just like it was me coming after me,
it was you leaving you and
it was you getting mad at you
and piting that you that you
left behind.
ergh.
it is a struggle in my head, a problem i will find to overcome.
but deep down you want to listen to the music,
that i know.
and i love all there is on the way
even up to your surfaces. singing of each layer i can.

Im driven to the future
which is the past
i wish to make even greater.

I want to hear the silent soft sayings
that are said under your finest breath,
to know the nuanced minutiae of your mindset.
I want to give into the power of your voice, be under your command and your heart in leadership, embrace the embrace of your humility, efface the face they make of you in vility.

You make me a slow burn in desire,
a brisk hike in Morning July,
with each step I take
I can take you higher,
stoking this promise that is my fire.

i realized i'm the best friend i've ever had.
then again, i'd say we are the culmination of all those we have loved.

is it scary to see a mad man's scribblings make some sense?

while on earth its true we are always somewhere between heaven and hell.

my morals have been tested
a lot.
for the most part i haven't failed,
unless i was taken advantage of
by extraneous forces.

now, to better armor myself
against circumstances chunked through.

do you like me as an artist or as a friend?
was I a lover that called at the end of the night, or one that faded into the darkness?
am I preserving voice within your life or just a chiming ear across the bar?
a tongue spewing a string of meaningless profundity or am I a list drawn of striking profanity?
a professional handshake ?
or a charming smile ?
an awkward pause ?
do I swim in your mind like a diver ?
or do I pass like a wind ?

I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
I'm a fighter,
   I love the eyes that think they know what they see.

didn't you know baby?
i contend to wrestle with angels.

no retreat
no advance
merely
standing my ground.

tell me what it is there is to say
and with my sense I shall
find the truth to your love.

do you forget me with difficulty?
a room full of people
with the feeling
of one christmas light missing
amongst other starry hearts?
embrace that darkened part
and that light might still
go unshined,
a risk unmeasured.

i am tired of the shenanigans
i don't like any of you,
but my love can be
so easily abused
from the part of my heart
i left to you.

my pathetic attempts of reconnection are just that.
when the barriers are so massive
i can only seem to play wall-ball by myself.

is there something wrong about finding beauty in a flower even if it's fake ?
it surely wasn't placed there for me in your abandonded car.
and there are some budding white ones nearby.
I don't even know, I can hardly keep track of anything nowadays.
I'm a fish-head or some pontificating ape or just some bozo you might hate, love, or ignore, or even might be scared of.
J can't even tell, no not one bit.
Maybe my face is just one faded memory waiting to be rediscovered;
maybe I've lost you so many days that I haven't even kept any count.

Poetry comes in and out,
I barely rhyme nowadays-
my life isn't as sing song.

Yet I compliment something
that compliments life to
some rhythm
and I hope it aligns to you
people.
like a familiar song,
a familiar dance,
a familiar means.

maybe my words
won't ring true
(well, to anyone but me)
but they will
be written within
white backgrounds
in black text.
Good enough ?
I doubt it.

what kind of friend kills belief within their own pride?

i never felt the liberation of saying how i felt.
i took it too far,
too fast.
it truely intoxicating. all of the jars
i sealed shut for years bursting forth
with the power of my newfound soul.

oh how he crashes under the own
weight we made.
feels like relief as the waters flow
between him and me.
and i feel so calm
and he looks it too.
the warmth of the depths
like a warm blanket hugging.
So tell me why do I still pain.

I lay between the moon and sun
centered in blissful harmony.

the prospect of
love excites me
ive been shred
of my dignity
in love affairs,
so, with that,
I mend slow

but I think
there is something
special about you
I will learn
slowly in my
tender sensitive heart

you were my super hero
always swooping in to save the day.

merely seeing your face would make
me happy,
a healing aura.
like the image of my mother,
but you were there.

What has my love become now?
A void I fill with words?
It feels like you are still here.

when he had no one to cut his hair
samson could have carried mountains
upon his back

a shadowy ring in my ears
but warmth of sun still shines on me.
oh cheerful day
reminds me of times i was happy, younger days of summer.
a reminder that chimes me a little cheery.

In night dreams
Touched by spirit's kiss
I'd give anything to fly with you

she bounds in
vivacious curiosity,
confounds with
hidden sweetness,
and has surprises of
endless mystery.

she is a conduit
of marginal talent,
a paintbrush given
to the immaterial
levees.

a childhood friend,
a silent (but spoken)
trusted individual.

you'd be lucky to
pass her any day.

the monument i build i built
with the love you two gave me.
visit it.
it shall be the marker of our home.

my soul is steady
my mind is racing
as my heart rages for you.

on memory lane,
just walking in an
opposite direction.

the waterways
and slim heat
are a confession,
a resolution to my
mind,

quiet dancers
for my mind's
ears,
sub silent soliloquies
saunter on in
forevermore.

was it basking
in some hot wax
or was it soothing on a
sordid stone
that we never acted?
did we miss eachother
by a minute ?
took times out of our day
to disappear disappointed,
or did we discover it just in time ?

you can view me in all the whatever-you-wants, wherever-you-wants, and however-you-wants.
i can view you just the same as always.

id spend nights exploring the hell
id been abandonded in

you see something in me ?

i'd like to know, just to
know what you see

your eyes, they
reveal all i could
want in a millennia
of stars

your beauty, can
you see it in me ?
i want to be beautiful
i want to be a man
of great example

everything i
see internally
is just an extension
of what others
have given me,
a word amongst
a sentence spoken
by another,
yet there's something
so unique and
perfect about
a placement of
one word

i need a gift
lord, i need
your gift.
i need a lift
lord, i need
a lift.
only if i
deserve it
lord, only
if i deserve it

im the ***** laundry
of such
a clean closet
where you
hang your skeletons.

i don't particularly need anyone to hear these thoughts,
i just need to say them.

love will be when I am embraced for every last one, and I will weep
with happiness in every space
there was sadness.

love is an expression
I would never deny
myself.

it is relief to
say what it
is that has
been in my heart,

I would never not
regret to say it
to whomever
may be in
my mind.

you think you can't
but I feel you can.
I know what it's like
to be human,
it's surprising how
similar each of us
really is
at the core.

I hear you in between
life and death,
hear the words you
won't use around the
ones you will.
I'm not crazy,
I'm what I want to
be within,
when your mind is
more than your own
God blesses us
with his love.

you probably have
a plethera of reasons
to leave me behind.
i hope to be the one
in why you'd stay.

judgement and bias
are way too shortsighted
to buy into

My hearts a string
you've been plucking baby

I can see the pollen course
through the air like this
valley were a vein.
It would be a shame
to be allergic to the
lifeblood of nature.
If only there were
pedals slowly flowing,
would be beautiful.

the more i invest i find
a toll knocking on a preverbial
bell that cracks each gong
but releases such a mist
of stardust that mirror
the first thing's rebirth.

i'm just tired of the cycles.
the cycles that grow more hurtful with
a tastier fruity juice.

maybe the world is happier without me,
but I will always fight to change that.

divert your focus
to an open soul
and you will find
what it is your
eyes wish to see

frozen with sadness
my heart beckoned to the sea
but there stood a lull of the moon's tide.
awaken
in another life.

i wish, you forever.

there's some riddle here.
why did i never realize i loved you ad much as i did.
until the message of a story of the ocean hit so home.
should i confess my feelings as they did?
is it a day late, a dollar short?
i have so many questions.

the first is, how did i hurt you so much to warrant you gone?
i tried every single thing to not allow that to happen, it was my largest nightmare, i would, and will, sacrifice every single thing against you gone, yet it still happened.

i am still left wondering, why?

the intention of my words are always good.
without discussion,
how am I to know if they impact negatively?

i am not a mind reader.
and if you read my words,
how will i know which way?

i only see love and preach my honesty.
love can hurt, and i do not wish that on anyone.

they tell you to put it all in the past
to move on
so they can hide their crimes
in the drift of time.

but time.
it always favors good.

NO ROOM FOR FIGURING HARD FEELINGS IN YOUR HEAVEN

I'VE FOUND THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE IS A ***** DOWNWARD.
A SLIDE; A JOYRIDE.