What would I like?
Rage, encompasses me like a drug
Entering the vein, keeping me askew
Such a question, how dare he even ask
If I wanted it, I would have gotten it myself

I have no need for him
The object of my distain
Need not apply, do not pass go
Do not collect, will not
He will not trap me
with glass jewels
or painted rocks

The way is clear, ill will
twisted desires
They say a poet
wears her heart
on her sleeve
But is immune
To others minds

I will show this silly fool
the error of his way
Not even a glance
Nor blink
his way

Look at him, so pathetic; his way
always trying, he thinks he can save
Its me, not him, who has to save
Not his job, he doesn't know
I bait him, cut his dreams
He is a nothing, ant
lost his chance

But oiled his might
a boiled snack
Maybe on the side
Such a wasted little man
I eat him up,
Spit out
his remians

Such a bitter taste
So long ago
I learned
The waste
when it was a meal

Its a company that I keep, my last remaining friend
face to face, with his memory in hand
gripped tightly, he sought to teach
but I only buckled, leaving him
arguing torment, my efforts

I curse his name, burn his letters
all traces gone, nothing to cede
to my mind I made him evil
wrong and a devil's pawn
his lessons, underhanded
a fraud, give lies to love
but only mine

I crush his hands, so proud of what they can do
Incinerate his heart, pluck out his loving eyes
strip the skin from his horrid bones,
his tattoos, framed, on the wall
a triumph of my will

I see my self now, the reflections of my soul
the personalities I learned to control
my emblazoned, passions, not less
cooled, but not, never out, I see
only now what he offered
not what I wanted
but what I needed

Wasted love, wasted life, wasted dreams
a poor, pathetic wrench, bitter is all
at myself and the world
just another reason
to hate the man

of whom I loved once,
with all my heart
my burning self
personal hell, made
from my own cunning
and what I needed to tell myself
so that I could finally be unchained

Pain will start to subside
Then grow again
With memories
Like opening a book
And explode anew

Pain begins, grows
never finishing, never lessening
Time has brought me far from childhood scars
I remember each slight, each twist
My mother's strikes, my father's lost
He got away, left me
To her

There were rapes, colored, scribbled
Across my childhood stories
Punishments, my only loving embrace
It was never me, aways" YOU!"
I lay here again, memories aboil
Fear and distrust, all I knew
Again I feel this, abandonment, distrust

I see my present, with her words in my ears
Burning advice, to make me
little and her
My father, so long
How do I judge other men?
So many years of lost
The true, made false

I am guilty with lust, it consumes me, draws me and burns my *****
The want is a need that shames my mind, defience to what is pure
this base desire, this physical necessity, I hate that I need it
but succumb to its embrace as he lies next to me, deep in slumber
drifting alone, all too comfortable to be disturbed

My mind plays out fantasies, wrapping myself around him
I know he would even covet my embrace, snuggle close to me
My arms would wrap around him, my legs entwine his
pressing against him, sneak my hand along him, stroke
crafty fingers' speak my fire
tease his dreams to mirror my need

My body yearns, my ache is real, my lips are soft, my need drips
I can feel myself, the warmth of my lion's mouth,
its hunger, its desire to lunge, to grab deep, to ******
to feel his body next to mine, the heat of his desire
to ride, not timid, defient against him
that driving, penetrated, disgusting
urge just to ****

I have my needs, he even encourages, pleads
even complains, he knows my heart
Cannnot, I say, cannot and no
I cannot succumb this is too primative
Too much just flesh, too much

A pleasure that must be denied, not for me to savor
my animal must be leashed, controlled
I will lay here next to him, so close and far
My broken lusting heart, denied once more
It is his fault; men to blame
They punish us all
He sleeps through my pain

Slippery *****
Down a slide
Oiled with tears
Polished with rage
hot passioned
I cannot stop
Forever,
I ride

She is me, my mind is myself, a passion unto flame
there is no separation, no glorious difference
between shake and stem, emotion and logic
I have the fire of my soul, and it burns
everyone it touches

The twin of my self, my reflection of soul
watches from that small, cold place,
locked away in my mind; she cries
not screams of rage, but pity
she knows my enslavement
emotionally wounded
perpetually lost

Niether really knows the other; I don't know myself
Rage floods my veins, my mind quickens to hurt
words pour forth before I can stop them
filthy, terrible things that amaze me
If I know it hurts, I say it

He stands there too calm, he takes my bits of wraith
Pauses before speaking; I know my tongue cuts deep
he takes a breathe, speaks again, so calm
this only make my anger worse, fuels it
how can he be so terribly heartless?
how can he not see my pain?

The knife goes in again, sarcasm punches through; I have him
his exterior is shaken; he pauses again: close, so close
He patronizes me; trying to be soothing. I know his lies
I claim torture, cruelity, and punishment on his part
he is, after all enslaving, binding me
punishing all women everywhere; I give him argument,
my spittle; he uses logic, reason

I hate him; his words expose my hyprocracy, a reflective self can see
He turns what I say to nothing, insulting me: fuleing anger
he turns what I say I am against who I know I am
Pointing out my actions as childish,a betrayal
only makes me more angry

I know he loved me, but only now
one last letter, never sent
I found today; I think he
planned this, cruelty
the last word
his last, only
in death

Years have past, I remember this place
in my head, in a memory, in the past
where I was, if I had only known
If I might not have been
If I could have done

Questions drive me to write again, revistit, open unhealed wounds
Years and years, years and years, an almost enlightenment for me
So much time has passed, faded, bleached; I've changed so much
my bitter, tireless resentment, festoned, anchored reality
for making him leave, I created this world for myself
but in one small letter, he made me remember
how much I loved him; he loved me
simply because

He made me remember, how much he cared, loved, cherished & hurt
and let me see all our fights in new, shiney, bright light
by letting me remember something he would never do
let me make choices that would hurt me later
I was too selfish, too much pride

That letter he sent, I found far too, too late
reminded me of pride, our first, sweet night
how I wanted and he denied, he kissed, he waited
for just and only for me, he made me wait
and now he waits again, etheral

crawl
across the gasp
open wide, taste
******* lushiously
open me, take me

lose myself, forget
just a moment, quicken, last
I want it, stretch it, me
pin me, twist me, hold me
I want you, I hate you
need, lust, desire
fire, want, heal

from behind, such a gift
strong, strong hands
grasp, grip, take
hold you deep
power, depth

again and again, again, again
spill, wet, and taste again
me on top, then you again
desperate for love
I love your ****
just for a time
I'll never ask

then its off and away
back to running from
never to, never, no
back in your box
I hate me; man