I have been through hell, beyond what anyone will truly understand.
There’s emotional damage that’s been done as consequence for having such an open and trusting heart.
I’ve fallen too fast, I’ve loved too easily, and I’ve trusted too many.
I am damaged and broken in ways that will never be mended.
I will never be who others want me to be because that is all that I’ve ever wanted to be.
My friends need me to be their crutch, my parents need me to be their perfectly well-rounded daughter, and the man I’m falling for,
well...
I just want to give him the best of me.
How does one pick and choose who to be for the ones they love, when regardless, the love almost always remains unreciprocated?
I would love to be their perfect daughter, but that’s not who I am.
I would love to be the perfect friend who picks up every call, but for reasons that I cannot control, that cannot be me.
I would love to be cared for, protected, and eventually loved unconditionally by the man who’s almost too perfect to be real.
But, I can't have the one person that makes me truly happy because everything else remains in my way.
I've been damaged,
broken,
bruised,
and used.
All I want is happiness, yet she shall remain a stranger to me until I find my escape from the overwhelming demands of everyone that I care for.

If love could be bottled up.
Then my bottle would be...
Empty!

A sack of flesh and bone,
Bloodred muscle wrapped in skin,
Given a brain that will **** it over,
So many times that it just wants to stop.
Stop breathing.
Stop existing.
Stop thinking.
It was told that it was one-of-a-kind.
It was told it was loved.
But it was lied to, so many times,
And by so many people.
It’s tired of this life,
Tired of the lies.
Tired of feeling unwanted.
Tired of feeling unloved.

I feel my heart closing down,
the last time I'll be taken as a fool.
Washed up on the shore like last weeks *******
Broken, bruised and torn.

I thought I had found something special
but we were only ever a game.
Beaten down too many times
listening to fake apologies
wishing that they were true.

Too many times I spent the night crying
wishing I would disappear into the void.
Now that I've wiped my hands of you
you beg to come back,
promising it was all a mistake.

A mistake is not hurting someone beyond repair!
A mistake is not being with someone else knowing there's someone waiting at home!
A mistake is not turning everything around on me
making me feel as if I was going crazy.

Now I feel worthless
trying to build myself up from the ground.
Wishing I could have been better than I was
At least now I know
what I feared the most...

I will never be good enough for someone's love,
as I am nothing more than a broken,
empty
shell!