I left home
Aged 10
Put on a bus and away I went
Gone to oblivion
Into the void
Mum standing on the platform
Growing smaller as the bus drove away
Already gone.
Now a man, I return to that bus
Where that boy should have never been.
I take him in my arms
And hold him,
I will not let him go!
He can come home to me,
Stay with me in my home-heart.
We can be together, friends, brothers, partners, companions at arms.
You are safe now with me my boy!
I will not let you go.

During the most uncomfortable instances
I think back on the piña coladas and sweet cream
Still fresh in the fruit, still whole
The salty air left sand on
The creases of my eyes
We found medallion shells together
But I held my own hand then
And let the blue wet my shorts
Unexpectedly, there was nothing to be afraid of.

Knocking uninvited
Please, come out.
May I sweep away the blurb of your previous customer?
Began.
Well it all started when…

why do people do things that are bad for them
maybe its because
they dont love themselves enough
maybe that bad thing
is the only good thing left in their life

why do people stay with people that are bad for them
maybe its because
they think they don't deserve better
maybe that bad person
helps them relive their past trauma unconsciously

The year has passed, and I’m okay.
Let’s keep on, keeping on.

I look back on a year gone by, as I’ve learned about myself,
why this ‘n’ that happened - introjected values and such.

Success isn’t the world,
You can’t be nice all the time,
it’s not good to hide feelings away…
Oh man, I’m glad as well,

I’ve always had that empathy (for others).

Things have changed quite a lot for me, and I’m dead proud
of that fact. I’ve started self-reflection and stopped lyin’ (to
myself, and everyone else), despite this, sometimes I still feel

like cryin’, because of who I used to be.

That’s okay, because now I’ve got that empathy (for myself),

I’ve learned to ME with more respect,
More of that Unconditional Positive Regard.
It’s a work in progress for sure,
But I mean, it’s a start?
The year has passed, and I’m okay.
Let’s keep on, keeping on.

Sausages and good beer at half past five
With dawn in the window yellowing
White walls and a collage of abstracts
Mismatched chairs at the table

We are only young if you see us
To hear our voices we are older than time
Cynics and lovers and philosophers arrogance
We have already been too much

This is where life happens
Where the loneliness beneath the tinsel lays bare
And brute honesty takes itself walking
Like a great black dog in our shadows

This is where we talk
Put words to what is dormant wordless
Dark brown ale between our teeth
Dark blue night behind our eyes

Residential Treatment
it isn't what I thought it'd be
I don't know what I had in mind
Perhaps a place to heal,
a place to unwind

But we delve into my conciousness
Past the men who toyed with me
and past the things you'd done to me,
further till my blood ran cold
two figures
a child
a man
my hand in his
as they walk down the corridor
masked by darkness
I dared to cast a glance at him
My eyes returned to the hardwood floor
He opens the door
A dark room, I'm filled with dread
my stomach drops

And then it stops
We're driving home
back in your memory
In your truck,
the place where you hurt me
Your vile touch
Black eyes of greed
Why do I feel safer,
here in the arms of a predator
than where that man took me?

I would give anything to tell this little girl with those red curls that she was beautiful, cause she couldn't see it herself. I would erase thoughts that shouldn't be there, hug her when no one else would and dry all the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks. I would tell her that she shouldn't be so ******* herself, whatever is hurting her right now won't be here forever. I would reassure her that not being normal will be something she's glad about in the future. I would tell her that I'm proud she's holding on, and still not giving up. Shes got a little fighter heart.
I would thank her for being stronger than what was causing her so much pain. Maybe this little girl just needed someone to tell her that whatever she's doing it, would be good enough. Always trying to do better and better made her question if she could ever meet her high expectations. And when she couldn't the disappointment ate her alive. I'm not ashamed of how I tried to handle a situation that I clearly couldn't deal with on my own. I wish I could have helped myself earlier so now I wouldn't have to worry about what people thought of my ugly scares. I wish I could have saved the girl, so she didn't have to spend her teenage years in her room trying to **** her sadness. But I'm thankful that she was stronger than this and decided to live.