest things—  
Street food dates, thrift store strolls, window shopping at the mall,  
or just sitting together on a park bench—  
with you, it all feels magical.

6. You always listen.
You never make my rants feel like a burden.  
You make me feel heard—  
like what I say matters to you.  
You listen not just with your ears, but with your heart.

7. You make me feel safe.
Always.  
You make sure I get home safe.  
Even during the smallest errands, you’re right there beside me,  
never letting me feel alone or vulnerable.

8. You respect me.  
You never force me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with.  
You always ask, always check in,  
making sure that whatever we do—it’s always with consent and care.

9. You make time.
Rain or shine.  
No ifs, no buts, no excuses.  
If you say you’ll see me, you show up—always.

10. And finally, we are compatible.
You’re like my mirror.  
My twin soul. My better half.  
Being with you feels like meeting the male version of myself.  
It feels right.  
It feels like destiny—  
That someday, it’ll be you I’ll walk toward,  
at the end of the aisle.
200 · Aug 2023
INSOMNIA (7-6-21)
Hindi makatulog sa wastong oras
Hindi rin makakain sa saktong oras
Laging walang gana
Tanging ikaw na lamang ang natitrang pag-asa

Upang manumbalik sa dating sigla
Ang babaeng minahal ka ng sobra
Ngunit pinili **** iwanan siya
Sinaktan at pinaluha mo siya

Ang babaeng tulad niya ay walang ibang ginawa
Kundi intindihin at pakinggan ka
Ngayon hindi mo magawa iyong hinihiling niya
Sapat na sa kanya na makita kang masaya

Ngunit siya kaya niyang gawin lahat
Kaya niyang tiisin yung sakit
Minahal ka niya ng tapat
Ngunit ang iyong isinukli ay walang iba kundi sakit

Ngayon, iiyak siya ng biglaan
At ikaw ang tanging dahilan
Gigising siya ng alas tres ng umaga
Upang tanungin sa sarili niya

Bakit mo ba siya iniwan?
Dahil hindi niya ito dapat ngayon nararamdaman
Kahit masakit tinuturuan ko ang sarili ko
Na kalimutan kita kahit hindi ko kaya

Darating rin ang tamang tao
Na sa akin ay nakatadhana
193 · Jun 26
murder
I
killed so
many versions
of myself...

Just to make you happy
Just to change myself for you to love
and accept me,
Hence, I was wrong.

How do I get away of ******? by not killing so many versions of myself just to feel loved and accepted.
But I was wrong again

we **** our old self, bury the hatchet, oblivious, they say
to love and be loved, is what I longed for
but never to force a reckoning connection,
never spark a dull moment in your life that you would ever think twice
not knowing when that love will come or it shall pass
life's uncertainties are things we cannot control of,
for so long, I was never a love fan
but I am not desperate for a love that was never mine,
then, certainly will, **** like a bubble, they are gone.

so again, how not to get away with ******? is never to start a ******.
Just like the moon, we are both comparable as imperfect—like its phases. Amidst that, you have loved me beyond my imperfections.
189 · Apr 12
32°C
Heat wave— soft launch to hell, is it?
Free trial, so my sister says.
Bring the ice cream out— because we are bound to take things colder.
184 · Jan 2021
Prison of Hell
Trying to free me from the chains that they cuffed around my neck, feet and hands
Trying to free me from the pain that I could never understand
Here I am imprisoned in the distress of my past
And burning my soul in hell
But how long will the pain last ?
Unless you wish me well.
181 · Sep 2020
Feeling like hell
He made me realize that I was living in a house filled with demons
Their bad habits are quite common
If you could compare it with anything else
I only want nothing more, nothing less
They are quite cruel
They only wanted to conquer and rule
Conquer and rule the world and own it like it's theirs
But they aren't the heirs.

I have a mother whose like Beelzebub
I have a father whose like Beelzebul
I have a sister-in-law whose like Lucifer
While my siblings were the accuser.

Unfortunately, my cousin, his girlfriend and my aunt were like Leviathan,
Craving for drama and twisted lies, slander and everything they want to put into.
While, their house is the demon's den
As well as, that ***** was soon the devil's snack
My grandmother is ill, but not dying, but feeling righteous and pure.

She forgot who saved her from her latin prayers,
Not us. But the devil, who tricked her.

How I wonder, my home no longer has love in it
How can I feel it?
My heart is already numb
And my mind is super dumb.
How can I call it my home
If I feel hopeless and alone,
Where shall I locate my house?
Well, Hell is already my house.
No wonder, I have been feeling like hell
Every time you try to wish me well.
180 · Dec 2024
Smoke and f*ck
Dusk to dawn, you keep draining me,
Chug me up till I’m the whiskey you need.  
I don’t smoke, but I crave cigarettes after ***,  
Smoke then ****—what’s coming next? 
 
But darling, keep it just between us—because secrets are sweeter when I don't kiss and tell.
Baby, you know I can't control this feeling, but I just want to keep it to myself instead.

**** my soul the way you lick my body,
Kiss the **** out of me, I miss your fire.  
The smell of your sweater fuels my desire.  
When I wear oversized tees, I feel your trace,  
Like your touch still lingers, leaving its place.  

It is making you cry every time
You give your love to me this way.  
Saying you’d wait for me to stay,  
I know it hurts you, but it tastes like pleasure in pain.  

And I’m kissing you, lying in my room,
Holding you until you fall asleep.  
And it’s just as good as I knew it would be,  
Stay with me—I don’t want you to leave.  

You intoxicated me with your love so true,
I fall deep into the rabbit hole with you.  
I fall upside down, not on my knees,  
But begging silently for moments like these.  

I might like it oversized on me, 
But underneath, it’s your hands I need.  
Come and be my pillow, soft and true,  
You look so tired, let me baby you.  

In this vanilla twilight beneath pale skies,
Drop-dead gorgeous, you ignite my highs.  
So hot, I needed an espresso shot,  
You’re my craving—are you feeling what I’ve got?    

I’ll touch myself, but no, it’s not the same, 
I love when your arms play their claiming game.  
You’re **** in person, but do you miss me too?  
Does my body haunt the best of you?  

Are you happy? Or does longing remain?
I’ll hold you close, let’s burn in this flame.
178 · Apr 23
🧿
Match your energy
with someone that has the same energy as you.

Never force it. You will get tired.
Just let the vibe flow.
If you click, it will.
177 · Mar 7
:(
:(
we keep playing these mind games
whether I should stay or not
I am like a bird in a locked cage
shackled feet, strangled neck
covered mouth
toxic traits, manic behavior
split personality
call the hotline, he is severe
worst of all
I run away from the truth
scared of a little truth or dare
I wanna leave but I can't
been keep on making the same mistakes
no character development
no personal growth
the other one leaves, another one stays
but the first one is the guy I loved not the latter
176 · Aug 2023
Philautia. (11-20-21)
Strolling all alone in the sidewalks
Been too busy and too tired to talk
Oh, I am taking all the time
All alone but ain’t lonely

Oh, I am alone all the time
But I ain’t lonely
Hey, I was doing really just fine
Yes, I will be fine

I am taking all the self-worth I deserve
Feed me the love I deserve
I am satisfying myself with the self-love I deserve
Yeah, I deserve so much more than what I truly deserve

Been alone in the seaside now
Too many things going around my mind
I have been so busy now
I got to let myself find me

Know what else will be behind me
Know what I got to find
And oh, I have been managing my own time
The way you never reciprocate the time

I want to have
I got to have
I deserve to have
Oh, I am all that I have

Walking by the seaside aisle
Seeing the beach in a different perspective
Let us be lost in our way
And discover the world we live in

You got to give in
Walking that extra mile
Reaching the borderline
Life seems too obstructive

I got to say
I was alone but ain’t lonely
Say that I was lonely before but I was with you
What would be the difference?

I just want to be alone
At least I feel less lonely
There seems to be an occurrence
It was different when I was with you
Hindi ko talaga alam kung saan ako magsisimula.
Hindi ko alam kung alin sa mga bumabagabag sa isipan ko ang dapat kong unahin. Pero isa lang ang sigurado ako ngayon—kailangan ko itong himayin.

Magsisimula ako sa tanong na:
“Si Ate na lang ba talaga palagi?”

Si Ate na lang ba talaga palagi ang mag-a-adjust?
Ang utusan sa pamilyang ito?
Kesyo ganito, kesyo ganyan—mga rason na hindi ko na alam kung valid pa ba o hindi. Pero sige na nga, i-aagree ko na lang. Para matapos na ang usapan. Para hindi na humaba pa ang diskusyon.

Si Ate na lang ba talaga palagi ang magsasakripisyo para sa pamilya?
Si Ate na lang ba ang mag-iisip kung paano magtitipid, kung anong dapat unahin—hindi ang luho, hindi ang sariling kapakanan—kundi kayo?
Kayo na lang muna. Ako, mamaya na lang.

Si Ate rin ba palagi ang kailangang magpakumbaba at magpatawad?
Ang aako ng responsibilidad, ang gagawa ng gawaing bahay?
Alam ko naman—may mga kapatid ako. Pero ako na lang ba palagi ang kikilos?
Ako na lang ba ang laging may kusa?
Ako na lang ba ang mag-iisip kung anong ulam ang lulutuin?
Maglalaba, maghuhugas ng pinggan, maglilinis ng bahay?

Kabisado ko na lahat ’yan. Hindi niyo na ako kailangang pagsabihan. Hindi ko na kailangan ng utos.
Pero paano kayo?
Paano kung wala na tayong mga magulang?
Paano kung ako na lang ang natira?

Si Ate na lang din ba ang laging magtuturo at magdidisiplina?
Noong ka-edad ko pa lang kayo, namulat na ako sa responsibilidad.
Pero ngayon, anong nangyari?
Halos lamunin na kayo ng cellphone. Wala nang kusa. Wala nang malasakit sa paligid.

Baka nakakalimutan ninyo—tao rin si Ate.
Hindi ako robot. Hindi ako ginawa para lang sumunod sa utos.
Marunong din akong mapagod. Marunong din akong masaktan.
May damdamin din ako.

Sana maintindihan ninyo ’yan. Na may sarili rin akong buhay na kailangang atupagin. Hindi ako utusan na sunod-sunuran lang. Hindi ako kailangan bigyan ng sahod para gawin ang iniutos ninyo, walang barya o walang pahinga ang makakapagbigay sa akin ng pahinga na hinahanap ko.

Pagod? kaya kong tiisin, kaya kong matulog nang ilang oras lang, kaya kong pagsabayin ang trabaho ngunit anong nangyari sa akin? nagkasakit ako in return. Walang halaga ang bawat barya na binibigay ninyo sa akin, kapalit ng nawala kong adrenal gland.

Puyat at pagod, ipagsabay mo. Instant noodles at walang masustansyang pagkain ang makakapatay sa akin. Coke at kape na ginawang tubig. Pagbantay sa lola kong maysakit ang naging libangan.

Hindi sa hindi ako marunong magpasalamat o baka isipin ninyo hindi ako grateful at wala akong utang na loob sa ginawa niyo para sa akin. Ang utang na loob na habangbuhay kong pagbabayaran ay hindi katumbas nang pilak at ginto o salapi, kundi habangbuhay na karangalan at respeto ang ibibigay ko sa inyo sa pagsilang sa akin sa mundong ito at dahil binuhay niyo ako at hindi pinabayaan.

Hindi niyo ako narining na nagrereklamo, hindi niyo ako nakikita na nagmamaktol, hindi niyo ako naririnig na nagpapaliwanag at nagrarason dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na sarado ang isipan at taenga ninyo kung sakali man na ako ay magpapahiwatig nang aking saloobin sa inyo.

Alam ko, naiinitindihan ko na napapagod rin kayo, iba rin ang pagod na nararamdaman ko. Hindi kumpletong tulog, hindi unan at kama ang lunas nito, dahil kung minsan kung ako ay tulog na ay sadyang nag-iingay rin ang aking isip. Ang tanging lunas na gusto ko sa pangungulila ko sa pahinga ay kapayapaan, katahimikan at dalampasigan. Iyon lamang.

Hanggang dito nalang,

Nagmamahal,
                               Ate :)
172 · Apr 18
it ends with me
when trust is broken
your sorry means nothing.
but I forgave you,
when you were dying
you asked for my forgiveness
and I did forgive you.

but that does not mean you were forgiven,
It was never bound to be forgotten.
your bruises and wounds of me
were my battle scars
proof for everyone to see
that when I was a child
innocent to the world
I was forced to grow up
trust no one
and be cruel.

how many times did I called your attention
to stop the whips,
to stop me from beating up
to stop me from following your orders
listening to your ****** up rules
but it all ended me, in one blow.
when you plead me for mercy,
It was not mercy that came to my mind at first
It was never forgiveness, sought or not
but it was hatred and bitterness
I will let you taste it.
I will make sure that your life is a living hell
as long as you breathe and
as long as I breathe.

I made your blood boil.
It itches your skin
to not hurt me
punch me
skin me alive
burn me
what else have you got?
stake me through my heart?
put the gun in my ******* head
pull the trigger
make me drink the poison you made
It made you crazy seeing me breathe
maybe you forgot,
I was your offspring
from you, I came from
you are my kind
yet you denied me
despised me,
denied me.

be cruel to me, father
at all costs
whatever you did,
it was never buried with you in the first place
in your deathbed, you lie
pleading for forgiveness
enough is enough
because it ends with me.
journal of a physically abused man.
169 · Mar 26
free
I have been breaking bad right now,
Bend it over on me, for me.
Lean over, closer—
Your lips tasted like champagne.

Got a fever for this feeling I need to savor,
Salty whitish fluids keep wanting me more.
Dreams of getting intoxicated in the haze,
Feeling too anxious to pop pills, Getting lazy over ecstasy.

Mind flying in the daylight,
***** up my emotions.
***** and whisky over this ******-up life
Smoke ****, inhales pulverized ******* after s*x
Overdosed love, you say, but

If this poem is a free verse,
Can I have my life back without being under the influence?
I just wanna start over, start a new life.

Midnight hits different, when hitting you from behind.
Scream for me, will you?
No matter what pain it is,
It pleasures me within.

I just wanna overdose in pleasure and lust,
Not in some kind of drugs
Not in some kind of intoxicated smokes
I just wanna be drunk in love, not in alcoholic drinks.

When pain is traded for pleasure,
Just know that I will always be here for you.
I believe what we had is real, I know it
When pain already weighs pleasure now,
I beg you—don't stop, continue until you pass out
164 · Apr 17
love
be the love you never received.
be the comfort your loved one needs.
be the light in someone's dark days.
you can be all that. if you want to be like that.
it is tiring but rewarding and fulfilling at the same time.
P.S Be careful when you do—if you keep giving without receiving or resting, you’ll end up burning yourself out -Lostling
163 · Mar 2021
My Suicide Note
Prison of Hell
Try to free from the chains,
Cuffed around my neck,
Bound are my feet and hands.
Trying to free myself,
How long will I last?
This indicipherable torture,
Imprisoned by my past.
How long will this pain last?
Burn my soul,
With this addicting ache I lust,
Shackled by the ticking sand–
But how long will I truly last?
Unless you wish me well,
Bound are my feet and hands,
Carpe Diem,
Save me lest I end, by my two hand.
162 · Jul 7
Untitled
Venomous velvetous viper, everything is violet venom.
Lavender lady, little liar
Curly careless crying child
I am one strong, mean, brat
I say nonsense things I did not mean
I am so mad at myself, that I was even mad you
Pretty please, Patty is a people pleaser
Tell me, Miss Temptress.
I am not one to please
You are barking up the wrong tree.
Nonsense.
162 · Mar 4
infested
Maybe even the walls can hear
Too thick or thin to cave in
You get it, I gave in
But we never know
Life is a mystery
Having you is misery
You know know better
**** up or else I blame you
161 · Feb 27
I do
Mahiwaga ma'y aking nadarama, dahil alam kong ikaw ang pipiliin ko sa araw-araw
God removes the bad people in your life because they heard things about you that you never will, and He’s protecting you from their hidden intentions.
159 · Mar 14
fckbddy
I love the way you torture me—
Told you before, I never moan this loud.
But with you?
I can't keep my hands to myself,
Can't shut the **** up.
You love it when I lose control,
When our bodies move—loud as applause.
You left me wanting for more—Don't make me beg, please
I know you want it too.
157 · Apr 17
🤭
Don't mix pleasure with pain, it might **** you wanting to be alive inside him.
153 · Mar 29
bng jdgd
You know my name? Congratulations.
But did you ever truly know me? I think not.

You never scared the hell out of me—not once.
Do you even know my weaknesses? Doubt it.
Maybe I’d let you think you do, just for fun.

Let me spell it out for you.

At birth, my lungs were weak—yet I survived.
I had asthma, a weak heart—I pushed through.
Dengue hit me hard, yet I never stepped foot in a hospital. Immortal, maybe.

I kicked a glass once—six stitches later, I still felt the needle pierce my skin.
I fainted, got injured, had surgeries—three times.
Ear, gums, adrenal gland—cut me open, I still came back.

Death doesn’t scare me.
You? Even less.

And judgment? That’s not yours to give.
Not theirs either. Only God can judge me, and He does so once—upon my death.

So listen, mere mortal.
Quit the act. Stop pretending you’re perfect—because you’re not.
150 · Apr 6
=)
=)
Save some money for yourself, so when things get rough, it will be easier for you to leave in a situation you don't want
146 · Apr 11
stronger
Smirk to the left side of my face,
                                                            Smir­k to the right side of my face.
                                        Now, it's symmetrical.
                      Grin some more.
                            You thought pain breaks me, no.
                                                      You thought that would **** me, nah.
                                             It only makes me stronger.

Laughing my *** off for your assuming talent. Believe me I tried, but when I heard it, it sounded out quite hilarious.

Harder =)
Better ;)
Faster :)
Stronger • • •
146 · Mar 2021
tired.
Loving someone who has no time for you? Wow. How incredible.
145 · Aug 2023
Better (04-02-22)
Baby, you deserve a love that stays
Deserve a girl that stays
Not that kind of love that comes back
That makes you distract

You deserve a love that remains
A love that gives inner peace but not hurt and pain
You deserve a love that never leaves
And a heart and mind that never deceives

Baby you deserve better
I don’t want to see you with someone better
That’s why I wanna be better
Better, better, better for you
Oh, better, better, better for you

Baby, come here
I will kiss it better
I just want to be with you forever
I want us to be together

I just wanna be better
Better, better, better for you
Oh, Promise I’ll be better
Better, better, better for you

You deserve to be loved
You are more than enough
You deserve a love that lasts a lifetime
Babe, you are the best thing that has ever been mine

No wonder why everyone leaves you
I don’t know what’s their problem
But let me stay here with you
Until we will make it an official

This love is not artificial
This love is like an emblem
I just wanna treasure you forever
I will give up everything so we could be together

Cause baby, you deserve a love that stays
You deserve a love that never goes away
No ghosting, no clout chasing

Just love, pure love
No pressure, not a leisure
No need to rush, if this feeling is just a crush
You deserve a love that remains

A love that stays and never goes away
A love that never demands pain
A love that is not forced usually

It is not a fleeting feeling
This feeling made me feel like I’m on the ceiling
This love made me feel crazy
I’m going crazy, I want to be your lady
144 · Aug 2023
21.24 (11-13-21)
Age does not matter
Inner beauty does matter
Outer beauty does not
Personality matters most

I love the way you touch my hand
I know it is your command
Love me more than I deserve
Cause I will love you more than what you deserve.
144 · Mar 8
i dunno what to do
Maybe we’re trying too hard  
to mend what was never meant to be whole,  
forcing ourselves to fix it anyway.  
But am I truly ready to walk away,  
or was the timing never ours to begin with—  
or are we just too torn apart to feel this empty?  

We used to speak with love,  
now every word feels like a war,  
shouted, sharpened, meant to wound.  

Maybe it’s because I changed,  
or was it that I simply fell out of love with you?
143 · Sep 2020
feeling sick
Water alone cannot suffice my hunger
Food alone cannot withstand my thirst
I was drowning in fear and running for my life
I feel like lying in deathbed all my life
143 · Mar 30
eudaimonia
What we really want is not necessarily what we need— Sometimes, we easily get distracted by the things we want just to heal our inner child. Since it feeds and heals our soul,

Don’t get me wrong, we attain physical satisfaction, But is it really what our spirituality seeks to desire? Did we live a good life outside of comfort? Or did we fight a good life in the midst of survival?

We chose to choose life—by all means, to live comfortably, not fashionably.

We chose to live a good life because this is the kind of battle we chose to face. Henceforth, this was the kind of war we must fight, obstacles we must hurdle— Inner peace and personal satisfaction—not of material things,

But of good deeds, forgiveness, and abstinence.

Sin is temporary in life; we forgive, confess, and forget, Starting a new life as a forgiven person.

For it does not guarantee lifetime happiness, But rather, a temporary one.
141 · May 5
dual fate
I kept my mouth shut
since it was never my story to tell
but when I got mad,
I told everyone, since you trigger me
I paid respect for a respect,
never respect for rudeness
If you cannot respect my time,
then ask yourself, how can I respect your time, then?
139 · Apr 9
rawR.
I want to rip your clothes apart—exposing in front of me the one I desire to see
Bathed in golden hue sunset sky
Until the vanilla twilight, I die.

From dusk to dawn, spare me my endurance
Abstinence no more. But I want more.

I like it raw. It penetrates my skin from the inside.
[SPG]
138 · Apr 16
nonsense
An unheard explanation waiting to be heard is enough for an amount of silence traded for peace of mind.
Do we really need to know everything at all costs?
What costs us when we heard unspoken truth unfolding right before our very eyes,
heard by what our ears supposedly should not hear,
gives us pain and suffering in return.

maybe it is better to let it be.
known or unknown.
heard or not
seen or not
tangible or intangible.
does it matter? or does it not?

questions are quite tricky that was stuck in the corner of my mind
is it worth it or is it not?
to be or not to be? that is the question.
maybe Shakespeare seems to be offended of me for stealing Hamlet's dialogue
just like this poem, I intended to write it
to let my mind wander free here on Hello Poetry

sometimes, I consider myself as a cloud.
I am quite emotional. I cry a lot.
I am softhearted and sensitive.
I hate it. I go soft for things that are sincere.
I hate petty things to be fought over.
I love music, I love poems and songs
in short, I love literature.

it feels like I am stuck in a wrong era, in a wrong world
in a wrong generation, in a wrong century
everything in my life feels so wrong.
138 · Apr 7
🌊
You have the waves of the sea writ on your skin—stretch marks.
137 · Aug 2023
Anecito (7-28-2023)
You came into my life at what I thought was the perfect time, and yet, everything unraveled in ways I could never have imagined. We were both tired and worn down, carrying our own burdens, and somehow that mutual exhaustion became a crime between us. I kept hoping we could fix it, that the pieces might somehow fit together. But no matter how hard I tried, it was always slipping away. Losing you now feels like the only way to save myself.

I have been bruised and scarred in ways no one else can see. I’ve stared down knives and guns and felt the cold brush of danger so close it took my breath away. Somehow, against all odds, I survived. But surviving feels hollow when you are not here. You were supposed to be my anchor, and now I am adrift.

For a long time, I believed life after you would be impossible. My thoughts were consumed by misery, and every day felt like a punishment for wanting something I could never have. I hated you for leaving me, and I hated myself for needing you so desperately. I tried to forget, but forgetting is not a choice. The memory of you lingers in every corner of my mind.

And then I see you, and I realize you cannot even look me in the eye. Every lie, every broken promise, everything that hurt me—it is all reflected back with cruel clarity. It’s unbearable to face it all at once. Goodbye does not feel enough to close this chapter. It feels like a word too small for the weight of everything.

Stop trying to fix what was never meant to work. Stop forcing effort for something that was already broken. I cannot keep bending myself to fit a love that has no shape. You said you loved me, but words are hollow when actions do not follow. Time cannot bring you back, and I finally see that.

Our hearts are still beating, but they are no longer aligned. We are two pieces of shattered glass, impossible to reunite. I can feel the fragments cutting into me every time I think of you. Everything we built has collapsed into ruin. And yet, I am learning to let it go.

I need to release the pain that has been suffocating me. I need to stop counting the nights I cried alone, hoping for something that would never come. I have to stop clinging to what we had. I have to face the reality that it is gone. And I have to survive.

Three months. That is all I had to hope, to cling, to imagine that maybe the tide could turn. But life does not bend to our wishes, and time never gave us a chance. I have learned that hope alone is not enough to hold someone here. I have learned that survival often comes at the cost of love. I have learned that letting go is sometimes the only option.

Life moves relentlessly, dragging us under if we do not learn to swim. I am learning to float without you, to keep my head above water when waves of memory and loss crash over me. Every day is a struggle, but I am finding the strength to face it. I am beginning to breathe again. I am beginning to live again.

Love once felt infinite, blinding, overwhelming, and now it is gone. The brightness has been replaced with a cold silence that I cannot shake. You disappeared, and I was left to navigate the emptiness alone. I have had to face my own reflection, my own heart, without your shadow beside me. And I am learning to survive it.

I waited, counting hours, minutes, and seconds, hoping for some sign that you would return. But you ran away from today, from me, from everything we promised. I had to face the reality that your absence was final. I had to face the truth that you chose something else, someone else. And I had to keep living despite it.

Maybe someone else was worth your time, maybe I wasn’t. I cannot shrink myself to fit your needs or bargain with my own heart for your affection. I know my worth, and I will not compromise it for someone who cannot stay. I am more than a game, more than a puzzle for you to manipulate. I am a person who deserves respect and love.

You hurt me deeply, and I cannot pretend otherwise. You whispered my name, promised things, and then disappeared without warning. It left a wound that no words can fully heal. But I am still here, breathing, feeling, existing. And that alone is a triumph over the pain you caused.

I am learning to let go of anger, though it lingers like smoke in my chest. I am learning to release the nights of endless thinking and longing. I am learning to live for myself, not for someone who has abandoned me. I am learning that I can survive without you. And I am learning that survival can feel like victory.

Every day I remind myself that I cannot go back. I cannot reclaim what we lost. I cannot undo the choices that led us here. All I can do is move forward, carrying my own heart carefully, tenderly. And even if it hurts, I will keep moving.

I am discovering strength I did not know I had. I am discovering courage in the quiet moments when I feel the urge to crumble. I am discovering that my life has value beyond what you thought of it. I am discovering that I am enough. And that is something no one can take away from me.

I am beginning to breathe freely again, slowly, carefully, without the weight of your absence pressing down like a stone. I am beginning to fill the emptiness with my own light. I am beginning to love the life I have, even with scars that never fully fade. I am beginning to feel myself alive once more.

I remember the pain, the betrayal, the longing, and yet I no longer let it define me. I remember the nights spent hoping, and yet I no longer cling to those illusions. I remember everything, and yet I am not trapped by it. I am alive, moving forward, growing stronger. And that is enough.

Even though you are gone, even though you will never return, I can survive. Even though my heart is still tender, it can beat again without you. Even though life is difficult and unpredictable, I can face it alone. Even though the memory of you lingers, it no longer controls me. I am alive, I am strong, and I am free.

I will carry the lessons, the pain, the memories, and yet I will not be broken. I will carry the scars and use them as proof that I survived. I will face tomorrow knowing I can endure. I will breathe knowing I am still here. I will live knowing I have overcome.

And finally, I am learning that letting go does not mean forgetting. It does not mean pretending it never mattered. It means accepting, surviving, and moving forward with my life intact. It means giving myself the chance to heal. And it means knowing that I am enough, with or without you.
136 · Apr 28
poker for a soul
The only games I play are the ones you won’t— not for lack of skill, but fear of a fair fight.

No sleight of hand, no silver-tongued deceit, no victory stolen in the dark.

So, play true, or don’t play at all.

So take your best shot. I know you thrive in poker, where the stakes are built on bluffs and the win lies in sleight of hand.

But I don’t play at the table. I don’t sit and exchange pleasantries with hypocrites— the ones who wear virtue like a mask, saints when you’re watching, but serpents when you turn away.

Their whispers weave rumors, their tongues sharpened with lies. Smiles in daylight, daggers in the dark.

I don’t play their game. I don’t sit. I don’t bow. And I don’t break.
I take my aim at the target, pull back the string, steady the breath, and send my victory straight to the center— no gamble, no guess— just a bull’s-eye.

Because even the devil plays this ******* game to claim your soul. But I, on the other hand, plays fair by deeds and redemption, forgiveness and having constant communication, faith and belief in God. Only he is deserving of claiming my soul.
My cousin is an atheist which he never believes in God. He believes more in the devil. My grandmother once practiced black magic and witchcraft. I just wondered why our home sometimes feels eerie. I tried to educate her when she was ill up until now, but she never listened, saying she has no sins to confess or mistakes to acknowledge.
136 · Aug 2023
Adrian. (11-9-21)
I think he already knows
Because I told him so
He just took what I said for granted
I thought I was all that he wanted

Ooh, I lost myself
Chasing after you
I lost myself
Looking for you

But then, you just ignored me
Yet you just seem uninterested in me
Oh, you wanted me to be
I never wanted to be

But I never lose you
You lost me
I never lost you
Cause you just let me

Go, oh, let me go
Oh, Adrian
You just let me go
Oh, Adrian
136 · Apr 19
est. 2000
one time, I remember
out of curiosity,
out of poverty,
soy sauce, oil and vinegar,
dried fish,
fried rice with egg,
cracklings,
instant noodles
were our viands
with rice, as the queen of every meal.

just to get by in life,
just to survive from hunger and thirst.
just to be alive for another day
and experience it once again
just like clockwork.

I could never demand before,
for how hard life is.
but now, with every privilege given to us
like a chance we could get,
every opportunity slipping by
we hastily chase over them.

for once in my life,
I could buy what I needed and wanted to
without asking for my parents' money
I earned my own and I hustle to provide

not knowing the history of how I made it this far
God only knows what I went through
which were so easier for others to conclude
too quick to judge
I hope you know what you were talking about
I hope you are not making a wrong impression
or wrong words to say, just to make your theories sound
plausible for audiences to hear

everything I went through,
every experience I had gone through
every face of unfamiliar people I met,
kind or not, trusted or not
ally or not
went behind my back to judge and backstab me
I thought that who I was to judge you
who I was to do revenge?
I am unworthy, in fact.
136 · Apr 7
financially wise.
Kaya hindi umuunlad ang bansa, dahil maraming nag-aasawa nang walang plano para sa kinabukasan.

Nagpauto sa salitang "mahal kita," kaya ito ang naging kapalaran nating dalawa.

Umaasa na kayang itawid ang gutom at uhaw sa salitang "bahala na si Batman."

Tila ba naging sapat na para sa atin ang pagkain ng pagpag, nagmimistulang "isang kahig, isang tuka."

Itulog na lang ang gutom at uhaw na nararamdaman, sapagkat kinabukasan ay panibagong umaga na naman ang haharapin natin.

Hindi matatawid ng gutom o uhaw ang salitang "mahal kita."

Kahit kailan, hindi masama o makasarili na isaalang-alang din natin ang ating kapakanan, upang maiwasan na makita ang mga batang hindi naman hiniling na mabuhay sa mundong ito na nagdurusa.
134 · Apr 12
Phew 🔫
I go bullet for bullet, blow by blow
But it doesn't have to end that way—
I want katana to katana, arrow to arrow
But never mind.

Let's be civil about it.
I intend to be more composed than react about it.
Waste my strength for a nonsense person over a nonsense, petty matter.
I never know. We never did.

Did you see me ******* stutter? or joke around?
Nah, I don't think so.
134 · Mar 17
God
God
Praise the one who set me free—from everything that cages and shackles me.
It is God, who loved me and crowned me with flowers despite his crown of thorns
134 · Mar 27
realization
Why do people overthink a lot during midnight? —Everything hits different at midnight.

To answer that, Yes.
If I am one to overthink during midnight,
I tend to ask myself with what ifs and whys...

What if this is not the right path for me to take?
What if I am not pretty enough for him?
What if he will fell out of love from me?
What if I am not enough for him?
What if he was waiting for someone to arrive?
But at first, I was the was the easy one so that made him stay.
Why was I feeling like I am never going to be good enough for him?
Why is he like that?

I tend to overthink a lot before,
I slept late and woke up early.
Yes, I still exist up until today.
Yes, I am still alive and breathing until today.
But not anymore.

That old habit of mine died,
the day I met my partner.
All of my whys and what ifs were already answered now.

Because he gave me a lot reassurances that I am enough for him alone.
And that is much better.
I honestly don’t know where to start.
I don’t know which of the many thoughts troubling my mind I should talk about first. But there’s one thing I’m sure of—I need to lay this all out.

Let me begin with a question:
“Is it always going to be Ate?”

Is it always going to be Ate who has to adjust?
The one who’s always given the chores in this family?
This and that—reasons I no longer know if they’re even valid. But sure, fine, I’ll agree. Just to end the conversation. So we don’t have to drag it out any longer.

Is it always going to be Ate who sacrifices for the family?
Is Ate the only one who thinks of how to save money, how to prioritize what’s important—not luxuries, not personal wants, but you?
You first. I’ll be the last.

Is it always Ate who has to be the one to forgive and humble herself?
The one who takes on the responsibility, who does all the housework?
I know—I have siblings. But why does it always have to be me who moves first?
Why am I the only one who will take the initiative?
The one who thinks of what to cook?
Who does the laundry, washes the dishes, cleans the house?

I know it all by heart. You don’t even need to remind me. I don’t need to be told.
But what about you?
What happens if one day, our parents are no longer here?
What if we, siblings, were the only one left?

Will Ate still be the one who teaches and disciplines you?
Back when I was your age, I was already aware of my responsibilities.
But now, what’s happened?
It’s like you’re being swallowed whole by your screens. There’s no initiative. No concern for your surroundings.

Maybe you’ve forgotten—Ate is human, too.
I’m not a robot. I wasn’t made just to follow orders.
I get tired. I get hurt.
I have feelings, too.

I hope you understand that.
That I also have my own life to attend to.
I’m not a servant who exists to follow commands.
I don’t need to be paid to do what you ask, because no amount of coins or rest will ever truly give me the break I’ve been longing for.

Tired? I can endure that. I can survive with only a few hours of sleep. I can juggle work. But what did I get in return? I got sick. I lost an adrenal gland, and no amount of money you hand to me can make up for that.

Exhaustion and sleep deprivation? I had to deal with both. Instant noodles and barely any nutritious food—that’s what nearly killed me. Coke and coffee replaced my water. Watching over our sick grandmother became my daily routine.

It’s not that I don’t know how to be thankful.
It’s not that I’m ungrateful or that I don’t have a sense of debt for what you’ve done for me.
The debt I carry in my heart for a lifetime can’t be repaid with silver, gold, or money—
But with lifelong honor and respect, for bringing me into this world and for raising me. For never abandoning me.

You never heard me complain.
You never saw me throw a tantrum.
You never heard me explain or reason out—because deep down, I know your minds and ears are closed if ever I try to express how I feel.

I understand. I know you get tired too.
But my exhaustion is different.
No amount of sleep, pillows, or beds can fix this.
Because sometimes, even in sleep, my mind is still noisy.
The only cure I long for in my aching solitude is peace, silence, and the shore. That’s all I want.

That’s all for now.

With love,
Ate :)
133 · Jul 10
H.A.P.P.Y
success is measured on many things,
but mine is measured on happiness.
133 · Jul 16
why?
why does your blood boil out of haste, my love
Are you mad at me? Are you tired of me?
Or do you even love me?
You did not even bother to look at me.
You can stray me away from you
Brainwash me until I forget how it feels
To bleed while being numb
Just to feel pain
Just to taste the pain of blood
Why have you forsaken me?
Did you regret meeting me?
Make haste, I plead
But never heard.
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