I keep saying that I’m going to stop using.
I’ve told my therapist and my friends,
but I start to get overwhelmed
and feel the need to relapse.

I make it one,
maybe two days,
before I’m chasing the high,
and ruining my life.

The longest I’ve lasted
was 25 hellish days.
But even after confessing,
I came back to my vice

i'm so angry -
my face is pale,
an empty canvas
no artist
wanted to
draw in.

i want something.
fill the void between
sharpened teeth:
vomiting
coffee grinds
and blood
into the
pages of
my favorite
novel,

i destroy myself remembering
times where my glasses were still broken.
bed sheets always stained with spelt wine
as drunk lovers stumbling into my bed -
they lean the bottle into my small hands,
keeping the mattress wet.
the red is nothing
smothering all over me.

no one is looking this way.
hungry gods play with hot glue,
pressing eyes like wrought iron
into my nerves - tearing
the ends apart to justify the means,
as if i don't know people leave when
you're down to your last layer of skin.

the world i sleep in
tastes of fog water
and i can never
catch a breath
pushing every
-thing down
with old opened
*** to drag my
self to the sink:

     i splash
water onto my
   face.

who the **** is that?

"Never again."

I've repeated in my head a thousand times or millions.

I don't really see the point in crying.

The truth is I can't forget.

When I have you, I don't know agony.

All I know is stress.

I have a state in which I feel alone;

When really, no one's home.

You come around me and then I'm sure.

My stress is gone and I'm completely sober.

As much as it burdens my heart to accept that we are not a couple, it burdens my soul to let go of that thought.

Maybe someday I will get the strength to accept it but I dont think, I will have the luxury of forgetting because I record and write my every thought and dream, about you and hold on it for as long as i would as if my life depends upon it.

However silly all of it sound somethings cannot be expressed by words and my love for you is one such....

i've barely even grown up
hardly old enough to drink

still this liquor smells bitter
as i pour it down the sink

i've lost everything now
only been sober a week

i think of my words now
before i decide to speak

these bruises have healed
with the cut on my cheek

not sure where they came from
i still can't seem to think

my eyes keep dripping
like a sink with a leak

i can't hold back these tears
no matter how much i blink

all i want is to turn to
that smooth amber drink

"I've stopped drinking the sweet poison that foams at your mouth, but your toxins have left me all dried out."

The songs that were never sung
The wedding bells that never rang
The vows that were never exchanged
The aisle that we never walked
The boquet you never threw
The ring i never proposed
are all still waiting right were they are supposed to be.



Grrh!! I woke, sorry for the disappointment guys.

Love, nobody believes in it till they experience or understand the sorrow or grief it baggages along with it.

The moment they do they experience something that will be etched into the deepest of their deary hearts which they would never elude or resucitate from.

Funny of all, i still live to love the soul that cries across the stars that never die and that one wretched soul is indeed is mine.
( . _ .)