There is a pill for the symptom but not for the cause
There is an umbrella for the rain only if you have a job
There is a bottle for the hopeless but the potion does not last
There is a flower for the anxious but the bills have not passed
There is an army for the rich but not for the poor
There is a school for the brightest that only the wealthy can afford
There is food that can **** that only the starving will receive
There is a doctor that can heal that the sickest cannot see
There are stars in the sky that are blotted out at night
But the fire always burns giving a path filled with light
There is

The one I love the most
The one that brings me calm
A smile and a hug no matter what
Supporting me always through everything
Gentle words to soothe my anxious mind
Helping me weather it every time
The one I hold dearest in my heart
My mother, my ma, my mom

Taking time to think over
These thoughts
What do i really
Wanna do
A little too much
Sometimes not enough
I guess that  I just give
What I can
And see
What you do

I remember
Those cards you sent me
Filled with pine needles
And things you had to tell me

Is it necessary
How do we shake off
What is not ours
Things that we inherited
Trying to let go of some things
But not others
It seems almost impossible sometimes

I can see the moon hiding
In between the clouds
As the music plays
Glowing orange
It disappears
Only to shine through

Thoughts in my head
All swirling and spinning
Just when I left her bed
I thought I could understand
What it means to not possess
Not care about excess
Wanting to hold on till the end
Control someone with ***
Be ok with our own impulses
Kissing more boys
You said kissing more girls
That's when thoughts start to spill
You said "see more vaginas"
I didn't know what that meant
Do you like guys?
I couldn't lie and said yes
Not knowing what it meant
I was honest and sincere
Scared about holding on
And being tied down
Scared of hurting someone else
Scared of not being myself
Scared of regretting
Scared of forgetting
Who am I
I still don't know
But I like your bed
And thoughts in your head
Pulling a warm blanket over me
You said it's ok just to be
Don't get lost in the future
Be here in the moment
Don't hold on too tight
Or you'll never let go
Strangle yourself with ego
Or release your chains

She never
Answers
But it's just to
Remind her
That I still
Care
About her

I can't take
The waight
Of a heavy heart
To escape

The feeling
Of ecstasy
Where you race
In place

I can't stand
The face
I have to make
These days

Just to get
A smile
From some fake
*** snake

While everybody leaves the city
Still sees the city
But just watches it bleed
I’ll be here all weekeend
All year
In the trenches on my knees

Wake up feeling like ****
One last thing I can do
Take a hit
At least open it
At least feel into it
The loneliness of the dark
Don't become hardened
I promise you a way out
Stop hating the people you love
Start loving the people you hate
To be ok with your face
Be ok with your every day
These lonely lonely days
Every step that I take
Is a deep breath
A conscious step to keep moving on

The cube seems round
The air seems unbreathable

Yet I find myself in other places
While trapped here

And for that, I am thankful

People do grow
Apart
But try
And keep
Those who you love
Close to your heart
Do not let them stray
Too far
Or one day
You may forget
Why
You love them

Somebody to creep
Through these cold
Lonely
Streets with me
These old lonely
Beats
That keep playing
In my head
Someone to hold my hand
While we see
Everything we’ve been missing
In this city

Light like I'm on a cloud
Caught in the stars
Floating away on the thought of you
Your eyes remind me
Of stars I've seen when I was younger
That's why I can't look away
Going blind staring into the sun
Nothing can eclipse you

Would he hate me
Knowing who I am
This time in my life
Trying to open up
Throw a bomb
Down castro street
He said
As I listened on
Too young to know
Exactly why
You would want to ******
Happy people
What would you think of me
Knowing who I really am
Would you still love me
And change your mind
Would you accept me
Would you disown me
Would you ignore what I say
Or would you stay
Right by my side
Hand on my shoulder
Love me regardless
What would you do
Grandpa?

Who wants to take a chance
We left it all behind us
No room for soft advances
Let's go dancing
Let's go forget everything
If you promise to really let go
Let's take a chance
Don't blink or you might cry
Time is way past our time
Now we're left angry and upset
That's why I want to forget

The colors
Of our mothers and fathers
Do not
Need to be the colors
Of our paintings

These paths we create
Understood by some
To others
Fate

Lead us on roads we don't know
Forever guessing
Born
Glow

In the end I'll pick faith
In human kindness
Love
Grace

And forever turn my back
On the things
That bled
Me

Don't hurt you
They help you
Don't doubt you
They tout you
Don't judge you
They hug you
Real friends love you
They don't leave you

Seeking love
Not violent ends
Mostly **** these days
Been on the mend
Lost love recently
Replaced with revenge
Running empty
Need to hold your hand

Why we never talk
Only stare, smile and dance
Eat laugh
Talk ****
Repeat
One day
I hope you know
The real me

A soft touch can melt the hardest soul
Love others as you love yourself

Break off alone into the night
A heavy bottle in your jacket your light
You smell like gasoline
Your eyes lowered like a guillotine

A gentle voice can dismantle a fight
You must find love inside

Everything waking up in time
It all counts down so quickly
What does it really mean to be
Still treading until I can dive down deep
Slowly untangling these threaded vines
The time escapes me if I don't make it
I used to be trapped under a plastic cap
Break it just to run from the past
Not trying to be completed or conceited
Just come fully as I am
The warmth I feel from you is badly needed
But I breathe deep so I can give it back
Stripped down bare with projections as clothing
Fears of judgment and shame reside
The honest truth is that I'm still learning
Creating space so my truths don't hide

I am leading myself
On a path I think is right
Guided by those
Who've shown me their true selves
I am desperately walking this path
Looking for footprints that I fit

Beautiful things lay in wait
everything happens for a reason
life produces music to show we’re not alone
imagination can take you anywhere
every person feels shared emotions
vaults are meant to be opened
everything is gonna be alright

The things
That people hate

Like myself
My personality
These days

What will we
End up doing

Im still
Waiting
To find out

The words she spoke
Were not kind

I said no
to writing a poem
so go away

Poems ****

You can want something
So badly
From someone else
But you cannot change
Who someone else is
This is the beauty of people
That everyone is different
It just hurts
When those close to you
Act like that difference
Is what tears you apart
Not what brings you closer

Maybe I was the *******
Maybe I did everything wrong
Maybe each day that passed
Sinking deeper into despair
Was my making
My fault

Maybe the bottle chose me
Maybe I choose to hurt myself
Putting up with you
Your lying,  twisting of words
Before the punches
Came clearer signs of neglect

Maybe you were the one
That fought against truth and love
Maybe you were Lenny
And I was the mouse
Maybe you were too controlling
And I was too caring

Friends and
Family
Will betray you
Some day
But it may
Take Months
Years
To figure it out
How are we
To respond
With love
Compassion
Or hate
Forgive
Never
Forget

The things we used
To say to each other
We would tear
Each other apart
The words that
Came out of my mouth
The words that
Came from my fingers
Cutting you with
My tongue
Just to watch
You bleed
And you would ask
Why are you saying that
Is that what you really
Think of me
Jealousy and hate
All inside of me
I added you too
But you always stayed
My words came from
Resentment and anger
Upset with the way
You were living your life
The only person to blame
For being with you
Is me
In the end
I should have known better
Then to believe
That what you said
Was true
But we ended up
Intertwined
I loved you
You loved me too
So why did we commit
To one another
Moving in
When so far away
You hated being here
Right when I was ready to change
You wanted to go back home
You wanted me to feel your pain
Then came the drinking
The angry drinking
The sloppy fights
Even sloppier nights
Then came the sorrys
The I didn't mean its
The I love yous
The dont leave mes
And that's how we did it
Push and pull
Give and tug
Until the string snapped
You used your fists
To decide how it ends
The next morning
Kicked you out of our bed

What does it take?
To have one
At what point do you realize, that you are repeating
Instead of re-reading
When do you realize that your thoughts aren't original?
When do you get tired of thinking others thoughts?
Of seeing it how they want you to see
Feeling it how they want you to feel
Instead of for yourself

What does it take?
To break yourself
And find all the pieces
So you can arrange them how you like?

A song
A story
A poem
A new feeling

It takes an original thought
Something of beauty, love, and passion
To inspire original thoughts

Calm and collected
The shattered pieces
Picked back up
Once again forming
Perfect crystal
The time to return home
Bringing a confidence back
Once forgotten

Miles off the ground
Thoughts lingering
Anxiety has rid my body of peace
The stretch of time gone
Has worn my heart thin
But still it beats
Waiting to go home

You were busy
When you invited me over
So I slept
While you worked
You woke me up
In the middle
Of the night
Before you joined me
To drift off to sleep

Only when I inhale
Breathe in
Then let it back out

Am I able to be found
Chess piece off the board
Returned to the crown

Do you ever
Notice
The way things
Come
Crushing in
All at
Once
Sometimes
My anxiety
Peaks

I guess
The
Does ****
The pain
But now
Adays
I'm just
In a daze
Faded
****** up
And
Lonely

Love is
Socially
Constructed

Sorry
Construction paper
Hearts

Drag around this weight
With nowhere to drop it
Telling myself stop it
Don’t focus on your worst times
I’m just scared
For the people I love
I don’t want to slip
And crush them

Crack the top
Pour it all out
Drips thicker than tears
More concentrated
Version of all my fears
It still seems to burn
All of the nights are seared
But I move on

Death and denial
All bottled inside
Friends only want to see
A wild side
Willing to pour my life
Down my throat
So they can see me
Act a ******* fool

Maybe just maybe
If I take one more sip
I could stomach
All your ****
Just grit my teeth
Let the bourbon take the hits

No more
Wasted breath
No more
Hidden messages
This what I think
This what I feel
My body like fire
Burn burn burn