Once again I found myself there
It wasn't very unusual for me
To feel terribly alone in this world
And it leaves me wondering
If it's just me
Or if it's like this for everyone
And I am terrified
That this void in my chest is eternal

I had a dream that everything was on fire
and all I did was run
and scream and panic

I wasn't safe

we weren't safe

and the sky was that funny shade of purple and red

but there wasn't smoke

the fire just consumed
demolished the land like a wave
the embers shot into the sky
and the flames enveloped everything

I woke up shaking
terrified for my life

I’m terrified.

Life is coming at me faster than radio signals escaping the sun,
And I can't seem to make sense of the frequencies.
I want to move on,
I want to leave,
I want to grow,
But I'm Terrified.

What am I leaving behind?
What happens if I stay?
What happens if I leave?
Who won't I meet if I stay?
Who won't I meet if I leave?
I’m Terrified.

This whole life,
This whole world,
Is mine for the taking.
I’m going into it alone,
I've never felt more claustrophobic.
I've never been more hesitant.
Everything’s alright,

And I’m terrified.

Shh, don't tell
Shh, don't tell
Is what he says
As he puts me
Through hell*

I was so unafraid
And utterly brilliant
My peace was taken by him
Now my brilliant light is dim

You always expected my late night messages
that begged for you to wake up
because I couldn't sleep
and I was terrified
of being in
bed all
alone.

For when will you see me
When will anyone see me
The real me
The me that deserves to be seen
The me that hurts people
The me that hates people
The me that is always late because she barely has the motivation to get up
The me that has let go
The me that's tired all the time
The me that can't stand mirrors because she can't stand herself
The me that can't see beauty in the world
The me that only sees the pain
The me that has nervous ticks
The me that is terrified of almost everything
The me that pushes you away because she's afraid to cause you pain
The me that the world would hate
The me that the world should hate
The real me.