Imagine that randomly through out the day, your legs quit working. No matter how well you explain the science of it all, nobody really understands. "Why don't you just.. idk, stand up?"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your nervous system shuts down. No matter what you say, explaining time and time again the science of it all, nobody really understands. "So you're telling me that you can't feel? That's stupid. Just start feeling. You're fine"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, you feel like killing yourself. No matter how many times you try to get help, nobody really understands. "Nobody just feels like killing themselves. You have a good life, you're happy. Just cheer up a bit."

If my disability was physical instead of mental, everyone one care alot more.

When you see a painting hanging on a wall,
You don't really question it,
You see the painting as it is and its placement on the wall, not much else.

Some people are more interested than others and so they want to buy the painting.

They see its origin, the frame, its design, how much effort was put into it, the story behind its art.

After a while, some people get bored of it,
They give it away because they don't want it anymore.

And while some people took the time to look at my art,
You spent all of your money on paintings that weren't me.

I stand before my classroom
on the first day--
it is Research Methods
a course that I am forced to take
but I am assured it is for the best
even on the first day
I am told that you can use
this course for everything.

But I don't know who
they are trying to convince,
is it me that the course has meaning
or themselves that they are worth something,
because if it's the 2nd
then the professor probably shouldn't
call on me to answer the question.

In my mind the redundancy
is a wax wrapper
to a lollipop that
I don't understand why I need it
as it was already wrapped in paper
and now I struggle
to find purpose for
a flimsy piece of plastic-wax
that I can hardly even see.

Rotating my head around
as if a person waiting in a traffic accident
and wondering if I can see the body
from where I am sitting--
luckily this is a class room
and every body here is
part of collision that they
never intended on having.  

The drought of thought
that I see spilling across the class room
and the formality of facing forward
while actually daydreaming
is sadly part of this necessary course--
where pencil stained desk
are the only things worth
drawing my attention.  

It's our special day
this is only the first meeting
and instead of being here 3 hours
we get to leave here in 1--
now everyone realizes
this traffic will last longer
than originally told
so maybe it's better
to get outside and walk.

incompetent.
the music in front of me blurred slightly
and my fingers curled above the piano keys.
the room filled with sounds like a rainbow after the rain.
i became that rain in the room,
and wondered what kind of light
should shine through my clouds,
if any.

His words pierce my heart
Like a razor sharp dagger
Twisting in deeper with every
Apparent truth.

Pain surges through me like
A current of high voltage
But I do not bleed.

No, instead I feel everything drain from my body,
Like a balloon that's been pricked,
It doesn't go with a bang or pop with excitement.
No, it dies a slow painful death as
The air seeps from its body, leaving it
Gasping for breath.

I fear he's given me the kiss of life for the last time,
This time he will leave his words to resonate in me,
And as they resound within,
I shall wither away.

Flowers in my heart
and
demons in my head..