if i go outside more
and try to cry less
i'd maybe believe
i won't just regress.

but that doesn't mean
i'll find any success -
Recovery doesn't just happen,
It's an ongoing process.

It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break

Silly girl, words can’t end wars.
I have always been a silly girl.
I like to laugh, smile,
and entertain those around me.
I put people at ease,
just with the fluidity of my words.
Though, If angered or hurt,
my words are quick to sharpen.
They are my friends,
there to defend me until the end.
They are my suit of armour,
prepared for any battle that may come my way.
Yet, no suit of armour can always save the day.

Imagine yourself
a linear expression of experience,
a long strip of film like
the kind in old projectors with the
sepiatic sputters and flickers--
yes! Imagine yourself a strip of film but
rolled up messily like
the earbuds in your pocket or
folding fitted bedsheets.
You are a movie and the filmstrip endpiece lies at your feet,
you are knots and coils and tangles and
if you were to lie down at the top of this mountain for a moment--just a moment!--perhaps
the wind would catch the loops of film and
you would feel yourself
unravel.

we are not living
we are surviving
everyday

facing new problems
and overcoming obstacles
or hitting all time lows
and crumbling to rock bottom

we are all
just surviving
for just as long
as we can

s.s

I can feel my teeth,
Grinding against my lips
Pale and dry
Flaking between each drag

I can feel my hair,
Long and damaged
Swaying against my knotted neck
Hear the quiet swoosh

I can feel each breath I take,
Cold air rushing in
Fills charred lungs
Only to leave in urgency
Dancing in the stagnant room

I can feel my shaking hands
I can feel my swirling thoughts
I can feel the sharpness of the blade
I can feel the sting of friction

So, then…

Why can’t I feel anything at all?