Beautiful and unique
But also quite terrifying
Alone in a bed of colorful flowers
Always left unwanted.

Beautiful black rose
Alone and thorny
Different and feared
None appreciates its beauty.

Many wanted to pick it
But no one dared to reach it
The only one left among its peers
New generation now surrounds it.

I've watched it for quite some time
It is as lonely as me
I picked it up and carried it back home
Decided it to plant it in a ***.

I will take care of this rose
So we'll no longer be alone
I will appreciate your uniqueness
Because we are as lonely as each other.

I don't know how to write poetry like I don't know how to kiss you.

Our lips touch, my heart races, but my hands don't know how closely I am able to hold on to you.

If I could write poems I'd tell you how holding you close feels like finding a life jacket when you're lost at sea.

I'd tell you how your smile is the safest place I have ever known. That I've decorated the walls of my heart with your memories so I have somewhere to call home.

But I can't.

When you're around my body becomes a garden.

Butterflies dance around wildly in my stomach, through a meadow of delusion.

Vines grow and twist around my heart, in the same way that they make old ruins beautiful.

My tongue is paradise.

A thousand blooms unfurling in your sunlight, a bed of velvet soft petals with the sweetest nectar you're only too happy to devour.

You gorge away on the sweetest fruits, th nectar, you take your cuttings for ornaments. And when youre done you leave.

Darkness follows in your wake, my eyes become waterfalls, washing any colour that remained until there is only grey.

I can't kiss you. Because I know that afterwards there is a storm without parallel. I know resting my hand on your skin is no longer a silent I love you. More like a moth flying to close to the flame.

And I can't write a poem, because when you leave me, there is nothing left...

"I'm really good at reading people"
Oh yeah? Can you tell when people fake smile?
"Yeah its all about the eyes"
      -i guess you never looked at mine

You are toxic
You are unstable
You drag me down
But for years that's the only way I saw my life turning out

I sometimes wonder if you'd invite me to your wedding.
And if not why?
Would it be to spare my ghostly heart the pain?
Or to spare your rotted one the guilt?

If you did, I wonder if your blessed bride would see my fake smile  covering up the snarls of my jealous rage.
Or if to her, I would simply be as insignificant as you make me feel...

Fears created by years and years of trauma and abuse and manipulation. Triggered by the smallest thing.
I’m sorry.

i remember all the dates, of when i starting liking you, when i loved you, when i was in love with you, the day you kissed me, the day you grabbed my hand, the day you surprised me

i guess i should start to remember the days i fell out of love, the days i wished youd kiss me and you didnt, the days all i needed was your hand and mine and you refused, the weeks you couldnt spare a moment of your time for me

i am not sure the love will fade, but i know it no longer envelopes me, you no longer make me feel safe, wanted, and cared for

how could i continue to be in love with you when i am not even sure you care about me, or want to talk to me, you make no effort for me

i guess there is no problem staying after falling out of love, as you were never in love anyway

they are waiting for me to break
so they can take advantage of my pieces

A mood can change in the blink of an eye.
Your texts stir up like dissolving lies.
My hands shake to the beat of my thundering heart.
My blood runs cold enough to freeze the pendulum swinging in my head.
My stomach wants to be sick, its letting me know my world is upside down.
The cold sweat consumes me.
Locks me in my head with my whirling thoughts.

When i claw myself out of this madness, i ask who am i?
Who am i to be jealous over an unrequited love?
They could make you happy, surely, i just want you to be happy?

I do want you to be happy.

This love. This hurt. This friendship. This obsession.

This nothingness is leaving no space left for sanity.