my morals have been tested
a lot.
for the most part i haven't failed,
unless i was taken advantage of
by extraneous forces.

now, to better armor myself
against circumstances chunked through.

your stranger name
is a dangerous
palette cleanser

a cloud of an unspoken lie
shrouds and hides
the tether of my soul

I can see the pollen course
through the air like this
valley were a vein.
It would be a shame
to be allergic to the
lifeblood of nature.
If only there were
pedals slowly flowing,
would be beautiful.

I want to hear the silent soft sayings
that are said under your finest breath,
to know the nuanced minutiae of your mindset.
I want to give into the power of your voice, be under your command and your heart in leadership, embrace the embrace of your humility, efface the face they make of you in vility.

You make me a slow burn in desire,
a brisk hike in Morning July,
with each step I take
I can take you higher,
stoking this promise that is my fire.

Death is a peace,
love, its treatise.
followed by after-all
each soul to their-there;
to better-off.

falsities end by the wayside
bathing off by bayside
and the truth illuminates on
no ruminating song
letting go of anything
but the light.

twinkling star
you look so alone!
yet i can tell
there are others that
connect and constellate to you,
even if i can't see them.

the prospect of
love excites me
ive been shred
of my dignity
in love affairs,
so, with that,
I mend slow

but I think
there is something
special about you
I will learn
slowly in my
tender sensitive heart

i refuse to compromise
with the devils of this land.
flaws will measure about as far
as i keep them on their leash

divert your focus
to an open soul
and you will find
what it is your
eyes wish to see

frozen with sadness
my heart beckoned to the sea
but there stood a lull of the moon's tide.
awaken
in another life.

i wish, you forever.

there's some riddle here.
why did i never realize i loved you ad much as i did.
until the message of a story of the ocean hit so home.
should i confess my feelings as they did?
is it a day late, a dollar short?
i have so many questions.

the first is, how did i hurt you so much to warrant you gone?
i tried every single thing to not allow that to happen, it was my largest nightmare, i would, and will, sacrifice every single thing against you gone, yet it still happened.

i am still left wondering, why?

when the trials of the mind
leak to the trials of the body,
hold on tight dear.

we messed up
when everything had to have
a grade.
a poem need not be good
nor bad,
just it.

the intention of my words are always good.
without discussion,
how am I to know if they impact negatively?

i am not a mind reader.
and if you read my words,
how will i know which way?

i only see love and preach my honesty.
love can hurt, and i do not wish that on anyone.

nothing makes
me feel better
than writing
new words
in new ways
pretending
they're not
unique in
some way.

i cope
in every letter.
but sometimes
it can be more
a hard drug.
something
detrimental,
less fun.

dont feed
off my words
like they
are your
high.
it's a waste
of your own
talent,
your own
supply.

in the pursuit of your dreams
arm yourself
for the nightmares.

they tell you to put it all in the past
to move on
so they can hide their crimes
in the drift of time.

but time.
it always favors good.

winter's death brings
a renewal
there's comfort in it
when you're under your blanket
watching the world fade to white

there's something on the
other side,
a life after your past;
it may be worse or it may be better.
time will tell

NO ROOM FOR FIGURING HARD FEELINGS IN YOUR HEAVEN

I'VE FOUND THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE IS A ***** DOWNWARD.
A SLIDE; A JOYRIDE.

the dreams get tough.
when the uncontrollable trip
leads me back to seeing your
middle split hair head.

i am powerless to even try to
look into your eyes.
i fail to even describe
the repulsion i feel from your
eyes. i wasnt there to see you,
but we watched along to a movie
in a theater near a cafe i all
made in my head. hoping,
maybe knowing, you were
watching along too.

if you only get better through spite,
hate my ******* guts
and get to work.

sometimes I feel like a blind wiseman
trapped in a world of my own villaged idiocy.

the truth is you had no idea what you were getting yourself into

its hard being weak.
knowing youll fall into whomevers arms
are open.

it's not about stripping your self applied power away,
it's about using your power to try to fight for greater good.

once i concern myself less with how another thinks
and more in how i do.
and the ones who want me do.
ill be good.

insanity strikes gold strings
ivory board of divine fruit
i pluck each like candy
divining to the next
gathering and struggling
through thorns of storm
the sounds stay similiar
maybe thats why they feel like home

how easily you transposed disrespect onto me

is there something wrong about finding beauty in a flower even if it's fake ?
it surely wasn't placed there for me in your abandonded car.
and there are some budding white ones nearby.
I don't even know, I can hardly keep track of anything nowadays.
I'm a fish-head or some pontificating ape or just some bozo you might hate, love, or ignore, or even might be scared of.
J can't even tell, no not one bit.
Maybe my face is just one faded memory waiting to be rediscovered;
maybe I've lost you so many days that I haven't even kept any count.

i believe in karma
i let it take its course

oh how he crashes under the own
weight we made.
feels like relief as the waters flow
between him and me.
and i feel so calm
and he looks it too.
the warmth of the depths
like a warm blanket hugging.
So tell me why do I still pain.

when i go,
you'll have no one else to blame

it's a privilege and a responsibility to have someone listen to you.
Dont take all those gifts for granted.

maybe ill carry this loneliness to the next life,
an intrepid ghost: a hovering nomadic,
tasked to obtain series of higher virtues alone irregardless of each of their truely unobtainable natures.
for when I reach into that ubiquitous
nihility between the realm of our reality, I only feel the tease of God's fingers goading for my spirit-the light - to reach for greater as I grow lesser in the eyes of others; no more loving guise.
My heart does replete of its ironic painstaking undertaking. Beating a song only I would sing. Doomed listening for the slow drum that matches my own.

the knife
you never protected me with it
you stabbed me
over and over
and gifted swords
to your many fallen
angels
and ordered them
to attack

i can accept failure
just as much as i can let it go.

once i stood to gain something
i could only see the fall again.
so i lay for days,
back in the trenches where I
work best.
whittling words,
praying for peace,
integrating integrity,
and daring limits.

it's been around a year since
i lost some of my closest friends,
it has felt like a century.

no
no revenge from me

time
time is all good needs
to overcome
to overcome schemes of evil

unwavering forgiveness
and unabated kindness
attracts sinners and
the trials to keep
your own sense of
sunshine.

love is not a school of science,
    that is why you fail
       if you test
         for a grade.

just like it was me coming after me,
it was you leaving you and
it was you getting mad at you
and piting that you that you
left behind.
ergh.
it is a struggle in my head, a problem i will find to overcome.
but deep down you want to listen to the music,
that i know.
and i love all there is on the way
even up to your surfaces. singing of each layer i can.

reeling, my heart.
you are responsible
i have paid my dues.

Im driven to the future
which is the past
i wish to make even greater.

if i were more selfish
id tell you exactly what you want to hear.

there is darkness
in death
and a light
that
pierces through
his cape

you see something in me ?

i'd like to know, just to
know what you see

your eyes, they
reveal all i could
want in a millennia
of stars

your beauty, can
you see it in me ?
i want to be beautiful
i want to be a man
of great example

everything i
see internally
is just an extension
of what others
have given me,
a word amongst
a sentence spoken
by another,
yet there's something
so unique and
perfect about
a placement of
one word

i need a gift
lord, i need
your gift.
i need a lift
lord, i need
a lift.
only if i
deserve it
lord, only
if i deserve it

she feels
like cool rain landing on my skin
or harsh kisses sent through the wind