get me through the rough
see through the sun
blinding my existence
a phenomenon I want to end

asked to craft words
when pain is the only source
breathing as I am forced to
running short of reasons

forlorn in blazing crowd
masking the status quo
fully erase the context
to fit in your norms

I still fret a lot
I find no validation
people are for themselves
pretending they are not
like these words lacking rhymes

As protruding collar bones
and hip bones
and ribs

As hunger
and money
and happiness

As knowledge
and wonder
and sadness

As crop tops
and skinny jeans
and piggyback rides

As thigh gaps
and dainty hands
and jawlines

But
I am not beautiful

I do not have bones that push so far out of my skin
That they tower above skyscrapers

I do not have size 00 jeans
or 32 A cup bras

I do not have a scale that doesn't sigh
when I step on it daily

No
I am not beautiful

I was taught I am ugly
I am a pig
I am the definition of repulsive

Beauty is taught
And so is self hatred

Is it emulation or imitation?
Don’t both equal copy and paste?
But a cookie-cutter dream gets hard to be,
especially out at sea
I gasp and splash,
but my system crashed
So I try to pass and grasp,
but sink further from the grass
I am an iron anchor upon the seafloor,
shedding flakes of red rust,
just left to be an empty husk
The harsh salt water: my liquid brander
Conformity leaves me an empty-hander

I want to turn back time

Before the lies
Before my cries
Late in the night

I want to turn back truth

Before it hurt
Before cruel reality
Revealed itself to me

I want to bring them back

Before were four
Now we're no more
The family that was us

Who are we?
Without air to breath
Eyes to see
Skin to feel?

Who are we?
Love's creation,
part of a nation,
one spek in the universe
Here to be?

Who are we?
And why are we?

We are but beating hearts
blood and flesh
Held together by skeleton
And all we do is break

And all we'll do is break.

there is a road on the ocean
and it goes on further than I can see
a thin strip of pale wood
that cuts the waters in half

i stand upon this endless road
in the middle of an endless ocean

from the moment i saw it's beginnings
stretching out from the sandy shore
i stepped upon its pale worn planks -
there was no hesitation.

                                                              i watched the land grow smaller
                                                                               and stood surrounded
                                                                                by the great grey blue;

                                                                                            blue above and
                                                                                                    blue below
                                                                and a handful of blinking stars.

                                                                                   overhead and under
                                                                          the cloudy waves shifted;
                                                     a gentle kiss of foam upon my ankles.

i sit upon the path of no end
and i will wonder;

i've walked miles upon this road
but i can't go up
or under.

who is to say that there is an end
or a purpose in its presence?
how much longer will my legs carry me-
will I ever find my answer?

my heart sinks into a sea of stars
my mind is lost in the clouds,
but my feet, my feet will always tread
on this wooden road built of the earth.

there is a road
on the surface of the ocean
and that's as far as i can go.