supposedly you can like... reclaim your virginity if you just try it y'know consensually with a clear head then it doesn't matter what happened before because you own it now but

I'm not sure that's how it works

i just want
to start over
i want my virginity back, i want my childhood back, i want my friends back i want control over my life because I've never had that
little things, I guess

Yeah just the small things

well idk big things whatever i just want it all back
id do it again and do it right
id like my innocence back, i want possibilities back, i want hope back
i want the freedom of not having to worry about consequences i want the trust of my mother back i want
whatever

You want your life back

who would i have turned out to be if i wasn't stalked and harassed and sexually abused when i was thirteen until i was sixteen? what if i didn't attempt suicide so many times? what if i didn't **** my childhood pets? what if i succeeded in school? what if I cared about my relationships? what if I wasn't a pathological liar?
yeah I want my life back. but its more than that. i want ME back
because what if

She was young and slim and beautiful,
my first love,
with skin like licked caramel, and
always smelling, always tasting
like peach candy.  But still,
I sort of envy Bukowski his
300lb *****, the painted leviathan that
swallowed whole his virginity and
broke his bed, before falling snoring asleep
on her wide, sea-creature back, because he
probably learned more from that ugliness
than I ever learned from
beauty.

That said, I envy him more the night
the old dog buried his bone
in six separate gardens,
the dark-haired woman who
sent him a photo of  her
self
reading his book
in the  bath, and the two perfect
blonde Dutch girls his editor found on the great man's lawn
when he called by one evening,
the both of them waiting for Hank to
come home from the track
so they could **** him.

I'm going on a date
with a man I met online.
We've agreed to short term,
ending with some ***.
Promises of milestones,
talking of consent,
with one purpose: virginity to lose.
The timing we will choose
to do the big event.
We will work out the hormones
and in the very end, be another ex.
This truth we both hold firm.
We hope the last night will be divine
as we end up being just a playmate.

Freezing Moon* by the stereo
and as a bed poet
I'm takin' a ****.

Did you know about that guy
who slit his wrist… on this? she says.
No; Martha, Jessica, Julia: but still…

Here, alone, with the MacBook Air
- or was it Pro? Nevertheless,
an useless tool for worthless ****.

****, Pr0n, Pony - *******.

Here, alone, I and only I writes with the capital I.
And after the **** has gone
it feeds the air with oriental glams of leprosy:

and after a long working day I am not afraid,
watching its face, as I'm flushing it in the toilet
just like all the *******' poetries @ Home-Poetry.

Though green his not to *** without love
The feeling of cheers still as hot
After the brawl a trademark left - his evil laughed

Princesses are quite shy at first
But how could they neglect his touch of dearness
How could they've known that they're catching a pretending caress

He  love to hear the sound of those dames while they're tickled
Those are music to his ear
He love to behold the beauty of those ladies while they're naked
Those are art in his eyes

Alas! Thy virginity was taken away
Thy pureness was broken like a glass
To the air thy clamor burst
The adjective left to thy mouth was a cursed
A cursed for him, the BIG BIG WOLF....



Written: July 27, 2001 @ 3:20 pm

nom de plum: Mysterious Aries

if my lips are red.
I had avocado (it does not agree with my body).
Stroke me-
but proceed with caution.
if my lips are read.
Dickens was ******
through my nail-beds.
and is sprouting around my veins.
“Honey” me-
with the dew from his tongue and his alone:
i will open myself up freely to you,
like petals spreading from a bud-
only less graceful.
and not as Chaste.
quite ******, actually;
when my cells are fighting against a forbidden fruit.
- the alligator pear of mexico and birch pollen -
and my tongue is soaked in English verse.

What if your first time wasn't about love at all?