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132 · Aug 2023
AC <3 AD (10-15-21)
I like it when you smile
I get so happy
When you talk to me
Even just for a while

You remember little details of me
Your Mom was so much closer to me
I wonder how you would feel
That this feeling I feel is real

I have prayed so hard to God
That You would come along my way
I knew it was the will of God
For me to hear you say

Just stay, stay here with me
Even just for today
I want you to see
That you're the only one for me

Your eyes were like stars
Look how they shine so bright
When you look at me
When you stare at me

Your voice is like an angel I long to hear
Right now, I wish you were here
Who knows what I fear?
To slip you away, my dear

It was like my whole world's already in front of me
It was like my answered prayers' already in front of me
You are like a distant star
Look how you shine so bright

Save me, save me from drowning
I'm slowly falling
Falling deep into you
Falling deep into an ocean of love

And I am deeply in love
Deeply in love with you

I'm afraid to lose you
Even though you're not even mine
But I'll be fine
It's just that I am missing you

Every love song reminds me of you
Loving you was like breathing
But never interested enough to stop breathing
Cause every beat of my heart is calling you
130 · Apr 28
Untitled
What I learned during my internship for Education is that:

You need to have a thick face
You have to wear a lot of masks to hide your feelings, the pain or problems at home
It should not be brought to school.

Until today, I was able to wear a lot of masks. Even at home. I wore a facade to hide my true feelings. To hide the pain.

Sometimes, when no one is around. I cry. Life is tough. But it made you stronger, not weaker.
129 · Oct 2020
Blessing in disguise
One-sided love, he ain't my first love
I'm the devilish one, he's the angelic one
We're different yet the same
Every time he calls out my name.

It must be bad karma
What I did to every one,
That's why I'm all alone
But I ain't lonely,
I'm super happy
I guess this is good karma,
I bet he's my blessing in disguise
And maybe he's the angel in the skies.

I've got no horns
I ain't crowned with thorns
I've got no halo
Maybe I'll just say hello

I've got no wooden staff
I ain't worshipping a golden calf
I had no wings for me to fly
But I'm pretty sure I'm happy enough to cry

I can't part the sea
I can't reach the shore
I can't cross the ocean and walk on the water
I can't perform miracles.

I hope you would see
That I ain't like this before
I drifted like the wind after
It was then told in the oracle.
129 · May 4
can't
Nice try, you can't hurt me
With a single blow, once or twice
I've done that, experienced that
A couple of hundred times
I ain't coming from the wake & bake family
I need no cannabis to smoke,
I breathe the smoke they puff in
I breathe it in like an air freshener
I breathe it out like a toxic waste
You know me don't you?
Only by my name, not the real me.
129 · Apr 25
does she know?
It’s not exactly flattering,
but this song always plays in my mind
whenever you resurface:

Say hello to the girl you can't let go.
Does she know when you're home,
it's me you're trying to call on your phone?
I'm holding back everything I wanna say—
consider yourself lucky
that I'm choosing to behave.

Does she know?
That you have a dummy account?
That through your dump account,
you still try to message me?
You have a girlfriend now, boy.
So why do you keep insisting on reaching out?

We never got closure, and honestly—
there’s nothing left to say.
It’s over.

What was the point of reaching out to me?
To check in?
You should have done that back when we were still together.
What changed now?
When you chose to break us apart,
did you think about it then,
or is it only crossing your mind now
that you’ve found happiness with someone else?

Every time I hear our theme song,
I no longer think of you.
I no longer remember our memories.
The only thing that comes to mind is the moment you left me.

You should’ve realized that back when we were together.
So sorry, boy—
your loss, not mine.
Does she know by Kiana V
127 · Apr 29
mistakes
When you made a mistake, others will have the right to define some meaning behind that mistake?

If yes, that is what my family always did to me.

I cheated once with my partner, although I made a bad reason to breakup with him
And the guy I cheated with, has a girlfriend
He betrayed me into telling my mother about what happened to us,
He spread rumors about me, which also made my mom angry at me at the same time

After that, she scolded me. Told me I was a flirt for flirting on other boys and cheating on my ex-boyfriend.
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I didn't know who or when it happened,
It just happens that I didn't know about that incident and he never got caught.
A friend of mine told me that since they were classmates, she saw my ex out with someone new after a week of breaking up with him.

My life was so ****** up.
Someone wise once said, "mistakes do not define you"
We really have no right to define them badly about their mistakes
We did not know what happened. Who are we really to judge that person when we do not even walk in the same shoes as his or hers.
We have no right to be rude about them.
Their mistakes defined them as imperfect people. We all are imperfect people but remember that God loved us so much, he sees through us and our imperfections but he never judged us.
126 · Mar 7
life
If life weighs you down
Bring yourself up once again;
125 · Apr 6
a$$hole
Don't scare the **** out of me now—Because I might send you back to where you actually came from.

You thought a little kiss and tell would hurt me—Nah. I was never wired for that. I was programmed like I am some kind of robot, but they failed to do so. You see, I am not easily brainwashed by anyone.

You thought I need you, no. You need me. Period. I don't need anything less ******* coming from you, you got something you need from me—and that's it.

A little debt of gratitude can help you get by—but it seems that paying you for a lifetime comes with a price. An unpaid debt doesn't always work like that, honey.
125 · Apr 28
🌞⛈️
To my partner during sunny days,
We will always be happy together.
But when storms may come, waves may rise and the sunny day may hide behind the stormy clouds
We never understood each other based on the noisy banters we throw at each other.
You gaslight me of things I never said, manipulate me of things I never did
Worse of all, I never understood myself during the anxieties of the weather
Life was too short to come by,
time too limited to be wasted
I never noticed the tears that fell from my eyes
When my heart was too heavy to carry the hurt and burden I felt deep within me
My mind bursts into chaos
Too stressed to overthink of things in life we have no control of
Promises are only inside our palms, curled empty-handed
Color me intrigue of the stuffs I used to do
And cutting my hair has become a habit of mine
To relieve stress...
125 · May 18
Love is you.
A quiet magic,
an unexplainable euphoria—
a celebration without end.

It is choosing you,
again and again,
in every sunrise and every storm.
A thousand times over,
in every lifetime,
I choose you.

Through the highs and the hollows,
through every bend of this winding path,
I will hold your hand.

Love is the place I return to—
even when it aches,
even when it asks more than it gives.
Even through tears,
even through trials,
I will find you there.

You are my favorite decision.

And when the world grows loud and uncertain,
when chaos presses in,
I will find my silence in your arms.

Until the end—always—
I will be yours.

Your smile outshines the whole of the world.
It is my compass, my calm, my clarity.

They said love is not always a steady flame—
that it flickers, that it falters.
There will be doubts,
there will be silence,
and some days will feel worn and distant.

But even then—
especially then—
I will choose you.

Not just in the brilliance of love’s bloom,
but in the hush,
in the heavy,
in the ordinary.

Because love is more than a feeling—
it is a vow,
a respect,
a quiet promise that endures.

Even when the heart trembles,
even when the sky darkens—
I will choose you.
Always.
124 · Aug 2023
My moon (7-28-23)
The sky is breathtakin’
I feel like stargazin’
Capturing moments of you
Observing every move of you

Looking at your smile
While relaxing in the isle
I got this kind of healthy love
No one could ever get enough

When tough times arise
Like waves they fall or rise
Just know that I will always be here for you
I will always love you in all shades of you

I still want you
I still love you even if you hurt me
I still want you even if you are mean to me
Nobody’s perfect and we aren’t perfect, love
123 · Apr 16
Holy Week reflections...
Our debts have been paid by Jesus, and our sins are forgiven.

So, who are we to withhold forgiveness from those who have wronged us? As Jesus taught, we should forgive not just seven times, but seventy-seven times—a testament to the boundless nature of grace and mercy.

We forgive even if forgiveness is never sought. We don’t forgive for redemption—we forgive because we, too, are sinners, imperfect human beings. Forgiveness is not something we do because it’s commanded of us; we forgive out of our own will, for our peace of mind.

Time doesn’t truly heal wounds—they remain, just as memories do, including the painful ones. Time doesn’t let us forget, but forgiveness allows us to find peace within ourselves. If others cannot forgive us, let it be. What matters is that, within our capacity and without expecting anything in return, we chose to forgive.

During Holy Week, fasting goes beyond physical discipline; it's a time to nourish the soul. Feed your spirit with calm and peace, with uplifting thoughts and moments of relaxation. Abstain from distractions, and devote yourself to prayer, seeking God’s guidance and protection.

By doing so, you strengthen your heart against the devil’s trickery and deception, ensuring you remain steadfast in faith and truth. It’s not just a period of sacrifice, but a meaningful journey of spiritual growth and renewal.
122 · Mar 27
God
God
"It's your breath in our lungs"
"When you still breath in your lungs, you are not yet done"

How great are you Lord!
122 · Mar 7
revenge
Revenge is not yours to begin with,
Your pain and emotions are valid
But what you're planning to do is invalid.

Play your cards right.
121 · Sep 2020
Far Away </3
I'm letting you go
I'm setting you free,
It's not you because it's me
I love you but this is goodbye;
I just want to let you know
I love you goodbye.

I never stopped loving you
It was you who chose to walk away,
I never stopped aporoaching you
It was you who went away;

I am so confused
Our set-up was so infused
That's why bridges should be burned
And tables should have turned

I am way too good for you
You are no good for me
You will just take me for granted
And then leave me unattended

Do I have to notice you first and aporoach you
Just to let you know that I will be here for you
But I won't be that girl any longer
Who would stay by your side forever

That's why I need to let go of your hand
I hope you understand
As i walk far away, I hope you close your eyes
And wipe away the tears falling from your eyes.
119 · Apr 3
📜✍️
I do not need a therapist—
Poetry is all I need.
Since it is my unpaid therapist;
Where the world's perspective of me is the contentment of my experience
Hence, Hello Poetry is my freedom wall, so to speak.
119 · May 10
deck of cards
My personality is like a deck of cards—each one revealing a different facet of who I am.
The good cards are my victories in life, the ones that draw people to me despite my innocence and naivety.
They are the moments that allow me to forge connections, to befriend others, to navigate the world with hope.

But behind those cards lie the bad ones—the losses in the game, yet paradoxically, the wins in life.
They unveil the raw truths of existence, exposing the genuine intentions of the world and the shadows within my own nature. Perhaps many have never truly known me.
People recognize only the parts I choose to reveal, the carefully presented pieces of my story.
Yet they remain unaware of the silent battles, the unseen struggles I have endured.

How can someone claim to truly know me when all they have seen are the reels, the highlights, the fleeting clips of my life—but never the raw, unfiltered behind-the-scenes?

They witness the carefully curated moments, the victories, the laughter, the beautifully framed snapshots that fit within their expectations. But they don’t see the retakes, the silent battles fought off-camera, the exhaustion, the parts of my story too complex or too painful to compress into a mere clip.

To know me is not just to watch the performance, but to understand the struggles that shaped it.
It is to acknowledge the moments I didn't share—the doubts, the resilience, the quiet growth beyond the spotlight.

True understanding lies not in what is shown, but in what is felt beyond the frame.
What you see of me through social media is not real—the curated moments, the framed exposures, the glimpses tailored for the world to perceive.
The truth lies beyond the filters, beyond the carefully composed narrative.
So let me reshuffle my life however I choose.
Stop assuming you know everything about it when you don’t.
Stop implying that things will unfold a certain way, because they won’t—not like that, not how you expect.

My path is mine alone, shaped by choices only I understand.
The future is not predetermined, and what is “supposed to happen” will never be dictated by anyone but me.
So just let me be—let me exist as I am. I don’t need anyone to shape me, to define me, or to tell me how to move through life. I can get by on my own.

I know my path, my resilience, my own way forward. And that’s enough.

Toodles.
119 · Apr 18
Marlon's blues
He was all seven of the deadly sins
but he made me a villain for everyone to see
that there is a little bit of devil
hidden in my angelic innocent eyes

like pride, I'd swallow you whole
spit you because you're lukewarm
said he, "you'll be the death of me"
I smirked and spot with my little eye
to tell you a white lie
"I am the ruin of you"
does it scare you now?

watch everything you built
crumble down
I did everything
in my power
to destroy everyone
who stands in my way.

I was once young and naive,
to tell you, frankly
I thought birds can fly
without its wings
locked in a cage
full of broken dreams
and opportunities passing by.

I plead for help
every whip and blow
is pain and bruised
all wounded up
I'd **** for you
but don't **** me in return
put me in a sack,
smoke and burn me
bang my head against the wall
I hope I healed my inner child

I was cruel to the world,
bitter for everyone to see
my ****** heart all melted
for someone so softhearted.

bad monsters never looked like monsters
sometimes, a monster holds a rooster
put under the influence
smoke ****, cigarette and drink to sleep
he breeds violence, breeds selfishness and greed
watch the world burn
or watch yourself lie in your sarcophagus
deep within your catacomb
a diary of a physically abused man
118 · May 4
Paalam
Hindi ako ang taong hinahanap mo, at siguro, hindi rin ikaw ang taong akala ko noon na kailangan ko.

Oo, nagbago ako— at alam kong iyon ang hindi mo matanggap. Pero kailan ba naging kasalanan ang pagbabago? Bakit kailangang may masisi? Bakit kailangang isa sa atin ang may sala?

Ang "tayo" noon ay tila isang kwento na sinimulan natin nang may galak, ngunit natapos nang walang malinaw na wakas. At kahit gusto **** isipin na isa lamang itong kwento ng paglimot, alam **** hindi lang iyon ang nangyari.

Alam **** may mga sandali na kahit magkasama tayo, ang isip ko ay lumulutang, naghahanap ng ibang daan, ibang kapiling. At alam **** kahit anong sakit ang maramdaman mo ngayon, walang balikan, walang paliwanag na sapat para burahin ang katotohanang iyon.

Kung ang paglayo ko ang naging dahilan ng pagguho mo, hindi ko na iyon mababawi. Pero huwag **** isipin na ginawa ko ito upang sirain ka. Dahil hindi ko kailanman hinangad ang bumitaw sa bagay na minsan kong pinahalagahan.

Pero minsan, ang isang tao ay hindi talaga itinadhana upang manatili. At minsan, ang pagmamahal ay hindi sapat upang hindi hanapin ang iba.

Hindi kita pinagkaisahan, hindi kita ginamit, hindi kita iniwan nang walang dahilan. Nagbago ako, nagbago rin ang nararamdaman ko. At hindi kita ginawang laruan— pero hindi ko rin kayang ipilit ang isang bagay na nawala na.

Ikaw ang naglingon pabalik, habang ako naman, tuluyan nang lumakad palayo. Hindi dahil gusto kong makalimutan, kundi dahil alam kong wala nang dapat pang balikan.

Hindi ko na hihilingin na intindihin mo ako. Hindi ko na pipilitin ang sarili kong magpaliwanag pa sa iyo, dahil sa dulo, hindi naman kailangang lahat ng bagay ay may paliwanag.

Matagal ko nang alam ang nararamdaman mo, matagal ko nang alam ang hinanakit na hindi mo kayang bitawan. Pero kung ako ang nagpasyang lumayo, ikaw rin naman ang matagal nang hindi nagawang manatili.

Kung ang huli nating usapan ay isang paghuhusga, isang pagsisi, isang hanapan ng dahilan— siguro, ito na ang huling sagot ko sa iyo.

Hindi ko na kailangang lumingon pa. Hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag pa kung paano ako nakahanap ng iba, kung paano ako tuluyang nawala kahit sa harapan mo pa lang.

Wala na rin naman kahit na balikan, wala na ang tamis nung ika’y nahagkan, at sa huling paalam, naintindihan na sa ating dalawa, may ibang nakalaan.

Wala na tayong “tayo.” At kung iyon ang katotohanan, matagal ko nang natanggap iyon.

Sa pagkakataong ito, hindi ko na kailangang lumingon pa. Paalam.
118 · Aug 2023
His Future Love (10-15-21)
I have loved you enough
Not to pursue you yet
Cause not all that I see
Is what I get

Oh, I don't want to regret
So, I'd rather forget

Ooh, the words you said
Keeps on messing in my head
Ooh, the things we both did
Keeps on running in my head

But if you would ask me
I would answer right away
I would be yours
I'd like to be called yours


Ooh, this time is ours
This love is ours
If you would ask me
I'll be here to stay
118 · May 24
God is...
I met God in the quiet corners of my room
I met him in my most sad and low energy moments
I met him when I am alone and lonely
I met him when I am depressed
I met him through his still voice
He is within me, so I will not fail.

I realized that I can do the impossible things
Because God made the impossible things possible
So put your faith and worry in him, Do your best because God will do the rest.

God is the author of my success. The author of my triumph and victory. My alpha and omega.

AYNA DENISSE MESTIO MONCENILLA, LPT
Batch May 23, 2025
118 · Apr 19
hypocrisy.
Is this day any different?—
But why does it seem like this night is different from any other night?

Snakes, they crawl and slither their silver tongue
Devil, taunts and mocks you, tricks you
High priests, think highly only of themselves
Judas thought his dignity can be bought in 30 silver coins
Pontius Pilate assumes that washing of his hands can never be accomplices with  people, he was innocent but they taunt him.
Hypocrisy says otherwise, blasphemy is only for the weak
The proof is right in front of you, but you denied me three times.
It's the ungrateful people that betrayed Him was saved.
It is the truth they knew and heard but they deafened in silence.

A bad joke. It is not something to laugh at.
Plead guilty of something he never did.

A sinful man was freed, in exchange for the Son of God to be crucified by the mankind.
Where are your manners? Are you not grateful for the things he did for us?

To be saved from our sins. It is done. It is paid. You should realize it sooner or later that God's love is unconditional and amazing.
I am not mad. Just stating.
We never know the whole story
We knew they both had a history
I only know the gist of it
But the mariteses cannot get over with it

Feeling victim for clout
They probably know by now what it was all about

He was a charming young man
While she was a selfish and materialistic woman
He only wanted to give, to love
But he was killed out of mercy, out of hate or love

Saving yourself while killing someone you love
They both seem to know what they need to shove
Forget everything in an oblivious way
An unforgivable menace comes along your way

You should be careful by now about the way you acted or behave
But that doesn’t mean you will be saved
Your days are counted but out-numbered
But you felt guilty, feeling encumbered

Consider yourself lucky for making it out alive
Choosing yourself to be alive just to survive

Yeah, because you prolly should have known by now
It is not what god wanted, but something that evil allows
You are the bait in someone’s hook
I hope you let yourself off the hook

Your asukarera de papa is not almighty
Because shiny things are not all shiny
They might blind you; it was indeed too good to be true
Some are pretentious to reassure, while some are real and pure

You’re the prey of the hunter
Feeling like an undercover
Everything was yet to be discovered
Not gonna happen that a lifeless interest was left to be unexplored

You were the precious bunny in his tantalizing eyes
At that time, the spirit of jealousy was on the rise
They said he was in a higher-being position
He got a family, a wife and four children

Hence, He got distracted in the beautiful garden of Eden
But the mistress and the * were in an awkward juxtaposition

But he was not a god, nor was a saint
He was handling any issues like a brief feint
He blamed god for everything else
He was feeling blessed, no more, no less

He said god was on his side
But as far as it gets interesting, the devil was his bride

Now you’re the target of the killer
This phenomenon was an indestructible thriller
He may have pocket knives, guns, arrows, ammo, name it
Best for you to forget or believe it

He marks the X on the spot
He left you there, lying on the streets to rot
He grinned so much now you’re gone
The mission was accomplished and done

But I hope you listened to me, but you never did
You gained so much of what you want to benefit

Millions of blood money were used in the wrong situation
Now that she got her decision, everything is in transition
Now you’re six feet below the ground
Now she's playing like a victim, feeling depressed that you're not around

She may be spending a lot to compensate for the pain
The trauma and the blame have left there in your mind, they remain
To lessen the pain and the burden
It doesn't make you any less golden

To lessen the sins, you have committed
Since you're so selfish, your sins were never admitted

It doesn’t matter if you visit him, any day, any night
You killed an innocent life, that's not right
From your selfish deeds, knowingly you have needs
You only think of yourself, self

You never should have bothered him in the first place
Now he was in a better place

He believed he was holy
But your soul is agonizing, deadly, slowly but surely
Holy enough to involve others
Flushing everything down the gutter

Tasked others to do the crime
It was not god's timing, but the devil's time
He thought he was protected by the saints and the gods
For the sake of their bad blood

He made religion his shield
Everything will be revealed
But makes evil schemes behind the church’s back
Your body and soul, later on, will be the hell's snack

The mastermind was his lover
He said he'll leave his wife for another
Felt guilty enough to care for the dead
Now you're a famewhore, a memer, your issues spread

But it’s too late, stop pretending
You never loved him, you were only good at pretending
You used him many times, **** him all you want
But you were not so nonchalant

Clinging unto your asukarera de papa for money and fame
By simply calling and talking to him, he can sense you are no longer the same

Spoiling you for getting everything
He is such a scary thing
You even fooled yourself about him wanting you
He is just ******* you, getting your nerve out of you

You got the nerve to keep asking him
Singing him praises and hymns
Visiting his tomb, telling him, you'd wish him to be your groom

You never thought of him even once or twice
Now they've pressed you for charges, no running away now
It's time to pay the lifetime price
You've been a spoiled brat, somehow

They said you keep buying him useless things
Now, seeing him in a tux, lying in his casket, unattached strings


But later on, when you feel sad and depressed, it gets funny
You traded his soul for the money
Don’t you know what power it will bring to the world?
Chaos and death are unfurled

You may be pretty and angelic
Being a ****** suit you but not being dramatic or sympathetic
But whom the **** knows what your mischievous attitude and behavior did to him
You were the best actress in the show, trying to fit in the show to look like a film

His worth never meant something to you
Now that you got the best view
His worth is just a dime that fell on the floor
You are not that worth it anymore

A lot of people believed though
You kept on faking it though
You got the nerve to chill and swim in the sea
They labelled you as the pokpok ng *
*, you see

You got the audacity to sleep, eat and work
Well, the best reaction is just to smirk
After the incident, after what you’ve done to them
Now you've got the hellish realm, to protect yourself from them

After what you’ve done to the bereaved family
Until further notice, you were no longer in fantasy

What lies ahead, what lies behind and what lies beyond it all
They will surely blame you all
You never deserve the best girlfriend award, wildcard
But she was ignored, they implored

They only want to give you the trophy you deserve, it was a catastrophe
She treated his family nastily

He was never released or in peace
But let's pay our respect to the deceased
His soul was in misery, in restlessness
I guess you seem relentless

Say your comforting and doubtful prayers
Come and show everyone your crocodile tears
Telling everyone your lies and faking a smile
Just before everything was settled, even the error and trial

Though reminiscing those memories, he left behind
But everyone seems to turn an eye so blind
Your eulogy was only a show
Everyone knows the truth but still, they went to go on with the flow

Whereas hiding your true feelings, feeling glad
Behind the curtains, you tell everything to your sugar dad
While everyone cried their heart out, their eyes were bawling
Got no sleep, tired of overthinking

What do they call you?
You’re a ******* *****, home-wrecker, concubine
Mistress, *****, *******, harlot
That is what they call you
I mean, now that's a lot

Pretend to your daddy, and tell him your intention
Your soul is hungry for love and attention
You're no brainer, just a dummy
Whose soul is thirsty for money

Your soul started agonizing in pain
It is nothing that your self-gain
You are alive but felt hellish guilty as ****
Wait till god plucks your life like a wasted duck

You mask your motives
Thus, everything in this issue we bet seems explosive
You ask for sympathy to gain self-esteem
**** your life, your dream

You do not want to 'fess up to yourself
Hiding the truth like a book on its shelf
You always mess up with everyone’s family
Your foul words are profanity, what you did was an act of inhumanity

You are the mastermind from the beginning to the end of time
You came to his tomb, confessing and repenting your sins from time to time
He keeps visiting you in your dreams
Quit that routine, you're no longer his queen

Asking for mercy and peace of mind
But you never mind
You never thought of loving him was the best thing you ever did
You're a one skilled ***** after all, as fulfilled

How come you **** up and never listened to your conscience
Now you have to face the consequences.
The most trending ****** case in The Philippines
116 · Feb 24
snitch is back, bitch
Guess who's back, back again?
(snitch is back, snitch is back)
I've created a monster inside of me
no longer the pretty, petty and kind girl
I am tired from all of the drama
It's been distracting me, non-stop now
In oceans deep, I will not curse you
but I hope you drown, *****
When oceans rise, like lion roaring
You were the prey, he will devour
God knows and sees my pain, I know
you've been in pain too
but I can't stand your scandalous deals
bruh, "you are educated but scandalous at the same time"
I looked up to you, treated you as the G.O.A.T
but nah, instead, you are the literal goat
The scapegoat.
believed you were saved by a handkerchief with Latin prayers
you sold your soul to the devil
now you can't see me eye to eye
strongly believed, you did had a faith in the eye of Horus
but never believed in the power of our God, our personal savior and creator
you were dark, I was bright and pure
forgiven, point taken.
but i never forgot, honey
I do forgive, but what you did is never forgotten.

So, everybody, just follow me
'Cause we need a little controversy
listen now to what I am about to say

Snitch is back, *****
She rose form the grave
she never sleeps in hay day
and even back at night too.
black candles, lit
black and red roses, petals on the floor
caskets opened, unburied body
dead or alive
I never cared less of what I should be caring for
116 · Mar 16
fckd.
The apple does not fall from its tree— commonly known as him. His mother was the same as him. He denied it, but the actions spoke for itself.

But I prefer, what made him as a story maker— adds and subtracts the information.

To gain sympathy and attention from his mother, he does that.
But my family lost its trust and loyalty towards them.
116 · Apr 24
ghost
Tagalog version:
ang multo ko
ay
hindi isang tao
kundi, ito ay
isang alala ng pangarap kong
hindi natupad.
mga oportunidad na dumaan lang,
mga panahon na lumipas
at mga oras na nasayang
at napunta sa wala
mga pera na naigastos
sa walang kabuluhang bagay.
multo kung makapanakot, wagas
dito mo masusukat ang totoo
na minsan hindi multo ng kaluluwa
ang makakapag-nginig sa'yo
kundi multo ng kahapon.

English version:
My ghost is not a person, but a memory— a dream that never came true.
Opportunities that passed by; time that slipped away, hours wasted, spent on nothingness, money lost on meaningless things.
Ghosts can haunt with cruelty, and here, you see the truth— sometimes, it is not the spirit of the dead that shakes you to the core, but the ghost of yesterday.
Cut it, rip it apart—
That is how I want to end you.
You and your "Dora" bangs are quite unpredictable to begin with.
Insult me, and I bite back;
I won't think twice before breaking your wings.

Go easy on me now, or else
You'll never blink twice when your fate ends here.

******, you say—
You're acting like it's happening just now.
Is your radar not working? Maybe you've lost all power to control me.

Look at yourself in the mirror—you see
I am no longer like you, dog.

Careful now, silver tongue. Hold that thought.
Our tongues have no bones—
But they break souls apart,
Like a thousand knives waiting to stab you.

Do you want that to happen to you?
I hope not, because I never even wished for it to happen anyway.

Let karma do its job, and I might clap back after.

I consider you the Helen of our family—
That face of yours launched a thousand ships,
Waiting to devour you.
115 · Apr 17
hell no
It's not Hell if you like the way it burns, you're right. It comforts me. To see you suffer there. You never listened to me anyway. so, good luck finding your way back to let them forgive you.
father, are you scared of your own kind?
maybe you forgot about it, perhaps.
let me refresh your memory for you...
I thought I was your favorite, your little innocent girl
but I was sexually abused, took advantage by a guy
after that, you disgust me
I thought you accepted me for who I was
but I was misunderstood.
are you afraid of me? you created the monster out of me,
and I am that monster you created
fear not. I am not a weapon.
I am not a murderer.
I am a child, seeking for attention and love. once.
who needs a gun when I can turn my pain into words,
I hope they bleed you, rip your heart apart
you left me in pain for a year and a half in a prison
because you cannot control me. not anymore.
you cannot brainwash me. no more.
you asked me, "how did this sweet girl grew up to be a heartless horrid creature?"
but I was never born, I was created. I was a monster by painful experiences.
"Go to hell" oh bruh, where did you think I came from.
"There is a devil among us" fear not. do not be afraid by your kind, you mirror me for I am not a devil, but a monster.
Alas! I am everything you cannot control. remember that.
because I was once a child, an unwanted child. begging for her parents a time, a dime and attention.
woe! a second child I was, the path I walk on is all bumpy and steep
never straight and easier to walk on
I remember all of them. I remember the ***** they said, the ***** they do. If I spoke too soon, I'd be in a mental hospital by now.
sane or not. this is the old me from years ago.
this is the old me from years ago.
everything in life is a phase. let that **** go
I have always wondered that when I speak up with whatever I feel right now, they seem too close-minded and never listen to what I say
They tend to make alibis or create reasons, criticize me badly.

But when I am silent, my silence speak for itself. They could easily understand my ****** reaction, my body language and how I am silent when they ask me.
113 · Aug 2023
bad habits. (10-25-2022)
I didn’t know why you got me so addicted to you
Your presence is all I ever yearned for
I’m not like this before
I was so in love with you

You made me feel like this
Crazier with you
You made me love you like this
Head over heels for you

You are my bad habit to break
You are both good and bad for my health
Your love is my wealth
You’re the best choice I make

You got me drunk in your love
It got me so in love
You got me intoxicated in your presence
It made me sad feeling your absence

It made me never wanna leave your side
Please make me your bride
I’d do anything to keep you mine forever
At least we’d be together

Got me addicted to you like a drug
Baby, your love is like a drug
113 · May 6
Little one
To my old little me,

When life weighs you down, stand firm—lift yourself up, plant both feet on the ground, and stay grounded.

We did not defeat them, and we will not reconcile with them.

To those who have hurt you, try to understand them. Maybe they're simply carrying too much, and their frustrations spilled onto you. Or maybe, they were never truly loved by their mother.

Enjoy your life there, old little me, for here, life presses down on me too much. I used to cry out loud, but now, when I am in pain, I weep in silence.

That’s when I realized— how painful it is to release all your sorrows in secret, covering your mouth so no one can hear you.

You end up crying everything out, because you are used to not being heard. And when you do speak up, it is always one-sided— they say you are just complaining. You keep thinking about how exhausted you are, but they compare their exhaustion to yours. And then they tell you that you have never truly suffered, so the moment you struggle even a little, they see you as weak—quick to surrender.

Sometimes, it feels disheartening to live in a world where pain seems endless. God has witnessed everything— the struggles, the weight of it all. The pressure I feel while searching for a job has made me realize how tough it truly is. It is no joke— at times, it is deeply frustrating.

So, old little me, wipe your tears. If you stumble on your journey, rise again—every time. Carry with you the proverb "Nanakorobi yaoki— "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."
113 · Apr 16
she
she
cat got your tongue?
her tongue is venomous when triggered,
her tears are her serum
she might rip your heart, when she speaks harshly without thinking
experience is her best teacher
scared of a little threat? nah. all her life, she is living in a threat
you can't scare her, she might taunt you
try it, point a gun on her head, she might do the favor and pull the trigger for you.
she is fearless when mad, don't test her limits.
she is kind when you are kind, rude when you are
don't be mad, she just mirrors what you do
scared to taste the bitterness of your own medicine?
she is just warming up, she was never in the exciting part yet
we were still here in the rising action, waiting for your fall like
of Babylon
if she wants to, she would...
like, she jumped out of the fence to run away
she ran away from home and never returned once again
she is a rebel but a softhearted one
she chose to be like that, for the cruel world is like that
112 · May 5
Matthew 14:22-33
22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.
23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone,
24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.
26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.
33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:22-33

Sometimes, when a storm enters our lives, we become consumed by its turbulence—
searching for solutions,
struggling against the waves—
forgetting to turn our hearts toward God.

When I was young,
I realized that the challenges we face,
the so-called "storms" of life,
are not meant to break us but to draw us closer to Him.
They are reminders that God is truly in control,
that His wisdom surpasses our understanding,
and that we need not carry the weight of worry alone.

To focus on God rather than the storm is to trust in His power and love through every trial.
But that trust should not be reserved only for difficult times—
it should become a habit,
woven into the rhythm of our daily lives.
Let our faith be steadfast,
not just in adversity,
but in every moment,
we are given.
Know when to leave the table. That’s the first rule they never teach you. Sometimes, the people around you don’t deserve your time, your voice, your presence. You linger too long, hoping for gratitude that will never come. And in the process, you lose pieces of yourself.

When respect is no longer served, when loyalty is shallow, when intentions are crooked, you owe it to yourself to walk away. You do not negotiate with indifference. You do not barter with someone who cannot see your value.

Remember the night of the Last Supper. Jesus sat at the table, breaking bread with His disciples. He knew one would betray Him. Judas was there, smiling, nodding, pretending. Yet Jesus did not chase him. He did not plead. He merely acknowledged the truth. “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me” (Matthew 26:21). That awareness did not weaken Him—it prepared Him.

Sometimes you must prepare yourself the same way. Recognize the betrayal before it fully lands. Know the people around you who will stab in silence, who will take advantage of your generosity, your kindness, your patience.

You do not need to fight for crumbs while others feast. You do not need to shrink yourself, dim your light, or silence your voice so others can feel comfortable. Your dignity is not negotiable. Your value is not up for debate.

Some will act as if your patience is weakness. They will test you, **** you, see how far they can push before you snap. But you are not a toy. You are not a placeholder. You are not an option.

Sometimes the bravest act is silence. Sometimes the strongest act is leaving without looking back. Let them wonder why you’re gone. Let them feel the absence they never valued. Let them sit with the emptiness they created.

Jesus knew betrayal would happen, but He didn’t stop living. He didn’t let Judas’s intentions define Him. And neither should you. Let the ones who betray you reveal themselves fully, so you know exactly what you’re walking away from.

Walking away is not cowardice. Walking away is clarity. Walking away is strength disguised as silence. It is the quiet assertion of your worth, a refusal to settle for less than you deserve.

Some people will accuse you of abandoning them. Some will claim you’re too proud or too sensitive. They will try to guilt you back into the chaos. But the truth is simple: you have merely chosen survival over drama, self-respect over manipulation.

Do not linger for explanations that will never come. Do not wait for apologies that will never be offered. Respect is not granted by words—it is earned, and when it is absent, it is no longer yours to negotiate.

Sit at tables that recognize your value. Sit where your voice matters. Sit with people who understand that your presence is not a given, but a gift. And if those tables do not exist yet, stand anyway. Walk anyway. You will find them eventually.

Some betrayals hurt deeply because you believed in someone who didn’t deserve belief. That pain is proof that you are human, that you care, that you love. But it is also proof that you are wise enough to recognize when the table is poisoned.

Do not be afraid to leave quietly. Do not feel guilty for stepping away. Sometimes, walking out is the only way to preserve your integrity, your sanity, your heart.

When you step away, walk tall. Walk unshaken. Let the absence of your presence speak louder than anything you could ever say. People notice when respect is gone, even if they never admit it.

You cannot force loyalty. You cannot manufacture gratitude. You cannot demand kindness. All you can do is honor yourself, and sometimes, that requires walking away.

Remember, even Jesus knew when to face the betrayal and when to accept it. Even He knew that some would never recognize His value until it was too late. There is power in that knowledge. There is peace in that clarity.

So leave the table. Leave the arguments, the manipulation, the empty apologies, and the hollow smiles. You do not belong there anymore. You never did, not really.

And when you walk away, carry your head high. Carry your heart intact. Carry the lesson that some people never deserved a seat at your table, and that is not your failing—it is theirs.

Know your worth. Protect your soul. Walk away from those who do not see your light. And when they finally realize, it will be too late. Because you have already chosen yourself.
111 · Apr 16
reminder of the day :)
"Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice," just like "You won't find the same person twice."

If life gives you a second chance, grab it. Don’t let it slip away, because the same opportunity might not come again. Use that chance to set things right, learn from the past, and give it your best shot.
110 · Aug 2023
Angel of mine (2-22-21)
I was meant to be yours before we met
It's your face I don't want to forget
I have felt your presence everywhere
As I have looked for you in everything

It's your voice I long to hear
There's nothing left to fear
And you never left me cause you're always there
And this is such an unexpected meeting

The butterflies I have felt inside my stomach
Oh, I have loved you from the moon to the stars and back
From the time I wake up, it's you I always think of
Up to the time I go to sleep, you're the last person I'm praying for

It's you I always dream of
To be with forevermore
No matter what I do
No matter where I go

There's a smile drawn on my face
There's a constant happiness painted in my gaze

You are and will always be my angel
You are and will always be my only love
You are and will always be my priority
You are and will always be my only choice

How you loved to see me in the best angle
I can see it in your eyes, love
That I am more than a fantasy
That explains why I became your first choice

Angel of mine, Angel of mine
I love you; I miss you
Angel of mine, Angel of mine

Distance is just a matter of challenge we face
But always remember that my heart only belongs to you
From the time I met you up to the time that you're already mine
Cause I knew this feeling is real the second I saw you

And everything fell in its place
The way our souls intertwine
I can't promise to solve all your problems
But you won't have to face them all alone

Even if your life has hit rock bottom
You'll never be alone

I can't wait to wake up next to you every day
Be with you every single day
Please don't forget how much I love you so
I just had to let you know

Even if I never let it show
I hate to see you go
I was meant to be yours even before we met
And you were an angel of mine I’ll never forget
110 · Apr 28
someone said...
"Did you know someone told me?
A friend of mine said... Do you know about so-and-so?"

You know what? I don’t care.

Before you assume I’m the person they talk about, ask me first. Confirm it with me— whether it’s true or not.

Girl, if you don’t want people thinking your character’s cheap, don’t be a backstabber. Don’t be a gossip. Stop spreading lies that aren’t even true.


If you think you gained something from my life, then sana all. Should I start handing out study guides and questionnaires? You seem to know so much—almost tempting enough to knock you down a peg.

And for those still clueless about their own lives, just ask your neighborhood gossip. They always know more than you do.
SANA ALL- loosely translates to "I wish everyone had that" or "Lucky you, hope everyone gets the same" in English.
109 · Apr 2
🦋🦋🦋
I may be quiet, but that does not mean, I am not hurt
I may never be a social butterfly, but I can see everything—a keen observer, perhaps.

I may never react at times, if I chose to be quiet, it's just I got so tired to explain everything to these close-minded people.
108 · Aug 2023
Boys (11-24-21)
I don’t need boys in my life
They need me
They want me
Because they want me in their life

You told me you loved me
But I end up chasing you
You showed me motives and assumed you love me
But I ended up stalking you

But I realized now my worth
And that is the truth

Guess I was only your past time girl
But not the girl you want to settle with
Guess I was only your hookup girl
But not as a potential lover you want to be with

I ain’t that girl who wants to be your slave
I want to bury my love for you
And bring it with me in my grave
Just to forget you

Boys only love to play games
But never even loved the fool
But what a shame
Because you look like a fool

Compared to me who never lose you
You lost me
Thinking that everything around you
And everything that revolves around you

Is just a game
Now that the cards are on the table
This feeling is no longer stable
I am no longer the same

Tables should be turned
Bridges should be burned
Every once in a blue moon
I fell out of love too soon

Never settle for a boy who just wants to have fun
Who just wants to be at the center of the spotlight?
That boy who wants to be always right
That boy who loves to be under the sun

I only love the players
But not the game
I only am disappointed in players
And I forget their names

In short, I never want boys in my life
Instead, they come for me
They need me, they want me
They love to have me in their life

I don’t need boys in my life
I live on my own
They only want me to be a part of their life
But nah, I chose to live on my own

Boys are like a poison in your mind
A toxic person in your life
A distracted and crazy you are what you will find
So never entertain them, so that you won’t have a miserable life.
107 · Aug 2023
PALANGGA (2-12-21)
Look at me, stare into my eyes and never look away
Hold my hand and hug me close
Then hear what I have to say
Love, it’s you I couldn’t bear to lose

I've been waiting for a long time
To be somebody's prayer
I have looked everywhere for a long time
But here you are now and you have answered my prayer

I can't find the right words to say:
How grateful I am of having you
You are God’s blessing and a living gift to me
To have someone like you

Through our ups and downs, you have loved me
And I am glad that you chose to stay

Some people search their whole lives to find what I found in you
And nothing's ever going to change the way I feel for you
Cause you gave me feelings I cannot put into words
But as they say action speaks louder than words

Cause a glimpse of you is all I ever yearned
I know your love is earned
But thank you, for making me feel loved
Because for me, you are enough to be loved

I still love you
I still miss you
I still want you
I still need you

Love me and look into my eyes
Cause love, you made me crazier all the time
Touch me now as I close my eyes
Cause I miss you all the time

You made me choose
Don't worry, cause you're the one I'd always choose

You’re the missing piece who'll complete me
And I have already found a love for me
Look at me and stare into my eyes and never look away
Hold my hand and hug me close then hear what I have to say
Be by my side, hold my hand and hug me close then stay with me
107 · Aug 2023
I want you. (1-21-22)
Eye to eye we meet
Life’s getting discreet
As we keep things private
And being strangers in public

No need for me to panic
If you are a little too late
You know I could understand
But I can barely stand

We keep behind closed doors
And our clothes fallen on the floor
You know baby I want you
I wanted you all alone

You know baby I yearn for you
I never want to make things done
I want you all mine to myself
I just want you for myself

24/7 baby, I just want you here next to me
12 to 24 hours, non-stop, just stay with me
Ooh, I want to swim in a deep sea of blankets with you
And I want to wake up in the morning with you

Baby, just love me then until we feel a little high
Be with me until we both get high
I just want to drunk in your love
Oh, baby I feel high in your love

Ride with me, swim in my veins
Baby, if there is no pain
Then there is no gain
I want to let the pain remain

Oh, get it on right and keep it steady
Until we were both ready
Anywhere with you
It’s okay as long as I am in a different position with you

Baby whisper in your intentions to me
Let me clear my schedules for you
I want you to call me whenever you need me
I just want to make you happy too

I want to your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye
I just want to scream in pain and cry
Even if every time you leave me
You will always come back to me

Baby, I got what you need
Gotta gives it all without greed
Oh, baby I want you more than anything else
No more no less
107 · Apr 30
seasons of waiting
Life’s plans don’t always unfold the way we expect, but God’s timing is far greater than our own.

In 2023, I was diagnosed with Conn’s syndrome and arrhythmia—a tormenting discovery. But I placed my worries in God alone, praying for a miracle.
When my doctor told me my left adrenal gland needed to be removed, I faced it with faith. Through laparoscopic surgery in August 2024, I underwent the procedure.

By late October, I enrolled in an online review center for my major in English while self-studying Professional Education and General Education at home.
For five months, I listened to myself—allowing rest when I wasn’t in the mood to study, watching TV when I needed a break.
I did not overwork my mind.
I slept when I was tired, ate when I was hungry, read when I was bored.

Instead of memorizing concepts, I familiarized myself with them. When my exam came on March 23, 2025, some mnemonics I had memorized appeared, but many questions were unfamiliar.
Afterward, I was drained, so I went to see my partner, and we shared a meal.
My thoughts were exhausted, my body weary—but the experience was strangely fulfilling.

On Monday evening, a friend visited, and we spoke about everything—the exam, life, the future.
I took time to rest before preparing to find a job, whether online or in person.
Adulthood has been overwhelming, but also incredibly joyful.

Seasons of waiting teach us far more than we realize. Opportunities come and go, but taking the risk never leaves you empty-handed. If you win, wonderful—but if you lose, you walk away enriched with experience. You may begin without skill, but you end with wisdom.

God’s seasons are always beautiful if you have the patience to wait. We often lose hope when life feels stagnant, when our efforts seem insufficient. Waiting is never easy—many falters, stumble, and fail because of impatience. Rushing only leads to mistakes, while taking the time to grow brings lasting beauty.

The secret to making life beautiful isn’t in haste; it’s in the process. Growth requires patience, like a baby learning to walk—it doesn’t happen overnight. No child is born today and walking tomorrow. Every milestone takes time; every lesson is earned through practice.

Seasons of waiting test our endurance, and yes, they can feel frustrating—even overwhelming. But remember, the best things come to those who wait. In patience, we find wisdom. In slowing down, we find meaning. And in trusting the process, we discover that life unfolds exactly as it should.
106 · Apr 9
Life is...
Life is not a pageantry—we need no rubrics and criteria for judging.

Life is not a race—that no trophy or plaque, medals or cash gifts ever won.

Life is meaningful.
Leaving your job was never the loss.
The real loss would have been you—the slow unraveling of your spirit,
the exhaustion that blurred the edges of who you are,
the way the weight of work stole pieces of yourself until you barely recognized what was left.

You were never the loss. They were.

They lost someone who followed every order,
took on responsibilities beyond his role,
endured underpayment, delays, and mistreatment just to make a living.
But at what cost?
Respect was never part of the bargain.

You did everything.
You swallowed your pride despite having a degree,
despite knowing you deserved more.
But they?
They stripped you down, reduced you to a worker who must obey,
who must endure,
who must accept disrespect as part of the job.

Just because my partner made a mistake in cooking—
one that resulted from your lack of proper instructions—
you thought it was justified to punish him by making him stand for four hours?
What kind of person are you?

Don’t wait until life turns the tables on you.
The world is round.
you won’t always be on top.
Remember that.

I won’t waste my time engaging with you.
I will never stoop so low as to match your level.
You may be educated, but your behavior is anything but dignified.

They demanded without explanation,
expected without clarity, berated without reason.
And when they insulted you—called you stupid, incompetent—who was truly ignorant?
The employer who couldn’t give proper instructions?
The one who expected you to memorize recipes instantly?
The one who assumed you should move with the speed of a machine?

If they wanted a robot, they should have installed batteries in their kitchen.
They should have used a remote control instead of expecting you to function without rest,
without thought, without dignity.

But you? You are not a machine. And they? They are the ones who have lost.

Leaving that job does not mean failure. Staying in a place that destroys your sense of self—that would have been failure.

And the truth is, you are not alone. Many have walked away before you, many have endured the same abuse. And yet, no one stays.

Because respect is not found there.

Because dignity is worth more than a paycheck.

Because real loss is when you forget that you deserve better.

So, you walked away. And that? That was power.
106 · Mar 28
Untitled
Hinding-hindi ko ipagpapalit ngiti mo sa mundo.
105 · Apr 19
disturbing...
I got a dream, a quite bothersome one.
It was a dismembered body hidden in a duffel bag
One, for a fact, I was running away from someone I never wanted to be in accomplice with.

or two, an intriguing one, turns out to be a beast hidden as a victim to play a dual factor in my life.
Three, seems trouble, I smell, he bathes himself in kerosene
lights a match and burns himself.

and lastly, a gruesome one, which makes Wednesday or Tim Burton glad, quite gothic, perhaps for E.A Poe to be proud of
I saw a shadow of a cloaked figure, a red one
holding a scythe, oh I was running for my life
It was hideous, to be honest.

Black Saturdays are for fun for the devils
A legion, no one could recognize
so, they played their role right,
to scare people and let them be feared of them
for they feed from our fear
they made themselves stronger because we feared them
good point right.
105 · Apr 27
victims and villains
Well, in someone else's story,
we are always the villains.
We are the bad guys.

And the ones telling the story?
They are the so-called "victims."

You're not just great at making up stories—
you're a master at acting,
at lifting yourself up,
at fooling people with sweet words.
but count me out,
because all that you have fooled has been foolish
hence, I stand out from the rest,
I was not easily fooled or brainwashed.
You're just starting to think of your plan,
but I'm already one step ahead of you.
You could win an award for that.

World-class talent earns awards like Gawad Urian and FAMAS— Maybe you should consider it, right?

Cinemalaya, MMFF—
Why not try auditioning?
Who knows, you might just get lucky.
105 · Mar 29
last warning
Who am I to not forgive you, right?
I could forgive you. I can, if I wanted to.
But that doesn’t mean I can still accept you.
Acceptance is a different thing.
And the damage… the damage has already been done.

You made your choice.
And so did I.
I chose to stand my ground.
To protect myself.
To honor my own truth.

Don’t expect things to go back to the way they were.
Not after everything that happened.
Not after every word, every action, every betrayal.
Time cannot erase it.
Distance cannot fix it.

Don’t forget—it was you who started this.
The first move, the first doubt, the first false accusation.
It was you who set the stage for chaos.
It was you who broke the trust we once had.
And it all came crashing down because of that.

You chose to believe your son.
Without even listening to us.
Without pausing, without asking, without considering.
You took his word as gospel.
Even though we had proof.

I had proof. Solid, irrefutable, clear as daylight.
But he had nothing.
Nothing to prove that I did what he accused me of.
Yet your mind was made up.
Your heart decided already.

My trust is gone.
Gone in pieces.
Shattered like glass underfoot.
And no apology, no explanation, no promise, can put it back together.
Not after this.

You had your doubts.
I had mine.
But ours were never equal.
You acted on his word alone.
You acted without patience. Without reason.

I can forgive you.
Truly. I can.
Because holding onto anger is poison.
Because releasing it frees me.
Because I refuse to carry that weight forever.

But don’t think forgiveness means a second chance.
Don’t think it means I’m waiting for you.
Don’t think it means I will open my door again.
Because I won’t.
Not now. Not ever.

You crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.
You let bias outweigh truth.
You let emotion blind you to reality.
And I cannot walk back into a world where that is possible.
Not with you.

I can forgive you, but I cannot forget.
I can forgive you, but I cannot trust.
I can forgive you, but I will not return to your orbit.
You may hope for reconciliation.
But hope is a luxury you no longer have with me.

I am done with explaining.
Done with defending.
Done with proving.
You chose your side.
And I chose mine.

We will not go back.
The bridge is burned.
The water beneath it is black.
And there is no crossing back.
Not for us.

So forgive me if I sound harsh.
Forgive me if my words sting.
But they are the truth.
And truth cannot be softened without losing its weight.

I can forgive you, yes.
But do not come back.
Do not think you can walk in as if nothing happened.
Do not imagine I will take you in.
Because I won’t.

I can forgive.
I have.
But acceptance? That is a door I will never reopen.
And trust? That is a treasure you destroyed.
I cannot, I will not, I do not.
104 · Apr 18
XXX
***
for almost 30 years
my trauma of what my father did to me
still haunts me
one time, I was asleep,
dreaming,
I saw a child being beaten by my father
as it turns out, I am that child
and an adult me, stood from afar, frozen
cannot move, cannot speak

as if, it was a reminder for me to see
that not everything is meant to be forgotten
even I could not distinguish it
that am I in my dreams or in reality?
It felt surreal,
since dreams are just an imitation or mimicry of the reality
It was hard for me to fathom
why did these things happen?
Is there a purpose?
Or is it for a reason?

my battle scars are still there
how I wish that the young me
is not all bruised and abused

I wish someone out there helped me
when they heard me screaming for help
but they were too afraid to come by

In his eyes, I can see
that he did not love me
Is his definition of love about abuse?
or is it a mere facade he masks

every time I look at him as my father
he was never a father, but a figure
that every time, I see him
holding a knife, a belt or anything sharp
to whip or hurt me
I shiver from the memory
by thinking about it
it gave me horror

I built up my walls so high
I built my standards so high
that no one could ever climb on
to ruin it for me
but it did break down
until I met her.

everything changed,
every kiss and hug feel like home
a comfort I was longing to find
that even if it led me to unfamiliar places
meet a lot of different faces
she is still that woman that gave me joy
that gave me light
loved and accepted me
embraced me as a whole,
though I felt shattered and incomplete
but without her, life was meaningless.

That was when I decided to say that she is the one for me.
journal of the physically abused man.
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